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11 Things You Hear because You’re Latino and Can’t Handle Your Liquor

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It’s like, por favor paren!

 1. Are you sure you’re Latino? giphy-16

Friends and family start to disown you because you keep hurling because as a Latino, you’re expected to know how to down seven shots of Don Julio.

2. You’re reminded of stupid sh*t you did the time before.

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Like that tattoo on your trasero that says Carmen <3.

READ: Quiz: Which Kind of Drunk are You?

3. You’re always under surveillance.

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Your family and best friends hire a babysitter, or a drone,  so they can monitor your drinking.

4. They hand you the light stuff.

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Like Kombucha because its the vegan beer, right? Or a Corona Light with a lime.

5. They take commemorative portraits.

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Your picture of all the pranks they did to you while you passed out is hung over the fireplace next to your quince picture like a trophy.

READ: Foods You Regret Eating After a Noche de Borrachera

6. You get stood up.

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I know we agreed to go to the movies, but we really wanted to go to Vegas, so we went without you.

READ: 15 Photos that Don’t Need Explanation if You’re Mexican

7. You become the official DD.

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You become the group’s designated driver for all occasions involving alcohol, practically all occasions. Such an honor.

8. They schedule an intervention.

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They called it a potluck, but they really just care about you and love you so much.

READ: 7 Rancheras that Bring Out Your Tío’s Inner Chente at Family Parties

9. Or resort to 420.

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They beg you to get your card so you can resort to that while they have their buzz going. This won’t make you throw up your insides.

10. Non-stop shade. Every time you see family.

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They sneak in an O’Douls to try to fool you into thinking you are drinking alcoholic beer and watch you act a fool when you think you’re buzzed.

READ: Latino Birthday Parties are Only a Humiliation for the Birthday Kid

11. They baptize you with a new nickname like La Barfy.

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Every friend and cousin has a nickname for you from that epic night.

What do you tell your cousins when they get too out of hand? Hit that share button and remind them. 

Feds Spending Nearly Half Million Dollars to Get Fat Latinos to Exercise

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Feds Spending Nearly Half Million Dollars to Get Fat Latinos to Exercise

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If you’re a Mexican man and receive a text telling you to exercise, don’t panic.  It’s just the feds.

This is not a hoax.  The feds are maybe — probably, definitely — watching you and they know you’re not moving your a$$. You see, the texts are supposed to encourage you to put down the taco and get your booty in shape, because “Mexican-American men report high rates of inactivity and related health conditions,” says the National Institute of Health.

READ: Danny Trejo Opens Taco Restaurant, but How Authentic is It?

It’s all part of a study (yes, they’re using you for a good cause) to get Latino men who “have limited access to public health interventions promoting physical activity” to get healthier. The low-cost strategy — or texts — will cost around $400,000, but if it works, they’ll expand it to help others.

So, come on, drop down and give the feds 10, ‘cause you got a lot of catching-up to do.

Read more about the study here.

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