11 Struggles That Unite All Awkward Latinas
The media loves representing Latinas as sexy, passionate women who ooze confidence with every step. And while there are definitely Latinas who are like that (and kudos to them, because they’re inspiring af), some of us are a little… less than super-sexy or graceful. This is our plight:
1. Our dance moves are… not great.
We’re not sure where people got the idea that all Latinos are amazing dancers, but for those of us with two left feet and little to no coordination, the most we can hope for is not faceplanting while doing the chicken dance.
2. We basically never know whether to kiss or shake hands.
Do we kiss? Share two kisses and a back pat? A fist bump and a quick snuggle? A handshake and a creepy stare? HOW DO WE DECIDE?!
3. …And never quite know when to end a hug.
Bruh, half the afternoon has gone by and abuelita still has me in a headlock…
4. We get our Spanish mixed up out of sheer nervousness.
Have you ever done this?
“Hey, mijita! ¿Cómo estás?”
—Oh, easy. I know this. I got this. “¡Buena!”
5. Leave it to us to mess up la mordida.
Good-bye, cousin Antonio. Farewell, Tía Consuelo’s teeth.
6. We might’ve fought a child over candy. Maybe.
Nothing reminds you that you’re too old and awkward for birthday piñatas quite like accidentally elbowing a kindergartener in the face.
7. We hang out with pets rather than actual family members at family gatherings.
Look, honestly, who would you rather spend time with: your great aunt’s second-cousin-twice-removed’s Yorkie, or your great aunt’s second-cousin-twice-removed?
8. We’ve mixed up our cousins too many times.
Speaking of which, how can you even be sure which of the eleventy-two people around the table is an actual relation or simply a “kind of, sort of primo”?
9. We’ve definitely unintentionally offended at least one tía.
“Un minuto, Tía Carmen, ahorita te la paso…”
“SHE HEARD THAT.”
10. We get the worst possible seat on family car trips, every time.
Great, cool. Ended up having to sit on your weird cousin’s lap. Again.
11. And flirting? Forget about it.
Oh, well. Here’s to being awkward! *falls down ten flights of stairs*
Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org