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Things I Never Want To Hear Come Out Of Your Mouth During My Pregnancy

Six months into my pregnancy I started to realize that not only were my raging hormones out of control but also the endless unsolicited comments and advice from strangers about my body.  My small 4’11 frame and almost ten-pound baby made me an easy target for body comments and I soon began to feel as if I was in some kind of freak show. As if dealing with indigestion, lack of sleep, shortness of breath and constipation weren’t enough I had to experience adult bullying to a whole different level. On any given day I would receive five to seven comments about my belly or how tired I looked from strangers who never seemed to show interest in me before. It’s crazy how popular pregnancy can make someone become. I soon began to find ways of coping with people who tried to approach me.

As a way of coping, I began to not make eye contact with people who walked passed me in the hallway and I’d pretend I didn’t hear them speaking to me.

This didn’t work. After a few weeks of this, I felt like walking around with a huge sign that said,” I’m making a human, fuck off!” Instead, I started to walk around with huge bitch face that would make me look unapproachable. This didn’t work either. I would still have people wave me down from across the parking lot at work and say, “OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK HUGE!”

This growing inadequate feeling in me occurred mostly during work.

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It also led me to almost go on maternity leave early.

Instead, I dealt with it and decided to jot down a list of “Eleven Things to Never Tell a Pregnant Person.”

Have a look and be sure to pass on what you learn to others who have a hard time keeping certain things to themselves when it comes to pregnant people.

1. “You look like you’re due now”

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Never pretend like you are a doctor and know just by looking at someone when their baby is due. 

Chances are you may be right but there is a huge chance that you may be wrong.

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The person may still have a few months to go. And besides, if she’s not your bestie, your cousin, your sister or your daughter, it really is none of your business when she’s due.

2. “OMG, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?”

This must have been one of my favorite ones. It was close to my due date and a complete stranger from work came up to me and asked me “When did this happen?” Last time I checked we all knew how babies were conceived. I should have given her a complete rundown of that intimate moment when my daughter was conceived. Instead, I ignored the comment and continued walking to my desk. If I have never spoken to you before chances are I don’t feel like telling you “when this happened.”

3. “I wasn’t as big as you when I got pregnant.”

We all know that comparing ourselves to other people is not the kindest thing to do. Everyone carries babies differently. Some people carry babies higher, lower wider or narrower.

4. “Every time I see you, you get bigger and bigger!”

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This must have been one of the ones that got to me the most. It was the same woman at work that kept telling me this comment. The first few times I would just nod and say yes. Until the last time when my raging hormones were full blast, I basically told her to cut it out. She had this look on her face of complete remorse and regret but I just about had it. The following time she saw me, instead of telling me how big I looked, she asked me if I needed anything from the store since she was on her way.

5. “You look so tired.”

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The times that I was told how tired I looked I had either spent all night awake due to my awake baby moving around all night. I would completely know when I was not feeling like myself and usually when someone told me I looked tired it was something I already knew.

6. “Can you stand up so I can see how big you are?”

Now, people, pregnant people are not here for our amusement. If it’s not right to ask a non-pregnant person to stand up to see their body, it’s not okay to ask someone who is pregnant to stand up so they can see your body. I refused to stand up to someone who asked me this. I stated that I was not going to stand up because my body was not going to be displayed for judgment.

7. “Once the baby gets here, you will never sleep for the rest of your life. ”

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The fact of the matter is that you do get to sleep, you just have to sleep when the baby sleeps and you have to have a partner that is willing to wake up in the middle of the night to let you have a good night’s sleep…

…I also know parents of four-year-olds who sleep from seven to eight hours at night.

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I remember my mother sleeping endlessly when we were in high school. Once you hit your thirties, like me, you no longer sleep well anyways. Before I had my baby, I would function on four hours of sleep due to just insomnia. The fact of the matter is, no matter what, you will survive and when other people instill fear in you it is a reflection of the things they have to deal with.  

8.“I know someone who almost died during labor.”

For some reason when you are pregnant everyone starts telling you all the tragic birth stories they had and, even if it’s their best friend’s friend’s great aunt who had a tragic birth story, they want to tell you that one too. Chances are this is not going to soothe mama into feeling confident about going into labor. I think we live in such a panic-stricken world that perpetuating these stories is a norm. However, positive stories of birth may be a better way of empowering an expecting mama.

9. “Will you have another baby after this?”

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Chances are pregnant mama is not thinking this far ahead and just trying to overcome this pregnancy. This is a very interesting question that I hear so much. Children require so much time, money and attention. It is a big personal decision to bring a child into the world and an even bigger decision to bring additional children to the world. Only father and mother can decide if they have the tools to make this happen. Usually, it takes time to decide. I feel this can be a very personal topic that can only be genuinely be discussed between close friends and family.

