Beyond the Chip: What to Eat with Guacamole
This is why we can’t have nice things.
In a world where extreme marketing has generated awful food mashups, (Yas girl, things like hot dog eclairs, Peeps Flavored Milk and spam donuts really exist out here) there’s a reason why true basics like queso and guacamole are so beloved and valued. The two foods, which have been making appearances at the parilla since forever, aren’t just good, they are convention. A part of our culture and custom, if you will.
And they ought to not be fussed with.
But apparently, a supermarket in North Carolina just doesn’t get it. According to a representative of the brand, Fresh Market, an American chain of “gourmet” supermarkets will launch the Amanti Guacamole Cheese on May 1st.
Can you hear my screams yet???
For a limited time only (thank GAWD!) the puke green colored cheese with “a smooth texture and rich creamy guacamole taste’ will be in the chain’s 161 supermarkets. So… stock up? Or find shelter and wait it out. You pick.
Thank you Matt.
And I respectfully disagree Natalie.
Boi book an appointment with your therapist RN!
Literally no one:
Sus Food Market: HOW CAN WE DESTROY GUACAMOLE!?!
Latinx family: we have been blessed with a diaspora rich in avocado trees. Before avocados became all the rage, we grew the fruit of the gods in our backyards and made guacamole with it.
Here’s the thing, we cannot limit such a magical fruit to just one dish. Here are just 24 of probably hundreds of ways to use avocado and honor the fruit that gives us life
Don’t worry. This isn’t another post about avocado toast, but it belongs at the top of the list. Smashed avocados + warm, toasted bread is as comfort food as it gets. But avocado can do so much more.
Did someone say comfort food earlier? And yes, you need to save the avocado shell because it’s nature’s bowl.
Imagine biting into a crispy fry and instead of chewing down on boring, pedestrian potato, you’re eating the baked creamy fruit of our gods? Well, you can! It’s easy, just get some avocados and an oven and google that ish.
Literally, avocados are nature’s mayo and I will fight you on that. You can use it to make egg salad, and get many more nutrients and avocados have 0% cholesterol!
Did I eat this for both lunch and dinner yesterday? Claro q sí. And I’ll eat it again for breakfast this morning. Just blend an avocado with some basil leaves, spices, and coconut milk for a creamy taste of heaven for a nut-free, dairy-free option!
You’re going to make this with avocados, chickpeas and cucumbers as the base, and then you’re going to eat a whole blender full in one sitting and thank me.
This is a great options for all you veganos out there! Avocados are binding, like eggs, so you can sub half an avocado per egg and see what happens. Spoiler: feasting is in your future.
I mean, it’s kind of the perfect texture, am I right? Just add some pistachios and sugar to the avocado, blend, and try to leave some for the actual cake because you’ll want to eat this with a spoon.
Another tropical take on an Italian classic. You already know what to do, and don’t think this would be possible without avocado. #DairyFree #Vegan
Seriously, I dare you. Just layer smoked salmon and crack an egg on top and bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. Top with chile and write me thank you letters.
Blend an avocado with cilantro and lime and store it in a ziploc bag. Cut the tip off and use it as a piper to seriously zest up your empanada game.
Forget thickening your corn soup with a can of condensed milk. Avocados are like gold that grows from trees. Use them, mija.
Let’s call this a mustard dip. I mean, really, mustard could only be improved with avocados.
And while you can make healthy smoothies using avocado, kale, etc, milkshakes are just better. Blend a can of full-fat coconut milk with mint leaves, avocado and a sprinkle of brown sugar or stevia and call yourself blessed.
Like I said: nature’s bowl. I’m shooketh to say that Australians thought of this before we did, but I’m h/t anyway.
The cacao drowns out any taste of the avocado, so you’re left with the creamy texture of avocados and the bittersweet yumminess of cacao.
Why wouldn’t this be delicious? You already know what to do, fam. This next one will elevate your Insta game.
