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In “Negra Yo, Pero El No!” A Woman Tears Down The Racism That Exists In Her Mother’s Latinidad

We all know how annoying family can be, nitpicking and offering opinions about how we choose to live our lives. Sometimes, though, our relatives’ perspectives are more than frustrating—they can be hurtful, causing us to question and doubt our place in the world. For many of us, it may be really difficult to address these issues with our loved ones, and we might often need to process these complex situations on our own before we can make any progress within our relationships. For Twitter user Hot Girl Scholar (@2shotsofmely), art was part of this process. She addressed some deep family conflict through poetry, and y’all, Twitter was shook.

According to her pinned tweet, @2shotsofmely and her family emigrated to the US from the Dominican Republic when she was seven years old. In May of this year, she graduated cum laude from Clark University with a BA in English and a minor in Education, ecstatic to dedicate her degree to immigrant and first-generation students. By embracing her role as a “hood girl, educator, and undercover poet,” @2shotsofmely is “living [her] mama’s wildest dreams”—although the poems that have electrified Twitter focus on some hard-to-swallow cultural viewpoints, reiterated by su madre y su abuela.

In poetry, the author of the poem is not always the speaker of the poem, but because of the caption in @2shotsofmely’s post (“Heard it so much I wrote poems about it”), it is clear that these poems—displayed on the walls of Elevated Thought, a Lawrence-based art and social justice organization—are written from her perspective. 

In one poem, “Negra Yo, Pero El No!,” @2shotsofmely acknowledges the hypocrisy (and the shadowy nature of racism and colorism) that defines how her mother reacts to a hypothetical boyfriend: based on the title, we know that @2shotsofmely’s mother is black, yet she proclaims that if @2shotsofmely ever dated a moreno, he must have a thin nose—la nariz fina—green eyes like @2shotsofmely’s grandfather, and “good hair.” In other words, he must not have black features. Why? “Because hay que refinar la raza.”

In the other poem, “LGBTQue?,” @2shotsofmely explores the cultural stigma attached to LGBTQ identities, affirming that her grandmother would “prefer [we] open [our] legs for all the men in the barrio before we walk around with a sister in our arms.”

The original tweet has garnered over 2.3k likes and 900 retweets—people can’t stop gassing @2shotsofmely’s badass display of honesty, the simultaneous pride in and critique of her roots. Several people expressed solidarity, citing events from their own lives that mirrored @2shotsofmely’s poetry.

This Twitter user really related to @2shotsofmely’s experience on the receiving end of her mother’s words.

This Latina responded in Spanish, explaining that her own grandmother married a white man para “mejorar la raza,” but affirmed that it wasn’t her fault—this point of view, according to @ditasea88, is a remnant of colonization.

This Twitter user applauded “LGBTQue?” for its resonance and truth.

Her poems even moved some folks to tears.

Although each of these tweets suggests a common experience which is largely negative, the response to @2shotsofmely’s poetry was rich with compassion—not only for those other Twitter users who share that experience, but for the madres y abuelas whose lives were very different than ours, and who had to make different decisions as a result. History is complex and difficult to synthesize without a broad contextual understanding, and @2shotsofmely’s work draws attention to how cultural patterns from the past can leave a dark impact on the present. However, alongside the criticism and pain at the core of these poems, there is something else: a sense of defiance and hope.

Now, in the midst of the political chaos within our country, it is especially important to celebrate the victories of individuals and groups creating supportive platforms for folks—particularly people of color—to express themselves. It is always exciting to see expressions of Latinidad—from art to poetry to a bomb Insta selfie—spark conversation and communion, even if people are relating about moments that have left them hurt or bruised. In a way, this type of conversation creates a sense of camaraderie, amistad—a feeling of familia.  

