Fierce

As The Family Morena, I Am Used To Colorism At Home But Was Not Prepared To Receive It From My Husband’s Family Household

Yo soy la morena de la familia, and it became an issue with my husband’s family.

Ever since I can remember, my skin tone has always been a popular topic of conversation among people who barely knew me and my family members. In my mid-twenties, I overheard my own grandmother and her sisters commenting on the color of my skin. They were sitting on the deck by tía Yolanda’s pool. I was getting them beer from the kitchen

“Such a pretty girl,” I heard one of them say.

“Morenita,” said another.

I stood by the fridge listening, waiting to open it to get their drinks.

“Cheryl’s not that dark?”

“Oh, no,” said my grandmother, “Michelle gets her color from her father.”

It was easier to attribute my dark skin than to acknowledge the Afro-Cuban, grandparents that they shared on their mother’s side of the family, and to not notice that each of them was a different shade of tan, and each had curly hair, some with tighter curls than the others.

My marido is the moreno of his family too, and like mine, his family also doesn’t know how to discuss their family’s obvious African roots, but he and I loved our own dark skin so much that we fell in love with each other and married twenty-one years ago.  

Our dark skin, him a Mexican National, me a third-generation Xicana—it freaked a lot of people out.

Photo provided by author

“Are you sure that he doesn’t have a family somewhere in México?”

I was at my tío again in West Covina, preparing for our Mexican wedding, getting ready to travel with my mom, tía Yolanda, an eighty-year-old grandmother to Colima for our big ceremony. My uncle Rick, (the formerly racist uncle) who is Greek, Italian, and Mexican, asked the question. Ines and I were already married, having had a civil marriage two years before at our local city hall. They liked Inés too, but still felt compelled to ask if I was sure that he didn’t have another wife, and children back home in México.

“I’m sure,” I said not terribly surprised at the question since I already knew that my family’s sense of self sometimes relied on looking down on “other” kinds of Mexicanos.

My tíos are light-skinned, and I got the impression that my uncle wouldn’t have thought to ask this question if Inés wasn’t moreno, as if to imply that his skin-tone and his immigration status made him desperate enough to lie and fool me into marrying him.

Two years in, we had already experienced a range of reactions about our marriage, from weird assumptions to out-and-out disbelief or racism.

Even our immigration counselor, Nelly, didn’t quite believe we were a real couple, in love, hoping to make a life together. She thought I appeared younger than I actually was with my “alternative look,” and him two shades darker, looking like the cross between a Mexican Idris Alba and the Indian actor Irfan Khan, and assumed ours was just an immigration marriage. She stressed to me, over and over, that I would have to support him for up to ten years if we divorced too quickly. Perhaps, Nelly’s confusion about our relationship had to do with how rare it is for American-born Latinx to marry Mexican nationals. In the US, according to a Pew Research Center study, U.S.-born Latinx do tend to marry other Latinx, only about 12% marry Latinx born in a Latin American country. But it wasn’t the only time that my union with Inés confused people.

“Tu eres la esposa de Inés, de veras?”

I was on the dance floor at a wedding reception in Coquitmatlan, Mexico where my husband is from, dancing with the groom, the childhood best friend of my husband, Enrique. The wedding had been in Colima just ten minutes away in an ornate church on the plaza. A professional singer performed the most beautiful rendition of Ave Maria that I’ve ever heard. The reception was in the outdoor courtyard of Enrique’s family home across the street from Ines’ very humble family home that still had a dirt floor in the kitchen.

My Spanish isn’t great, but Enrique made it pretty clear that he couldn’t believe that a woman like me was married to Inés. Was it because I was lighter than Inés, or did he think I was too young? Pretty güero himself, I got the impression Enrique’s disbelief had something to do with his expectations about Ines, his dark-skinned friend from the poor family across the street. Inés, in fact, had to leave México to find work even after finishing secondary school and getting two different industry certificates, a problem that could be explained by the relationship between skin-tone and wealth in that country. A Vanderbilt survey in Mexico found that people with light skin fall in the 70th percentile for wealth on average, while people with darker skin are concentrated in the bottom 50 percent.

