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Marco Rubio, You’re Running for President, Not Best Comic Standing

Marco Rubio
Credit: Darren McCollester / Getty

Only 360 days left until the presidential elections and it seems like Marco Rubio is working harder to be the presidential comedian than the presidential candidate. We get it, Rubio. You’re a dad, so you are full of dad jokes.

Like a true dad, he thinks every situation deserves an ill-timed joke.

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Credit: CNN / s7eep / Tumblr

Thank you for showing you have absolutely NO chill about making fun of a potentially life-threatening problem. Very presidential, Rubio.

Voicing your indecisiveness between president of the United States and NFL Commissioner is not that funny…

Commissioner of the NFL
Credit: NRA / Marco Rubio / YouTube

“In just three days in Miami, I will announce whether I will run for president, re-election to the Senate, or for Commissioner of the National Football League.”

*laughs at own lame joke*

READ: Marco Rubio Doesn’t Want to Say Whether or Not He’d Deport Undocumented Immigrants

How did he react when he learned how much money Hillary was planning to raise? You guessed it. Another dad joke.

That's A Lot Of Chipotle
Credit: C-SPAN / Marco Rubio / YouTube

How long have you been sitting on that one, Rubio? Was it before you “accidentally” mixed personal and campaign money or while you were facing foreclosure?

He is also full of puns.

Marco Polos
Credit: Marco Rubio / YouTube

Something tells me he uses this fantasy football name every year.

What does one say when given a serious award from a prestigious Latino institution?

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Credit: CBS News / CBS / YouTube

You make a poor tequila joke and then laugh at your own joke to make it seem better.

Fancy Tequila Bottle
Credit: CBS News / CBS / YouTube

??? It doesn’t even look like a bottle, Rubio. STFU and GTFO.

READ: Marco Rubio May Lose the Kid Vote after Hitting a Boy with Football

Who doesn’t love to hear people joke about their wealth?

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Credit: NBC / NowThis / Tumblr

That’s nice and all, but I’m pretty sure Americans are struggling with student loan debt and your story is not the norm. Must be nice.

Question: “Is 43 old enough to be president?”

44 Is
Credit: C-SPAN / Marco Rubio / YouTube

Rubio: This joke is going to kill.

Everybody except Marco Rubio:

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Credit: Emperor’s New Groove / Disney / ariels-dream / Tumblr

*f-cking crickets*

Remember his water joke? Well, he is full of them if that’s your thing.

Water Breaks
Credit: mfprex / YouTube

Oh. That’s why you are always so thirsty after your speeches.

READ: Guatemala Tries Something Totally New: Electing a TV Comedian for President

He tries his best to make light of situations…and fails.

Blizzard
Credit: CPAC / FreedomsLighthouse / YouTube

Remember that horrible blizzard that slammed Washington D.C. and prevented the government from working?

“Now that I come to think of it, the blizzard might be the best thing to happen to the American economy in 12 months.”

Really, dude? That’s what your thinking at that moment?

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Credit: Dear White People / Lionsgate / ilivewithghosts / Tumblr

Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done, Marquito.

I just don’t even know anymore…

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Credit: Glee / FOX / thegiftedoneishere / Tumblr

Can we not have a comedian as president, please?

Share this story to prove that nobody is immune from terrible, unfunny dad jokes…even humorless politicians.

Eddie Guerrero was Much More than Just a WWE Superstar

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Eddie Guerrero was Much More than Just a WWE Superstar

In the early 2000s, Eddie Guerrero was one of the most beloved wrestlers in WWE. After paying his dues in Japan, Mexico and WWE’s rival, World Championship Wrestling, Guerrero eventually became WWE Champion in 2004. Not bad for a kid from El Paso, Texas. Along with grapplers such as Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio, Guerrero proved that smaller-sized wrestlers could become superstars. In 2005, at the height of his popularity, Guerrero died of a heart attack. He was only 38. Although he became a superstar in WWE, his early career is packed with fun facts:

Eddie’s father, Gory Guerrero, was a lucha libre legend. For many years, Gory was the tag team partner of El Santo, the most iconic luchador in Mexican history.

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Credit: rocknwrestling.tumblr.com

That’s El Santo shaking hands with Gory. Later in his career, Gory “turned” on El Santo and became one of his biggest rivals.

Early in his career, Eddie Guerrero wrestled in Japan under a mask. His name was “Black Tiger.”

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Credit: New Japan / Legit Puroresu / YouTube

When Guerrero left Japan to wrestle in Mexico, he switched to a different mask. Guerrero became “Máscara Mágica.”

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Credit: pwa.wrestlingx.net

READ: Miguel Aguilar Could Have Been Deported but Now He’s a Pro Soccer Player

But Guerrero wasn’t happy wearing the mask. So he made history as one of the few luchadores to unmask himself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzebMhTuxso

Credit: Rob Viper / YouTube

In lucha libre, your mask is sacred. It’s considered humiliating to lose your mask to an opponent. But Guerrero said he was tired of hiding under a mask. He felt it was more important to let fans know he was carrying on the legacy of his father, Gory.

Eddie eventually became the tag team partner of El Hijo del Santo.

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Credit: cronicasyleyendasdelaluchalibre.com

They became one of Mexico’s most popular tag teams in the ’90s. But just like his father, Eddie turned on El Hijo del Santo and became his nemesis.

Eddie then teamed up with “Love Machine” Art Barr to form the anti-Mexican tag team Los Gringos Locos.

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Yep, the same guy who eventually became known as “Latino Heat” is slapping away a Mexican flag in that GIF. Aside from wearing the US flag all over their bodies, Los Gringos Locos also chanted “USA, USA” and insulted Mexicans any chance they got. Naturally, they became the “rudo” tag team Mexicans loved to hate.

The “Frog Splash,” Eddie signature move…

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Was inspired by his partner in Los Gringos Locos.

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The frog splash was originally the signature move of his partner Art Barr, who died in 1994. Eddie began doing the move to play tribute to his friend.

Guerrero had been wrestling professionally for nearly two decades before he won the WWE Championship in 2004.

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Credit: The Hellraiser / Wikimedia

Guerrero made his pro debut in 1987. For years, WWE was dominated by large, powerful wrestlers such as Hulk Hogan, The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. So when he and friend Chris Benoit – both of them were under six feet tall – won title belts at Wrestlemania XX, they met together at the center of the ring for an emotional celebration.

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