7 Reasons You Need Hot Cheetos To Live Your Best Life (And Death)
Not to be dramatic or anything, but it’s clear that Hot Cheetos are the single most important invention in the history of time. They are literally life-changing. To wit: They’re the invention of a dude named Richard Montañez, whose idea for the perfect snack helped him rise from janitor at Frito-Lay to an executive at PepsiCo. They pretty much improve everything they touch. For example…
Food. It’s good, right? WRONG. All food is essentially just a blank canvas for Hot Cheetos. From hot dogs to hamburgers to literal bags of cheese, here’s a complete list of ways to up your Hot Cheeto game.
The only thing better than Hot Cheetos are Hot Cheetos-and-alcohol. Maybe you’d enjoy from Flamin’ Hot Cheeto tequila shots? By “enjoy,” I mean “drink while crying.”
First dates can be really rough, not to mention awkward, stressful and often totally lacking in Hot Cheetos. That’s why it’s always best to present your date / potential future soulmate with a bouquet of Hot Cheetos. It shows you care, that you have good taste and that you also like things that taste good.
Everyone is having babies. Sometimes several babies. Hundreds and thousands of babies, all over Facebook and at the table next to yours and screaming all throughout every movie at every movie theater. The solution? Replace babies with Hot Cheetos. You’re welcome.
Awkward Family Functions
There’s nothing worse than standing in front of the tia you haven’t seen in sixteen years as she asks you “¿Y tu novio/a?” and then points out that you’ve gained a lot of weight since the last time she saw you. And then there’s your creepy uncle, the cousin you had a crush on when you were younger, the cousin everyone compares you to and Abuelo, who won’t stop farting and trying to mask it by coughing. So just don’t do it. Don’t hang out with them. Replace your entire family with Hot Cheetos.
Death is kind of a bummer. But you what isn’t? Hot Cheetos.
See? Don’t they make everything better?
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