Often, it feels like society is pushing us to face sex and our own sexuality. Sex is in our music, on our TVs and movies and in our face more often than not. It’s true that sex sells and everyone wants to feel desirable, but that doesn’t always mean we’re looking to do the ACTUAL deed.
Contrary to what society suggests, it isn’t all that uncommon to wait to explore one’s sensual side. Whether it’s the first kiss or going all the way, people sometimes choose to hold off on these events. Obviously, there are several different reasons to want to wait and we wanted to hear all about them.
We asked readers to share their experiences with sexual late blooming and here’s what they had to say.
Sometimes, people find it hard to believe you’ve waited so long.
“This is more personal than I like to get on social media but I waited until marriage and was a month shy of 25. I had a male cousin who flipped and could not believe I had never had sex. It actually turned into a pretty comical moment. He kept repeating over and over again in surprising disbelief, ‘Damn I have a 24 yr old cousin who is a virgin?!?!'” — @arcewb
Sometimes you’re waiting for the right person.
“Yeah, I also waited long past by 26 yrs. It’s hard 2 believe but I wanted my first time 2 be with someone who loved me back. We did it and it was sweet. We were gonna get married. Ironically we didn’t stay together but I dont regret it.” — @libyillescas
Some focus more on the journey than the end goal of sex.
“I’m about to turn 26 and I’m still esperando for the correct moment and correct persona. Never having had sex isn’t something to be proud of or feel shameful about. It’s just your journey and your right to choose for yourself what you want.” — @labrujaderichmond
Sometimes life just gets in the way.
“28, still haven’t. At the beginning it was marriage, then it became just the one, then just a person it felt right with and finally just school and life and work got in the way of exploring any form of romantic relationship.” — @angiebanuelos
Sometimes our cultural values keep us from exploring sex.
“It’s still happens, I was in my 30s. My father was a southern Baptist minister growing up. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs now. Everyone should make up their own mind for when they are ready.” — @drkimby_fpvgirlfriend
Some aren’t even granted the opportunity until they gain more freedom with age.
“I had my first ‘real’ first kiss — the one I count anyway — with a male dancer a few weeks after my first PRIDE at 21. I didn’t wait for funsies. My mother was controlling of everything and I could only catch rides to work until we moved back to Houston from the countryside but by then idk. I didn’t want to just get it over with. I wanted someone I really liked. Didn’t help I was dark skinned and plus sized back then either. For the people who were MY type, I wasn’t theirs.” — Anonymous
Ultimately, no matter when you choose to explore your sexual side, make sure it’s your decision.
“I was 29 when I first had sex. I still remember when I was asked why I waited so long. So for those women out there who are waiting, never forget it’s your choice and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being a virgin. Whether you wait for marriage or for the right person who makes you feel comfortable. It’s your choice and no one should judge you for it. Your body, your choice!” — @mars_bars82
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Falling in love with the right person and learning everything you can about her is easy and natural. But although you might think you know everything you can about your special lady, we bet that there are still questions that are left unanswered in your life. For one, do you know everything you can about her sexuality? Probably not. But don’t worry because learning about her in a more intimate setting is something that can help you two get closer and strengthen your relationship in the long run.
That’s where these 20 sexual questions come in. These sexy questions are all things that you can ask your girlfriend tonight, tomorrow and the next day. And they are all guaranteed to bring further intimacy and continue to build your bond. So, get to cuddling and share some details of your sexy past and even sexier future — and get ready to hear hers.
1. Have you ever skinny dipped?
This kind of question is sexy in and of itself because it forces you to talk about two things that are very alluring: Nakedness and being daring. It’s a question that can definitely create a lot more conversation and you can talk about where you’ve skinny dipped or, even better, where you want to skinny dip in the future, together.
2. Where would you love to have sex?
People can have a lot of different answers to this question, so it’s definitely one that you want to ask your girlfriend earlier on in the relationship or when you are feeling that things are getting a bit stale. It’s the kind of question that can lead to a lot of really interesting conversations, honestly. And plans. Don’t forget to make the plans.
3. What is the sexiest thing about women to you?
Women are sexy, period. And you probably already knew that since you find your girlfriend pretty darn sexy, too, but have you ever stopped to think what exactly makes her sexy to you? Ask this question of her and you both might end up surprising each other with what the conversation brings.
4. Do you like to be dominant or passive?
Every relationship is complicated and everyone’s sexual desires are complicated but you can really delve deep into your girlfriend’s desires by asking her this question. It might even spark a fuller conversation where you talk about your own preferences, too.