And although a lot of Latina familias struggle with antiquated viewpoints (like those presented in @2shotsofmely’s poems), times are changing, and cultural expectations are becoming more inclusive to Latinx people with a range of diverse identities. Often, the more difficult aspects of our upbringing lead us to create meaningful work and connect with others who can relate to us—@2shotsofmely’s poetry is a great example of how intergenerational trauma can produce beauty, connection, and personal growth when you honor yourself and your dreams. @2shotsofmely, you go, girl!

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Best Hack To Help You Stop Saying ‘Sorry’

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Best Hack To Help You Stop Saying ‘Sorry’

IslandRepublic

Here’s a question: how often do you find yourself saying “sorry” too much?If you’ve ever found yourself apologizing for someone else’s behavior or approaching a receptionist at an office by saying: “I’m sorry to bother you but I have a question”… you might have an apology problem on your hands. Whether you’re people-pleasing, a perfectionist, feeling insecure, or just doing it unconsciously, over-apologizing is a bad habit that all women should learn to unlearn.

Fortunately, there are cures and hacks for avoiding saying “sorry” too often and Latinas are sharing them on Instagram

A recent drawing we shared on our Instagram page, not only maps out ways to stop using the word but prompted other Latinas to share their tricks as well.

Recently, an artist on Instagram shared a drawing that maps out how to stop saying sorry when you don’t really need to. The post inspired users to share similar hacks to avoid apologizing.

It also got women to open up about why they do so.

Check out some of the tricks and reasons below!

This chica who learned that the “I’m sorry” and “don’t say you’re sorry” thing can be cyclical.

“My ex used to tell me this. He said I say sorry too much. When I’d say it, he’d ask what are you sorry for, you didn’t do anything. It’s like we were raised to be sorry for even being alive.” – moneekers

“Yes! Thank you for this!! Would it be much to ask if you all made another one on ‘how to say no.’ I over apologize and I suck at saying ‘no’ whenever I don’t want to do something.” – krna.drn3

“I’m so guilty of apologizing unnecessarily.” – mandieofmiami

This headliner.

“Been difficult to unlearn when you’re raised as a latina. Everything is an apology: disculpe, me puede dar la hora? Ay que pena, mis discuppas por llegar tarde, diaculpen la pobreza.” – m_n_m1975

I have been saying this for years. Save your sorry for when you are truly sorry. We, in this society, have been so conditioned to say sorry for everything that, I feel, the word has lost its meaning.” –longbeachliferadiotv

“Literally was talking yesterday about how this is a thing that I do that I need to stop. I need to cap myself at two apologies for the same thing. Anything more and it gets weird for the other person.” – MermaidZombie

“Space them out. One in the moment (or whenever you realize you did something you need to apologize for), and one after you have some time to think. The second should show that you’re aware you messed up, you regret it, and you’re working to make sure it won’t happen again… but they should both be succinct.” –AngryAngryAlice

This apology sandwich hack.

“Apology sandwich. Apologize, explain your actions, apologize again.” –OldSchoolNewRules

“If your tone is less than “I fucked up, and I hurt you, and it will never happen again” type of thing, then maybe an apology isn’t appropriate at all. “Thank you for being flexible” rather than “Sorry I couldn’t drive you to the airport,” for example.” –CowboyBoats

Try replacing “sorry” with “thank you”

“Genuinely the best advice for this. My girlfriend says sorry for things like the weather or a bad driver. She’s started replacing it with thank you. So “sorry for the weather” turns into ‘thank you for coming out with me despite the rain.’ Every time you go to say sorry, think of how you can thank someone for the same situation.” –NumerousImprovements9 points·2 years ago

“Yes!! Exactly this. I’ve been getting better with not apologizing and now I’m trying to work on not saying the word “just”. I’ll sprinkle it in like “Hey can I have just a moment of your time.” or “I just need you to complete this.” It really minimizes what I’m trying to say and trivializes the importance of the task.” –SpiritedAnybody

This trick is a reminder that you shouldn’t apologize just to get off of the hook.

