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Sh*t You Get For Not Speaking Perfect Spanish

No, my Spanish isn’t perfect. Stop giving me so much sh*t for it. NOBODY wants to hear it.

Family reunions are always awkward because only Spanish is spoken and you just sit there like…

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Credit: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey / New Line Cinema / notmydate / Tumblr

“I’m just going to go get more food.”

Mami is always like: “He understands everything you say, he just can’t speak it.”

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Credit: Everybody Hates Chris / CBS / georginahelps / Tumblr

Is that a compliment?

Your own family questions your Latino-ness.

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Credit: gifs-for-the-masses / Tumblr

“Look, Alby. Just because you lived in Miami and I was in Tallahassee doesn’t mean I am any less Latino, cabrón. How’s that?”

READ: This Is Why Gina Rodriguez Doesn’t Speak Spanish Well

Non-Latino friends be like: “But I thought you were Latino. Why can’t you speak Spanish?”

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Credit: Rupaul’s Drag Race / LOGO / alexawuvly / Tumblr

Me: Did your family keep German after migrating? Yeah. Didn’t think so.

You get this look when you can’t translate every word.

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Credit: richardjohnsplett / Tumblr

Friends: How do you say orgasm in Cuban?

Me: I have never had sex in Spanish so I don’t know.

Going to a Mexican restaurant is always awkward.

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Credit: Shahs of Sunset / Bravo / bravotv / Tumblr

Waiter: ¿Y tu?

Me: I’ll have the burrrrrrrrrrito, por favor. ?

Mami: ? Where did I fail?

Others say, “There’s nothing wrong with your Spanish. It’s just very proper.”

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Credit: gifs-from-the-seaside-ca / Tumblr

Seriously, WTF does that statement even mean?

On the flipside, they’ll yell at you for not speaking Spanish because “Tienes el nopal en la frente.”

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Credit: Glee / Fox / yourreactiongifs / Tumblr

“Just because my name is Lara María González-Hernández does not mean you can just spew your Spanish all over me.”

READ: Internet Trolls Trashed Gina Rodriguez’s Toes and She Defends Herself in the Best Way Possible

When you finally do try speaking Spanish everyone is like…

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Credit: Pretty Little Liars / ABC Family / spencerscookies / Tumblr

What do you want from me?! ?

But you know they will all ask you again next week.

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Credit: The Emperor’s New Groove / Disney / brave-little-star / Tumblr

F*ck it…

Do you struggle with Spanish like most of us? Share this story so your friends can truly understand the struggle of not having perfect Spanish.

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Definitely NSFW! The Origin Of Mexican Swear Words Explained

no pos wow

Definitely NSFW! The Origin Of Mexican Swear Words Explained

Mexican swear words or groserías are some of the most powerful in the world. Seriously, if you yell at someone using Mexican insulting vernacular chances are you will get some respect. Like karate, groserías should only be used as a defense and never as an attack. Mexican Spanish has produced some very interesting and borderline poetic swear words, which are slowly but surely being incorporated into Spanglish and everyday conversation in the U.S. So you better be prepared!

Share this list only with those with whom you share a strong share of trust and camaraderie. And don’t ever share this with your madrecita santa unless you two are really, really into shared banter. Otherwise, she will lavar tu boca con jabón por pelado y majadero, mijo.

“Chinga tu madre”
When to use it: NEVER, EVER.

Credit: chInga tu madre. Digital image. Meme generator.

Chingar in this context means “to fornicate.” So you are really telling someone to go fornicate with their mom! It is beyond rude and it is the ultimate insult if you want to end a friendship forever. The word “chingar” comes from the gypsy slang čingarar, which means “to fight”. How did that derive into sex? Because us Mexicans are unpredictable and creative!

“Pendejo”
When to use it: when “stupid” is not enough

Credit: 9m0r6p. Digital image. MemeGen

The word “pendejo” is perhaps one of the most widely used in Mexican Spanish. It is derived from the Latin pectiniculus, which is used to describe pubic hair. Such an insult! No, really, pubic hairs are not pleasant in any scenario… pendejos.

“Cabrón”
When to use it: when someone is taking advantage of someone else, or when you want to call a friend in a fond manner (we know, it makes no sense)

Credit: cabron. Digital image. Yarokobu.

Cuenta la leyenda that in the past shepherds spend way too much time with their animals, so they would satisfy their carnal needs with them (it is a crime and it is called bestiality). Female goats’ genitalia were preferred by these pervs, so the male goats, or cabrones, would get pissed off and attack the humans. Hence the word. We do hope this origin story is mere cuento and not real at all. To be honest, this origin story is pretty creepy.

“Carajo”
When to use it: when you wanna say “damn it” or when you want to send someone to “la chingada” in a more subtle way

Credit: carajo. Digital image. Mira JEREZ

“Carajo” is literally the crow’s nest of a ship, the basket at the top of the mast. Just imagine the seasickness one must feel all the way up there. Young sailors, or those being punished, would be sent to this terrible spot. So in Spanish, you can send someone to “el carajo”, this ungodly basket at the mercy of the rough seas. The word can also be used to simply say “damn” or express disappointment.