I used to soothe my annoyance at people, including those in my own family, who were fooled by the false superiority of lighter skin by making a list of songs in my head that celebrate morenas:

Photo provided by author

“Piel Morena” by Thalia

“Esa Morena” by Ozomatli

“La Morena” by Ilegales

“Morena Ven” by Rosario

“Nina Morena” by Gipsey Kings

There are many great morena playlists, but it’s worth mentioning that there is a certain type of exoticization that happens in some of these songs, a certain type of essentialism, like ideas that all morenas are shapely, sexy women with dark long hair, who shake their hips – mueve las caderas, mueve la cintura. However, ideas in many of these songs that morenas can be pretty, not fea, or a saltapatras is a cause for celebration, in and of itself, when many of us grow up being told to stay out of the sun, encouraged to lighten our hair, sold lightening creams, and colored contact lenses.

But we need more than songs.

We need tías (and other family members) who don’t buy into the idea that lighter skin is better than darker skin, family members who don’t make snap judgments about anyone based on skin color. We need tías who praise children for working hard in school, achieving goals, tending to their mental health, respecting elders, reading books, and exercising, and we need tías who love their own dark-skin too.

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Women Are Sharing The Moments That Made Them Walk Out On Bad Dates— ‘He brought his mom’

Fierce

Women Are Sharing The Moments That Made Them Walk Out On Bad Dates— ‘He brought his mom’

There’s a case to be made about being on a Bad Date.

While never ideal, even in the best of bad date scenarios, oftentimes when we spin the experiences on their heads we can remind ourselves that behind every bad one is a lesson. Whether it’s how to avoid them in the future, or the discovery of a really great new restaurant, sometimes they can have their upsides.

Women on Reddit are sharing one of the ultimate upsides of a bad date: regaining power. From the moment you realize you’re on a date to the second you decide to get up and walk out, always remember you’ve got the power.

“This was a blind date with some guy a friend arranged. We we’re like 15 minutes into our date when he said (in exactly this order) that he ‘likes to eat asses, lick feet and if this is going to be serious you really need to lose weight’. I wanted to leave the date as soon as he said that when he suddenly demanded that I drive him home because he didn’t have a car and used the train to get there. I told him that my car wouldn’t be able to move with 2 fatties in it and drove home.”- bincsi182

“We met at a park for our first date and he was definitely giving off weird vibes. Within a half hour, he asked if I’d give him a blow job. Right there in the middle of the park. I said no, there’s people around and I just met you. His next idea was to go in the men’s bathroom and asked if I’d do it there. I said sure you go in and I’ll follow a couple minutes later so it doesn’t look suspicious. Once he walked in the bathroom, I quickly found my car and left his horny a**.” –CrazyCabinet577

“This was a long time ago before I began dating my now husband. I was about a year into my recovery from alcoholism and went on a dinner date at a restaurant with a guy who I’d warned I was a recovering alcoholic and who had claimed to be supportive.

When the waitress came he ordered a bottle of wine and a Manhattan. I ordered a tonic with a lime wedge. He told the waitress not to bring my drink because he ordered the wine for both of us. I told her “I don’t drink, please bring what I ordered.” He sat back and expelled air through his nose. I was turned off but figured maybe he forgot, so I politely reminded him.

When the drinks came, he poured a splash of his Manhattan into my alcohol-free drink with a smirk and told me to “lighten up.” I put $10 on the table, grabbed my coat and purse, and left while he begged me “don’t do this to me…it was a joke.”

