7 Things Many Latina Moms Think Take Your Virginity
Look, we know our moms just want what’s best for us. But too often, that means trying to protect us from reality (and, you know, SEX) instead of really informing us about it. Moms, dime la verdad: Wouldn’t you rather we learn this stuff from you than from TV or some pimple-faced Fulano down the road?
One thing our moms seem all too fond of is warning us that everything and anything can take our virginity before The Big Wedding Night. (I mean… LOLOLOLOLOLOL, ok.)
Now you have to legally marry your bicicleta, mijita. Que pena.
? ? ? ? ? ?
And just wait until your mom finds out about cups.
Participating In Most Sports
Because being healthy and active is bad for you. Obviously.
And Going To The Gynecologist
This one is doubly annoying. Why create fear around the person responsible for your reproductive health?
And then there’s the biggest myth about virginity that moms seem to perpetuate:
That it exists.
Virginity itself is a social construct. And the state of your hymen isn’t actually a great indicator of whether or not you’ve had sex. Seriously, click that link and watch Laci Green’s video — it clears up a lot of misconceptions about hymens. Also, it includes this moment:
Plus, placing a ton of value on virginity can cause damaging (and often culturally specific) expectations:
Virginity is typically the most important for women to keep and for men to get rid of. Men are praised for losing their virginity young, and women are supposed to stay “pure” until a socially acceptable moment (old enough, besides a legal sense, in a committed relationship where one is “in love” and for the sole purpose of pledging your love and devotion to one’s partner). Women are labeled as easy, desperate or damaged if they lose it any way other than that socially acceptable moment. In some cultures, women who aren’t virgins when they marry can be exiled or even killed, particularly for shaming their families. Virginity is a sign of purity. And not being pure when you marry in many societies brings shame and dishonor to your family, even if you were raped.
So moms’ (and dads’ and abuelas’) panic over “maintaining” virginity ends up causing more harm than good, because it spreads misinformation and treats virginity as a state of being pure that must be maintained at all costs.
Instead of placing virginity (and an intact hymen) above all else, let’s start encouraging one another to talk more openly about sexual health, consensual sex and how to have sex safely and pleasurably.
Maybe it’s time we sat down with our moms and had The Talk.
What other sex myths did you grow up with? Did you ever tell your mom, like, “hey, you’re wrong”?