10. “Are you having twins?”

This is a difficult question to hear especially if you are not having twins. I heard this about five times during my pregnancy. I would always ask myself if I was doing something wrong in what I was eating or how I was nourishing my body. But, the fact of the matter is that everyone carries babies differently.

11. “Man, I can’t picture myself starting all over at your age.”

The beautiful thing about life is that not everyone walks the same path. Some people get to have children young when they find their life partners at a young age in high school or college. For others, it may take a longer time to realize you want to be a mom or it may take longer to find the partner you can picture yourself having children with. The sooner we realize that and accept each other the sooner these unnecessary comments will happen.

I believe it is inappropriate to make any kind of comment on anyone’s body whether they are pregnant or not.

But next time you decide on making a body comment, or another negative comment to a pregnant person,  take into account that her hormones are working extra hard to keep their baby alive. She may already know that she’s gained all the weight you told her she looks like she’s gained and she may have had someone tell her the same exact thing the day before or that same day. Just chill, please.

Next time you plan on making a comment to a pregnant person make sure it is something she might not have heard that day like…

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“You are doing an amazing job!” or “ isn’t it amazing how strong a person’s body is? You should feel so proud of yourself!

Pregnant people don’t get enough recognition for the daily hard work.

They have to put up with not only make a baby but to also, for some, going to work and or taking care of additional children. This is all while their bodies are working overtime to make and protect a life. Be kind to the pregnant people in your life and please be aware of the things that come out of your mouth.


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Meghan Markle Reveals She Had a Miscarriage Earlier This Year

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Meghan Markle Reveals She Had a Miscarriage Earlier This Year

Photo by Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images

In a heartbreaking essay titled “The Losses We Share” written for The New York Times, Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, revealed that she had a miscarriage earlier this year. It was not public knowledge that she was pregnant.

The essay describes where she was and what she was doing the moment it happened.

“It was a July morning that began as ordinarily as any other day: Make breakfast. Feed the dogs. Take vitamins. Find that missing sock. Pick up the rogue crayon that rolled under the table. Throw my hair in a ponytail before getting my son from his crib,” she wrote.

“After changing his diaper, I felt a sharp cramp. I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right. I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.”

Markle went on to describe the “almost unbearable grief” that she and her husband, Prince Harry, experienced in the aftermath of her miscarriage.

“Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realized that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, “Are you OK?”

The essay goes on to talk about the trauma of loss that so many have experienced in 2020–first through the coronavirus pandemic, then through witnessing on onslaught of racial violence in a tumultuous summer, then through an acrimonious, divisive election cycle.

“This year has brought so many of us to our breaking points,” she wrote. “Loss and pain have plagued every one of us in 2020, in moments both fraught and debilitating.”

She ended the piece on a hopeful note, describing the bittersweet unity that humankind is experiencing in the face of such shared hardships.

“We are adjusting to a new normal where faces are concealed by masks, but it’s forcing us to look into one another’s eyes–sometimes filled with warmth, other times with tears. For the first time, in a long time, as human beings, we are really seeing one another. Are we OK? We will be.”

Meghan Markle’s is now part of the growing movement of female public figures destigmatizing pregnancy loss.

In September, Chrissy Teigen revealed on social media that she was going to the hospital due to pregnancy complications. Hours later, she shared with the world: “Driving home from the hospital with no baby. How can this be real?”

Teigen went on to write an essay on Medium about why she took pictures of her pregnancy loss experience and chose to share them with the world: “I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like,” she said. “These photos are only for the people who need them.”

Teigen went on to ask women who have had similar experiences to hers to not be afraid of sharing their stories with the world: “The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won’t get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won’t pour them out at all.”

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Experts Weigh In On Why Pregnant Women Weren’t Included In COVID-19 Vaccine Trials

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Experts Weigh In On Why Pregnant Women Weren’t Included In COVID-19 Vaccine Trials

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Updated December 21, 2020.

We’ve known since the start of quarantine that the coronavirus poses extreme risks to those who catch it. But when it comes to those with respiratory diseases and other severe and chronic conditions, the virus caused by a coronavirus called SARS-CoV-2 can be even more unforgiving.  Now, new studies are revealing that pregnant women infected with the disease are also more likely to become severely ill and die from Covid-19 than researchers might have suspected.

Still, while the results from two major COVID-19 vaccine trials have inspired some hope, researchers are still unsure as to how the new studies will affect pregnant people.

Some experts weighing in on the current vaccines say that pregnant women or nursing moms who want the COVID-19 vaccine should get one.

