As kids our parents made sure we joined them to watch their guilty pleasure on Saturday nights, Sábado Gigante. It was a family show after all, right? We tuned in for years, but there are still things we don’t understand about the show like…

Why was Don Francisco always so touchy-feely with the models?

Photo Credit: Youtube

…And talent?

Photo Credit: Youtube

Why was it that La Cuatro so obsessed with Don Francisco?

Photo Credit: Youtube

Why is his name Don Francisco if his real name is Mario Kreutzberger?

Photo Credit: Youtube

READ: Sábado Gigante Is Ending and We’re Worried for Our Moms

Will we ever solve the mystery of who El Chacal really is?

Credit: Tumblr / helloluiis

Where did they find these tiny kids that have grown-up conversations about love and life?

Photo Credit: Youtube

How does Don Francisco still look the same after 50+ years?

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Why are there so many women in bikinis?

Why isn’t wasn’t my doctor ever as nice as the ones on the show?

Photo Credit: Youtube

Where and how do they find so many women that look like this?

Photo Credit: Youtube

READ: Why Spanish Speakers Use Sad Emojis

What are these weird contests Don Francisco always judges like Miss Colita and Miss Bum Bum?

Photo Credit: Youtube

How is Javier Romero going to take the news that he’s not going to carry the torch?

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