The Latino Parent Sex Talk: Don’t Have Sex

For the most part, Latino parents still believe terror, guilt and avoidance are the best contraceptives. Instead of having real, useful — and yes, often uncomfortable — sex talks, our parents have chosen to use one liners as their sex-ed manual. We regret to report most of it has failed miserably.

La intimidad es para el matrimonio.

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If you remain single you’re pretty much f*cked. (No, no pun intended.)

Sex is disgusting y el diablo es puerco.

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Yeah, we all know the devil created the greatest pleasures. ?

You don’t want everyone saying you’re fácil.

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Which is why I don’t tell anyone.

READ: Expectations Guys Have of Their Latina GFs

Dios no aprueba eso.

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Added to the long list of things He doesn’t approve.

You’ll end up pregnant. Or dead.

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Then I must be infertile.

Si tienes sexo, you’ll ruin the rest of your life.

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We know what you mean. Flash news: Condoms exist.

Vas a deshonrar a la familia.

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I wasn’t planing on inviting any of you.

READ: 9 Explanations to Why Latinas are Forever Alone

If you have sex, tu papá will die.

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I saw him this morning, he’s looked alive and well.

Virginity es el regalo más preciado you can give your future husband.

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Damn I wasted ALL this time building a strong character, a high work ethic, sense of faithfulness and independence for NOTHING?

Anita got pregnant, menos mal que tu, mija, eres virgen.

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It’s kinda cute how moms can be so naive.

We don’t talk about those things in this house.

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Of course we don’t. Anita’s family didn’t either.

Share if this is how the sex talk went at home.