5. What’s the ultimate role play for you?
Role-playing is something that can take your relationship to the next level or get you out of a rut. It’s also something that can simply inspire some interesting conversations, which is why this is definitely a question that you should ask your sweetie. Maybe just wait until you’re in a really intimate moment first, though.
6. Who is your secret celebrity crush?
Talking about your celebrity crushes is a sure-fire way to invite some fun conversation and intimacy into your relationship. Of course, the key here is to ask your girlfriend about her secret crush. You know, there’s always somebody that she may name that is unexpected and will solicit more sexy questions.
7. Are you more rough or passionate?
Passion is an excelleny thing to have in a relationship but it’s definitely not the only thing. And when it comes to having sex, people tend to have a style. Some like it really rough and dirty while others like it passionate and sensual. Although neither is right or wrong, it’s good to know what your girlfriend prefers by asking her this question.
8. What kind of talk do you like, if any, in bed?
Some people like sexy talk. Some people do not. Some people like it super dirty. Some do not. You may not know exactly what your girlfriend prefers just yet because it can be an awkward subject to just bring up out of the blue, so why not ask her? This way, you’ll have something new and totally sexy to talk about in bed.
9. What’s the sexiest thing someone has done to you?
You can definitely make this a really interesting question if you ask what someone has done “to” her and “for” her. It will definitely mean two different responses, but I bet both of them will be surprising and interesting. Just don’t be afraid to share your own answer to this question, too.
10. What’s your favorite body type?
One way to talk about the things that you each find sexy is to talk about the type of bodies that you find most attractive. This can be an interesting thing to bring up but definitely make sure to only bring it up if you are comfortable in your body and relationship, since you don’t want to get jealous over what she says.
11. What’s your view on “50 shades”?
50 Shades of Grey is a book and movie franchise that changed the world or, at least, the way women behave sexually. All of a sudden, it became okay (and even encouraged!) to be kinky. But how much do you know about your girlfriend’s opinion on the books and the sexy topic? Now’s the time to ask!
12. Have you ever had sex more than once in a day?
No matter how good your sex life is, there is always room for improvement. When you are getting more intimate with your partner, you might want to know what their “record” is in terms of the most times they have ever had sex. And then, I suggest, you improve upon that number.
13. Where do you like being touched the most?
Some of us fully admit that our breasts are the most sensitive place while others love gentle little kisses behind the ears. And some of us still find something else so erotic that it makes sex even better. This is a great question to ask earlier in your relationship so that you can make sure to touch that part more and more.
14. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
Sex in public is still a taboo subject but it’s one that we should be discussing more because, for some people, it’s the pinnacle of sexuality. Whether or not you are turned on by it, it’s something that you should think about and consider with your partner. That’s why you should find out if she’s ever done it in a public place.
15. What is your favorite sexual position?
Everyone has a favorite sex position and anyone who claims not to is clearly lying. This is definitely a daring question to ask your sweetie but it’s one that can lead to greater sexual satisfaction. If you know what they like (and know what you like), then you can do a lot more in the bedroom to bring pleasure to each other.
16. Have you ever been so horny that you couldn’t control yourself?
This is definitely a sexy picture and an even sexier image to have of your girlfriend, though you’ll probably want to make sure that you’re fairly secure in your relationship before bringing this one up. It’s also best to talk about this when you are having a particularly intimate moment, perhaps laying in bed at the end of the day.
17. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Who says that men are the only ones that get to enjoy strip clubs? Us ladies can love them too, and perhaps you’re even the kind of couple who has ventured out to one together. But even if you’re not, this is a fun topic to bring up with your special lady and hear about her experience.
18. Have you ever gotten with someone you weren’t allowed to?
One way to talk about taboo subjects in your relationship is to do it out in the open. That’s why you should definitely bring up whether your girlfriend has ever been with someone she wasn’t supposed to. Sure, it can lead to some interesting conversation… But it can also lead to some interesting revelations.
19. What kind of outfit would look best on me?
This is the kind of question that you’ll want to ask your girlfriend when you are feeling particularly comfortable with her. But, when it comes right down to it, it would be a good idea to know what your partner likes for you to wear… and visa versa. That way, you can both always look great for each other.
20. Have you ever tried tantric sex?
If you didn’t know this, tantric sex is about having a really intense, connected experience during sex (either by yourself or with a partner). It’s something really enjoyable that couples can enjoy together but, before you try that, you should definitely talk to your partner about whether or not she has tried it before… and what her experience was. And if not, perhaps it’s an experience you can have together.
