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7 Things Many Latina Moms Think Take Your Virginity

Look, we know our moms just want what’s best for us. But too often, that means trying to protect us from reality (and, you know, SEX) instead of really informing us about it. Moms, dime la verdad: Wouldn’t you rather we learn this stuff from you than from TV or some pimple-faced Fulano down the road?

One thing our moms seem all too fond of is warning us that everything and anything can take our virginity before The Big Wedding Night. (I mean… LOLOLOLOLOLOL, ok.)

For example…

Riding Bikes

KjI4TMK
Credit: grantishere / Reddit

Now you have to legally marry your bicicleta, mijita. Que pena.

Horseback Riding

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Credit: Gascon Horsemanship / YouTube

? ? ?  ? ? ?

Using Tampons

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Credit: DreamWorks Pictures

And just wait until your mom finds out about cups.

Participating In Most Sports

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Credit: Fox

Because being healthy and active is bad for you. Obviously.

Performing Splits

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Credit: Giphy

*rrrrriiiip*

And Going To The Gynecologist

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Credit: NBC

This one is doubly annoying. Why create fear around the person responsible for your reproductive health?

And then there’s the biggest myth about virginity that moms seem to perpetuate:

That it exists.

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Credit: ABC

Virginity itself is a social construct. And the state of your hymen isn’t actually a great indicator of whether or not you’ve had sex. Seriously, click that link and watch Laci Green’s video — it clears up a lot of misconceptions about hymens. Also, it includes this moment:

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Credit: YouTube / Laci Green

Plus, placing a ton of value on virginity can cause damaging (and often culturally specific) expectations:

Virginity is typically the most important for women to keep and for men to get rid of. Men are praised for losing their virginity young, and women are supposed to stay “pure” until a socially acceptable moment (old enough, besides a legal sense, in a committed relationship where one is “in love” and for the sole purpose of pledging your love and devotion to one’s partner). Women are labeled as easy, desperate or damaged if they lose it any way other than that socially acceptable moment. In some cultures, women who aren’t virgins when they marry can be exiled or even killed, particularly for shaming their families. Virginity is a sign of purity. And not being pure when you marry in many societies brings shame and dishonor to your family, even if you were raped.

So moms’ (and dads’ and abuelas’) panic over “maintaining” virginity ends up causing more harm than good, because it spreads misinformation and treats virginity as a state of being pure that must be maintained at all costs.

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Credit: Vestron Pictures

Instead of placing virginity (and an intact hymen) above all else, let’s start encouraging one another to talk more openly about sexual health, consensual sex and how to have sex safely and pleasurably.

Maybe it’s time we sat down with our moms and had The Talk.


READ: Not To Be Dramatic, Pero Like, Cubans Need To Have More Sex Or We’ll Go Extinct

What other sex myths did you grow up with? Did you ever tell your mom, like, “hey, you’re wrong”?

Latinas Shared Their Best Bits Of Marriage Advice And The Comment Section Got REAL

Fierce

Latinas Shared Their Best Bits Of Marriage Advice And The Comment Section Got REAL

Pinterest

Recently, a FIERCE reader posed a pretty poignant question on Twitter: “If you could give me advice on marriage, what would it be?”

Married folks and mujeres that were once married offered up their best bits of advice! Check them out below!

View marriage as a bonus not the piece to a missing puzzle.

My advice: don’t do it!! JUST KIDDING. my mom says, view marriage as an additional bonus to your life not as a completion . You’re an amazing complete woman on your own.” –pelucaazul

Beware the red flags.

“As someone going through a divorce: make a list of all the red flags (small and big) and play each one out and truly determine if any are problematic. The small red flags now always come back up later. Some can be worked on, some can be communicated through , but some are a sign of unsettled trauma/machismo/addictions/narcissism etc.”- _ashlyndarling

Keep up the dating game.

“Never stop dating each other!”-mariaelena34

If you’re getting advice about your life, get it from the right people.

