Culture

Sh*t You Get For Not Speaking Perfect Spanish

Credit: @dan_avail67 / Twitter

No, my Spanish isn’t perfect. Stop giving me so much sh*t for it. NOBODY wants to hear it.

Family reunions are always awkward because only Spanish is spoken and you just sit there like…

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Credit: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey / New Line Cinema / notmydate / Tumblr

“I’m just going to go get more food.”

Mami is always like: “He understands everything you say, he just can’t speak it.”

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Credit: Everybody Hates Chris / CBS / georginahelps / Tumblr

Is that a compliment?

Your own family questions your Latino-ness.

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Credit: gifs-for-the-masses / Tumblr

“Look, Alby. Just because you lived in Miami and I was in Tallahassee doesn’t mean I am any less Latino, cabrón. How’s that?”

READ: This Is Why Gina Rodriguez Doesn’t Speak Spanish Well

Non-Latino friends be like: “But I thought you were Latino. Why can’t you speak Spanish?”

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Credit: Rupaul’s Drag Race / LOGO / alexawuvly / Tumblr

Me: Did your family keep German after migrating? Yeah. Didn’t think so.

You get this look when you can’t translate every word.

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Friends: How do you say orgasm in Cuban?

Me: I have never had sex in Spanish so I don’t know.

Going to a Mexican restaurant is always awkward.

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Credit: Shahs of Sunset / Bravo / bravotv / Tumblr

Waiter: ¿Y tu?

Me: I’ll have the burrrrrrrrrrito, por favor. ?

Mami: ? Where did I fail?

Others say, “There’s nothing wrong with your Spanish. It’s just very proper.”

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Credit: gifs-from-the-seaside-ca / Tumblr

Seriously, WTF does that statement even mean?

On the flipside, they’ll yell at you for not speaking Spanish because “Tienes el nopal en la frente.”

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Credit: Glee / Fox / yourreactiongifs / Tumblr

“Just because my name is Lara María González-Hernández does not mean you can just spew your Spanish all over me.”

READ: Internet Trolls Trashed Gina Rodriguez’s Toes and She Defends Herself in the Best Way Possible

When you finally do try speaking Spanish everyone is like…

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Credit: Pretty Little Liars / ABC Family / spencerscookies / Tumblr

What do you want from me?! ?

But you know they will all ask you again next week.

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Credit: The Emperor’s New Groove / Disney / brave-little-star / Tumblr

F*ck it…

Do you struggle with Spanish like most of us? Share this story so your friends can truly understand the struggle of not having perfect Spanish.

Here Are The Most Latino Overheard LA Tweets That Will Make You Jajaja

Entertainment

Here Are The Most Latino Overheard LA Tweets That Will Make You Jajaja

Slices Of Light / Flickr

There’s a reason that major cities in the U.S. have their own “overheard” social media account. Each city has its own brand: New Yorkers are Dead Inside; College Students are Drunk;  San Francisco Ends Relationships via The Cloud.

While Los Angeles is stereotyped for being the birthplace of wannabe influencers and self-obsessed yogis, it’s arguably the most diverse city being overheard on the Internet. We have a feeling Latinos had something to do with these *special* moments:

The classic *exotic* accent confusion.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Honestly, we all know those people with the thick and kind of sexy accents. It is not surprising to think that someone might confuse one accent for another.

You know this girl was raised by Latino parents.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Oh, Natasha, only your parents think you’re a disappointment. Don’t project your parents’ old-school expectations onto your friends. We live in a time when you don’t have to be married by the time you are 20 because it is time for you to shine as a strong, independent woman.

There are two alternate realities to living in LA.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

There are the people who pay $14 for a superfood, activated, soaked, medicinal mushroom and CBD infused smoothie. Or those who are okay getting a watermelon smoothie for $5 from el elotero.

When we’re not having kids and directing our love and affection a los gatos.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

If you accept the invite and don’t show, you’re dead to me. Tbh, going to your friend’s pet’s birthday party is very important in Los Angeles. Like, millennials are not wanting to bring children into this world so why not treat the rescue pets like children?

What’d I just say?

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

It’s the modern day nuclear family. They had their wild days but have since raised a chihuahua that deserves a proper Latino celebration of his or her life.

Here’s a Latina daughter knowing exactly which button to press to shame her father.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Education is everything, and if your parents didn’t sacrifice everything to put you through private school, then their parents did. I’m saving this comeback for a rainy day.

When you’ve accomplished all your parents’ hope and dreams by 20.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

The bar is really low for daughters. They just need to find a nice boy and not get pregnant until after you’re married. Sounds archaic but it is literally one of the truest things about growing up Latina.

