credit: Credit: Televisa / El Talisman

How Telenovelas Lied to Us About Sex

It’s not the way they make it seem. 

The sheets are always perfectly tangled and show just enough.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Like where are those curtains hanging from? Where is the wind coming from? And what is he doing upside down? The bed you lay on is always a hot mess with heavy blankets and pillows thrown everywhere. You hardly have any space to lay.

Men never know how to unstrap a bra like this.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ugh, just let me do it.

No woman would let a man do this.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

I spent too much money on my shirt.

You don’t finish with perfect hair.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

And if you did, he didn’t do it right.

Or perfect makeup.

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Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

If you did, girl, quit that.

The boom boom room never looks like this:

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Where did those candles come from?

The girl always comes.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Big. Fat. Lie.

The guy never finishes first ?.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Another lie. Which also never prepared us for the awkward and ugly faces guys make.

It’s always nice and slow on TV.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Why didn’t they warn us about those weirdos that think f*cking like a jackrabbit is sexy?

Speaking of sexy, sex on the beach is anything but.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ten days later and you’re still finding sand in places it doesn’t belong.

What about all the other awkward moments?

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

This never goes as planned.

At what point do they put condoms on?

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Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

Are telenovelas low-key condoning unprotected sex? He doesn’t even pull out.

One last observation: If he has that big of muscles chances are, he has a small steroid-sized peen.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Just sayin.

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