The Official Ted Cruz Burn Book

Credit: Luis Hernández / Mean Girls / Paramount Pictures / Wikipedia

We’ve been so distracted with Donald Trump’s presidential circus, err campaign, that we’ve managed to ignore how crazy Ted Cruz is! He’s so crazy that friends and co-workers actually hate him…which is why we bring you this burn book, Mean Girls style. (Surprisingly, most of the sh*t talking comes from those who are supposed to be his allies – the Republicans).

“I just don’t like the guy.”


“He’s a jackass” and “a pain in the you-know-what.”


It takes one to know one. Not calling former Speaker of the House, John Boehner, one, but we know he also isn’t very popular himself.

“There’s not a lot of love lost for the guy.”


Josh Holmes, a former chief of staff to Mitch McConnell, said because there wasn’t any love there to begin with!


We hope Lindsay Graham, another Republican presidential candidate, wasn’t talking about the good people on the Republican side.

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“It’s a classic show-horse-versus-workhorse dynamic.”


John Hart, former communications director for Coburn, said when admitting that Ted Cruz makes a lot of noise in the Senate, but gets little work done. Which basically means he’s lazy, like a lazy cat.

“He’s hated by the political establishment.”


That’s what Dallas biotech investor Chart Westcott said. It’s like the unfathomable became real.

“He’s a little bit of a maniac” and “doesn’t have the right judgment.”


Yep, that’s what the Donald said, who has such good judgment himself, he decided to play with a bald eagle.

“Why do people take such instant dislike to Ted Cruz? It just saves time.”


Said a Bush 2000 alumnus, who explained that people should just not waste their time with him. Burn baby, burn.

“They hate him as they have hated no Senator before him.”


For the most part reporters and TV anchors are pretty political, but Trevor Noah of MSNBC did not hold back when he said that and called him an asshole. Which begs the question: Why is he still around?!

“Ted Cruz is a nightmare of a human being.”


Even his former roommate hates his guts. Yep, that’s what Craig Mazin, Ted Cruz’s former Princeton roommate said. And he continued “I have plenty of problems with his politics, but truthfully his personality is so awful that 99 percent of why I hate him is just his personality. If he agreed with me on every issue, I would hate him only one percent less.”

What else are others saying about Ted Cruz? Do you like the guy? Don’t forget to share this story with your friends by clicking the button below!

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Pawnee City Hall’s April Ludgate is our numero uno. From acerbic in-your-FACE one-liners to a stand-up-and-cheer rush of Latino pride, she totally gets us.

When people tell you you don’t look Mexican – or Latina for that matter.

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Not every Latina and Latino looks the same. There are 21 Spanish-speaking countries, so just chill with the generalizations, thanks.

When people ask why you drink so much.

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“What does your new boyfriend have that I don’t?” – Your no-good ex.

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“I mean, just look at him.”

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She totally gets what it’s like rolling in to work on a Monday.

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You want to just say f this sh*t.

She knows the grown-up struggle all too well. ?

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You need to keep your lame ass 9–5 because you have bills, student loans, car insurance, Netflix, Hulu, eHarmony, Internet…

Just like you, she demands respect from non-Latino friends when using the native tongue.

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I am a queen and deserve to be treated like one.

She knows this is you low-key plan your enemy’s demise.

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Because maybe Yolanda has it coming for being such a rat.

When you discuss your future plans with your parents and they try to give you advice.

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You’ve had just about enough of the same BS.

When you get asked about your after work or school plans.

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“If there isn’t a cat, blankets, and Netflix involved, I’m out.”

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Literally, every time you talk sh*t with your friends, but don’t want people to know.

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Until that one person turns around and responds in Spanish. ?

And this is you every time you visit your family and the questions come pouring down on you.

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