Well, it might not be 4/20, but people keep offering me weed and I know what that means: I’m going to have to explain to everyone I meet why I can’t partake. It’s not that I have a problem with weed. It’s that I never have a good time while high. I’ve tried, many times, and every time, I end up regretting it with every part of my soul. If you’re like me, you might be able to relate to the stages I’ve gone every time I’ve ever been high. I’m sure you’ll relate with at least one of the stages below.

Usually, a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes me a joint. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

What’s the worst that could happen? This isn’t “Reefer Madness,” right?

So I take a hit and my throat is on fire. I can’t stop coughing. OMG what am I doing…

?BOOM? It’s “Reefer Madness.”

Stage 1: I’m, like, instantly too high. As if a weed-bomb had been thrown on my head.

Yeah, not like “fun high” either. I’m knee-deep in bat country, if you know what I mean. And I can’t help but feel like my throat is on fire.

And immediately I regret my decision. WHY, BABY JESUS???????

Whyyy did I do this to myself? AGAIN.

Stage 2: Everything feels different. How come I’d never noticed my ears are so fluffly?

Something is terribly wrong. 

My friends are having a great time as I start to melt down. I feel outside of the club.

They’re having the time of their life, in fact.

So I remind myself: “You never get high, that’s why it feels so bad. Just act normal.”

Yeah, that’s it. I’ll just act normal. I look totally normal, right? You’re not that high. You got this.

Stage 3: I try to sober up by focusing on something.

But I realize I’m way higher than I originally thought.

I don’t remember my hands doing that before. I lost control over my body OMG.

Yeah, it’s just weed, but I see and hear things that aren’t there when I’m high.

Stage 4: Someone tries to talk to me and it goes terribly. Please go away. GO AWAY.

I am so not ready to make small talk.

My attempt at verbal communication leaves a lot to be desired. Have I suddenly learned to speak hungarian?

The words I make with my mouth don’t match the voices in my head.

So I try blinking out some morse code. Get-me-outta-here.

My attempts at communication have failed and I’m not having fun.

Stage 5: I’m so done with being high. Can somebody show me where is the “turn off” button? I’m completely desperate.

Please go away stoned feeling.

But I can’t just get un-high. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

This is supposed to be fun?

Stage 6: Mid freakout, my friends realize I’m not okay. But they’re all so high the first thing they do is laugh. Not joking.

Everything is too overwhelming.

They realize I’m freaking out and ask me if they can do something to make me feel better. I respond:

SOS

They tell me to relax, close my eyes, or meditate. But that just makes things worse. I mean it.

Anxiety is at an all time high and I can’t even remember what I was thinking about two minutes ago.

Stage 7: Now I believe all conspiracies I’ve ever heard. I don’t wanna leave this corner ever again in life.

This is supposed to be fun and all I can think about is how there’s probably going to be a problem.

And I’m getting super paranoid and suspicious of everyone. And even of myself (if I’m really me why is this cat my spirit animal?). 

WHICH ? FRIEND ? IS ? READING ? MY ? THOUGHTS? And why is this cat my spirit animal?

Stage 8: The munchies. Rice with peanut butter and tuna has never tasted so delicious. Btw, I had no idea my stomach could handle so much food.

My friends offer me food, but I’m still too paranoid to eat it.

Give me another carrot juice with canned beans, I just need food right now otherwise my belly might kill me.

Suddenly food has a new meaning and food just tastes way better.

Stage 9: Fetal position. For me, this is the best part of being high so far.

Life hack: curling up can protect you from bears and bad highs.

Stage 10: Making it to the other side. There certainly is life beyond those gray walls.

I’m over the hump. I can feel my senses returning to me and the fear and anxiety are washed away and I feel like I’m finally crawling out of the pit of despair. It’s great!

Stage 11: Short-term memory loss. Usually a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes a joint to me. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

What’s the worst that can happen? LOL.