He called me and left phone messages for a couple months, oscillating between groveling and angrily admonishing me for embarrassing him and/or breaking his heart.”- mysticpudding

“A panic attack. It was a month after my dad died, and it suddenly hit me that I shouldn’t be dating. I said I was going to the bathroom, ran to my car, and left. I messaged him and apologized, and he was super nice and understanding. And anyway we’re still together now.”- Sensitiverock85

“I don’t have just 1; I have several. These are all different guys from different dates…

  1. One looked NOTHING like his profile pics. Way chubbier, teeth were awful, and just NO.
  2. One told me he would like to breed with me immediately to save the Arian race (we are both blonde with blue eyes).
  3. One asked me if I was ever with a black guy because if I was, he would not tolerate it “as my vagina is now loose from the sex”.
  4. One brought his 3 year old kid along (his dating app said he had no kids…)
  5. One was texting on his phone the entire time.
  6. One just NEVER showed up so I had to leave.

I’ve been on hundreds of dates so I have way more, but these were the main weirdos I’ll never forget…”-Chuck2025

“You had so much bad luck and more guts than any of us to leave just like that, i would just try to get an excuse to leave then ghost him afterwards. For the first one, thats why i always look if they have pictures smilling, you honestly cant know how a person really is irl until you actually see them smiling. For the 4, god ive seen so many guys literally having their profile pic with their own child it disgusted me, just say you have a kid and move on. For 5 i would say to anyone who does that to you, you should leave.”-mjigs

“I worked at a university summer program and many people were from out of state. They held 10 day programs and I got to know a variety of cool people. This one guy asked me to dinner towards the end of his program and I accepted. I was 22. He was slightly older-30-31? He made a big show of ordering the damn wine and appetizers and being wealthy and I was already regretting it but I thought-free meal-WTF-so I excused myself and went to the restroom and slipped out to catch a buzz. Once I returned he was arguing with the waiter about the oysters and the waiter rolled his eyes and said he would get them fresh and this guy winked at me like he was tHE SHIT! anyway I was chatting away and he interrupted me twice to point out I had said words ending in ” ing” and had not fully pronounced the “hard g” and said ” it makes you look uneducated”. I just stared at him and he asked where I had grown up and where I had gone to school and I said ” Harlem and …” I was about to state my other school in East Manhattan and he dismissed me, saying ” enough said”. Then he goes ” But you’re white, correct?
I looked at all of the food and chugged my wine, poured another glass of it and chugged that and slightly belched and said ” enjoy the food.”- Bigfukkendeal

“This is all one guy on the same first date… there’s a part of me that wondered if I stayed the 45 minutes that I did just to see how bad it could get lol. TLDR: he was a very cringey incel.

  • Showed up 10 minutes late to what was supposed to be just a short coffee date
  • Tried to make a joke about how he hoped we weren’t related when he found out both our moms are Japanese but the delivery was real awkward
  • Boasted about how he was in the military during “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” and would have proved to a military court he wasn’t gay by eating out one of the female officers on the spot
  • Randomly launched into a completely unprompted story about how when he was in his early teens, his friend’s older sister and her friends pressured him into jerking off into a pill bottle in front of them. He sounded proud about it.
  • Made comments about how if he couldn’t find a girl to realise what a good guy he was and marry him, there’s just no point in living in a city with women with such low IQ
  • Followed me to my car and stood behind it so I couldn’t leave and then asked me to rate how badly the date went (I was honest)
  • And to top it all off, the next day, he text me (I honestly thought I was clear about how bad the date went and just deleted his number but didn’t block it) saying “do you like Vietnamese food? We could get PhoKing!” with a winking face.