“Chingada”
When to use it: always… when you are feeling bad (de la chingada) or when you want to get someone to F off… “vete a la chingada”

Credit: large. Digital image. We Hear It

This word is one of the most distinctive in Mexican Spanish. It basically is used to describe a place or existential state that sucks. It is used for almost everything… something sucks… “de la chingada”. Go to hell: “vete a la chingada”. This word is part of the national identity and basically a cultural treasure of sorts.

“Pinche”
When to use it: add an extra layer of nastiness with this adjective, as in “pinche pendejo”

Credit: significado-de-pinche-mexico. Digital image. Mexico mi pais.

It literally means “cook’s helper”, so the lowest rank in a kitchen. Mexican writer Jose Emilio Pacheco guessed that the use of the word in a derogatory way could be traced back to haciendas were the help was discriminated against. However, nothing is certain other than the fact that this word is like a magical spell that changes form according to the user’s need. Que pinche chistoso, no?

“Vale madres”
When to use it: when something terrible happens and things are beyond repair

Credit: valiomadresmeme. Digital image. Chilango

Mexicans have an obsession with using farts and mothers as an insult. “Vale madres” literally means “it went to hell” or, alternatively, “it does not matter” (see below). Mothers are sacred in Mexican culture, so just like swearing using God’s name is considered bad in Anglo countries, swearing using sacred madrecitas santas hermosas is like being rebellious and crass. Vale madres.

“Me vale madres”
When to use it: when you couldn’t care less

Credit: 200x200xfso0tr.jpg.pagespeed.ic.imagenes-memes-fotos-frases-graciosas-chistosas-divertidas-risa-chida-español-whatsapp-facebook. Digital image. Generador de memes

Another use of moms. This means “I couldn’t care less”, but in a very aggressive way. Like if someone breaks up with you but you wanna pretend like it is nothing, you would say “me vale madres”. We could tell Chabelo everyone on the Internet thinks he is the oldest person on Earth and he would reply: “Me vale madres”.

“Huevón”
When to use it: when calling someone “lazy bastard” is just not enough to describe how incredibly non caring and non energetic someone is

Credit: zpor-qlie-no-quieres-ser-mi-media-naranja-porque-medio-22530381 Meme. Digital image. Meme

There is no nice way of putting this: human testicles look like a pair of eggs. Huevón means “he whose testicles are so heavy that he can barely move”. Of course, popular lexicon has generated countless versions of this bad word. Such as…

… Que hueva”
When to use it: when you are tired beyond words; also when you want to describe a boring situation

Credit: 3570322. Digital image. Meme generator.

When one is so exhausted that one’s gonads feel too heavy to be lifted. “Hueva” is also used to describe boredom… if you wanna end one of those senseless fights or discussions, you can say “hueva” and just roll your eyes. You will get your message across, believe us.

“Pedo”
When to use it: when you or someone else has consumed an excess of alcoholic beverages

Credit: Pedos. Digital image. Tenor.

In Mexico farts equal drunks and anything alcohol related. Binge drinking is “irse de peda”. To be drunk is “estar pedo”. And, funny enough, if you have a problem you say “tengo un pedo enorme” or “I have a huge pedo”. According to linguists, the word is used because drunkards smell bad, like a flatulence. OK…. we guess it sort of makes sense.

“No mames”
When to use it: when you want to express surprise (wow), disgust (ew) or joy (yay). Really.

Credit: no-mames-qjlx3r. Digital image.

Just like “pinche”, this expression is used in a variety of ways. It literally means “do not suck”, as in “do not consume milk from the breast” or “do not perform fellatio” (sorry, we are trying to be as elegant as possible here). One of the possible origins of this expression is “do not act like a baby, do not suck milk from the nipple”, as in “grow the F up!”. But Mexicans are everyday poets and expand the expressive possibilities of a word to its maximum limit…. no mames.

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If You’re Latino, You’ve Definitely Seen These Things In Grandma’s Bathroom

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If You’re Latino, You’ve Definitely Seen These Things In Grandma’s Bathroom

@sacdeco / Instagram / @GloGawdAnt / Twitter

Abuelita’s bathroom was always doing the most.

First, there was always this lacey AF toilet cover because only she would think of dressing her toilet.

Credit: mitú
CREDIT: Credit: mitú

I still don’t know how she managed to keep the dust off of this thing.

She even has one for holiday season.

Credit: Anayra Rojo / Facebook
CREDIT: Credit: Anayra Rojo / Facebook

Yes, she even had one for Independence Day somehow.

This picture of Jesus is somewhere watching you take care of business… and totally judging you.


And, yes. It is always the exact same picture no matter which bathroom you are in.

She has fancy towels (to match her fancy toilet cover) that are totally off limits.

Credit: @GloGawdAnt / Twitter
CREDIT: Credit: @GloGawdAnt / Twitter

They always had initials and usually lace. If you touched them, you. were. finished!

The Holy Water was always next to the Agua de Violetas because they’re both essentials.

These shower mats are always there when you open the shower curtain.

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Credit: @aarronpainter / Twitter

It’s an abuelita staple.

Literally hundreds of fake, scented flowers.


Scent: dust.

And these shower caps always clutter the shower, making it nearly impossible to rinse yourself off.


And if you tried to use them, you know they’re pointless.


READ: Things You Find in Every Mexican Kitchen

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