When you’ve suddenly turned into your mother.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

The first question wouldn’t surprise a single Latina. My beauty school drop out Latina mother would shed a tear of pure pride if those words came out of my mouth.

Latina mamis coming in hot with the #DiscardedYam at Thanksgiving.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

You know this is a Latino because every time we asked our moms why they hit us this time, it was because of our personalities. Best to mask that with marijuana, mijos.

Get your domestic immigrants outta here!

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Everyone else is welcome. Any Angeleno will be snarky with you if you moved to LA from Miami, but Mexicanos, Puertorriqueños, Salvadorenos, bienvenidos a Los Angeles!

Every sister’s greatest wish at Navidad.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

What do we have to give our brothers to make them STFU? Forever bargaining with California’s greatest asset: legalized marijuana.

LA: where your yoga instructors know to qualify any reference of a Wall.

 

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Whatever your presumptions about LA, we’re also out here protesting the wall, the Drumpfs, and children in cages. Your yoga instructor is also burning effigies of the President on the weekends outside City Hall.

We’ve grown up to realize all the ghost stories our parents told us are true.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Those stories used to scare the mierda out of us as kids. As teenagers, we scoffed at our parents and thought they were from a dumb generation. Today, we chillin’ with our parents’ ghosts and leaving their favorite spirits out. 🥁🥁🥁

Oh, you grew up with oppressive fear of inheriting the mental illness your family refuses to acknowledge exists, too?

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Didn’t realize abuelo was actually loco until we visited him at the loco hospital and that’s why mami was so afraid of us having feelings. Sooo… like, I wouldn’t be surprised if any of us woke up to voices in our heads. Just me?

We could be cousins. We could follow each other on IG. We both work in the service industry.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

In LA, you could know somebody from anywhere. Sometimes it’s from a family photo.

We need streaming content that doesn’t require tickets to a movie.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Yeah, our parents taught us how to sneak a hot meal into a movie theater, but we have Netflix now. Let’s watch Aunt Becky go to jail over piping hot tostones.

LA: where the class gap is so large, sexism isn’t your only problem.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Hi, this is your friendly reminder that Latinas earn just 53 cents for every dollar a white man earns, and it shows. It’s sexist and classist, honey.

If you know, you know.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

It’s not just East LA. It’s the Inland Empire. It’s really easy and there are so fewer yogis and $14 smoothies. That’s all.

I love this woman.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

Wait, was that me? I love myself.

When your life’s purpose has to live up to the blood, sweat, and tears your parents put in to get you there.

CREDIT: @overheardla / Instagram

It’s called immigrant guilt and the irony of including this into a blog post does not escape me. 😅

READ: 11 Movies About Growing Up Latino That’ll Have You Laughing And Sobbing Your Eyes Out

Definitely NSFW! The Origin Of Mexican Swear Words Explained

no pos wow

Definitely NSFW! The Origin Of Mexican Swear Words Explained

Mexican swear words or groserías are some of the most powerful in the world. Seriously, if you yell at someone using Mexican insulting vernacular chances are you will get some respect. Like karate, groserías should only be used as a defense and never as an attack. Mexican Spanish has produced some very interesting and borderline poetic swear words, which are slowly but surely being incorporated into Spanglish and everyday conversation in the U.S. So you better be prepared!

Share this list only with those with whom you share a strong share of trust and camaraderie. And don’t ever share this with your madrecita santa unless you two are really, really into shared banter. Otherwise, she will lavar tu boca con jabón por pelado y majadero, mijo.

“Chinga tu madre”
When to use it: NEVER, EVER.

 

Credit: chInga tu madre. Digital image. Meme generator.

Chingar in this context means “to fornicate.” So you are really telling someone to go fornicate with their mom! It is beyond rude and it is the ultimate insult if you want to end a friendship forever. The word “chingar” comes from the gypsy slang čingarar, which means “to fight”. How did that derive into sex? Because us Mexicans are unpredictable and creative!

“Pendejo”
When to use it: when “stupid” is not enough

Credit: 9m0r6p. Digital image. MemeGen

The word “pendejo” is perhaps one of the most widely used in Mexican Spanish. It is derived from the Latin pectiniculus, which is used to describe pubic hair. Such an insult! No, really, pubic hairs are not pleasant in any scenario… pendejos.

“Cabrón”
When to use it: when someone is taking advantage of someone else, or when you want to call a friend in a fond manner (we know, it makes no sense)

Credit: cabron. Digital image. Yarokobu.