I blocked him at that point. I swear it was like he watched some guys with natural swagger and charm use joking lines or cocky comments and still get girls and then figured he could get away with it too.”- dragons_and_sandals

“He texted me from the bathroom “sorry babe, I’m still stuck at work but I’ll be home ASAP”… obviously for his girlfriend. I was gone before he got back to the table.”- mediumsizedbootyjudy

“When I (27F) was about 22 I went on a date with a guy that was a few years older than I was. We went out to a bar and the conversation very quickly became about his career and his father’s career (both doctors). He started to talk about his fathers belief that Australia should medically disable Aboriginal women from having children as they are not fit for parenting and would be a good way to phase Aboriginal people out… He strongly agreed with his fathers ideals and as soon as I realised he was not joking I grabbed my bag, slapped him across the face, called him a pig and left… Mind blowing that there are people out there like this that exist.”- Bec_Drayton

“Once had guy walk out on me, shouting “I can’t listen to this!” when I said to him that I thought he was racist for saying “child abuse is part of Aboriginal culture.” I now low key regret not slapping him….”- sarahgrey64

“Smdh Dude I have been there except he asked me to sum up all my details in a quick spew, I did and then said alright now you go! He dead ass said, “well there’s not much to tell ya kno?” When I tried asking individual questions he just tried to change the subject… after the 4th question I picked up my Starbucks and started walking away. He asked where was I going, and I just replied “there’s not too much to tell ya kno” and left.”- MsBlis

“I was 20 & went out with my boss, who I’d had a crush on for a while. He was twice my age, funny, tall, and the general manager of a pizza restaurant where I waitressed. It was a casual hang out without expectations on my end. I was not very experienced and I always have been a time taker in relationships.

While driving me home after what must have been dinner that Ive now forgotten, he shared that his wife, the mother of his four children, had died in a car crash. Also that he was the driver & was found to be at fault…he was intoxicated and drove them straight into a wall. He said his entire face had been reconstructed and that he was dating because he needed a mom for his four kids. I was like,
‘I am 20, how old is your oldest kid?’ He was like ’17.’ If I could have vanished right then I would have. We pulled into my driveway and he wanted to make out. I didn’t dare say I wasn’t into it, so I gave him a nervous kiss and said I was tired and done for the night.

He asked to use my bathroom. I was sitting on my futon waiting for him, when he came out and plopped right down next to me. My normally sweet, friendly cat suddenly growled and hissed at him defensively. It was so strange and out of character for the cat that I started paying closer attention to my surroundings.

My date definitely seemed weird now. I had just one room and a bathroom so I went in the bathroom to think of how to get him out of there —my bathroom smelled like burnt plastic. My cat was going ape shit so I used that excuse to ask him to leave, which he did. Later I found out that smell was crack. We didn’t go out again.”- spandexcatsuit

“I was on a date, and while we were just meeting up and talking, he was still on Tinder looking at other future women. Rude! I literally left a few minutes after talking.”- coimas

“I went out with a guy once and things went really well. afterwards, we were sitting in my car talking and i mentioned that my dad was gay. he told me that i ‘should’ve disowned him.’ i told him to get the fuck out of my car and never speak to me again.” –nopenonotatall

“Right after he went down a dark and spiteful rant about how women in the city were shallow and petty for not wanting to date him (5’5”). He was so smart and so charming and women just couldn’t understand him. Major red pill, ‘woe is me,’ misogynist vibes. Told him we wouldn’t work out, grabbed my coat, and left.”- takemeup-castmeaway

“Roofies. I got up to go to the bathroom mid-(first) drink on a first date in a casual bar I’m familiar with close to my apartment at the time. Date was fine, nor great, but not terrible. When I got back, he told me to “finish my drink and order us another round” while he went to the restroom. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but had a couple sips of my beer and motioned to the bartender to order another round. Bartender then gives me a glass of water and tells me I should leave. When I asked why, he said a girl nearby just approached him and told him she saw my date put something into my beer. I totally panicked. I handed him a $20 (which he didn’t want to take but I was so freaked out) and left. I barely remember anything after that. It was 3/4 of a beer at most. I blocked the guy the next day when I woke up to 17 missed calls and about 40 texts asking why I felt the need to leave when “we were totally vibing”.

