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Things I Never Want To Hear Come Out Of Your Mouth During My Pregnancy

Six months into my pregnancy I started to realize that not only were my raging hormones out of control but also the endless unsolicited comments and advice from strangers about my body.  My small 4’11 frame and almost ten-pound baby made me an easy target for body comments and I soon began to feel as if I was in some kind of freak show. As if dealing with indigestion, lack of sleep, shortness of breath and constipation weren’t enough I had to experience adult bullying to a whole different level. On any given day I would receive five to seven comments about my belly or how tired I looked from strangers who never seemed to show interest in me before. It’s crazy how popular pregnancy can make someone become. I soon began to find ways of coping with people who tried to approach me.

As a way of coping, I began to not make eye contact with people who walked passed me in the hallway and I’d pretend I didn’t hear them speaking to me.

This didn’t work. After a few weeks of this, I felt like walking around with a huge sign that said,” I’m making a human, fuck off!” Instead, I started to walk around with huge bitch face that would make me look unapproachable. This didn’t work either. I would still have people wave me down from across the parking lot at work and say, “OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK HUGE!”

This growing inadequate feeling in me occurred mostly during work.

christinesjodal / Instagram

It also led me to almost go on maternity leave early.

Instead, I dealt with it and decided to jot down a list of “Eleven Things to Never Tell a Pregnant Person.”

Have a look and be sure to pass on what you learn to others who have a hard time keeping certain things to themselves when it comes to pregnant people.

1. “You look like you’re due now”

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Never pretend like you are a doctor and know just by looking at someone when their baby is due. 

Chances are you may be right but there is a huge chance that you may be wrong.

doctor_potatoes / Instagram

The person may still have a few months to go. And besides, if she’s not your bestie, your cousin, your sister or your daughter, it really is none of your business when she’s due.

2. “OMG, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?”

This must have been one of my favorite ones. It was close to my due date and a complete stranger from work came up to me and asked me “When did this happen?” Last time I checked we all knew how babies were conceived. I should have given her a complete rundown of that intimate moment when my daughter was conceived. Instead, I ignored the comment and continued walking to my desk. If I have never spoken to you before chances are I don’t feel like telling you “when this happened.”

3. “I wasn’t as big as you when I got pregnant.”

We all know that comparing ourselves to other people is not the kindest thing to do. Everyone carries babies differently. Some people carry babies higher, lower wider or narrower.

4. “Every time I see you, you get bigger and bigger!”

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This must have been one of the ones that got to me the most. It was the same woman at work that kept telling me this comment. The first few times I would just nod and say yes. Until the last time when my raging hormones were full blast, I basically told her to cut it out. She had this look on her face of complete remorse and regret but I just about had it. The following time she saw me, instead of telling me how big I looked, she asked me if I needed anything from the store since she was on her way.

5. “You look so tired.”

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The times that I was told how tired I looked I had either spent all night awake due to my awake baby moving around all night. I would completely know when I was not feeling like myself and usually when someone told me I looked tired it was something I already knew.

6. “Can you stand up so I can see how big you are?”

Now, people, pregnant people are not here for our amusement. If it’s not right to ask a non-pregnant person to stand up to see their body, it’s not okay to ask someone who is pregnant to stand up so they can see your body. I refused to stand up to someone who asked me this. I stated that I was not going to stand up because my body was not going to be displayed for judgment.

7. “Once the baby gets here, you will never sleep for the rest of your life. ”

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The fact of the matter is that you do get to sleep, you just have to sleep when the baby sleeps and you have to have a partner that is willing to wake up in the middle of the night to let you have a good night’s sleep…

…I also know parents of four-year-olds who sleep from seven to eight hours at night.

victoriaochlionel / Instagram

I remember my mother sleeping endlessly when we were in high school. Once you hit your thirties, like me, you no longer sleep well anyways. Before I had my baby, I would function on four hours of sleep due to just insomnia. The fact of the matter is, no matter what, you will survive and when other people instill fear in you it is a reflection of the things they have to deal with.  

8.“I know someone who almost died during labor.”

For some reason when you are pregnant everyone starts telling you all the tragic birth stories they had and, even if it’s their best friend’s friend’s great aunt who had a tragic birth story, they want to tell you that one too. Chances are this is not going to soothe mama into feeling confident about going into labor. I think we live in such a panic-stricken world that perpetuating these stories is a norm. However, positive stories of birth may be a better way of empowering an expecting mama.

9. “Will you have another baby after this?”