Share this because chances are you or someone in your group is as paranoid as me.

Grupo Modelo — the company that once owned Corona — has come a long way since they first began to brew beer in 1922. Its Mexican founders sold the rights to Corona to Anheuser-Busch InBev in 2008 in a $20.1 billion deal, and now the Corona is expanding even further.

Corona’s parent company — Constellation Brands — is spending $3.8 billion and investing it in a Canadian weed producer named Canopy Growth.

Corona beer's parent company is investing $4 billion in #cannabis. #marijuana #weed pic.twitter.com/EGiyBd3iJr

— Dreamspore (@TheDreamspore) August 22, 2018

According to Bloomberg, it’s the largest investment into a weed producer ever. And while some may think it’s a weird idea for a beer brand to be associated with weed, some say this merger is only a sign of good things to come for both industries.

“I think a lot of people are quick to knee jerk this as bad,” Cannabis Now Magazine CEO and publisher Eugenio Garcia told Forbes. “But it is giving a cannabis company access to hundreds of millions [or even billions] of dollars in working capital from which they can make light years faster expressions than any other competitors.”

As more states make weed legal, beer companies are investing in its producers in order to be able to include weed as an ingredient in beer.

After Corona's owner invests billions in Canadian weed, get ready for cannabis #beer:https://t.co/KkGN0pJ9we#SamzPubs #SamzNeighbourhoodPub pic.twitter.com/Hj4USwB2n9

— Best Western Plus Pitt Meadows Inn & Suites (@BestWestPlusPM) August 22, 2018

CNBC reports that some beers already have weed as ingredient, including Heineken and Molson Coors whom already sell “cannabis-infused drinks.”

“Heineken’s Lagunitas brand has started selling nonalcoholic sparkling water featuring THC, the active component of marijuana. And Molson Coors has formed a joint venture with Hydropothecary, a weed producer, to make cannabis-infused beverages,” CNBC reports.

But just because this billion dollar deal speaks volumes of the growth of the weed industry doesn’t mean that smaller companies won’t be doing the same.

The company that owns Corona and Modelo invested $4 billion for weed-infused beer. This has got to be the greatest investment of all time.

— Shooter Mcgavin (@AustinRBorba) August 17, 2018

“You’re going to see more of this smaller business model,” Garcia told Forbes. “Much like in the agricultural, farm to table movement around the U.S people will start producing cannabis legally for their immediate geographic locations. You go to any city in the U.S. and you’re going to find a microbrewer that is only putting out enough quantity to support a couple thousand people in their neighborhood. People love that. And that’s going to be very similar, I believe, with cannabis.”

Here’s what people on social media are saying about the beer/weed partnership.

Corona taste kinda like weed with lemon or salt….😬

— LeMichael Bryant (@HanSoloNoHoes) August 18, 2018

So maybe we won’t notice the difference in taste?

Maybe weed will improve the flavor of Corona?

Corona beer has invested $4 billion in a cannabis company. The product is pretty much like weed but it's mostly just water.

— Charles Lake (@mesealake) August 16, 2018

Corona isn’t the best beer out there, but does it really taste like water?

This guy already has a slogan for the new product.

“Just when you thought our beer couldn’t get any more skunky…” should be Corona’s new slogan for their weed infused beer.

— Jon (@FonJindlay) August 23, 2018

Not sure if the word “skunky” is gonna sell this drink.

Maybe Bud should have invested in weed….

Funny, if a beer was going to invest in weed, I always thought it be Bud.#Budwiser #Corona pic.twitter.com/XzfNsnnnkv

— Justin Rupple (@TheRupple) August 16, 2018

What a waste of an opportunity. If you’re reading this Bud owners, it’s not too late.

READ:  Here Are The 11 Stages People Who Can’t Handle Weed Go Through When They Get High

Do you think you’d try beer with weed as ingredient? Let us know by sharing this story and commenting below!