How Latino Parents Treat You When You Visit Them
Even if you’re a grown-ass adult with your own place and your own mile-high stack of bills to pay, there are times where you find yourself back home. (Because home is not only where the heart is, it’s where all the free food is, too.)
Here are some things that happen every time you go back:
1. You revert to baby mode.
Something about being back in your childhood bedroom tends to make a person revert to their preteen nonsense. It doesn’t help if your parents treat you like a little kid every time you visit.
2. …And that includes petty fighting with your siblings again.
In your defense, your sibling IS a cacaface.
3. You find yourself having to self-censor a LOT.
You’re so used to just dropping a well-placed F-bomb whenever you want that it’s hard to scale back when in front of Mami and Papi and Abuelita. But not Tía Tati, because malhablada as f*%$.
4. You’ll need to explain technology to your parents. Again.
“No, Pa, you have to turn it on first.” “Mami, no, Siri no conoce a Walter Mercado, ya basta.”
5. You will receive many wonderful “gifts.”
Not only will your family members try to buy you things for your place (be grateful, boo, they love you), but your Abuela will inevitably try to give you clothes that haven’t been in style since 1921.
6. You’re constantly compared to “niños buenos.”
Yeah, yeah, we get it, Margarita’s kids are already married and have kids and pay her rent and have a condo on the moon. Whatever.
7. You shall be forced to clean.
Get ready for those early weekend morning Juan Luis Guerra-and-sweep sessions.
8. On the plus side, you get to eat all you favorite foods.
Nom nom nom.
9. …Which means you will be gaining weight.
Feed. Those. Curves.
10. Which means you gotta hear about gaining weight.
If your mom has a problem with it, then maaaaaaybe she shouldn’t have set giant plates of vaca frita and maduros and congri and flan in front of you.
11. Family get-togethers never just include immediate family.
Not even sure if all these folks are cousins or “cousins.”
12. …And they will end up lasting way into the night.
IT’S 4:17 A.M.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course, most important of all…
13. You will be sad to leave.
Family is pretty great, after all.
What are other things that you go through when you visit home, and also can you invite us over for dinner?