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With A Suegra Like This, It’s No Wonder You Left Him

By April 25, 2016 at 9:14 am

Suegras are very much like the loto: you’re lucky if you end up winning her over. But whether she cooks your favorite chilaquiles or complains about you on a regular basis, la suegra is here to stay.

The Celosa

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This one didn’t win a daughter, she lost an hijo.

The “I know Better”

Everything you do she can do better, from fixing your boo a torta to ironing your own damn shirts. There’s no point in arguing with her. You’ll never win.

The Chismosa

From your grocery list and your mortgage payment to the reason por qué no estás embarazada todavía (are you guys having enough sex?), she has to know it all.

The Wannabe Abuela

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 CREDIT: PLL / CW / Heckyeahreactiongifs / Tumblr

¿Cuándo van a tener hijos? Me voy a morir sin ver a mis nietos. Have you guys taken fertility tests? Es que no comes lo suficiente por eso no quedas embarazada. To her you are nothing but a baby-breeding machine… that isn’t working properly.

The Sweet One

Abuelita Martha llego!!?? #estamosfelices#abuelita#abuelitamartha#gdl#fremont#yallego#mexico#suegra

A photo posted by Theresa Garcia-Gutierrez (@theresagh72) on

A rare species. She doesn’t just say you and her son are a perfect match, she actually believes it! One word of advice: treasure her.

La Odiosa

Either she flat-out dislikes you, or es una doble and will pretend to like you in public and be una odiosa to you in private. We still haven’t decided which one’s worse.

The One Suffers From Intense OCD

On the downside, each one of her visits will be nerve wracking. On the upside, if she’s OCD enough, she might just clean your house for you.

The Overbearing One

She needs you to call her daily. She also expects calls before you travel, while you’re on vacation, until the second you return. On top of that, expects phone calls cuando está enferma, when she’s well, when it’s cold, when it’s hot. You get the point.

The “I Can’t Pronounce Your Name”

She can’t pronounce Lucero, so she calls you Mario’s wife. No biggie, you guys have only been together eight years.

The Barbie

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She has her plastic surgeon’s number on speed dial and would often answer “hermanas” when asked how you two are related.

The Manipulator

Her son belongs to her, and she will use emotional blackmail to make sure it stays that way, even if it means ruining your date night plans.

The Embutidora

You can’t get her to believe that you, or more importantly HER baby, are eating properly. She will stop by with chilaquiles, sopas, batidos and arepas on a regular basis. If you have children, she’ll always comment on how flacos they are.

The BFF

Shopping, nail appointments, grocery shopping, novela y cafecito, and of course gossip. She’s managed to score your ride-or-die list.

READ: These Latino Boyfriends are the Best Thing We Never Had

What kind of suegra were you cursed with? Let us know and click the share button below!

How To Avoid Looking A Damn Fool In Austin

culture

How To Avoid Looking A Damn Fool In Austin

Instagram / thevibehunt
By Lucas Molandes April 25, 2016 at 10:10 am

Austin is a great place to live and an amazing place to visit. Just know that, when you’re here, it’s easy to look like a total fool who does fool things, foolishly. Fortunately, we’re here to help you avoid all that.

What a fool would do: Eat at Torchy’s.

Nothing says “TOURIST” like holding a map, wearing a camera around your neck, and scarfing down an overpriced Mr. Pink. Torchy’s is so safe, the President goes there when he visits Austin.

What you should do: Go to Taco-Mex.

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My favorite breakfast tacos in Austin

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Taco-Mex doesn’t rely on gimmicks like cute taco names… Or chairs or tables or even a visible sign. You place your order through a window the size of a priest’s confessional, and you walk away with a little bit of heaven.

What a fool would do: Go to Hole in the Wall.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDJvxP9N2s9/

Hole In The Wall, located on the U.T. campus, is a great place to eavesdrop on drunk students while they talk about something they learned in class earlier that day. Nietzsche never sounded so poignant.

What you should do: Drink at La Perla.

La Perla

La Perla is where you drink when you want to hear tales about the good old days of Austin. You know, back when South Congress was a red-light district and not just an elaborate souvenir shop. So drink your Modelo, shut your mouth, and try not to get your gentrification on anything.

What a fool would do: Shop at Whole Foods.

You’ll wear out your Lululemon yoga pants wandering around this behemoth and leave with empty pockets and a single overpriced oat bar. Eat it in the parking lot, in the literal shadow of the corporate headquarters that tower over you.

What you should do: Shop at Fiesta.

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You could take your children to a museum to learn about other cultures, or you take them to a Fiesta supermarket. This place is such a melting pot, you can find ingredients from countries that no longer exist.

What a fool would do: Have an “I love you so much” graffiti photo op.

Let’s face it, you probably don’t love the person you met while double-fisting Live Oaks on the Bat Bridge. Getting a photo with them here is just asking for Instagram pictures you’re going to regret later.

What you should do: Visit any mural on East Cesar Chavez St.

If you want to impress someone, take them to experience the art and culture found on nearly every block of historic Cesar Chavez. Can you fall in love there?  Yes you can! Can you just be friends ? Yes you can! Can you drink before noon? That’s why you’re in Austin!

What a fool would do: Barton Springs Pool.

Once a respite from Austin’s notoriously long, hot summers, Barton Springs Pool is now an overcrowded mess of tourists and children that empty their bladders in the shallow end.

What you should do: Hippie Hollow.

https://www.instagram.com/p/6Gm7nOBHeh/?tagged=hippiehollow

You won’t find lines of tourists on this secluded Lake Travis beach. You won’t even find tan lines. Hippie Hollow is for nude enthusiasts who want to get some vitamin D on their beach balls. Let it all hang out. Or don’t. No judgment here.

What a fool would do: Common Interest Karaoke.

You’ve been singing along to the radio for 30 minutes when your Lyft driver finally begs you to get out of the car. What now? You could go to The Common Interest and watch patrons sing out their sexual and professional frustrations…

What you should do: Austin Mic Exchange.

…Or go here instead. Vomit on your sweater already? Mom’s espagueti? Take those rhymes to Spider House Ballroom’s hip-hop open mic. Throwing lyrical shade at all challengers is a healthy way to lose yourself in the music. And you’ll get more than one shot. This goes down every Tuesday.

What a fool would do: Take a Segway tour of Austin.

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Segway Tour! #Austin #Texas

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You’re a rude dude with a bad attitude, so why not join the worst gang in the world: the Segway Tour. Put on your rented helmet and glide around town at a blistering 12.5 miles per hour with all your cronies. Try not to blink, you might miss something important, like your dignity.

What you should do: Literally anything else.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEceebhDCS0

Austin has it all: great food, great music, great entertainment, great scenery and great locals. Whatever you end up doing in Austin, you really can’t go wrong as long as you have a good time. And if you do happen to join a Segway Tour, just remember that you’re keeping Austin weird. And that’s what it’s all about.

READ: Today We Interviewed A Llama Who Travels Around The World, Because Why Not

What town should we talk about next? Mitú wants to know! Leave your message below.

Austin, Texas, Travel
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