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Here’s How Telenovelas Lied To Us About Men, Sex, And Basically Everything

It’s not the way they make it seem. 

The sheets are always perfectly tangled and show just enough.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Like where are those curtains hanging from? Where is the wind coming from? And what is he doing upside down? The bed you lay on is always a hot mess with heavy blankets and pillows thrown everywhere. You hardly have any space to lay.

Men never know how to unstrap a bra like this.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ugh, just let me do it.

No woman would let a man do this.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

I spent too much money on my shirt.

You don’t finish with perfect hair.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

And if you did, he didn’t do it right.

Or perfect makeup.

Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

If you did, girl, quit that.

The boom boom room never looks like this:

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Where did those candles come from?

The girl always comes.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Big. Fat. Lie.

The guy never finishes first ?.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Another lie. Which also never prepared us for the awkward and ugly faces guys make.

It’s always nice and slow on TV.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Why didn’t they warn us about those weirdos that think f*cking like a jackrabbit is sexy?

Speaking of sexy, sex on the beach is anything but.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ten days later and you’re still finding sand in places it doesn’t belong.

What about all the other awkward moments?

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

This never goes as planned.

At what point do they put condoms on?

Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

Are telenovelas low-key condoning unprotected sex? He doesn’t even pull out.

One last observation: If he has that big of muscles chances are, he has a small steroid-sized peen.

Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Just sayin.

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Agencies Are Receiving A Shocking Amount Of Requests For Surrogates Who Won’t Get The COVID Vaccine

Fierce

Agencies Are Receiving A Shocking Amount Of Requests For Surrogates Who Won’t Get The COVID Vaccine

With the availability of coronavirus vaccines growing across the United States, want-to-be parents are searching for surrogates who have yet to recieve the COVID-19 vaccine. One of their bigger requests? They also want women who are willing to stay unvaccinated until they carry the parents’ children to term.

Surrogacy agencies are currently working to match vaccine-averse prospective parents with surrogates who are willing to stay unvaccinated. 

According to VICE, “for those with pregnancies already underway, the decision about whether to vaccinate is forcing surrogates and would-be parents into tough conversations. Pregnant people face higher risks of severe illness if they catch COVID-19—which could lead them to give birth too early.”

Recently, an agency based in California called Surrogate First, reported that nearly a quarter of their patrons have requested an unvaccinated surrogate. The report highlights that

“We had intended parents who did not want her [the surrogate] to have the vaccination, were worried about COVID, and they actually paid for her lost wages to not work the last three months” of her pregnancy, Mareko said. “It gave peace of mind to them and it allowed the surrogate not to have any type of financial hardship.”

According to reports, eager parents and surrogates have struggled to be on the same page about vaccines and safety since the pandemic.

“Intended parents already feel a lack of control over this pregnancy since they’re not physically carrying themselves,” Gayle Garrett, Surrogate Solutions’ founder told Vice. “They’re trusting another person to carry this pregnancy, and at the same time, they’re trusting someone else that she will adhere to the [COVID-19] guidelines.”

As of today, the nation’s top infectious disease expert, revealed that over 10,000 pregnant women have been vaccinated in the United States. In early February, Dr. Anthony Fauci underlined that there have been zero “red flags” when it comes to pregnancy and vaccines. Animal testing of mRNA vaccines, such as the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines, found zero impact on fertility or pregnancies.

Pfizer recently also announced that they would initiate another round of trials that would include 4,000 pregnant women.

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This Is The Ultimate Telenovela Watch List To Help You Get Through The Holidays

Entertainment

This Is The Ultimate Telenovela Watch List To Help You Get Through The Holidays

Ok, it’s not as if any of us need an excuse to sit down and binge watch our favorite telenovelas. I mean we probably all already have a long list of favorites growing up watching them with our moms, abuelas, and tías.

Melodramas are part of our DNA, and we thrive watching the often times overly passionate scenes on TV with our favorite celebrities. One of the best things about telenovelas is that they have clear villain roles and come with a clear beginning and end. The short stories help us escape into an alternate reality where everything is a life-and-death decision. 