Cuenta la leyenda that in the past shepherds spend way too much time with their animals, so they would satisfy their carnal needs with them (it is a crime and it is called bestiality). Female goats’ genitalia were preferred by these pervs, so the male goats, or cabrones, would get pissed off and attack the humans. Hence the word. We do hope this origin story is mere cuento and not real at all. To be honest, this origin story is pretty creepy.

“Carajo”
When to use it: when you wanna say “damn it” or when you want to send someone to “la chingada” in a more subtle way

Credit: carajo. Digital image. Mira JEREZ

“Carajo” is literally the crow’s nest of a ship, the basket at the top of the mast. Just imagine the seasickness one must feel all the way up there. Young sailors, or those being punished, would be sent to this terrible spot. So in Spanish, you can send someone to “el carajo”, this ungodly basket at the mercy of the rough seas. The word can also be used to simply say “damn” or express disappointment.

“Chingada”
When to use it: always… when you are feeling bad (de la chingada) or when you want to get someone to F off… “vete a la chingada”

Credit: large. Digital image. We Hear It

This word is one of the most distinctive in Mexican Spanish. It basically is used to describe a place or existential state that sucks. It is used for almost everything… something sucks… “de la chingada”. Go to hell: “vete a la chingada”. This word is part of the national identity and basically a cultural treasure of sorts.

“Pinche”
When to use it: add an extra layer of nastiness with this adjective, as in “pinche pendejo”

Credit: significado-de-pinche-mexico. Digital image. Mexico mi pais.

It literally means “cook’s helper”, so the lowest rank in a kitchen. Mexican writer Jose Emilio Pacheco guessed that the use of the word in a derogatory way could be traced back to haciendas were the help was discriminated against. However, nothing is certain other than the fact that this word is like a magical spell that changes form according to the user’s need. Que pinche chistoso, no?

“Vale madres”
When to use it: when something terrible happens and things are beyond repair

Credit: valiomadresmeme. Digital image. Chilango

Mexicans have an obsession with using farts and mothers as an insult. “Vale madres” literally means “it went to hell” or, alternatively, “it does not matter” (see below). Mothers are sacred in Mexican culture, so just like swearing using God’s name is considered bad in Anglo countries, swearing using sacred madrecitas santas hermosas is like being rebellious and crass. Vale madres.

“Me vale madres”
When to use it: when you couldn’t care less

Credit: 200x200xfso0tr.jpg.pagespeed.ic.imagenes-memes-fotos-frases-graciosas-chistosas-divertidas-risa-chida-español-whatsapp-facebook. Digital image. Generador de memes

Another use of moms. This means “I couldn’t care less”, but in a very aggressive way. Like if someone breaks up with you but you wanna pretend like it is nothing, you would say “me vale madres”. We could tell Chabelo everyone on the Internet thinks he is the oldest person on Earth and he would reply: “Me vale madres”.

“Huevón”
When to use it: when calling someone “lazy bastard” is just not enough to describe how incredibly non caring and non energetic someone is

Credit: zpor-qlie-no-quieres-ser-mi-media-naranja-porque-medio-22530381 Meme. Digital image. Meme

There is no nice way of putting this: human testicles look like a pair of eggs. Huevón means “he whose testicles are so heavy that he can barely move”. Of course, popular lexicon has generated countless versions of this bad word. Such as…

… Que hueva”
When to use it: when you are tired beyond words; also when you want to describe a boring situation

Credit: 3570322. Digital image. Meme generator.

When one is so exhausted that one’s gonads feel too heavy to be lifted. “Hueva” is also used to describe boredom… if you wanna end one of those senseless fights or discussions, you can say “hueva” and just roll your eyes. You will get your message across, believe us.

“Pedo”
When to use it: when you or someone else has consumed an excess of alcoholic beverages

Credit: Pedos. Digital image. Tenor.

In Mexico farts equal drunks and anything alcohol related. Binge drinking is “irse de peda”. To be drunk is “estar pedo”. And, funny enough, if you have a problem you say “tengo un pedo enorme” or “I have a huge pedo”. According to linguists, the word is used because drunkards smell bad, like a flatulence. OK…. we guess it sort of makes sense.

“No mames”
When to use it: when you want to express surprise (wow), disgust (ew) or joy (yay). Really.

Credit: no-mames-qjlx3r. Digital image.

Just like “pinche”, this expression is used in a variety of ways. It literally means “do not suck”, as in “do not consume milk from the breast” or “do not perform fellatio” (sorry, we are trying to be as elegant as possible here). One of the possible origins of this expression is “do not act like a baby, do not suck milk from the nipple”, as in “grow the F up!”. But Mexicans are everyday poets and expand the expressive possibilities of a word to its maximum limit…. no mames.

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