Sh*t You Get For Not Speaking Perfect Spanish

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No, my Spanish isn’t perfect. Stop giving me so much sh*t for it. NOBODY wants to hear it.

Family reunions are always awkward because only Spanish is spoken and you just sit there like…

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“I’m just going to go get more food.”

Mami is always like: “He understands everything you say, he just can’t speak it.”

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Is that a compliment?

Your own family questions your Latino-ness.

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“Look, Alby. Just because you lived in Miami and I was in Tallahassee doesn’t mean I am any less Latino, cabrón. How’s that?”

READ: This Is Why Gina Rodriguez Doesn’t Speak Spanish Well

Non-Latino friends be like: “But I thought you were Latino. Why can’t you speak Spanish?”

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Me: Did your family keep German after migrating? Yeah. Didn’t think so.

You get this look when you can’t translate every word.

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Friends: How do you say orgasm in Cuban?

Me: I have never had sex in Spanish so I don’t know.

Going to a Mexican restaurant is always awkward.

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Waiter: ¿Y tu?

Me: I’ll have the burrrrrrrrrrito, por favor. ?

Mami: ? Where did I fail?

Others say, “There’s nothing wrong with your Spanish. It’s just very proper.”

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Seriously, WTF does that statement even mean?

On the flipside, they’ll yell at you for not speaking Spanish because “Tienes el nopal en la frente.”

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“Just because my name is Lara María González-Hernández does not mean you can just spew your Spanish all over me.”

READ: Internet Trolls Trashed Gina Rodriguez’s Toes and She Defends Herself in the Best Way Possible

When you finally do try speaking Spanish everyone is like…

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What do you want from me?! ?

But you know they will all ask you again next week.

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F*ck it…

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