Fierce

From First Heartbreaks To Escaping An Abusive Ex, Latinas Share How They Overcame Breakups

Nutthaseth Van / Shutterstock

Breakups, even when they’re for the best, are some of the most debilitating moments of our lives. The pain is all-consuming. It pounds in your chest, streams down your face through tears, and aches in every joint and bone of your body. It growls in a stomach you don’t have an appetite to feed. It drains you of energy and focus. It feels like death, and in many ways, that’s exactly what it is. It’s the demise of a relationship, a future, of parts of yourself. But in life, there is both death and birth, and after mourning the agonizing loss of love, a new existence, one that’s novel, one you have the power to create and change as you want, is born.

That doesn’t make it easy and it doesn’t mean joy is a night of sleep away, but it does, even if slowly and painfully, offer hope. It’s healing, growing and understanding. It’s smiling and laughing again, even if for a few seconds a day. It’s envisioning a future, one that could possibly even be bright, for the first time in weeks, months, years. During heartbreak, when life really feels over, a storm that could never have a rainbow, a disaster that’s destroyed all existence, seeing how others began to sprout in what felt like their own barren land, could inspire a not-so-distant future where you, too, rebloom.  

For those feeling lost, empty and miserable in their breakups, here are the stories of Latinas who allowed their shattered hearts and souls to be catalysts for a new life, women who used their tormenting farewells to welcome artistic projects, international travel, new careers and change-making for themselves and the world around them.

Connie, 27, New York

My ex and I broke up permanently in August 2018, but there were several breakups before then. We stopped living together in December 2017, a year after we decided to move in together, which should have been a sign the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. But toxic love is addicting, and we were each other’s preferred poison. My ex is my twin flame: love at first sight, birthdays only a day apart, our cultures and spiritualities connecting us. We were convinced our love was a product of destiny, but twin flames are not destined to be together. They are simply flowers that bloom for a moment, not a lifetime. Still, breaking up, while the best thing to do, was one of the hardest things I’ve done. I look back at my journal entries from that time, and I do not recognize the person who filled each page: tears dried into paper, words like “forever” and “soulmate” smeared, broken pages, entries never finished, pieces of weed left on the crevices. I self-medicated a lot, oftentimes drinking and smoking myself into incoherence. Those entries were a representation of my spirit. I felt broken, depressed and furious — sometimes even experiencing physical pain from the separation.

But through it all, I did learn something: Pain shouldn’t always be associated with negativity, even if it’s uncomfortable. We are energetic beings searching for other energetic frequencies to propel us forward. Pain is one of those propellers. In nature, we find the most incredible feats of life occur when there is discomfort: a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, a flower blooming, a parent giving birth. Pain is the battle cry you scream that gives you the strength to tackle your personal journey. Allow your body to do the work it was always destined to do.

I used my pain I felt so deeply in my soul and transformed it into energy to help me walk the path that my ancestors laid out before me, but was for too long too scared to take. Through those ashes, I created Alegría Peruanx, a multimedia project dedicated to archiving, educating, unifying and healing the Peruvian community within the US. I’ve been a director and photographer for many years, so I got to combine my talents with my passion to create a photo series, traveling gallery and digital space to create community. This project was my phoenix rising, a project I was always destined to create but had to be spiritually ready for. Pain taught me that I am far more powerful and boundless than the physical vessel I am occupying. It’s an eye-opening experience that propelled me forward, not just in my career but in my spirit. Though I am still in the process of healing, I honor where this pain has taken me and allow it to work through me for a greater cause.

Isabella, 23, Oregon

My ex and I were together for 11 months before we separated in September. While it wasn’t a long-term romance, I was still absolutely shot emotionally and physically. I crumbled. I became restless and so utterly depressed that my hair began to fall out in small clumps. I couldn’t eat. I tried to, but my body rejected any nourishment. My spirit felt so crushed and beaten down that I thought I was dying of a broken heart. At the time, the only thing that sounded appealing was sleeping. When I didn’t sleep, I wrote poetry. That’s when I began to realize the magnitude of the pain, sadness and loss I was feeling.