“I used to be like this. I thought it would ‘absolve’ me or make me a better person or whatever, but it was the opposite. It’s super toxic. Apologizing is supposed to make the other person feel better… not you. If somebody has to make you feel better afterwards, then it wasn’t an apology in the first place.” – EntropyMuffin

“A few years ago a senior, female colleague overheard me making phone calls and commented on how often apologised. She suggested that I stop, I did, and realised that people seemed to respect me more because of it. Success! Around the same time, I stopped being ‘the smiley one who makes cupcakes’ at work and focused on developing a more professional. I’m still friendly and approachable, but I now make a point of earning respect through hard work and try to give better praise to my coworkers (e.g. “great work” rather than “I like your hair”).” – damnfinecupotea

Always remind yourself that saying “sorry” one too many times can make others think you’re not very confident or capable.

“This is good advice in general. I’ve noticed at work that whenever someone points out something I’ve done wrong (even when I had no way of knowing that thing was wrong, such as when the person in charge of a project changes its goals and doesn’t specifically tell me), I’ll always say sorry. I’ve noticed though that the people higher up here never say sorry for anything, which is probably partly why they’re higher up – they appear stronger. The thing is, when I say “sorry” what I often mean is “I didn’t mean any offence/ill intent in doing this thing.” Maybe I should stop, but it just seems more polite than saying “Okay, sure” when someone points out a mistake I’ve made.” –JupiterCloud

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Women Talked About Being Sexually Harassed At Work And What It Was Like To Report It

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Women Talked About Being Sexually Harassed At Work And What It Was Like To Report It

Scott Olson / Getty

Sadly the reality of working alongside a harasser can be all too true for most women. Back in 2018, just months after the #MeToo Movement saw its rise an online survey launched by a nonprofit called Stop Street Harassment discovered that 81 percent of women and 43 percent of men experience some form of sexual harassment in their lifetime. Those numbers became all the more alarming when compared to the workplace, in fact, the survey revealed that 38 percent of women said they experienced sexual harassment at the workplace. As NPR, pointed out at the time “these experiences are more likely to be assaults and the most severe forms of harassment”

Recently a post on Reddit highlighted the effects of harassment in the workplace and they were pretty surprising.

Check them out below.

He was fired for something unrelated to the harassment.

“When I worked in food, one of my managers would slap me on the butt or rub up against me every time he walked behind me. He also was constantly asking me what I saw in my then-boyfriend and how I could have a “real man” if I wanted. I just put up with it because the job was temporary and I would be moving in a few months. Before I left, it was discovered that he had been stealing money from the restaurant for a couple of years, totaling up to over $10k. He obviously was fired and my remaining months there were fairly pleasant.l” – bccdeff

“Yes. I spent a day and a half stewing about whether to report it to HR, because the HR person at my office has a grudge against me (confirmed by my boss). Eventually I did report it and she handled it professionally. However, since then I’ve been finding ways to avoid working in the warehouse with the men who I reported. They got to keep their jobs because there was no proof, it was a he said/she said situation. When I do run across the two guys they avoid me. Which I guess is fine, I’d rather not talk to them anymore. I just hope I don’t have to work in their building anytime soon.” –_ism

‘Yes unfortunately, and when I reported it the first two times it was hard but I had to do it. I was looked down upon after reporting it but I wanted not only for the harassment to stop but I also felt as though I was speaking up for the women who never felt they could speak up because they were told to keep their mouths shut. The third time it happened, from the same 65-year old old man asshole who had a daughter the same age as me, I went to a lawyer and made it clear to my boss that I went to a lawyer and spoke about what happened and how the company was trying to sweep the actions of this man under the rug. That talk with my attorney was enough to scare the shit out of the company and to finally take me seriously. I didn’t sue the company through many people told me I should, but I felt that the way I stuck up for myself was important. And the assholes at the company who were trying to cover up the sexual harassment are now afraid of me because of the statue of limitations. Good. They should feel scared for covering up harassment and illegal actions.” – RevlisNDlog

This one where it was her supervisor.

