There are plenty of things that should never make a comeback — cue crimped hair and backwards jeans — but this classic cocktail is one we are sure glad to see again. Yvette’s simple recipe for the Moscow Mule will make it your go-to all summer long. Ginger beer, lime and vodka. They say good things always come in threes.
While the rest of society is tapping into how nature is a significant signaler to our emotional and spiritual needs, Latinos grew up finding meaning in every change in the wind, and every dream. We’re superstitious AF, but we’re also highly in tune with nature.
We’re also chugging soda and eating Goya beans from a can because it’s 2019 and we have full-time jobs and three other gigs to get to. Whatever you have on your plate today, these zodiac-aligned sodas are destined to be more effective for you, hijo de las estrellas.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
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Honey, the arrangement of the stars this summer is signaling you to stay off the ‘gram. Get away from social media and get out of your head. There’s nothing like a sweet, tropical Jupiña to take with you to the beach or mountains.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
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Taurus’s are often misunderstood as lazy, but the fact is that you are more in touch with your self and your needs than any other sign. You’re free from the shame of indulging as an act of self-love. So when you have a Malta, you definitely add condensed milk to it to maximize the effects of every self-treat. Plus, it reminds you of drinking Malta as a niño and feeling like you could kick your feet up with the beer-drinking adults.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
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You’re represented by celestial twins–signifying a range of meanings, primarily to represent your many interests. The story goes that the goddess had so many passions, she doubled herself to get it all done. Cuba’s Iron Beer hasn’t decided whether it’s root beer or cream soda, and that’s because, like you, it can be both.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
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This summer, your space is yours. Whether you’re staying home to reflect and refuel your tank or burning up that gasolina on the dance floor, Jarritos stay with you. Nourishing both your home realm and your social side will be important for you. Pro tip: spiked Jarritos is even better.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
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Leo, your allure could be spotted from a mile away. Inca Kola’s neon yellow bubble gum flavors will make you glow in the dark. Don’t play like that doesn’t sound like your dream.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
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The energies of the lunar eclipse in Capricorn is still inspiring productivity like never before in you, hermit. Topo Chico is not a soda, per se, but it is a bubbly drink that you can enjoy anytime. Whether you’re drinking it straight from the bottle at your desk or adding your favorite fruits, Topo Chico is the only bubbly you need to keep you in the zone.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
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Ooh, Libra, your summer is set to look very physically (read: so much sex) active. You always have many people vying for your attention, but as you work on building trust with your chosen partner, you’re going to need to hydrate. Materva is brewed with mate leaves, giving you a bit of caffeine (alongside 40 grams of sugar, but who’s counting) to fuel your love life.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
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Like Mexican Coke, you, scorpion, have a cult following. But this month isn’t about what other people think of you. No matter the expectations of you, it’s time to turn inward and go back to old wounds that cause all the classic drama in your life. Don’t worry, when you let it go, you’ll still be a classic inside and out.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
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Travels are in your future, Sagittarius. There’s nothing more germane to its country of origin than Colombiana soda. Its bubble gum scented cream soda flavors will always remind you of the importance of honoring the place you visit.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
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Fellow sea goats–it has been un mes tan pesado. No te preocupes–instead of trying to find out where you fit, it’s time to realize you belong everywhere in this world. You’re not just a Mundet, you’re an elusive green apple cider. Embrace your individuality. It will set you free.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
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You, Aquarius, are in a humanitarian activist mode. With Puerto Rico’s police force firing tear gas and rubber bullets at protesters, PR’s favorite soda, Kola Champagne, will be fuel for your fire.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
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Our favorite water-lovers can take their game to the next level this summer with Coco Rico. This soda is here for you when you want to drink out of a coconut on the beach, but with more sugar and carbonation. It’s next-level water, básicamente.
Latino blood runs a juicy, vibrant mango orange. All I know, is that everyone and their mother had at least one to twelve mango trees in their backyards in Miami. You couldn’t eat them fast enough or find a mercado that wanted to buy them from you. Latinos get creative, though, so, yes, we had mango upside down cake, mango pie, and too many mango smoothies.
Even though we had an abundance of mangos, we’re Latino and wasting food is a cardinal sin. Every non-Latino friend thinks we’re crazy, but we’re putting it in writing. This is how you peel a mango.
The strategy depends on the mango.
Here in Los Angeles, the “Champagne” mango, or more lovingly referred to as the Mexican Mango, is King. They’re more local, ripe and tasty than any other mango in this part of the country.
First, peel from the opposite end of the belly button.
I know you know what I mean. The belly button is the spot where the stem used to be. Flip it over and don’t you dare pick up a knife. You’re peeling the mango with your hands.
Then, peel all the skin off like a banana.
Some folks like to peel the skin nearly to the bottom and eat it like a banana, holding the base of the mango with the skin on it. Maybe it’s a little less messy but not nearly as fun.
This small extra step is for the perfectionists:
We all know that peeling like a monkey without a tool is more fun, but the skin isn’t going to peel all the way down to the bottom every time. Maybe this way is more satisfying for the people who like the videos of flubber being cut up a hundred different ways.
Regardless, you’ll end up with a naked, intact, juicy mango.
We’re not slicing and dicing and eating with a fork. That’s wasteful.
We’re biting into the fruit of the gods with our god given teeth.
Eating cubes of mango is the most unnatural, unsatisfying task after enjoying this spiritual experience. Latinos know.
For reference, we only do this around the inner circle.
It’s messy AF, and if you don’t need a shower by the end of your mango, you’re not doing it right. It’s carnal and it’s pure.
Then, you suck off the rest of the mango off that seed.
The degree to which there is still mango left on the seed is the ultimate judgement by your tías. You’re an ingrate if you leave any bit of morsel on the seed, and you’re given a sloppy slap on the back if you eat till it tastes bitter.
For the Miami Mango, it’s custom to absolutely not peel the mango.
First, you slice the mango twice alongside each face of the seed. You’ll be left with two halves and the seed. Then, you hold the halves like the bowl of fruit that it is and bite into it, making sure to not bite all the way through the skin. You’re basically scraping the mango out with your teeth. Every now and then you use your teeth like scissors to bite away the skin and make room to properly enjoy your mango.
Some folks like to cut cubes into the halves of the mango and then turn it inside out.
Admittedly, it does make the teeth-scraping process easier and less messy. We’re offended if you eat it with a fork though.
Other folks just slice the mango halves like apple slices.
That’s the best of both worlds. The corners of your mouth don’t get roughed up from a huge mango half rubbing against it and you get the whole juicy experience.
Regardless, this is how we eat our mangos. Punto.
Only three mangos were harmed during the creation of this culture-affirming post. We’re wide-eyed and sloppy and unapologetic about it.
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