“Pregnant women who opt not to receive the vaccine should be supported in that decision as well, a practice advisory from ACOG recommends,” WebMD shared in an article. “In addition, women do not need to avoid getting pregnant after receiving Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine, according to the CDC. The FDA issued an emergency use authorization (EUA) for the vaccine on Dec. 11.”

After Pfizer and Moderna, revealed that they might have developed two promising high-profile vaccine candidates there’s still quite a bit of some uncertainty.

On December 11, the FDA said that they will allow pregnant and lactating women to access the vaccine. This is despite the fact that the vaccinehas hasn’t been tested on pregnant woman and remains unavailable for anyone under 16.

In an interview with Vogue, experts weighed in on why the clinical trials for major COVID-19 vaccines haven’t included pregnant people. According to the interview, “Historically, pregnant and lactating women have been excluded from clinical and vaccine trials because of safety concerns for the mother and child. But that exclusion can pose its own risks, a point that’s been repeatedly raised by the Society of Maternal-Fetal Medicine and various medical professionals. “

According to USA Today, “Both companies have indicated they will seek a federal emergency-use authorization, in which the government makes the drug available before having approved it, based on the strength of early results. That means vaccines could be available to the general public by next spring… But since the vaccine trials have thus far excluded people who are pregnant or breastfeeding, it’s unclear when the immunizations would be safely available for them.”

Reports released earlier over the summer, by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, underlined that pregnant women with COVID-19 are at risk for premature delivery.

According to Hub, “A late September Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report article from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that among nearly 600 pregnant women in 13 states hospitalized with COVID-19 from March 1 through August 22, 16% were admitted to an intensive care unit, 8% were put on mechanical ventilation, and 1% died.”

In a recent report bioethicist Ruth Faden, who is reportedly the founder of the Johns Hopkins Berman Institute of Bioethics says that the issue of the distribution of vaccines to women is sensitive.

“As more and more vaccine candidates progress to later-stage trials, we want to make sure that pregnant women have fair opportunities to participate in studies that may benefit them and their babies and also that pregnant women, as a group, have a fair opportunity to benefit from vaccines when they are authorized for use outside of trials,” says Faden, a professor in the Department of Health Policy and Management. “We want to make sure that their interests are taken into account from the outset so that we can generate the best possible evidence about safe and appropriate use of vaccines in pregnancy.”

The CDC’s latest findings reveal that that pregnant women infected by coronavirus are more likely to need intensive care.

While overall risk of severe illness or death is still considered low, the CDC says that pregnant women with coronavirus are at an increase risk for needing intensive care including ventilation, heart and lung support than women are not pregnant and infected by the virus. In a separate report published by the CDC researchers discovered an increase in the rate of premature birth just before the 37 weeks of pregnancy. The results found that 12.9% of women with coronavirus gave birth early compared to 10.2% who tested negative for the virus.

According to CNN, researchers behind the recent CDC studies reviewed data collected from 461,825 women (ages of 15 and 44) who tested positive for Covid-19 in the time between January 22 and October 3. The studies also only focused on those who experienced coronavirus symptoms.

Reports underline that these new developments highlight an increase in the number of reports related to the risk the virus poses to pregnant women. Speaking to CNN, Dr. Denise Jamieson, the chair of the gynecology and obstetrics department at Emory University School of Medicine, explained that the new research “demonstrates that their infants are at risk, even if their infants are not infected, they may be affected,” Jamieson noted on a call with reporters Monday.

“The team adjusted for outside factors and found that pregnant women were more likely to need intensive care, with 10.5 per 1,000 pregnant women admitted to the ICU, compared to 3.9 per 1,000 women who aren’t pregnant,” CNN explained about the report. “Pregnant women were 3 times more likely to need help breathing with invasive ventilation than women who aren’t pregnant. Similarly, they were at greater risk of requiring lung and heart support with oxygenation. They were also more likely to die, with 1.5 deaths per 1,000 pregnant women, compared to 1.2 per 1,000 women who aren’t pregnant.”

While the risks pregnant women face are low, researchers say that they must still take precautions.

This is particularly important as the winter months rise and coronavirus cases increase. “Less than 1% of pregnant women with Covid are admitted to an intensive care unit,” Jamieson told CNN. “However, they are at increased risk when you compare them to their non-pregnant counterparts.”

According to CNN, pregnant women should avoid gatherings, wear masks, and practice social distancing. “We’re learning more about how people are infected, and there is some new information that household contacts — so, people who are in your house — may be a source of infection,” Jamieson explained. “It’s not unreasonable, if a person has a lot of exposure at work, for instance, for that person to stay separated from the rest of their family or to protect the rest of their family by wearing a mask or even separating physically in the house.”

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