Ever since Michelle Obama pointed out the ways in which parents inflict gender biases on children, we’ve been a lot more conscientious of the ways in which these impacts occur. In particular, we’ve become more concerned with how to teach young boys how to respect women and treat them responsibly. Recently a discussion on the site LipsickAlley about the use of terms like “ladies man” reminded us of another way that our culture and words can hinder these efforts.

LipstickAlley user Curlista93 recently asked users “who refer to their sons as “heartbreakers” and “ladies man” at a very young age” whether or not they thought using such terms were “more likely to encourage or allow fuckboi behavior” when their children get older.

It didn’t take long for women to come forward with all kinds of opinions and for us at FIERCE to nod our heads in approval.

Mostly because, as one user pointed out when terms like these are applied to young boys they often simply imply a “code for he ain’t gon be shit.”

Of course, comments like these are well-meaning. They’re intended really to tell parents that their child is attractive and even sweet maybe. Still, in a lot of ways messages to children, ones that they are “ladies men,” or “heartbreakers” indicate that these are admirable traits to beheld. Moreover, being defined by these characteristics is the goal.

As one user in the thread pointed out, it’s also extremely sexist. “Fathers/Mothers posting pics of their 2-year-old son calling them these names, and they usually never refer to their daughters as heartbreakers. I assume these parents are more likely to groom or allow certain behaviors during adolescence and young adulthood.”

Also, It’s oddly sexual

Some users on the thread strongly disagreed with this sentiment. As one user wrote, “It’s not that serious. It’s just another way to say he’s a handsome young man. Don’t think too hard about it. But there IS something oddly sexualizing about the comments. “I think it’s weird and inappropriate. Sexualizing underaged children, particularly infants and toddlers, reeks of pedophilia/grooming to me,” another user said in response to the question.

It’s a road map for a bad boyfriend.

“Some of y’all don’t understand the power of these messages we give to our children,” another user pointed out. “Telling the boys that they will be heartbreakers and telling the girls they will break a lot of hearts is all putting those thoughts into their minds that that’s what they should do and it’s fine. Just like telling them that they ain’t shit or just like Their sorry ass daddies.”

It sets the bar low.

As one user pointed out “Its code for he ain’t gon be shit.” Why tell boys they’re “heartbreakers” when you could call them “future feminists” and “activists in-the-making”?

It makes for an entitled man in the future.

“I think it sets up destructive and entitled mindsets and behaviors surrounding social and dating dynamics. I loathe anything and everything that sexualizes or fetishizes kids and promotes highly questionable and problematic behaviors, attitudes, and complexes.”

Sure, as some users pointed out, in the end, comments like these might not aim to be so serious.

Often times, admirers of your children might just be trying to implement a compliment. But words have power (have the last 4 years not taught any of us this??). No doubt, comments like these might be coming from well-meaning people but they are comments that stem from some pretty problematic cultural norms about male behavior.

Identifying whether or not we’re dating a man or a little boy can be hard enough as it is. Let’s avoid making it worse.

It’s Pride Month. And, it’s also the month that we celebrate Father’s Day. So why not take the opportunity to celebrate the fathers that support their LGBTQ+ kids? We’ve scoured the farthest reaches of the internet so that you won’t have to and found 13 adorable and sweet stories that show the real love that fathers have for their LGBTQ+ children, young, or all grown up. Read on, and see if you can get to the end without tearing up!

Proud dad with an even prouder gay son.

It was this dad’s first time celebrating Pride, who accompanied his son to show true fatherly love and support at the Los Angeles LGBT Pride Festival. Of course, do the dad duty and try to embarrass his son with a silly t-shirt.

This dad took his daughter and her friends to Pride.

It doesn’t get much more supportive than bringing your kids to Pride, to celebrate who they are with a community of like-minded people. Even more so when it means that this dad would have had to spend hours trailing after his daughter and friends, as a chaperone. If that isn’t a labor of love, then we don’t know what is.

One proud dad at Pride.

