Tener primas is like having cool sisters who live in a different house. They can be the bestest of friends, the biggest accomplices and, once in a while, the reason we want to bury our heads in the sand. Here’s to all the loca primas out there!
The Hot Prima
CREDIT: SHAKIRA/ BILLBOARD
Every family has one of these rare and radiant gifts of nature that makes us wonder, “Do we really share the same genes?” Maybe the bombshell is adoptada?
She started drinking way before it was acceptable (even by our family’s standards) and doesn’t leave the party until she’s done with every drop of liquor. If you let her, she’ll even drink la agua del florero. This one is great fun, until she’s not.
CREDIT: PARAMUNT PICTURES/ WIFFLEGIF.COM
Most Latinas like to gossip but this prima makes Barbarita look like a saint. Nothing happens without her knowing, exaggerating and shamelessly sharing every single dirty detail. She’s deeply offended if you ever suggest she needs to tune down on her chisme.
La Prima Creída
Maybe her parents have more money than yours so she dresses better; maybe she has a faster metabolism so she is naturally slimmer, or maybe she’s just a witch disguised as a cousin brought straight from negative land to make your family reunions a living hell.
The Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes
Despite your own merits, achievements and good behavior, your mom will always wish you were more like that prima.
La Prima Religiosa
There is nothing wrong with religion, until everything you do or don’t do is being judged by your annoying cousin. She’s always God this, God that. Wonder why she hasn’t become a nun yet?
The One No One Likes
Either she’s too mean or overly nice to the point of fake. Either way there is this no se qué that keeps her from fitting in the family.
You can’t even mention the word boobs around her without her blushing like a tomate. She’s always asking you how far you’ve gone and has to make sure you still own your V-card.
La Hija de Papi/Mami
We all have a bond with mami, but this prima acts like her and la tía were siamese twins separated at birth. Nothing gets done without her mami’s knowledge and written permission.
La Prima Gringa
We all agree you don’t HAVE to speak perfect Spanish to be a true Latina, but looking down on la abuela’s pupusas and playing dumb when tía talks to you in español won’t fly.
The Drama Queen
From hookups to breakups and everything in between, her life is easily inspired a novela.
The Bossy Prima
We all know her, the her-way-or-the-highway prima. She bullied all of us when we were little and now we all secretly feel sorry for her novio.
She’s limitless fun and is always willing to deal with papi’s punishment for pulling the perfect prank.
La Casi Carnala
You know, tu prima hermana, your ride or die, the one you couldn’t do without. She was your first best friend, the first to know about the boy you liked in middle school and the designated maid of honor of your future wedding for as far back as you can remember.