Culture

9 Things That Happen At Target When You’re Latino

You tell yourself it’ll be a quick trip – just go in, directly to the aisle, grab what you need and go. That never happens. C’mon, it’s Target. Add that to all of this that happens and you’ve got yourself a 2-hour retail therapy sesh…

1. You go in for toilet paper, come out with 5 bags of Hot-Cheetos.

CREDIT: ClawsTNT / GIPHY

HOW are you supposed to resist them? It’s like you’re the moth and they are the flame…get it? FLAMIN’? Whatever, they’re a legitimate addiction and you’ll never get over it.

2. Abuela always manages to find candles on sale.

#veladora #veladoras

A post shared by Fernando Márquez López (@feromalo) on

And we don’t mean the scented kind.

3. You tend to hold up the check-out line because you’re trying to dig up all your coupons from your oversized bag.

Credit: Modern Family / ABC

You nervously try to make conversation with the cashier to distract him / her.

4. No matter what you go there for, you always walk out with Goya Adobo seasoning.

Target has bomb prices when it comes to groceries which explains you walking out with three cans of seasoning when… you already have two unopened cans at home.

5. If you wear a red shirt, expect shoppers to tap you on the shoulder and ask you where the body wash is.

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Credit: Keeping Up With The Kardashians / E!

But you asked for it because if there’s one unwritten Target rule, it’s you don’t wear a red shirt.

6. You walk out with gifts for la tía, la prima, la vencina, la cuñada, la sobrina, la ahijada, la maestra…

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Credit: My Life As Eva / YouTube

You can’t leave with just one thing.

7. You luckily always find your favorite ranchera albums on sale.

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Credit: uncabronbienhecho / Tumblr

You’d never forgive yourself if for some reason they had a Chavela Vargas CD on sale and you walked out without it. Unforgivable.

8. Your quick trip turns into a two-hour voyage.

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Because you literally stop, stare and everything. Only Target can convince you that you need a weaved hamper.

9. You run into your tía.

Because Target is always a familia affair.


READ: 11 GIFs That Perfectly Explain What Happens When You Watch TV With A Latina Mom

Are you obsessed with Target? Let us know in the comments below!

Julio Torres Gives Us An Update On What He And His Shapes Have Been Up To In Quarantine

Entertainment

Julio Torres Gives Us An Update On What He And His Shapes Have Been Up To In Quarantine

Paper / YouTube

Julio Torres is one of our favorite comedians. We first learned about him when he started to share his unique comedy on “The Late Show starring Jimmy Fallon.” Torres’s delivery is what gives him comedy that extra punch.

“I am Julio and this is what my shapes and I have been doing during the quarantine.”

Like all of us regular people, Julio Torres has been in quarantine to combat COVID-19. His quarantine included him being stuck with people he thought he knew well. Fortunately, Torres gave a little video to Paper Magazine to let us all know how he is doing in quarantine and what he and his shapes have been up to since the quarantine started.

The one shape that has been doing the most is Krisha.

Yes. That Krisha. According to Torres, she has really gone wild since she was forced into a quarantine. Not in a good or bad way. She is just really doing the most and it is all catching up with her. But don’t worry. Krisha is still filled with confidence. She has an OnlyFans page and is supposed to be donating the proceeds to charity. However, we are still in the dark about the charity.

“Krisha, you know, Krisha, true to her Scorpio nature, has been… I mean, I don’t want to generalize on all Scorpios, but she’s been waking up at around 2 p.m. and then being awake for a little bit,” Torres says. “Then taking a nap. Then waking up again and then taking another nap from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. Then waking up again and going to bed for good at 5 in the morning. She hasn’t been removing her blue contacts lenses the whole time, which is causing her this infection I think. At first we thought that it was something serious but it was just an eye infection caused by her not moving her blue contact lenses which I didn’t even know that she wore till I was quarantined with her.”

To be fair, we all assumed a lot about Krisha when we saw her in the HBO special.

As for her love life, well, let’s just say that Krisha is not where she wants to be. Who would have expected that being in quarantine would be so detrimental to your love life? Seems Krisha might be the only person who didn’t realize that she would be lonelier than normal at this time.

“She has been DM’ing up a storm just like flirting all day, which is great, but then when they don’t respond quickly enough,” Torres says. “I can tell when her suitors are not responding quick enough because she’ll just like throw her phone. Then she’ll look at me and goes, ‘What?!’ So, that’s what Krisha’s been up to.”

READ: Here’s How Julio Torres Convinced Lin-Manuel Miranda To Play A Little Cactus On An HBO Special

These Stand-Up Routines Will Keep You Rolling With Culturally Relevant Laughter

Entertainment

These Stand-Up Routines Will Keep You Rolling With Culturally Relevant Laughter

matteolane / anjelahjohnson / Instagram

Laughter is the best medicine, right? For decades, there have been Latino comedians who have made us laugh because they just connect to us on a cultural level. We laugh because they are speaking directly to our experience and we see our family in their stories. Now, more than ever, we need them to keep us laughing. Here are some fun stand-up routines to give you a little jajaja.

Cristela Alonzo

Dating is a nightmare on its own. Dating someone who isn’t Latino can bring a whole slew of moments you’d never expect. Alonzo lets the rest of the world in on the trials and tribulations of finding fun outings with you date someone who isn’t Latino. You’ll laugh because it’s true.

Aida Rodriguez

Rodriguez goes right for the elephant in the room: racism in the Latino community. The comedian, who is Dominican and Puerto Rican with a Cuban stepfather, truly represents the Caribbean. As someone who represents the Caribbean, she knows the strifes that exist within the Latino community. Tbh, she isn’t wrong.

Julio Torres

Torres is one comedian who really delivers something unique and out-of-the-box. His “My Favorite Shapes” routine is one of the most inventive and comical. The young man just can’t wait to show us his favorite shapes and how they are truly more than just some old shapes. If you don’t know Torres, you should.

Matteo Lane

For the LGBTQ+ Latinos, Lane is a breath of fresh air. The Italian-Mexican comedian mixes both of his identities into his stand-up routines. Being a gay Latino comes with its own unique sets of challenges and observations along with the typical Latino experience. Imagine being able to handle a religious and brutally honest family, which you love, as a gay child or grandchild of immigrants.

George Lopez

If you prefer something a little more old-school, Lopez is a solid choice. The man was one of the first major Latino comedians that reach that mainstream success. He kept it real to in his stand-up routines when it came to describing his Mexican family.

Anjelah Johnson

Johnson, of MADTv’s Bon Qui Qui fame, gives you moments to remember with her comedy. You probably still quote the nail salon jokes with your friends. It was one of those early viral videos that really imprinted on us.

READ: Here Are Some Latino Comedians To Brighten Up Your Instagram Feed With Some Good Jajas