One super proud son had this to say about his father, “This guy had me tearing up today. My dad attending his first pride parade in DC with my little brother. I love you … and I wouldn’t have you any other way.” Because love isn’t just about emblazoning how proud you are of your son on your shirt! It’s about showing up when your children need support. This dad clears knows that, and has shown up for his son – selfies and all.

This dad and daughter duo are well-suited for each other.

It’s great when kids show their parents love, but it’s even better when they show their love to their kids. And what better time to show off your love for your daughter, than when the two of you are dressed to the nines, and clearly having a good time? This dad knows how to make his daughter feel special – and wouldn’t we all want someone to look at us with as much love and awe as this dad does with his daughter?

A No. 1 supporter, through and through.

Being a good father isn’t just about making sure your kids are clothed and fed, with a roof over their heads. It’s about showing support for who your kids are, through whatever trials and tribulations they face. It’s obvious that this dad knows that the main thing his son needs is his support, through thick and thin – and this son has taken the opportunity to show his thanks.

All smiles for Pride celebrations.

This child was all smiles and happiness when both their dad and stepmom came to Pride to support them. And who can blame them? There’s a reason why Pride has the name that it’s been given. It’s not just about being proud of who you are, warts and all, but being proud of how far you’ve come as a person, and who you’ll grow to be in the future. Even though this dad has seen his child grow up, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t stop being a dad, or that he should stop supporting his child. And that warrants at least one happy, candid selfie.

Sometimes a supportive dad just needs to taste the rainbow.

This daughter knew that the best way to celebrate Pride month was to fill up on Skittles. So you know what this supportive dad did? He bought them for his daughter. Only one rainbow matters during Pride.

Dads can support Pride, with our without their kids.

This dad knew that he didn’t need his child with him to go to Pride – it was his responsibility as a father to show up and give support to the community, anyway. 

 One super girl and one proud dad.

This dad knew that the best way to show his love and support for his daughter was to give her the spotlight when she participated in a Pride parade, bearing the Pride flag. Showing support as a parent means not only giving your love to your children but also having the self-control and smarts to know when to give your kids the attention and platform they need when they need it.

Someone else’s dad supports LGBTQ+ children, too.

Unfortunately, the reality is that not everyone’s dad is supportive of their LGBTQ+ children. The beauty of the LGBTQ+ community is that it is also filled with dads who are supportive of the queer children in the community. And sometimes we all just need to hear from a parental figure that we’re doing okay and that someone is proud of us. So thanks, someone else’s dad.

A simple message is enough to tell the young’uns that they’re okay.

They say that actions speak louder than words. Well, sometimes it’s just nice to see parents taking the action of sending a quick text to tell say how proud they are of their child and what they’re doing, and that they care about their safety and wellbeing. This dad took the time to make sure his daughter definitely knew how loved she is – no matter who she loves. Because hey, love is love, guys.

Who says working and supporting your son are mutually exclusive?

This son was excited to announce to the Twitterverse that, “… my dad shows off my boyfriend and I at work”. There’s nothing more reassuring than knowing that your dad loves you so much, and is so overwhelmingly proud of you, that he wants to tell the world about you. The fact that this dad is doing the digital equivalent of whipping a roll of photos of his son from his wallet to talk the ear off his workmates really shows the strong bond he has with his son.

Dads can support their kids and their LGBTQ+ journey at any age.

Sam painted his nails not only because it “looks pretty”, but because it gave him time to bond with his grandmother, who was a manicurist in her working life. But, this gave rise to bullying at school. So, you know what his dad did? He took to social media, to break down barriers around masculinity and show how much he loved his son for who he is. Even if this is just dabbling in nail polish, or if Sam wants to explore his identity further, he’ll know that no matter what happens his dad will continue to be proud of him, and support him in what he does.

So, how long did it take for you to start shedding a tear or two over these loving fathers? Have you got your own stories about your father supporting the LGBTQ+ community? Let us know about your experiences on Facebook – just click the logo at the top of the page.

READ: Mexico City Paints Its LGBTQ Pride Across A Pedestrian Crossing And The People Are Here For It