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It’s Not a Latino Wedding if these 16 Things Don’t Happen

Credit: @RussandThetStudio / Instagram

You know that phrase, “Ain’t no party like a ….”? Well, ain’t no party like a Latino wedding party, ‘cause a Latino wedding parties don’t stop. You know it’s true. Latino weddings are a celebratory genre all their own and here are a few sure tell signs you’re at a Latino wedding.

It begins with a never-ending ceremony…

Latino religious ceremonies are never quickies. You spend close to two hours in a stuffy church listening to an eternal exchange of vows. Bring tissues … and get comfy.

And a massive bridal party.

#thechiscoandangelshow wedding party!! ???? ???????????

A photo posted by Angie G? (@plancheen) on

Because the novios have to include all their primas, primos, tías, tíos, sobrinos, sobrinas, cuñados, etc…

It’s not a rodeo, but there is a lazo.

The lazo is a large rosary that’s draped across the couple in a lemniscate figure to symbolize their infinite bond. Basically, they’re chained for life.

There are also gold coin$, aka, las arras.

Credit: @bluepoemfilms

The groom gives his bride 13 gold coins – 13 to symbolize Christ and the 12 apostles. Isn’t this the best way to promise to be there for richer or poorer?

The newlyweds’ first dance is OOC.

Ever since social media came on the scene, all couples are expected to do a YouTube-worthy first dance, but let’s just agree that Latinos have been doing this desde quién sabe cuando.

READ: 13 Latino Songs You Can’t Help Dance to at Family Parties

And then there’s the popular baile del dolar.

#bailedeldolar #tradition #mexicanweddings #awesome #entertaining

A photo posted by syntheeuh (@syntheeuh) on

It costs a couple bucks to dance with the newlyweds during el baile del dolar, so be sure to stop at an ATM if you don’t want to look like a codo.

Only to be topped by la vibora del mar.

It’s all fun and games … until someone gets knocked down.

And you can’t forget this dance:

EVERYONE rushes to the dance floor to two-step to El Caballo Dorado.

Forget Coachella, Latino weddings are better than freakin’ music festivals.

Seguimos activados en el #FinDeSemana #ClubUniom #Boda #Sabado #Work

A video posted by dj fama blast 102.9? (@djfamablast) on

Because one type of music isn’t enough to satisfy all preferences, expect a mariachi, a DJ, a trío and solos from your drunk tías y tíos.

READ: 7 Ranchera Songs Your Drunk Uncles and Dad Sing at Parties

Just like music fests, there are A LOT of people.

De fiesta #Huatabampo #union #boda #family #guapos #purochuqui

A photo posted by Belems Vzqz Casanova (@belems_vzqz) on

It goes without saying there’s going to be so much family people be able to tell how everyone’s related because they’re like the kid of a primo twice removed on the padrino’s side. Whatever, it’s all familia.

And it’s a non-stop pachanga.

You can skip the gym the day of the wedding and still get your grub on because you’ll be burning tons of calories dancing because the dancing doesn’t stop till the sun comes up.

Speaking of food…

Qué dieta, ni qué nada. No one can resist the birria, mole y pastél de tres leches.

Non-Latino Guests are Instantly Obsessed.

Non-Latinos are mind-blown with the way Latinos party. Duh, other weddings are like child’s play.

Let’s not forget the nacos that take everything that isn’t nailed down.

There’s always that one freeloader who tries to get away with taking just about everything from candles to tablecloths and bottles of booze.

Also, watch out for aggressive bouquet catchers.

These single Latinas are ready for their ticket to marriage – and no one’s getting in their way.

And there’s always the comforting recalentado.

??? #Recalentado #FamilyTime #JulietTurns5 #rancholoshernandez

A video posted by ✨Gorgeous Chelsi, Chels ? (@your_____inspiration) on

The party doesn’t end at 6 a.m. In the morning everyone heads to tía’s house for the recalentado to gossip about drunk cousin Chema and how bad everyone’s hungover is.

What’s your favorite moment at a Latino wedding? mitú wants to know. Leave a comment below.

A Michigan Woman Doesn’t Understand Why People Are Calling Her MAGA-Themed Wedding Racist Because Her Husband Is Black

Things That Matter

A Michigan Woman Doesn’t Understand Why People Are Calling Her MAGA-Themed Wedding Racist Because Her Husband Is Black

It’s 2019 and there is no denying the people have had their fair share of witnessing cringy racist moments. We’ve seen some caca. Walmart confrontations from seemingly sweet grandmas telling Latinos to go “back to Mexico” and midnight Twitter rants from the U.S. president have become our new normal. Nothing really makes us bat an eye anymore. Nothing I tell you. Nada. Or, so I thought.

You see, recently I saw that a couple from Kalamazoo, Michigan had a# MAGAPatriotWedding and was trending on Twitter and I was mostly like…

VH1 / GIF

Yes mi gente. This was my actual reaction.

But then I clicked in and saw the photos and I was like…

Monster-in-Law / New Line Cinema 

And it honestly felt good. Because it means I haven’t, and hopefully, we haven’t become immune to offensive people. That we refuse to stand up for it!

Anyway, here we go:

A couple from Kalamazoo, Michigan, had a#MAGAPATRIOTWEDDING!

ICK.

According to CBS News, Audra Johnson married her husband in a traditional plain but changed into a dress that was more representative of her true love? Johnson made an appearance during the wedding reception in a white gown with sparkly red lettering that read Donald Trump’s campaign slogan “Make America Great Again.”