There comes a time in a young woman’s life when she has to venture out into the world and experience everything out there that the world has to offer. And yes, “everything” includes sex. And while sex is a totally natural and expected step in a young woman’s coming-of-age journey, the Latinx community often holds notoriously conservative views about when it’s “okay” for a young woman to have sex for the first time.
This conservative attitude towards woman and sex is nowhere more prominent than it is in the minds of Latinx mothers. Many Latinx moms, especially from older generations, have been trained to believe that a young woman’s worth is tied to her virginity and that it’s a sin to have sex out of wedlock. This attitude makes it hard for girls to talk to their parents about sex, which means a large portion of the Latina population is uneducated about STIs, unwanted pregnancy, contraception, and how being sexually active can impact your emotions. Because of the shame surrounding extramarital sex in the Latinx community, many young women hide the fact that they’ve been having sex from their mothers in order to avoid conflict or avoid being shamed.
That’s why Fierce by mitú took to our Instagram page to ask our followers how their madres reacted when they found out their daughters were no longer virgins. We also wanted to know if our followers decided to keep their virginity statuses to themselves.
Check out the answers below!
1. This mom’s nosiness gave her more than she bargained for
“My mom found out I was having sex when I was 23 years old and she found my birth control (cringe!). This is a pretty common story I share with a lot of my friends but the way my mom found out was pretty mortifying. My novio, who I have been dating since I was 14 and who she has known for as many years, was over at the house. Because my mom has always been very nosey and a helicopter mom I would give him my birth control for safe keeping (For so many reasons Don’t DO THIS!!) Anyway. The birth control fell out of his bag and my mom flipped out. Any other scenario, had I hid it in a closet or sock drawer she would have found out sooner but I probably could have convinced her it was just for acne.” – Veronica, Chicago
2. This mama read between the lines and stayed silent
“I kind of had to fess up to my mom because I was moving in with my boyfriend. She’d been asking me since we started dating if I was using protection over and over again and I was too embarrassed to even say that we were having sex. I finally just told her that I was moving in with him and I think she got the deal.” Kathryn, Los Angeles
3. This mom insisted she could tell by just LOOKING at her daughter
“I told my mom years after, but she swears she knew the night I came home that it happened. I’m like c’mon, Mom. No way did you know. But, you know how they are–they know EVERYTHING.” – Laney, San Bernadino
4. The old “hyper-emotional” reaction
“My mom cried so so hard and then instantly got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment. She also claimed she “knew” that I wasn’t anymore anyhow ’cause I “started talking back”. But, I was 21 at that point!” – Yvette
5. The mom who doesn’t know…but c’mon: she knows
“To [my mom] I’m still [a virgin] ’till I’m married….Nahhh I think she probably suspects I’m not by now”. – Connie, Southern California
6. The mom who lives in blissful ignorance
“I’m 30 years old and still haven’t told my mom. At this point she’s gotta suspect I’m not [a virgin]. But at least I waited until I was 19!” Anna, Chicago
7. The Suffocating Silence
“Literally my current situation, lol. I want to tell her but, I’m afraid of her reaction. I don’t think she’ll be mad, but I really would hate for her to cry about it. Send help!” Darlene, Riverside
8. The “Live Your Life” Type of Mom
“I keep it to myself, but I’m pretty sure she knows me better. 😉 ” – Belle, Puerto Rico
9. The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Policy
“She never asked and I never told her… but for what it’s worth, I waited till I was at least 18.” Tania, Los Angeles
10. The Mom Who Tries and Fails to Guilt Trip
“She said: ‘Why didnt [you] wait ’till marriage like [I] told over and over again?’. So, I said: “Who said I’ll ever get married?” Lizet, Bakersfield, CA
11. This mom who started crying when she walked in on the act
“I had skipped school to lose my virginity to my high school boyfriend. We had planned it out so that I would play sick and he would skip school and do it when my parents were out of the house. They boy work long hours so we figured we had some time. The actual act went well, but literally just as we finished we heard my front door open. No snuggling. We both jumped up to hide. I’ve always thought it took maybe 30 steps to get from my front door to my room, my mom took five. My boyfriend ducked out of the bathroom and somehow my mom got to the front of the house to confront him. I mean he had no shirt on and was pulling him his pants. She knew. She knew so much she cried.” Ana, Austin, TX
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