The Latino Parent Sex Talk: Don’t Have Sex

For the most part, Latino parents still believe terror, guilt and avoidance are the best contraceptives. Instead of having real, useful — and yes, often uncomfortable — sex talks, our parents have chosen to use one liners as their sex-ed manual. We regret to report most of it has failed miserably.

La intimidad es para el matrimonio.


If you remain single you’re pretty much f*cked. (No, no pun intended.)

Sex is disgusting y el diablo es puerco.


Yeah, we all know the devil created the greatest pleasures. ?

You don’t want everyone saying you’re fácil.

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Which is why I don’t tell anyone.

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Dios no aprueba eso.


Added to the long list of things He doesn’t approve.

You’ll end up pregnant. Or dead.


Then I must be infertile.

Si tienes sexo, you’ll ruin the rest of your life.


We know what you mean. Flash news: Condoms exist.

Vas a deshonrar a la familia.


I wasn’t planing on inviting any of you.

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If you have sex, tu papá will die.


I saw him this morning, he’s looked alive and well.

Virginity es el regalo más preciado you can give your future husband.


Damn I wasted ALL this time building a strong character, a high work ethic, sense of faithfulness and independence for NOTHING?

Anita got pregnant, menos mal que tu, mija, eres virgen.


It’s kinda cute how moms can be so naive.

We don’t talk about those things in this house.


Of course we don’t. Anita’s family didn’t either.

Share if this is how the sex talk went at home. 

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