In addition to the same prayers, sermons and songs you hear at church, another thing that starts to become a pattern is the type of people you see at church.
Whether you’re a regular churchgoer or not, there are certain types of people you’ll be able to spot every time you’re there, like that one person who you know is slightly hungover.
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You can smell the alcohol still oozing out of their pores.
On the flipside, there’s always that one prima who shows up as if she’s on her way to walk down a red carpet.
She shows up in 4-inch heels, with her hair done, nails done, and so much highlight she looks like some kind of spiritual being herself.
There’s also that one person who can’t stay awake to save their soul.
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Some try to play it off as if they’re praying.
And if it’s not someone’s snoring making you giggle, it’s someone’s tripas grumbling super loud.
I’m totally that person that thinks about nothing but food and about which restaurant I’ll be hitting up after church.
There’s also that one señora who likes to show off how much money she donates to the church.
CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ
Mostly to make others feel guilty.
rapper señora who prays at 800 wpm while you’re barely on the fourth word of the prayer takes the cake.
Padre Nuestro Eminem! Jajaja
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Not even the priest can keep up with this woman.
You also encounter that one person who sings to every song wayyyy too loud and wayyy off pitch.
They also clap along to the songs completely off beat.
And when it’s time to shake everyone’s hand during mass, you always try to avoid that one person whose palms are sweatier than your tío in a sauna.
The second you shake this person’s hand, you feel about a gallon of sweat glide onto your hand.
Another person you don’t want to be sitting next to at church is that one stinky person who smells worse than a pedo in a school bus.
Being near this person’s morning breath is not cute.
But what’s worse, foul smells or dealing with the tantrums of kids crying during the service?
From the corner of your eye, you catch this child’s mom pinching them and trying to get them under control without causing a scene.
Even after the service has come to an end, there’s still one more person you’ll have to face… Your mom talking to her church comadres for at least another half hour after mass.
CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ
And it’s best if you don’t even bother asking her when you’re leaving because that will just annoy her and make her want to carry on the conversation even longer.