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The Latino Parent Sex Talk: Don’t Have Sex

For the most part, Latino parents still believe terror, guilt and avoidance are the best contraceptives. Instead of having real, useful — and yes, often uncomfortable — sex talks, our parents have chosen to use one liners as their sex-ed manual. We regret to report most of it has failed miserably.

La intimidad es para el matrimonio.

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Sex is disgusting y el diablo es puerco.

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You don’t want everyone saying you’re fácil.

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Dios no aprueba eso.

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You’ll end up pregnant. Or dead.

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Si tienes sexo, you’ll ruin the rest of your life.

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Vas a deshonrar a la familia.

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If you have sex, tu papá will die.

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Virginity es el regalo más preciado you can give your future husband.

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Anita got pregnant, menos mal que tu, mija, eres virgen.

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We don’t talk about those things in this house.

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Share if this is how the sex talk went at home. 

Parents Are Debating Whether Or Not It Is Harmful, Even Perverted, To Call A Baby A ‘Heartbreaker’ Or ‘Ladies Man’

Fierce

Parents Are Debating Whether Or Not It Is Harmful, Even Perverted, To Call A Baby A ‘Heartbreaker’ Or ‘Ladies Man’

Visual Ideas/Nora Pelaez

Ever since Michelle Obama pointed out the ways in which parents inflict gender biases on children, we’ve been a lot more conscientious of the ways in which these impacts occur. In particular, we’ve become more concerned with how to teach young boys how to respect women and treat them responsibly. Recently a discussion on the site LipsickAlley about the use of terms like “ladies man” reminded us of another way that our culture and words can hinder these efforts.

LipstickAlley user Curlista93 recently asked users “who refer to their sons as “heartbreakers” and “ladies man” at a very young age” whether or not they thought using such terms were “more likely to encourage or allow fuckboi behavior” when their children get older.

It didn’t take long for women to come forward with all kinds of opinions and for us at FIERCE to nod our heads in approval.

Mostly because, as one user pointed out when terms like these are applied to young boys they often simply imply a “code for he ain’t gon be shit.”

Of course, comments like these are well-meaning. They’re intended really to tell parents that their child is attractive and even sweet maybe. Still, in a lot of ways messages to children, ones that they are “ladies men,” or “heartbreakers” indicate that these are admirable traits to beheld. Moreover, being defined by these characteristics is the goal.

As one user in the thread pointed out, it’s also extremely sexist. “Fathers/Mothers posting pics of their 2-year-old son calling them these names, and they usually never refer to their daughters as heartbreakers. I assume these parents are more likely to groom or allow certain behaviors during adolescence and young adulthood.”

Also, It’s oddly sexual

Some users on the thread strongly disagreed with this sentiment. As one user wrote, “It’s not that serious. It’s just another way to say he’s a handsome young man. Don’t think too hard about it. But there IS something oddly sexualizing about the comments. “I think it’s weird and inappropriate. Sexualizing underaged children, particularly infants and toddlers, reeks of pedophilia/grooming to me,” another user said in response to the question.

It’s a road map for a bad boyfriend.

“Some of y’all don’t understand the power of these messages we give to our children,” another user pointed out. “Telling the boys that they will be heartbreakers and telling the girls they will break a lot of hearts is all putting those thoughts into their minds that that’s what they should do and it’s fine. Just like telling them that they ain’t shit or just like Their sorry ass daddies.”

It sets the bar low.

As one user pointed out “Its code for he ain’t gon be shit.” Why tell boys they’re “heartbreakers” when you could call them “future feminists” and “activists in-the-making”?

It makes for an entitled man in the future.

“I think it sets up destructive and entitled mindsets and behaviors surrounding social and dating dynamics. I loathe anything and everything that sexualizes or fetishizes kids and promotes highly questionable and problematic behaviors, attitudes, and complexes.”

Sure, as some users pointed out, in the end, comments like these might not aim to be so serious.

Often times, admirers of your children might just be trying to implement a compliment. But words have power (have the last 4 years not taught any of us this??). No doubt, comments like these might be coming from well-meaning people but they are comments that stem from some pretty problematic cultural norms about male behavior.

Identifying whether or not we’re dating a man or a little boy can be hard enough as it is. Let’s avoid making it worse.