My relationship with my ex centered on manipulation. Before moving to Oregon to be with him, I was an exotic dancer, and I loved it. I was hoping to expand my stripping career when he told me it was degrading. He made me feel shameful for dancing. He said, if I wanted to make real money, I should escort. My boyfriend was a pimp, and I didn’t know until he manipulated me into his world. I felt so trapped. I tried countless times to leave him, but he never let me get away. I was never out of his sight unless I was working. I felt like I was suffocating. One night, we got into a massive fight and he hit me. He felt so awful afterwards that he left our house. That’s when I packed up everything and left our home.

If I hadn’t written my poetry, I would have continued to downplay my heartbreak. Validating my feelings was the first step to moving on. I decided to return to exotic dancing. I worked mornings and afternoons at the strip club to force myself out of bed every day. Otherwise, I would have never left my tiny bedroom or even ate. Dancing forced me to take care of myself. Getting dolled up and entertaining every day reminded me that I am beautiful and that I am desirable. Dancing helped me channel the negative emotions into positive and happy emotions. It led me to discover a new level of my sexuality I never knew existed. I feel, like phoenix, I turned to ash and rebirthed an improved me.

Sandy, California

After two years together, my ex and I broke up in November 2018. Right after the separation, I began to feel uneasy about my decision. We had known each other since we were kids. Our mothers were best friends from childhood. They even became pregnant at the same time. As a result, we were born exactly one month apart. With all this history I shared with him, breaking up meant breaking up with our past. I felt I was betraying romance and blocking myself from having a “happy ending.” If anyone heard our story, it was no doubt we were meant to be together. Breaking up started to feel like it was the wrong choice because I was holding onto a fairytale, but it was what I needed to get the finale I deserved.

It has taken me a while to realize my self-worth and self-respect. Even though I loved my ex-boyfriend, and still do, my decision came when I stopped romanticizing our story and looked at our reality. The truth: I didn’t feel respected, not when he lied to me about where he was at, not when he deleted text messages and not when he entertained other women. With each chance I gave him, a little part of me was dying. Letting go was an opportunity to refocus all that love toward myself — finally.

Today, I’m taking the time to focus on the things that bring me joy. I’m a caring individual who wants to make a difference in the world. I’m a community organizer, I run my own film series project, I applied and got accepted into grad school and, most recently, I decided to run for office. In March, I submitted my application to run for neighborhood council in the city of Van Nuys. I am running for the nonprofit community-based organization seat. I’m running in a city I grew up in. I’m running to bring new ideas to the table. I’m running for my community.

It has been six months since I went through a messy breakup. During that time, I thought I was never going to be myself again. Maybe I’m not. I’m finding myself. I’m trusting my intellect and my potential. I’m making things happen. Tough days don’t need to last forever and they won’t last forever.  

Jazmin Vega, 23, Colorado

My ex and I were together for three years before splitting last October. This was someone I had planned to move across the country to be with, someone I chose to put my plans on hold for. Imagine my pain then when it ended. The first few nights I slept in my bathroom next to the toilet. I was waking up panicked and my stomach would just heave itself up. I was completely submerged in grief. I went weeks without feeling like I was actually alive. I had this intense and scorching pain in my chest all the time. When I found out my ex had started dating someone else, only days after our breakup, I was in so much shock and agony. I felt defeated. I ended up in the hospital.

Days later, I went to see my curandera, who called it sadness of my soul. She promised that I would recover, that I would build myself up again with my own hands. I am. I began making a plan of all the things I needed to do to get through this. Traveling sounded life it could give me some relief. I decided to backpack for a month through parts of Europe. My mom, who was going through a similar separation, came with me. We road-tripped through Ireland for a week together, spent time seeing the ocean, stood at hostels and drank in pubs. While it was healing to be able to leave, I think it was also a struggle. Whether a relationship, marriage or home, conditions have taught us that we can’t leave, that we always have to stay. So when we finally did escape, so far that we weren’t even on the same continent anymore, we also felt guilt.

