LA schools are working on starting their days later because more and more young people are not getting the sleep they need. I wish this had been the law when I was growing up, because getting out of bed was a struggle. I had a mom, who like most moms had no time or help, and definitely had no patience when it came to me wanting to sleep in.
You know how it starts, just like I do:
You somehow stayed up late watching TV with the brightness down and close captions on.
Because you know mami’s hearing is better than a fruit bat and she wasn’t having no late nights.
Then, at some point around 3am, you decide, “okay, I can probably go to bed now, I’ll get 5 hours, I’ll be fine.”
When you’re negotiating with yourself and doing that sleep-math, you know you’re screwed.
The alarm goes off, and if you blink once, you’re done.
The warning label for alarm clocks should read “WARNING: Hours can pass in the blink of an eye.”
But there’s one alarm that isn’t snoozed so easily.
It’s mami and she knows JUST how to get your ass out of bed. Your mom has a list of ways to get you up and out the door. And they go a little something like this:
1. “El cuco viene a despertarte…”
There’s nothing that will get you in or out of bed faster than an “El Cuco” threat. And you know mami has him on speed dial.
2. “Te bañas o te baño.”
Nothing like a good shower to wake you up. Too bad it happened while you were still in bed.
3. “¿Quieres la chancla?”
Whether she’s ever used it on your or not, you don’t want to test her this early in the morning. A chancletazo would mess up your day big time – especially if you had to tell your friends later. They’d never let you live it down.
4. Switching the lights on and off.
“Yes, ma. Simulating a thunderstorm is going to wake me up real quick…”
5. Shouting, clapping, screaming, singing, blasting the radio, shouting again.
Anything to shake you out of your sleep-fog.
6. Pulling you out of the bed by your feet.
Or when that doesn’t work, straight up ripping the covers off and leaving you there shivering.
7. Jumping on your bed.
She wouldn’t do this one often, but if she had to, it was going down, mijo.
And you probably ended up falling asleep in class anyway…
But that doesn’t matter as long as you’re following mami’s rules at home, coño!