‘My Mom Insisted My Hips Changed’ Latinas Talk About Their Moms Finding Out They Had Sex For The First Time

Entertainment

‘My Mom Insisted My Hips Changed’ Latinas Talk About Their Moms Finding Out They Had Sex For The First Time

There comes a time in a young woman’s life when she has to venture out into the world and experience everything out there that the world has to offer. And yes, “everything” includes sex. And while sex is a totally natural and expected step in a young woman’s coming-of-age journey, the Latinx community often holds notoriously conservative views about when it’s “okay” for a young woman to have sex for the first time.

This conservative attitude towards woman and sex is nowhere more prominent than it is in the minds of Latinx mothers. Many Latinx moms, especially from older generations, have been trained to believe that a young woman’s worth is tied to her virginity and that it’s a sin to have sex out of wedlock. This attitude makes it hard for girls to talk to their parents about sex, which means a large portion of the Latina population is uneducated about STIs, unwanted pregnancy, contraception, and how being sexually active can impact your emotions. Because of the shame surrounding extramarital sex in the Latinx community, many young women hide the fact that they’ve been having sex from their mothers in order to avoid conflict or avoid being shamed.

That’s why Fierce by mitú took to our Instagram page to ask our followers how their madres reacted when they found out their daughters were no longer virgins. We also wanted to know if our followers decided to keep their virginity statuses to themselves.

Check out the answers below!

1. This mom’s nosiness gave her more than she bargained for

@addictivestock/Instagram

“My mom found out I was having sex when I was 23 years old and she found my birth control (cringe!). This is a pretty common story I share with a lot of my friends but the way my mom found out was pretty mortifying. My novio, who I have been dating since I was 14 and who she has known for as many years, was over at the house. Because my mom has always been very nosey and a helicopter mom I would give him my birth control for safe keeping (For so many reasons Don’t DO THIS!!) Anyway. The birth control fell out of his bag and my mom flipped out. Any other scenario, had I hid it in a closet or sock drawer she would have found out sooner but I probably could have convinced her it was just for acne.” – Veronica, Chicago

2. This mama read between the lines and stayed silent

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“I kind of had to fess up to my mom because I was moving in with my boyfriend. She’d been asking me since we started dating if I was using protection over and over again and I was too embarrassed to even say that we were having sex. I finally just told her that I was moving in with him and I think she got the deal.” Kathryn, Los Angeles

3. This mom insisted she could tell by just LOOKING at her daughter

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“I told my mom years after, but she swears she knew the night I came home that it happened. I’m like c’mon, Mom. No way did you know. But, you know how they are–they know EVERYTHING.” – Laney, San Bernadino

4. The old “hyper-emotional” reaction

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“My mom cried so so hard and then instantly got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment. She also claimed she “knew” that I wasn’t anymore anyhow ’cause I “started talking back”. But, I was 21 at that point!” – Yvette

5. The mom who doesn’t know…but c’mon: she knows

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“To [my mom] I’m still [a virgin] ’till I’m married….Nahhh I think she probably suspects I’m not by now”. – Connie, Southern California

6. The mom who lives in blissful ignorance

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“I’m 30 years old and still haven’t told my mom. At this point she’s gotta suspect I’m not [a virgin]. But at least I waited until I was 19!” Anna, Chicago

7. The Suffocating Silence

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“Literally my current situation, lol. I want to tell her but, I’m afraid of her reaction. I don’t think she’ll be mad, but I really would hate for her to cry about it. Send help!” Darlene, Riverside

8. The “Live Your Life” Type of Mom

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“I keep it to myself, but I’m pretty sure she knows me better. 😉 ” – Belle, Puerto Rico

9. The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Policy

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“She never asked and I never told her… but for what it’s worth, I waited till I was at least 18.” Tania, Los Angeles

10. The Mom Who Tries and Fails to Guilt Trip

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“She said: ‘Why didnt [you] wait ’till marriage like [I] told over and over again?’. So, I said: “Who said I’ll ever get married?” Lizet, Bakersfield, CA

11. This mom who started crying when she walked in on the act

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“I had skipped school to lose my virginity to my high school boyfriend. We had planned it out so that I would play sick and he would skip school and do it when my parents were out of the house. They boy work long hours so we figured we had some time. The actual act went well, but literally just as we finished we heard my front door open. No snuggling. We both jumped up to hide. I’ve always thought it took maybe 30 steps to get from my front door to my room, my mom took five. My boyfriend ducked out of the bathroom and somehow my mom got to the front of the house to confront him. I mean he had no shirt on and was pulling him his pants. She knew. She knew so much she cried.”  Ana, Austin, TX

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