My moment of good and productive healing came when I was on a boat tour in Barcelona, crying alone. I kept picturing myself under all that water. I wondered how good it would feel if I could just swim to the surface. In that moment, I decided that I was ready to think and feel something else. I was reminded that I cared about so many other things, like how sacred my time with my mom is. I thought of the deep gratitude and love I have for her. I don’t want to romanticize her pain or her experiences, but I began to recognize how long she had to stay in her marriage and how I was able to leave, how she didn’t want me to similarly waste decades feeling stuck. I thought a lot about how there are people who exist in my life that do love and care about me in the ways that I need them to. I decided I wasn’t going to lose anymore time to my grief. The trip helped me heal from my heartbreak because I came back home ready to return to myself and my own body again.

Read: Latino Breakup Songs To Dedicate To Your Ex And Make You Feel Better

Share this story with all of your friends by tapping our little share buttons below!

From Taurus To Cancer, These Are The Most Compatible Signs With Virgo

Entertainment

From Taurus To Cancer, These Are The Most Compatible Signs With Virgo

nicoolay / Getty Images

Who are we kidding: one of the major reasons all of us check our horoscope is to find out what the future has in store for us when it comes to love and lust. After all, you know that if you’re really meant to be together, then it’ll be written in the stars. 

So Virgo, in honor of your birthday, we’ve put together a quick guide to point you in the direction of your soulmate.

Virgo with an Aries (March 21 – April 19) creates an explosively fiery passion.

Instagram / @pavingsunrays

Part of what attracts you to Aries is the fact that they do everything with so much passion. You can’t help but be attracted to the fire in their soul. But Virgo, you can only function on their level for so long until you burn out. For you, a relationship with Aries takes work.

Compatibility: Low

Virgo with a Taurus (April 20 – May 20) is a matchmaker’s pick!

Instagram / @the.bridal.visions

Taurus are known for being super grounded and down to earth, and that’s exactly the kind of person you need in your life, Virgo. Your drive for perfectionism means that your Taurus can put things into perspective for you – they’re the yin to your yang, so to speak.

Compatibility: High

Virgo with a Gemini (May 21 – June 20) sees opposites attract.

Instagram / @vcheckmark

If one of your brutally honest friends had to describe you, Virgo, they’d say you’re a bit of a square. And, they wouldn’t exactly be wrong. That’s why Gemini can get on your nerves a bit … they’ve always got their heads up in the clouds when you’re trying to be realistic!

Compatibility: Low

Virgo with a Cancer (June 21 – July 22) means both love and lust.

Instagram / @mannyg520

While on the surface it would seem like Cancer is a bit too emotional for you, Virgo, it turns out that they’re exactly the sort of person you need in your life – and they need you, too. Your pragmatism in the face of their emotional swings is what keeps them sane. And they remind you to stay in touch with your softer side. So you know what this means? You guys have fabulous, fulfilling sex. Noice.

Compatibility: High

Virgo with a Leo (July 23 – August 22) is one hell of a rollercoaster!

Instagram / @happy_healthy_fitcouple

Leo can definitely test your patience, Virgo. You’re a quiet achiever, whereas Leo likes to get all of the attention, wherever they can get it. Leo’s got a massive ego that needs stroking … and you’re more critical. As you can imagine, it’s pretty much the perfect environment for lots of silly bickering. Then again, every couple has those moments, right?

Compatibility: Medium

Virgo with a Virgo (August 23 – September 22) asks the question: can you ever have too much of a good thing?

Instagram / @miles.and.smiles

You’d think that being with someone who functions on the same vibe as you would be a match made in heaven. But, that’s only true to a certain extent. Given that the two of you are perfectionists and workaholics, you’d make a great power couple … that has almost zero romantic and sexual chemistry. If you want it to work, you’ve gotta work at it, Virgo.

