13 Times Mom Made You More Sick by Taking You to a Curandera
1. At birth.
She wasn’t cursed for 9 months, she was pregnant with you.
2. When she thought we were cursed by Satan.
That time you drank the Drano and you started foaming at the mouth. She thought it was evil spirits taking over your body.
3. Is this a yolk?
The time you needed a limpia because you had a fever and every huevo used broke on you. It looked like you were baptized in huevos … and your fever started cooking the eggs. #SunnysideUp
4. When she gave us foochi limpias.
That time in high school when you got a deep limpia because your mom swore that flu was brujeria and you stunk so bad for two days, you missed homecoming — AND you were still sick!
5. After our first love…spell.
You were drowning in teenage-heartbreak-tears and she wanted to bond with you so she decided to buy a spell and curse your bae. She probably should have sent you to a therapist.
6. When we were trippin’.
That time you hit your head and started hallucinating and your mom thought you were having ‘visions.’
7. After a simple stomachache.
Food poisoning was more fun when your mom knew it was empacho.
8. Every time we got wheezy.
That time your mom thought your coughing was sent from the negative energy of the landlord…turns out it was mold! #KnowYourRights
9. When we were poppin’ and lockin’.
That time you broke your leg playing soccer and she was tried to pop it back into place. #Limpy
10. Mal ojo, oh no!
It wasn’t a mal ojo, it was chorro.
11. For being a chillon/a.
When you were throwing a fit and making a scene at Target and she took your butt to la curandera but you really had an ear infection.
12. Salvia-Me Dios!
When you started having allergies and she burned sage…
13. Para sacarnos el demonio…
Because you were too young to smoke, but the perfect age to be possessed by a demon. #pinkeye