“It was my supervisor and yes I reported it. I was led into a small room with 2 dry HR reps who asked me a lot of questions and didn’t look at me. Two weeks later I was led into the same small room and told that after their “investigation” they had decided not to pursue any disciplinary action against my supervisor but I was “free to resign” if I still “felt uncomfortable.” Gee thanks, how kind of you!” – kishbish

This one where she didn’t feel safe enough to report it.

“Yes. Huge place, I was an intern and ironically I was there to work on gender equality. I didn’t report it and yes I regret it.” –AnanasBurn

“I have, and I did report it. They didn’t fire me for that; however, they waited for several months, wrote down everything that I did that might have been considered against company policy, decided that I still couldn’t fired, and then cut my hours from 40 a week to four, essentially making the job nonviable and forcing me to find another one.” – 1fthebeautifulpeople

“Yes, when I was working at a supermarket. One dude kept commenting on my appearance, asking if I had a boyfriend, asking for my number and trying to get me to go on a date with him. Another kept saying he “knew me from somewhere” and kept asking me where I lived (not only my city… but my street and house number too), my birthdate, my full name, etc. It was very creepy. I’ve also witnessed sexual harassment. I had to pay something at the city hall. Behind the main desks were people working on computers and papers. One of the women at the main desk was helping me out, and while she went to look for some things I had to sign, I saw this man harassing his coworkers. He nibbled on the ear of one woman, grabbed another by the waist, then told another to cheer up and nibbled on her ear too. Then he went and kissed the woman who was helping me out on the neck. I guess the woman must’ve seen my stunned face when she came back so she laughed and said: “oh he’s always that way! So funny that one, such a womanizer… He’s always doing those things, grabbing us, kissing us. The newer and younger girls are always creeped out, but I tell them how it is, that’s just how he is. You get used to it, he’s so funny.” – xSolcii

This case where she ended up getting fired.

“Yes. I reported it, no action was taken, and they later did not renew my contract (like a sort of soft sacking) ostensibly due to my needing a week off to have an operation. There was discretion in that policy ie they didn’t have to sack me, and they did renew the contract of a dude in my team who’d been off for longer than me and had worse performance figures. Shrug. I’m fairly sure I could have taken them to court and won (for the original sexual harassment and lack of action and later under the disability discrimination act) but I’m in the middle of my masters and work full time so the timesink was too much. A man at my current job made a comment to me in my first week about the size of his penis and I reported it, he was spoken to the next day (other women had reported him for similar stuff) and now he just ignores me even when we’re the only two people in the room, which is totally fine by me lol. I think it helped that my current supervisor is female.” – Mittenflap

“Yes. I was one of only a few staff members who had to interact with a locally-famous person who was responsible for securing donations we really needed. He was a sexist asshole but everyone expected me to put up with it because he was famous and it was “just a bit of fun!” worth eye-rolling and moving on. It was exhausting and painful. Also, I worked for a while at a company that makes large equipment for international sale. The “benevolent” sexism was constant, and belittling. The outright sexism was a career ender for women there. The company had consolidated some years ago and a number of people were laid off. When promotions and transfers were available, women were overlooked even if qualified and up-to-date in order to advance or rehire a man because “they had families to support” and we were expected to be understanding. So women stayed at the bottom rung and men were moved up and into better positions. This was only about 6 years ago, not in 1950. When I was in college, I worked for a coffee shop where the owner’s ridiculous sexism caused women to quit in record numbers. He believed that women were better cleaners/cooks at home, but not at work because they “didn’t understand business standards” and weren’t strong enough to mop/clean on an “business-sized level.” He also told girls who weren’t as pretty to work in the back when it got busy so that customers would be happier looking at pretty girls. Apparently, how the male employees looked didn’t matter.” – AtTheEolian

“A guy at an internship I used to have would make comments to me about coming and doing work on his lake house with him on weekends and that I could bring a bathing suit and go swimming. He was much older than me, probably 65+, and he talked about it a lot. I was 20 and I tried mentioning often that I had a boyfriend and declined his invitations. He would also try and create situations that would force me to work after 4:30 (when everyone else had left) and I would always refuse. He had been in the company a long time and the employees were at least 85% men. It didn’t feel like it was direct enough to report and the whole company had sort of a slightly sexist atmosphere so I didn’t think I would be taken seriously. It seriously creeped me out and I dreaded running into him at the office.”- tallhokiegirl

In this story, her boss sent her inappropriate text messages and now SHE’S considered a “trouble-maker.”