Compatibility: Medium

Virgo with a Libra (September 23 – October 22) meshes realism with idealism.

Instagram / @vcheckmark

When people think Libra, they think social butterfly. When people think Virgo, they think shy. Virgo, you’re a realist, whereas Libras are an idealist. They say that opposites attract, but in your case, you’d probably find that the differences between you and Libra would eventually drag you away from each other. The both of you would really have to put in an effort to find your way back.

Compatibility: Low

Virgo with a Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) sees things heat up in the bedroom.

Instagram / @smperez

While Scorpio and Virgo can build a really secure and safe relationship, you kids can come unstuck when it comes to your attitudes towards the bedroom. Scorpio tends to be all about the real carnal side of the beast with two backs, whereas Virgo is more about connecting emotionally through sex.

Compatibility: Medium

Virgo with a Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21) mixes fun and stability.

Instagram / @littledolewhips

It’s nice when you meet someone who’s as adaptable as you are. But in the case of Sagittarius, Virgo, you might find that they’re a little too spontaneous for your liking. That being said, they might get you to loosen up a little, which is never a bad thing in your case!

Compatibility: Medium

Virgo with a Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) is a match made in heaven!

Instagram / @bonitachinitalatina

Capricorn’s brand of perfectionism fits pretty well with your brand of perfectionism, Virgo. The difference is that you strive for better because you want to do good, whereas Capricorn wants to be good – at everything they do. And that makes you good together!

Compatibility: High

Virgo with an Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) is a hella smart match.

Instagram / @brazilcupid

Because both you and Aquarius are intellectual sorts, you’d find that you’d have what Alanis Morissette called, “intellectual intercourse.” But since the pair of you have such different approaches to life, you’d probably find it a lot easier to work on a friendship together, rather than a real steamy, romantic relationship.

Compatibility: Medium

Virgo with a Pisces (February 19 – March 20) means sweetness in spades.

Instagram / @yamelyhr

There’s no denying it, there’s definitely an attraction between you two. You’re both devoted, thoughtful and detail-oriented souls – but where Pisces is a dreamer, you’re much more realistic. If you’re both able to navigate your differences, then there’s no stopping you! Chances are, though, you’d find that your relationship will always be an ongoing project.

Compatibility: Medium

Does this explain a lot about your current relationship? Or, maybe more about what went wrong in your last romance? Let us know your thoughts on our Facebook page by clicking the icon at the top of the page!

Latinas Are Sharing Their Most Ridiculous Dating Horror Stories And Someone Hold My Drink, I’m Choking

Fierce

Latinas Are Sharing Their Most Ridiculous Dating Horror Stories And Someone Hold My Drink, I’m Choking

Dating is a minefield. You have to maneuver around all kinds of potential disasters in the hopes of finding that one special person. For every soulmate out there, there are dozens of bombs ready to explode in your face. While dating apps are meant to make the process a little bit easier, they don’t always work that way. From users being dishonest about who they are to unwelcome pictures sliding into your DM’s a lot can go wrong. Basically, whether you use an app or go old school, dating is hard.

Still, when we asked for our readers to share their experiences with dating, we were surprised by some of the outrageous horror stories that they had to tell. In fact, reading these might just make you delete Bumble right off of your smartphone and take a break from looking for love.