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Chances are pregnant mama is not thinking this far ahead and just trying to overcome this pregnancy. This is a very interesting question that I hear so much. Children require so much time, money and attention. It is a big personal decision to bring a child into the world and an even bigger decision to bring additional children to the world. Only father and mother can decide if they have the tools to make this happen. Usually, it takes time to decide. I feel this can be a very personal topic that can only be genuinely be discussed between close friends and family.

10. “Are you having twins?”

This is a difficult question to hear especially if you are not having twins. I heard this about five times during my pregnancy. I would always ask myself if I was doing something wrong in what I was eating or how I was nourishing my body. But, the fact of the matter is that everyone carries babies differently.

11. “Man, I can’t picture myself starting all over at your age.”

The beautiful thing about life is that not everyone walks the same path. Some people get to have children young when they find their life partners at a young age in high school or college. For others, it may take a longer time to realize you want to be a mom or it may take longer to find the partner you can picture yourself having children with. The sooner we realize that and accept each other the sooner these unnecessary comments will happen.

I believe it is inappropriate to make any kind of comment on anyone’s body whether they are pregnant or not.

But next time you decide on making a body comment, or another negative comment to a pregnant person,  take into account that her hormones are working extra hard to keep their baby alive. She may already know that she’s gained all the weight you told her she looks like she’s gained and she may have had someone tell her the same exact thing the day before or that same day. Just chill, please.

Next time you plan on making a comment to a pregnant person make sure it is something she might not have heard that day like…

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“You are doing an amazing job!” or “ isn’t it amazing how strong a person’s body is? You should feel so proud of yourself!

Pregnant people don’t get enough recognition for the daily hard work.

They have to put up with not only make a baby but to also, for some, going to work and or taking care of additional children. This is all while their bodies are working overtime to make and protect a life. Be kind to the pregnant people in your life and please be aware of the things that come out of your mouth.


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Latinas Are Opening Up About Their Experiences With Dealing With Postpartum Depression And It’s The Most Important Thing

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Latinas Are Opening Up About Their Experiences With Dealing With Postpartum Depression And It’s The Most Important Thing

When it comes to having a baby, there’s no doubt that parents will experience a wide range of emotions. From pride and joy to fear and excitement, having a baby, whether it’s for the first or the ninth time, will undoubtedly trigger all kinds of feelings you haven’t felt before. For many, giving birth can also produce a feeling that others would not anticipate: depression. 

According to the  Mayo Clinic, postpartum depression can occur not only in women but in new fathers as well and it is defined by mood swings, anxiety, sadness, crying and feelings of overwhelm. Many new parents will also experience irritability, reduced concentration, appetite problems and trouble sleeping. But the truth about postpartum depression is that it isn’t just unique to the feelings, in fact, the mood disorder can cause quite a bit of shame and isolation. After all, having a baby should be marked by a period of joy and happiness. But in reality, this isn’t always the case. Despite the fact that many expect new parents to be nothing but elated and a little bit starved for sleep around this time, in reality, PPD is not only very real but also perfectly normal to experience. In fact, according to Postpartum Depression Statistics, “approximately 70% to 80% of women will experience, at a minimum, the ‘baby blues’. Many of these women will experience the more severe condition of postpartum depression or a related condition.”

To get a better understanding of these feelings of depression and how Latinas deal with it in their own circumstances, FIERCE reached out to Latinas for their experiences in dealing with depression after they gave birth and how they learned to deal.

When it comes to PPD, you might feel too ashamed to reach out but there’s no one that will help you quite like your community.

Of course, like anyone dealing with depression, there is often a sense of shame tied to your sadness that will likely prevent you from reaching out at first. After all, when it comes to mental health (particularly in the Latino community) the world has a lot to learn and a lot of coming around to do.

“I am so so thankful for the conversations starting to happen! When I got diagnosed with PPD even though I had resources available to me like therapy and doctors it wasn’t until I found my community of other moms in similar situations that I felt not alone. Community is everything!” – twistedforsugar

Opening up to family can start the healing process.

No doubt about it, reaching out to your amigas, BFFs, and mommy groups will likely help you find the kind of support and love you need to climb the mountain of depression you might be experiencing. But it’s also important to remember that sometimes receiving comfort from your family can be way more helpful than you might have expected. After all, you know who else has likely either dealt with PPD or experienced it first hand for themselves long before you did? Your mama and your papa.

“I was the first to be open about my partum depression in my family. (Prior to that my family didn’t believe it existed). But, now we get to talk about it and it’s so healing!” – karlasturtz

Take a vacation and remember that even though your kids might see you as Wonder Woman, you’re also a real woman with real concerns that should be taken care of.

