Culture

An Open Letter To Latinos Who Can’t Dance: You’re Not Alone, Man

Dear Fellow Awkward Latino,

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Credit: NBC / Tumblr / Latinas In Prime Time

If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only one without rhythm…

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Credit: TBS / TeamCoco

…in your family

…or your neighborhood

…or on the face of the planet

…we’re here to tell you that you’re not alone.

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Credit: Giphy / Tumblr / caitlain-k-mcguire

We are many.

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Credit: Fox / Imgur

We’re out here, too, leaning against walls during school dances.

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Credit: MakeAGif / YouTube

Pretending to text at parties so our tias don’t make us dance.

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Credit: Paramount Pictures / Rebloggy

Excusing ourselves to go to the bathroom during “El Baile Del Perrito.”

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Credit: MTV / Tumblr 

And you’re not the only one who tried to skip out on a quince, knowing you couldn’t keep up with the steps.

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Credit: NBC / Giphy

We, too, have laughed at jokes about gringos not being able to dance, while praying that no one discovers our secret shame.

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Credit: MTV / Billboard.com

We know your pain. We know how many times you’ve practiced dancing, alone in your room.

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We know that you’ve “chair danced,” discreetly, at many a function.

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But when it comes to getting up and getting down,  it’s like your feet never got the memo…

…that we’re all supposed to be Rosie Perez on “Soul Train.”

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Credit: Don Cornelius Productions / Giphy

…or J.Lo. in her Fly Girl days.

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So don’t worry about the whole “all Latinos can dance” stereotype.

Just have fun.

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And do your thing.

WATCH: Morrissey Dancing To Shakira Is The Only Thing That Matters

Did you do the robot as you read this? You’re def not alone. Like us on Facebook for more communal awkwardness. It’ll be ok, you guys.

Ally Brooke Scored Two Perfect Scores In One Night On DWTS Landing Her On Track For The Semi-Finals

Entertainment

Ally Brooke Scored Two Perfect Scores In One Night On DWTS Landing Her On Track For The Semi-Finals

dancingabc / Instagram

The competition is getting stiff on “Dancing With The Stars.” The season 28 cast has dwindled to a small group as they make their way to the semi-finals. We’ve already seen plenty of them get cut from the show, including  Kate Flannery from “The Office,” Queer Eye’s Karamo Brown, model and famous daughter Sailor Brinkley-Cook, former NBA player Lamar Odom, and Supremes singer Mary Wilson. This week’s episode saw another cut (and some people were thrilled about it) during their “Boy Band & Girl Group Night” theme. The couples had to perform dance routines to songs made famous by girl groups and boy bands and controversial cast member Sean Spicer finally got the boot.

This week, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer was finally eliminated.

Credit: Dancing with the Stars / YouTube

Critics of Spicer swore he’d never make it past the first episode. After all, who would vote for a man that lied continuously during their time in the White House?  A lot of people, actually. Spicer made it all the way to week 9. Even President Donald Trump thought he had a sure shot of winning again this week. The president first tweeted, “Vote for Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars. He is a great and very loyal guy who is working very hard. He is in the quarterfinals — all the way with Sean! #MAGA #KAG.” But when Spicer got the ax, Trump deleted that tweet and revised it to: “A great try by @seanspicer. We are all proud of you!” Spicer responded to him by tweeting, “Thank you @POTUS @realDonaldTrump I can’t begin to express how much your continued support has meant, especially during my time on @DancingABC.”

Ally Brooke scored perfect tens all night. Now she’s going to the semi-finals.

Credit: Dancing with the Stars / YouTube

Since the theme last night was girl groups and boy bands, you would think the former Fifth Harmony member would have danced to one of her own songs. Then again, that would probably be considered cheating or something. She and dance partner Sasha Farber danced to Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” and New Kids on the Block “Step by Step,” which she danced to phenomenally. The judges thought so too. They gave her perfect 10s all night. “Making our way to the semi freaking finals…Step by Step! Two dances & two perfect scores? I will never forget tonight’s show! 

