The holiday season is here and you know what it means: Christmas trees, primos arriving from all over the place, drunk tíos, pernil and completely out-of-line questions from everyone. Because family love knows no boundaries, but you sure do, here is a survival guide to deal with shitty questions this season.
Q: When are you having niños?
CREDIT: GIPHY/ DISNEY-ABC
A: We are still happy using condoms. How is your sex life?
Q: ¿Te veo como más gordita?
CREDIT: TUMBLR/ WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
A: ¿Te veo como más viejita? Pass the pie.
Q: You still don’t eat meat?
CREDIT: GIPHY/ WARNER BROS.
A: You still passing judgment?
Q: ¿Y el novio?
CREDIT: GIFMADNESS/ TUMBLR
A: He sent regards to everyone but you.
Q: Are you still at that job?
CREDIT: REDDIT/ LIL WAYNE
A: Oh no, I won the lotto. I only came to give my nice relatives some dough.
Q: You still don’t have a job? What do you do all day?
CREDIT: GIPHY/ 20TH CENTURY FOX
A: I contemplate how to answer none-of-your-business type questions.
Q: Why don’t you go back to school?
A: Are you offering to pay for it?
Q: Are you two ever getting married?
CREDIT: PINTEREST/ WE TV
A: I’m hoping to be casted for Bridezillas, so we may just have to wait until next season.
Q: When are you moving back to town?
CREDIT: HERCAMPUS/ NETFLIX
A: When are you ever moving out?
Q: Are you seeing anyone these days?
A: Why, is your son/cousin available?
Q: What do you plan to do with that degree?
A: Hang it on the family wall, next to your wife of the year plaque.
Q: ¿Qué pasó con ______ (insert ex’s name here)? He was so nice!
A: I upgraded. I have his number somewhere if you’d like to ring him up.
Q: Is that what you are wearing to the party?
A: Yeah, your outfit was so inspirational.