Non-Offensive Clapbacks To Family Chisme
It is possible to have a stress-free holiday even when your family is constantly giving you the third degree about the most personal aspects of your life.
CREDIT: The Simpsons / FOX via Giphy
We’ve narrowed down the perfect distracting responses to the most common questions chismosas ask including, but not limited to: “y el novio?”, “y la dieta?”, “tienes trabajo?”, “cuando vas a tener hijos?”, “todavia andas con ese cualquier?”, “no has comprado casa?” etc.
1. “Who wants to play lotería?”
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A round of lotería always gets the party going. If you play for money and get loaded while you’re at it, your relatives will be drunk in no time.
2. “What time is the posada?”
Novena de Producción.. con la banda de los killers.. siempre soñé cantar con una banda.. ?? quedo hermoso todo.. y se demostró la gran familia que somos.. Pronto que llega la noche buena.. pronto que llega El que el mundo cambio #navidad #christmas #posadas #plantaguayas ??☃?
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Your relatives love to sing, despite being tone-deaf. Once you get them on board for the posada, they’ll forget what they were asking you about in the first place.
3. “Dale, dale, dale!”
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Once you utter the word “piñata” every kid will be screaming so loud that it will drown out your more intrusive relatives.
4. “Oh man, I have to go help my mom with the tamales.”
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You never deny your mom when she needs help. So when that chismoso comes around, just say that your mom needs you and they’ll back away fast.
5. “Y los Reyes Magos?”
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Yes, that response might seem like it’s coming out of nowhere, but that’s why it’s so brilliant. Whether you inquire about where the statues are, or ask about the story of the Three Kings, you’ll look like a good religious niece or nephew for asking.
6. “Gotta fix the nativity scene, brb.”
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Speaking of Los Reyes Magos, what about Baby Jesus?! Going to fix or rearrange the nativity scene is the perfect way to get out of a gossipy conversation.
7. “Y la tía Cuca?”
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Think of the most scandalous person in the family, and say aloud — to no one in particular — “Y la tía Cuca, cómo está?” That will shut everyone up so fast.
8. “I heard la Mari is knocked up.”
Credit: Teresa / Televisa / mitú
Rat someone else out in the family. Yes, disclosing a secret is low, and it’s a pretty desperate move, but either you go down or they do. It’s your call.
9. “Who’s ready to dance?!”
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It is the holidays after all, so why is everyone talking and not dancing?! This is your chance to get the chismes to simmer down. Play a quebradita and watch how quickly people forget about chisme.
If you have crazy chismosos in your family share this story!