LADIES- watch your drinks on dates. Even when you are an older 20-something meeting for a “quick drink” after work, this can happen. Thank god someone was looking out for me that day.”- CHRGON_FEF_NYC

“This guy was a total catfish, but I was nice about it. He kept cussing during the first twenty minutes and it made me uncomfortable, so after the first drink, I decided to go… he asked me for feedback on his dating profile, and I told him all of his pictures had other people in it and it was hard to discern which he was. So. He asked me to look at a picture his friend sent him. He pulled up the conversation in the iPhone, then clicked the media and there were a bunch of vaginas. Like an endless thumbnail stream of vaginas in different sizes and colors. I was like, ‘yeah, I’m gonna go…’”- Allupinyourface

“Went on a brief date with a guy I met at work. It went ok until he told me that he has a demon that lives on his shoulder, and if he can picture someone’s face perfectly in his head after they meet, it meant they were evil. He said he could sorta remember mine.. I said I had to go, but he asked for a ride home. When we got to his house I dodged a kiss, and he still had the balls to look me in the eye, put a hand on my leg, and said we should have sex. It felt like he was trying to fucking hypnotize me. Dodged those calls for a while.”-CeladonToast

“It started when he said that any adult should be able to buy any type of gun. Machine guns and all. Reason? Farmers need to shoot them wild pigs. From there I tried to gently guide him to realize how insane that is. I kept the conversation pretty reasonable. But I was thinking that I was never going to talk to this guy again. It came to the point where I could tell he wasn’t listening to me, lights on no one home. I stared him down in silence for about 2 seconds and then zoomed my ass outta there. No goodbye. I left him there with our drinks/bill so he couldn’t follow me. At that point there was no reason to stay. He texted me on my way home and said, “had a good time we should try this again sometime”. I was surprised he didnt get the glaring hint. But also not too surprised because he obviously lacked any critical thinking skills.”-ghostofaflower

“I left* a date after he dumped his full beer over my head as “a joke.” *I didn’t leave the bar, because I was already out, looking cute (before he dumped his beer on me) and DTF. So I went solo for the rest of the night and wound up having mine with a different guy who was better looking than him anyways. His loss.”- supersarah1010

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Karol G And Anuel AA Confirm They Broke Up Four Months Ago

Latidomusic

Karol G And Anuel AA Confirm They Broke Up Four Months Ago

After weeks of speculation, Karol G and Anuel AA have confirmed their breakup. Anuel was the first to reveal that the reggaeton power couple split up four months ago.

Anuel said that his relationship with Karol simply ran its course.

On Tuesday night, Anuel AA hosted an Instagram live where he revealed that he and Karol G called it quits on their relationship. To the surprise of his fans, the Puerto Rican rapper said they actually broke up around four months ago. He further explained that the split was just “something that happens in life.”

With rumors of cheating breaking them up, Anuel AA also said that was not the case and no “third party” was involved. He mentioned the split was amicable and there’s no bad blood between him and his ex-fiancée, Karol G.

Karol G also confirmed their breakup on IG.

After Anuel AA went live, Karol G posted a few messages to her Instagram story about the breakup. The Colombian reggaetonera reiterated that she ended on good terms with Anuel. That’s why they were spotted together at her recent KG0516 album party in Miami.

“If just accepting it is hard enough, imagine having to do it in front of millions of people,” Karol G wrote. “For a long time, we tried to keep our relationship away from social media in order to take care of ourselves. We have never used our relationship for marketing purposes. Not today. Not even 3 years ago.”

Her song “El Barco” appeared to hint at the split.

On her KG0516 album, Karol G sang about heartbreak in the song “El Barco.” There was speculation that she was singing about her breakup with Anuel.

“Thank you all for joining us in our crazy antics,” she continued. “I love you, Emmanuel. My gratitude to you, your family, and everything we lived, grew, and learned together is infinite.”

Anuel AA and Karol G met in 2018 while filming the music video for their collaboration “Culpables.” Anuel has a whole back tattoo of one of his favorite photos with Karol.

Click here for Latido Music, 24/7 Latin music videos & more

Read: Karol G’s ‘KG0516’ Album Has Landed: Our 5 Favorite Songs

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com