You can stuff an avocado with whatever tf you want, but we recommend the pretty pink hummus shown here. All you need is one beet for this recipe, and probably more than one stomach around.
My Floridian fam: you’ve got all the best limes, and your cousins have all the avocado trees. You live in a paradise. Act like it and make this.
They truly add a fudgey texture to these bad boys that you can attribute to a serving of fruit. How millennial am I for wanting to worship an avocado tree right now?
You can be bad and bougie, too, my amigos veganos. You can also stuff a baked baby potato with a turmeric-nooch blend of avocados if you want to swap which part of the egg this is.
This is real, y’all. This one is stuffed with crab meat and then deep fried, but get creative for us and let us know what you’d make in the comments below.
Frozen bananas. That’s what usually makes smoothies so creamy, but you can use them with avocados and coconut milk to add some natural sweetener to your shake.
I know, this feels counterintuitive, but if you blend an avocado with apple cider vinegar and sour cream (and spices of course), you’ll get yourself a pretty tasty dip. It will never replace guacamole, but it’ll do with fries.
A note to aspiring restauranteurs: Mexican food doesn’t mean putting a dollop of sour cream, cheddar cheese and pico de gallo on an entree. Try to push the envelop and really elevate the dishes millions of people love. Change up the ingredients or change the flavor palate to truly make your take on the dish unique and exciting. Also, don’t claim the food is authentic this or that. Be honest and just say it is inspired by something. That will go over so much better. Here are some foods that missed the mark.
Chipotle arguably does a lot of stuff right. Their burrito, fajita and carnitas bowls are delicious, especially when drizzled with guacamole. Even their burritos are something everyone should enjoy at least once. However, when the casual chain decided to release a queso dip, the restaurant got into a sticky situation with dissatisfied customers. The soup-y like consistency of the dip did not get rave reviews and even affected stock prices.
We are still shuddering at the fact that peas and guacamole can be put in the same context, but that’s the food travesty that New York Times columnist and cookbook author Melissa Clark introduced to the internet to back in 2015. Twitter erupted with foodie backlash about the recipe saying they would not be using peas in his guac recipe.
respect the nyt, but not buying peas in guac. onions, garlic, hot peppers. classic. https://t.co/MEEI8QHH1V
— President Obama (@POTUS44) July 1, 2015
Imagine your recipe being so ridiculous that even the president of the United States takes time to tweet about it.
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The crunch sound you hear while eating at a Mexican restaurant should either come from chips or some bomb flautas and taquitos. Sure. You might find some hard shell tacos in Mexico but they are usually in super tourist neighborhood and restaurants. Instead, just use two soft corn tortillas, which make for a great time.
We aren’t above using canned food shortcuts to re-create some of our favorite Mexican dishes, but when it comes to enchilada sauce, homemade is best. You can taste the difference when you are digging your fork into some bright red sauce sprinkled with cheddar cheese versus a homemade sauce topped with some queso fresco.
The former La Mexicana Cantina & Grill in Miami served up our beloved esquites with crushed red pepper flakes. Yes, *those* red chili flakes from your fave pizza joint. There is nothing wrong with using those flakes for food and flavor, but try sticking to the powder pepper we are all used too. This just strays to far into Italian territory.
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Another food item on your run-of-the-mill, non-authentic Mexican food restaurant is a salad slapped with a helping of lettuce, tomato, cheddar cheese, black beans and corn housed in a taco shell bowl. According to research done by writer Gustavo Arellano, taco bowls were not invented by a Mexican chef, but by none other than the founder of Fritos chips, Elmer Doolin. A Mexican family may have run Doolin’s Southern California restaurant, but to us, it’s not technically a true Mexican entree.
This deep-fried burrito dish was first served up in Arizona in the 1920s according to urban legend, when the owner of a Mexican restaurant dropped a burrito in the deep fryer by accident. We get that burritos are Mexican and they are delicious, but these need to be marketed as Tex-Mex and never as Mexican cuisine.