11 Things My Abuela Thinks Will Get Me When I Move To LA

As a Brooklyn native, and a Puerto Rican of the “shout ‘Boricua!’ until hoarse” variety, moving to Los Angeles to begin as an editor at mitú has raised all the red flags for my grandmother. I just turned 30 and she still reminds me to zip my coat, wear a helmet when I cycle, and to never ever go out in the cold after a hot shower. To say she’s concerned about my move doesn’t even cut it. This is what she’s freaking out about…

1. “El tiempo siempre está cambiando, te vas a enfermar en California. Ponte Vaporú.”

“But mami, vapor rub burns my eyes!” – I’m clearly very mature about my grandma’s advice.

2. “Cuidado, las calles están tragándose la gente.”

Animated GIF  - Find & Share on GIPHY
ABC News

Cali, help me out, fam. Your streets are literally eating cars. Grandma thinks I’m going to end up an asphalt snack.

3. “Sometimes, no water y drought. Sometimes too much water y you drown.”

Crazy #larain #laflood massive river through my property

A post shared by Gail Thackray (@gailthackray) on

Definitely looks safer than some areas in NYC.

3. “¡Que bochorno! Allí tu quiere vivir? ¿Nene, por qué no usan Drano?”

Quartz GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
Youtube

Ma, overflowing dams are a little more complicated than plunging a big deuce.

4. “¿Tu va vivir cerca de todo esos fuegos?”

Fire GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
reddit

I will be living nowhere near the forest, but to her the entire state is on fire.

5. “El fuego cae del cielo como la lluvia allí. No jueges.”

Nowthis  GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
tumblr

Just going for a leisurely drive up the the mount… Ah! Oh my God, why! Am I going to regret not listening to mami?

6. “¿Se rompe la tierra como en ‘San Andreas’ allá?”

San Andreas/ Warner Brothers Pictures

Surprised she even noticed Earth split open here, grandma loves her some Dwayne.

7. “Y los earthquakes?”

Animated GIF  - Find & Share on GIPHY
KTLA/ Youtube

This is just as bad as “Primer Impacto,” which she clearly is already watching too much of.

8. “Nene, where are you going to eat Puerto Rican food? Do they even have Pernil?”

Animated GIF  - Find & Share on GIPHY
Tumblr

Food is a religious experience in our household. Amen.

9. “What time difference? Don’t be making excuses. ¡Me llamas, malcriado!”

Latina GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
American Idol/ Fox

She’s not having no excuses. I’m calling every day. Or else.

10. ¡Ten cuidado! It’s dangerous over there…

giphy
hulu

Ma… it’s dangerous everywhere. Have you seen who our president is?

11. They don’t have real winters. You’re never coming back are you?

Glee/ Fox

Of course I’ll be come back to visit! Don’t cry – you’re gonna make m– ?

READ: These 13 Remixed Atole Recipes Are So Good Your Abuelita Will Wish She Invented Them

Is your abuelita as protective as mine? Don’t forget to click the share button below!

Facebook Comments