Yes, mama, you deserve as much attention and love as your newborn too. Don’t worry about reshaping your post-birth body right now. Jump into your favorite bathing suit, head off to your favorite ski sights and do you girl.

“Swear this made me cringe on how I did it twice and big freaken S/O to all those mommas that did it with 5+ kids!! Y’all need a damn holiday named after you wonder women!” – yes.its_still.me11

Just remember, yes you have a baby now so things are different, but you’re still deserving of love, light and a whole lot of patience and self- love.

You know how on flights, attendants always tell you to put your mask on first before you put on someone else’s? PPD kind of works that way too. Of course, you never want to neglect your little one but be sure to be kind to yourself just as you are to your newborn. 

“Yea i was definitely NOT prepared for my stomach to be big, and saggy for the first few months after” – thebitchyhippie559

Above all, get professional help.

Self-treatment is never really the most effective or safest way to go. If you think that you have postpartum depression, be sure to reach out to a support group. Postpartumdepression.org has a ton of resources for you here.

A Fan Tried To Troll Cardi B, Then The Rapper Body-Shamed Her

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A Fan Tried To Troll Cardi B, Then The Rapper Body-Shamed Her

Cardi B is one of those celebs that we can always count on to speak her mind. In the past, she has boldly spoken up to strike down the cheating rumors against her husband, Offset. Recently, she denounced Tekashi 6ix9ine’s claims that she was a member of the Nine Trey Gangsta Bloods. In the past, she has also expertly shut down trolls who have committed on everything from her body to her talent.

However, this time, a clapback she made towards a trolling Instagram user is getting Cardi called out for fatphobic language.

On Tuesday, the rapper turned actress harshly replied to an Instagram troll who was bashing Cardi’s skills as a songwriter, particularly collaboration with other writers on some of her most popular tracks.

Twitter / @ThePopHub

“Imagine needing help on a song like money bag, bodak yellow, & every other verse in any song… & getting called nothing above an entertainer,” the Instagram user wrote on a post Cardi made on her social media account. “LMAO a joke. stick to the movies luv.”

In retaliation, Cardi commented back to the woman, “Stick to your diet.” Supposedly, the Instagram user had made a post about being on a diet and working to lose weight and that is what Cardi was referencing when she spoke out against her trolling.

Many fans and critics immediately called out Cardi for the comments, calling them fatphobic and problematic.

Twitter / @chileanswiftie1

Some comments pointed out the difficulty that plus-sized people have in our society. Fat-phobia is rampant in the beauty and fashion industries. The diet and weight lose industry is a multi-billion dollar conglomerate that feeds off of societal desires towards thinness. Even the healthcare system is skewed against fat people. Stigma against weight often prevents adequate diagnosis and care to plus-sized individuals.

Further comments mentioned that the popular rapper has millions of followers on Instagram and Twitter. By calling the troll out directly on Instagram and making an issue of her weight loss, it could be said that Cardi made her a target of all of her defensive fans.

Others pointed out that, as a public figure, Cardi is a role model and should be more careful with her words.

Twitter / @ohmagoddess

As a famous person, Cardi is held to a certain standard and there’s an obligation with that. As this Twitter user pointed out, the rapper’s own use of plastic surgery makes her comments sort of hypocritical. Many critics explained that Cardi should simply block trolling comments like these and be the bigger person in these situations.

Cardi was quick to defend herself and her response against what she described as “hate comments.”

Twitter / @iamcardib

Cardi produced receipts on Twitter showing the history of abusive messages that the Instagram user has sent the rapper in the past. She went on to question why she is being called fatphobic if she just told the user to focus on her diet instead of trolling.

“Wtf is fatphobic,” the “Bodack Yellow” rapper asked in her tweet. “People are so soft now and days. How ya going to survive a lunch table?” Cardi tweeted in response to critics denouncing her comments.

Despite the many fans and critics who condemned Cardi’s comments, just as many fans supported the rapper.

Twitter / @cardihanna

Some fans defended Cardi’s right to defend herself against trolling comments. The common sentiment was that if someone could dish it out, they should be ready to handle the criticism themselves. Others suggested that comments like the one Cardi responded to comes from jealousy and that basically the woman was a hater.

Regardless of whether Cardi was in the right or the wrong, this is another example of how social media is quick to hold us accountable for what we say. If nothing else, an unwise tweet or act of trolling is always sure to create some major drama.