It gets better.

The mermaid dress had a train that had the words “TRUMP” in red glitter too. 

What’s more, Johnson had her bridesmaids wear blue gowns and the dreadful red MAGA hats.

In an interview with CBS, Johnson said that the dress was originally meant to have a patriotic-theme. Then, she reached out to dress designer Andre Sorian who is a notorious Trump supporter and creates red-white-and-blue gowns that have included a “Trump 2020” dresses.

Recently Soriano’s made waves with his gowns at the Grammy Awards.

Black  singer Joy Villa wore the dress to the 2017 Grammys.

BUT the dress isn’t about THAT deplorable its about this newly wedded one. So anyway:

Johnson decided she wanted to wear Sorian’s dress on her wedding day and traveled to D.C. to have it made.

#magapatriotwedding

Posted by Audra Johnson on Monday, July 8, 2019

“It took four days of him doing measurements and putting the dress together,” Johnson told CBS News. “But it was amazing. Him and his husband are fabulous.” 

Johnson wasn’t the only one to wear something tacky to her wedding.

Her wedding guests were invited to wear “patriotic” gear as well AND bring guns to the wedding.

Tumblr. Giphy.com

The groom, Jeff Johnson–is a Black Marine veteran who apparently has been MIA when it comes to the newsfeeds coverage of Black people in gun-packed Trump Country– and wore his dress uniform. He made sure to also hold onto a gun in his photos.

Speaking about the decision to have guns, Johnson said that “Being a patriotic wedding, we really did encourage people to do whatever they felt comfortable with if they wanted to open-carry if they wanted to conceal-carry.”

Johnson said that her maid of honor is a Democrat and didn’t feel comfortable wearing a MAGA hat. “She said, ‘You know I love you, but I don’t feel comfortable wearing a MAGA hat,'” Johnson explained. “I said, ‘That’s fine, we can find you a plain red one to wear.’ We were able to compromise on that. We can believe differently but still very much love each other.”

Of course, photos of the MAGA wedding has generated quite a bit of social media traction.

#magapatriotwedding

Posted by Audra Johnson on Sunday, July 7, 2019

“It’s been absolutely crazy,” Johnson said. “Amazing patriots said they love the dress and support us. But then there’s the other side, where we’ve gotten threats, and there’s been really nasty comments.”

“A lot of the comments are ‘It’s a racist wedding.’ I’m the granddaughter of a Filipino immigrant, my husband’s black,” Johnson said. “I think what I want people to take from this is there’s a stereotype of Trump supporters flying around out there and maybe some of them are like that, but most of us aren’t like that.” 

Um okay. In either case, I guess congratulations to the r̶a̶c̶i̶s̶t̶ bride and her r̶a̶c̶i̶s̶t̶ husband.

A Woman Tweeted A Pic Of Her Mother-In-Law Dressed As A Bride At Her Own Wedding But The Picture Doesn’t Do the Story Justice

Things That Matter

A Woman Tweeted A Pic Of Her Mother-In-Law Dressed As A Bride At Her Own Wedding But The Picture Doesn’t Do the Story Justice

When it comes to wedding taboos, actual ceremonies can be a minefield for disaster. From appropriate colors to wear, types of headgear (never wear a tiara if it’s not your day!), and dance floor gags and wedding toasts, it seems that when it comes to W-day anything can go wrong.

Especially when guests with free-minds are attending.

Likely no one has a keener understanding of wedding day madness than Twitter user Amy Pennza who recently shared a post to Twitter of possibly the worst wedding faux pas occurrence ever. Turns out it also happened at her very own wedding in 2004.

Pennza’s own mother-in-law showed up to her ceremony wearing a long, white gown ― AKA, a wedding dress.

Fortunately, Pennza explained the incident in a thread to her account and as it turns out the nightmarish moment and the MIL are much more redeemable than we’d ever thought. According to Pennza, the MIL, who continues to struggle with letting go of her early years as a child in poverty, could not pass up on a sale at Dillard’s.

Fortunately, Pennza’s post unleashed a series of more tweets about similarly nightmarish stories.

Such as this bride’s madre y suegra match.

Can anyone say “twinning”?

And this novia’s big flop moment in front of a camera.

This bride says that in an innocent attempt to reinvent the Pinterest classic, she ended up eating it.

This officiant’s super odd replacement for communion.

BUT tbh this Boricua’s officiant gets it ride. Dunkin’ truly is the bread of life.

This Latina who got tricked and broke off the engagement.

Oof. Actually this horrific story sounds like a nightmare. Here’s hoping the groom grew up right quick after this.

This mujer whose mother literally LOST her wedding dress.

My girl. How does a wedding dress fly off of an actual car?? Can’t imagine how this poor girl’s mother felt after this happened. Fortunately, the thrift bride was able to find a replacement dress on time!

A destination wedding that has already been abandoned before it took off.

Okay but for real… doesn’t everyone low-key assume that a destination wedding is supposed to exclude?

This story of abuela serving the ultimate mal de ojo.

Ay yay yay. This story of a Latina who had previously been married being shamed just before she walked down the aisle could have been the worst, fortunately she served her own snap back.

This poor bride who was called a racial slur.

Unfortunately, stupid is as stupid does and stupid does exist in the world. Even at weddings. Fortunately this bride who was called a “dirty Mexican” during a drunken toast took things in stride.

And finally a sweet story to beat them all.

This one might definitely make you rethink how you pick out your groom’s men and flower girls but it’s still pretty cute.

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