“My mentor reported it on my behalf. I’m working in a pretty sexist Asian country, so now I have the reputation of being a “trouble-maker”. I still can’t get a job in most banks. I used to have headhunters called me, and I even got a phone call from our competitor’s HR immediately after news got out that I was leaving. She told me she wanted to call me back as soon as she can schedule the time with the guy I’d be working under. When my mentor reported this, I had a friend from another bank ask me about the incident the very next day. Word gets around fast in finance. Never got a call back, can’t get replies either. I’m still in finance, but definitely in a less prestigious bank. Here’s the story of what happened with a link to the messages he sent me. And nope, don’t want to take this further. There are no sexual harassment protections in my country, and my parents are already fucking pissed about me “embarrassing” them by reporting this. Yes, my bank has been sued for gender discrimination and sexual harassment before. All the women had their reputations trashed even though they got a settlement. I don’t want that, I still need a job.”- bankergoesrawrr

“Yes, one of my bosses used to sexually harass me (and other women in the office) constantly. All the incidents were fairly minor and the other women and I would occasionally commiserate together and laugh it off. I was made to feel very uncomfortable, but I never reported him to HR because he was a senior administrator and I was a lowly underling and I am 100% sure that it would have been hushed up, with my dismissal quietly arranged shortly thereafter. And to me it wasn’t worth the inevitable media shitstorm that would have ensued had I gone more public.” – feanorhatesyou

This one that happened despite the fact that she thought her profession would keep her safe.

“I have been sexually harassed at more than one job. At my first job, it got really bad to the point of being sexual assault. I reported it and nothing happened. At 16, I didn’t have much of a home support system and I also thought I’d never work again if I sued, so I didn’t pursue it higher than telling the regional manager. At my second job, I was sexually harassed. A female manager overheard and reported the guy who did it to store management. That guy didn’t get in trouble; instead, I was told by the store manager that I needed to grow up. When I became a lawyer, I believed that I wouldn’t be harassed because surely they’d know better at a law firm. Wrong. At my first job at a solo practitioner firm, the guy would encourage me to date potential clients. At my second job at a different solo firm, my boss would make jokes about what a slut I was. I didn’t report him. There was no one to report him to. Instead, I’d tell him to fuck off. What was really bad about that experience was the secretaries, both women in their 50s, didn’t stand up for me. They acted horrified over my behavior in standing up for myself rather than the boss’ behavior. I was more mad at them as women than I was at him. As an aside, it’s really difficult to maintain a sexual harassment action in my federal circuit. I think it’s because they’ve seen so many of them. You basically have to be actually assaulted to maintain one.” – Maniacalmama

“Yeah but I was a waitress and they were customers. I didn’t report them because they were just stupid comments. My boss did regularly ban people from the restaurant who were super gross to us, though.” –mompants69

“I was an employee at McDonald’s – I was locked in the freezer, sprayed with a hose, my butt slapped with a towel, and porn was shown in the training room.” – FunkyRiffRaff

And finally, this one where the harassment got disturbingly graphic.

“I work as a waitress, so sexual harassment is unfortunately almost par for the course. One time, however, a coworker took it too far. He was always leering ate from the kitchen and saying degrading things under his breathe, but I kind of ignored them. Then, he started using the system we use for scheduling in order to send me messages. He said he wanted to “tear me up” and “have kids with me” and more things that just made me uncomfortable. I printed them, took them to my manager, and he was fired.A week later he threatened me because he knew I cost him his job, but in the end I was glad I did it. No one should put up with that at work.” – irish-ygritte

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