“Its between you two!!! . Dont try to fit your relationship into stereotypical molds… what works for you may not be what other ppl say! Also, dont bad talk your boo even if you’re mad and frustrated. What you feed, grows. And always remember to flirt with your husband lik y’all still dating. And, if you turn to someone for advice, make sure they understand healthy marriages. Soooooo many ppl in the world giving advice but dont have a healthy successful marrige…. be open wi th your boo, be honest, nd hve fun! Best wishes&blessings – AH.”-autumnhype

Don’t compare yourself. It’s not a tit for tat game.

“Never compare yourself to other marriages or your parent’s marriage. Your marriage is whatever you want it to be and cultivate together, this is completely up to you and your spouse. This is the most freeing thing I have ever heard and made me appreciate my marriage more!”-cathrinemolstad

Don’t put up with behaviors or treatments within marriage that your instincts are telling you are wrong.

“Married 20 years and my best advice is to trust your instincts. In my marriage what has worked is respecting my partner and expecting that same level of respect, that reciprocity goes for kindness, compassion, patience, and forgiveness too. But, ultimately, this is big, don’t marry someone if your instincts are telling you it’s wrong, don’t put up with behaviors or treatments within marriage that your instincts are telling you are wrong, and don’t stay if those same instincts are telling you it’s wrong. You know you, what you want, need, can and can’t handle. That’s the voice to defer to – not your friends, society, or family. The union should bring you and the other person great personal growth. I realize that all sounds like a high bar and it is. People get and stay married, settling for far less than they should, because there is (or they perceive) external pressures to do so. Resist this. Marriage is not for everyone and not every partner is a commit your life partner. Finally, though, it’s 2020. Marriage isn’t irreversible. If it’s not working, that’s okay and don’t take it as a failure, but an awareness of your worth and growth.”-sheexistshere

Grow with each other.

“Grow with each other. Ive been with mine for 8 years (married 2). We started dating at 16 and 19, and man have times changed. If we didn’t make mistakes, keep each other accountable, help each other figure out what we each wanted to do, we won’t be together after all this time.” –danielaherreranyc

Communication is key

“Always communicate even if it sounds like something silly and always find time for each other no matter how busy your day can be.”-lauraelnasser

We Asked Latinas Why They Are Waiting Or Waited To Have Sex Before Marriage

Fierce

We Asked Latinas Why They Are Waiting Or Waited To Have Sex Before Marriage

Ah celibacy. Whether it’s chalked up to religious beliefs or the age-old adage of “buying the cow when you can get the milk for free” everyone has opinions about staying away from sex before marriage. Interested in what Latinas think, we posed the question of why women are actually waiting an boy did we get a whole heck of a lot answers!

Christianity

“I’m about to turn 30 years old and I’m waiting due to my Christian beliefs.” –sweetascandy1990

Taking past relationships as a lesson learned.

“My spirituality. First I would like to say that I’m not a virgin I have a child. But after splitting with her dad I realize that sex is bigger than what I thought it was. That’s why I decided to be celibate and wait until marriage.” – thebeautyplugbymaria

Growing up in a household where this is scripture.

“I want to save myself for the person I am going to marry. 🙂 I don’t want to have been with multiple people before I get married. I want the person I will spend the rest of my life with to be my first and only…. i don’t know. I think that’s just my personal preference. I have grown up in a religious household and I feel just fine without the sex in my relationship. I just think that I wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who has already been with a bunch of other women so I wouldn’t want to do the same to the person I end up marrying. It’s just my preference. I see nothing wrong with anybody else sex life but I personally practice abstinence and am happy with my decision!”-karls104

Yearning for a special bond and weeding out the wrong guys.

“It was a religious decision at first, but once I got older it morphed into a more personal decision. I wanted that special bond with the one person I would love and who would love me for the rest of my life. I didn’t want a bunch of memories with random men who didn’t value me for anything more than my body. And I knew I wanted my life partner to also be more than sex. I want someone dependable, and someone I can laugh with first and foremost. Of course you can find that even if you aren’t celibate while dating. But I think being a “celibate dater” helps put personality as the #1 priority to focus on. When a relationship is sexual before marriage you’re focused on more than just 1) can I laugh with them forever 2) are they dependable? 3) do they cross any of my non-negotiables?”- alfonsina_mj

The holy trinity.

“Catholic guilt”- brendapa89