This is not the first time Ally and her partner have scored perfect scores. They brilliantly scored the same last week. 

Credit: @AllyBrooke / Twitter

People think their natural talent and skills is going to take them all the way to the end. However, just because the judges give perfect scores doesn’t mean the people will vote for you. Brooke learned that lesson last week. She tweeted, “So many mixed emotions tonight. I’m elated yet disappointed because I landed in the bottom two even after receiving the first perfect score of the season. All I know is this. I’ve given this my all and I’m so thankful for my fans voting each and every week.”

Here’s Ally’s second performance of the night, which she rocked.

For anyone thinking that Brooke has a leg up on everyone else because she comes from a dancing background, you should remember these are hard dances to learn. They have a lot of technicalities. Her partner Sasha tweeted, “Samba is the hardest dance to teach out of all the dances, as it requires a very unique technique and a specific knee bounce! Watching this back we worked hours and hours on just that. I’m so proud of you!!! Thank u in believing.”

Just to be fair, here’s Sean’s last performance as a contestant on the show.

Who knew you could dance the Foxtrot to One Direction’s “A Story Of My Life”?

Spicer told People magazine that he was relieved to have been voted out. Oh sure, Sean, change the narrative, he’s kind of a pro at spinning stories. 

“There’s been a tremendous amount of support that’s kept me out of the bottom two the last nine weeks and I’ve truly been humbled by how many people have taken time out of their Monday nights to keep me going,” Spicer told said to the magazine. “I will look back on this as an amazing experience.”

Now that he’s gone, the remaining group includes Ally Brooke, the “Bachelorette” star Hannah Brown, actor and comedian Kel Mitchell, country singer Lauren Alaina, and “Dawson’s Creek” star James Van Der Beek. 

Who do you think will make it to the end?

READ: Ally Brooke Borrowed The Hair Clip Selena Quintanilla Wore For Her Tribute On ‘Dancing With The Stars’

We’ve All Experienced These Chaotic Fails While Dancing To ‘Payaso De Rodeo’ At A Party

Entertainment

We’ve All Experienced These Chaotic Fails While Dancing To ‘Payaso De Rodeo’ At A Party

caballo_dorado_oficial / Instagram

I was 17 and dating a girl whose family held weekly parties with a DJ and plenty of cerveza, tequila, and dancing. I was the nerdy type and her cousins were all the kind of kids who went clubbing and had much more life savviness than me. So I wanted to make a good impression and be open and sociable, and less of a comic-book-reading geek who was dating the cool girl.

But along came my predicament: a song so impressive in its silliness and so complex in its hyperactive rhythm that it seemed impossible for any human being to dance to. How do you even move your body to that! But, lo and behold, even the abuelita stood up and, cane in hand, danced to the cursed “Payaso de Rodeo”. I stumbled and fell. I tried and fell again. I tried and stepped on abuelo’s toe (he gave me una mirada de miedo). The tías laughed at my clumsiness and the primas went “qué tierno” at my timid efforts to tame the indomitable music of Caballo Dorado. The lyrics would sometimes come to me in my nightmares… “ven, ven, ven, animalito ven…”

If you have ever been to a Mexican party then chances are that you have had to join the line and make a fool of yourself.

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The songs “Payaso de Rodeo” and “No Rompas Más” (which is a Spanish version of “Achy Breaky Heart”)  are true social glue. They make everyone make a fool of themselves and therefore put us all on an equal playing field when you first start learning the dance. It seems simple but it requires excellent eye-feet coordination and group cohesion. The most common casualties are bruised toes and broken toenails when fellow dancers accidentally step on you with their tacones and botas.

Dancing to Caballo Dorado is a rite of passage.

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What sorcery is this?!

And even if someone teaches you the moves, there is still a good chance that you might make a fool of yourself.

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As at least two generations of Latinos know, the raised hand that starts the dance makes more people leave the dance floor than a potent fart. You will have to practice in your room before attempting it in public.

So these four Mexican musicians are to blame for all those ridiculous moves we have all made.

