They always end up being full-blown adult parties.
Everyone brings the five-year-old a gift… along with a case of beer.
This is what a normal table spread looks like.
Before you know it, there are more drunk adults than children.
The taquero is more celebrated than the birthday kid.
Even though most kids don’t like tacos.
Dessert is supposed to be a kids dream. Not when you’re served this:
Y la tía is always super proud of her gelatin.
Cake time is always a big humiliation.
It’s social suicide.
This is Latino parents’ idea of child entertainment.
Safe for kids, right?
And no party de niño is complete without a massive jumper.
It always deflates and your older cousin always ended up suffocating you. Good times.
No matter how terrified the birthday kid is of their piñata, they’re forced to take a swing at it.
And having hard candy fall on your head was never a good feeling.
Only Latino parents encourage the drunk tío to climb on a ladder to pull the piñata rope.
But the the real party doesn’t start until the banda walks in.
And it doesn’t end until tío Juan starts singing “Tragos de amargo licor.”
…and you realize you have no idea where the birthday boy is.