And thanks to a surging pandemic, we’re spending more time than ever at home in front of our screens, looking for more content to watch. So why not work on this epic list of telenovela content to help get you through the holidays.

La Reina del Sur

La Reina del Sur was (and still is) an absolute game changer that’s exactly how it will go down in history. The series that starred Kate del Castillo is about Teresa Mendoza, a woman who gets dumped into the dark world of narcos unknowingly. She soon finds herself being persecuted by the Mexican cartel and escapes to Spain only to revolutionize the drug-trafficking world in Europe. There was no intention to make a sequel, but Telemundo caved after fans requested it for years and in 2019 released another chapter of the saga. Both seasons are available on Netflix now.

La Patrona

Aracely Arámbula is one of our Latin telenovela queens. And one of her greatest telenovelas is La Patrona, in which she portrays Gabriela, a single mother who works as a miner.

Of course, being the only woman who works in the mines brings out the bullies who make her life a living hell. However, things escalate further when she crosses Antonia Guerra. Things take another turn when she finds out that Gabriela Suárez is her grandchild’s mother, and she goes to terrible lengths to get rid her.

It’s a strong classic telenovela story that features two strong women who are determined to complete their goals.

Betty, En NY

Yo Soy Betty, La Fea was a phenomenon that captivated our hearts when it first aired at the turn of the century. The Fernando Gaitán original gave us a lesson about loving oneself and not judging others by their physical appearance.

Telemundo remade the Colombian hit in 2019 and cast Elyfer Torres as the titular character of Betty en NY. The network updated the series to modern times, but the heart of the story remains. One unique aspect of the particular transformation that Betty receives is that they kept her hair curly throughout, making a statement that curly hair is also beautiful.

Rebelde

If you’re obsessed with Elite (along with the rest of the world), then you can think of Rebelde as a way less intense early 2000s version of it. It’s a remake of the Argentinian series Rebelde Way, and it’s set in an *ahem* elite boarding school.

The show follows the relationships of a group of wealthy and scholarship students who, in true Breakfast Club fashion, join together despite their differences and start a pop band. Oh, and another fun thing: They all dress like they’re about to star in a Britney Spears music video. It’s truly amazing.

Pasión de Gavilanes

If you are looking for something steamy to watch, look no further than Pasión de Gavilanes. The Colombian classic pairs three hot men with three gorgeous women, and there are lots (lots) of passionate scenes between all the couples involved. Telemundo remade this telenovela again as Tierra de Reyes with a whole new cast and abs galore.

La Que No Podía Amar

Another Televisa production, La Que No Podía Amar, completely changed the telenovela rules. Our protagonista, Ana Paula, is not your typical heroine as she is not one to take orders from anybody. Our galán is also not the usual lead man as he mistreats everyone around him due to an accident that left him unable to walk. Despite their clashing, they somehow bring out the best in each other and create a magical love.

¿Donde Está Elisa?

A telenovela meets true crime thriller? Sounds too good to be true, but it’s basically the premise of this Telemundo classic, ¿Dónde Está Elisa? 

As the family is engulfed in knowing Elisa’s whereabouts, deep, dark secrets start to unravel. How did Elisa disappear? Who is behind her disappearance? Is she dead or alive? The characters will ask themselves these questions, but the culprit of all this drama might just be at home.

La Usurpadora

This list would have a big gaping hole if we didn’t include the telenovela to end all telenovelas. La Usurpadora stars Gabriela Spanic as twin sisters Paulina and Paola, who trade places when the latter abandons her family and escapes with her love.

Paulina is the noble sister who ends up taking care of the Bracho family and finally making them feel like a family unit again. This sweet and bonkers story is one you have to watch if you call yourself a telenovela fan. Televisa adapted the story in 2019 with Sandra Echeverría as the twins. However, this time, it is set in the political world. This miniseries is available on Amazon Prime Video.

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