Credit: caballo_dorado_oficial / Instagram

This band was formed by Eduardo “Lalo” Gameros, his brothers Gustavo and Gerardo, and their friends Freddy and Jorge Navarro. The band from Chihuahua got together in 1986 and struggled to get their footing in the industry. But after 30 years they remain one of the most played bands in Mexican history. Christenings, primeras comuniones, weddings and we are sure that even some funerals play their greatest hits.

And some people make more attempts to dance Caballo Dorado’s hits than they have tried anything else in life.

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And failing is probably more frustrating than having to repeat a driving test multiple times. You will get there, guys, you just gotta invoke The Force and be a ranchero jedi. Come on, David, we are sure you will get it at the 600th attempt! 

Having a #fail is almost a matter of national pride.

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This dude is ashamed of the fact that he cannot dance to Caballo Dorado’s hits. He calls this a hidden truth… Just by trying you are a true Mexican, compadre, don’t be so hard on yourself. 

And the dark arts of the Payaso de Rodeo are passed up and down generations, sometimes unsuccessfully.

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Oh, kids these days… But one day they will try to impress someone and live up to the family tradition. Ven, ven, ven, animalito ven… 

Oh, these songs have given us so many chisme opportunities.

Credit: @Misha_Correa / Twitter

Sometimes you are laughing at someone being totally out of sync, sometimes you are on the receiving end. Either way, some laughter is guaranteed.

Look at this pobre chamaquito getting taken out during the dance.

Credit: MakeAGIF

OMG. This poor little one just got butt-smacked by a happy dancer. We cannot stop watching, though! Sorry, chiquito!

Ouch! Se vale sobarse. [cringes in Spanish]

Credit:  MakeAGIF

That kitchen floor looks as hard and cold as an ex’s heart! The first rule of “Payaso de Rodeo” is you don’t attempt any fancy moves. Ándale, por mamón!

And they went down, stage and all.

And what about this party? They put heart and soul into “Payaso de Rodeo” and the stage just couldn’t handle their moves! No one was seriously hurt, so you can have a laugh at their expense.

She fell de pompis.

This woman just fell flat on her trasero. The rest just kept dancing. No sentón was gonna ruin their choreography. And more than 8,000 people have seen her fall on her butt. Awkward.

Singled out.

A group of teenagers is dancing on a field and suddenly one of them trips and falls near a tree. There is an uncomfortable silence for a brief moment but then they all laugh and cheer. 

Happy but all out of sync, torpes pero contentos.

This has been the most comfortably clumsy group of Caballo Dorado fans ever!

It is not a proper wedding without a bit of drama!

The moment all Latina brides wait for. Dancing Caballo Dorado at their wedding. For this novia, however, the moment was ruined by a guest who just went down dancing. Digno de telenovela.

This doña that is just following her own rhythm.

If you can´t follow them just do your own thing, right? This woman just dances away without even attempting to join the crazy band of jumping paisanos. We gotta give her credit for her independent nature.

And well, this is how a perfectly coordinated “Payaso de Rodeo” looks like.

Credit:  MakeAGIF

Just look at the fluidity of those movements. Admire the grace and elegance. We just can’t stop jealousy from taking over. Envidia de la mala!

And this is what the chorus actually says… you gotta get at least that right!

Credit: 81+TCGWRDGL._SS500_. Digital image. Amazon

Chances are that you have just moved your lips pretending to know the lyrics to “Payaso de Rodeo”. Well, pretend no more! If you are gonna #fail at dancing then you can at least sing it right! These are the actual words of the super fast chorus: 

Les digo ven, ven, ven, animalito ven,
Ven y sígueme y veras lo que vas a aprender,
No ves que soy muy poco artístico
Muy listo muy gracioso soy payaso de rodeo

Which roughly translates as

I tell them come, come, come, little animal come here, 
Come here follow me and you’ll learn something
You know, I am not the artsy type
But I am smart and funny, I am a rodeo clown 

READ: La Chona Dance Breaks Out During Traffic Jam Is Most Mexican Thing to Happen Ever