1. Just say no to self-hating Latinos.

Instagram / @sue_k4808

I meet this dude who was working at my bank, he asked me out and while we were out he told me he didn’t like bad bunny because he was too flamboyant (already knew fuck this guy) and follows it up by [saying] he normally only dates white chicks but I intrigued him that’s why he asked me out …. he’s Latino so much self loathing smh.” @carrachichi

2. At least you got to go to Disney.

Instagram / @disneyparksblog

“Met a guy he looked really cute in his pics and his voice on the phone Was omg!!! I think I was at least 20-21 when this happened. He worked at Disneyland so he said he’d get me and a friend in for free. Well, when we met Oh wow…he was a short guy nothing like his pics. Poor guy, he was so embarrassed that he had lied….i tried to talk to him but he was always on his phone and he had a girls pic on his phone wallpaper claimed it was his sister 😂😂 awkward. Oh well, we ditched him and roamed Disney for free.” @aryannuh

3. Politics and dating never mix.

Instagram / @castingculturewars

“I went out with a white guy who called me ignorant for being [a] Democrat. I threw my drink on him and left.” @lowhlowh_lodge

4. Yikes!

Instagram / @shop.glassy

“Met up with some guy from tinder at an arcade bar. Once we met, he asked for money and to order him an Uber so he could go pick up. I left to the bathroom, deleted the app, and went home.” @effin_melly

5. Those are fighting words.

Instagram / @myworstdatepodcast

“I went on a dinner date with a guy and he asked me what inspired me, and I said my epilepsy condition has inspired me to be a better mom & an advocate to spread awareness to my rare brain condition. Anyways, the night went on and he offered to “drive me home” since my condition didn’t allow me to drive, so I offered gas. Once we got in the car he looks at me point-blank in the face and said “you’d be the perfect woman if you didn’t have your health condition, but if you’re still down we can fuck” then I punched his tooth out & broke his window and said he can fuck himself 🤷🏻‍♀️” @mrschabelifrancis_

6. You dodged a bullet with this one.

Instagram / @snehj

“Went on a couple of dates with this cute wrestler and one night invited him over for dinner (code for 🍆💦). When he shows up he has band-aids on his face, I asked him what they were for and he said he got ringworm from wrestling mats🤮🤢🥴 When I refused to make out with him etc he left and proceeded to text me calling me a b*tch 🤔😳 Needless to say, never saw him again.” @bizzz_wilzzzz

7. Who does that!?

Instagram / @dating.is.hard

“Met a guy who was into fitness and was a fitness model online. When we got to the restaurant he opened the door and said I didn’t say thank you to him. I brushed it off thinking he was joking. While ordering he kept substituting everything on his meal which was annoying because he was taking forever. When I ordered he asked if I was really going to get that because it was fattening. 😑 When we were leaving the restaurant he again stated that I didn’t say thank you when he opened the door for me. Clearly annoyed, I told him that I had barely crossed the threshold before he even let me do it. I wasn’t feeling him at all and told him if he could take me home because I had things to do. While on the ride back, I asked if he had ever dated any fitness models. He replied that he did but they were very superficial and too into their looks so that’s why he now dated girls that looked like me now. 😤 I wanted to punch him! 😡Clearly done with him I just sat there and couldn’t wait to go home. After some silence, he stated that he was going to take his leftovers for lunch tomorrow and I agreed. He then clearly said, “YOUR leftovers? I bought dinner. That food is mine.” I couldn’t believe him! When we got to my house he leaned in and proceeded to take my leftovers from my lap and put them in his back seat. Who does that!?!?! 🤬🤬🤬” @nattie922

8. Some things are unforgivable. This is one of them.

Instagram / @berrylee.onlineshop

“Was asked out on a date by some guy that was in a band. When he picked me up we started talking and I was looking out the window and when I turned to look at him he had his Vienna sausage out and wanted me to touch it . I said no and he stopped the car and made me walk . 😡. Then had the balls to call me up a few weeks later to ask me out again. Like he thought I would forget.” @twistedmixedchica

9. Dating while Latina is brutal.

Instagram / @wearemitu

I went out with a guy who was VERY concerned if I was undocumented. He was ESPECIALLY concerned if I was from Venezuela since the U.S didn’t have great ties with them. I went out with this other guy who the entire date bashed his family, single parents, and wanted me to know that children in single-parent households would never succeed. I informed him I was a child of a single-parent household and I was pretty successful, in my eyes and my friends and families eyes. Dating as a Latina in 2019…”   @verher89