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Latino Twitter Is No Impressed By The ‘Guacamole Cheese’ A Supermarket Is Attempting To Hawk

This is why we can’t have nice things.

In a world where extreme marketing has generated awful food mashups, (Yas girl, things like hot dog eclairs, Peeps Flavored Milk and spam donuts really exist out here) there’s a reason why true basics like queso and guacamole are so beloved and valued. The two foods, which have been making appearances at the parilla since forever, aren’t just good, they are convention. A part of our culture and custom, if you will.

And they ought to not be fussed with.

But apparently, a supermarket in North Carolina just doesn’t get it. According to a representative of the brand, Fresh Market, an American chain of “gourmet” supermarkets will launch the Amanti Guacamole Cheese on May 1st.

The Gouda/ Guacamole mashup will be green be mixed with lime juice, chili, tomato, onion, and garlic.

Can you hear my screams yet???

For a limited time only (thank GAWD!) the puke green colored cheese with “a smooth texture and rich creamy guacamole taste’ will be in the chain’s 161 supermarkets. So… stock up? Or find shelter and wait it out. You pick.

Until then, know that just about everyone has an opinion about the new food.

Pretty much everyone is certain the cheese is as poor quality as it sounds.

Thank you Matt.

Others, on another level of whack, are like um yeah this sounds perf.

And I respectfully disagree Natalie.

Like this one is gearing people up to go to therapy tbh!

Boi book an appointment with your therapist RN!

Like first y’all tried to put peas in my guacamole now THIS?!!

Ay-ay-ay.

Literally no one:

Sus Food Market: HOW CAN WE DESTROY GUACAMOLE!?!

Latinx family: we have been blessed with a diaspora rich in avocado trees. Before avocados became all the rage, we grew the fruit of the gods in our backyards and made guacamole with it.

Here’s the thing, we cannot limit such a magical fruit to just one dish. Here are just 24 of probably hundreds of ways to use avocado and honor the fruit that gives us life

1. Avocado Toast

ways to use avocado
@avocados / Twitter

Don’t worry. This isn’t another post about avocado toast, but it belongs at the top of the list. Smashed avocados + warm, toasted bread is as comfort food as it gets. But avocado can do so much more.

2. Like make this avocado gelato.

@allice_park / Twitter

Did someone say comfort food earlier? And yes, you need to save the avocado shell because it’s nature’s bowl.

3. Baked Avocado Fries

@AvosMexicoCA / Twitter

Imagine biting into a crispy fry and instead of chewing down on boring, pedestrian potato, you’re eating the baked creamy fruit of our gods? Well, you can! It’s easy, just get some avocados and an oven and google that ish.

4. Sub avocado for mayo.

@BabaganoshBlog / Twitter

Literally, avocados are nature’s mayo and I will fight you on that. You can use it to make egg salad, and get many more nutrients and avocados have 0% cholesterol!

5. Make avocado pesto noodles.

@BoulderInst / Twitter

Did I eat this for both lunch and dinner yesterday? Claro q sí. And I’ll eat it again for breakfast this morning. Just blend an avocado with some basil leaves, spices, and coconut milk for a creamy taste of heaven for a nut-free, dairy-free option!

6. Chilled Avocado Gazpacho

@Buzzfeed / Twitter

You’re going to make this with avocados, chickpeas and cucumbers as the base, and then you’re going to eat a whole blender full in one sitting and thank me.

7. Bake avocados into a cake!

@Allergy_F_York / Twitter

This is a great options for all you veganos out there! Avocados are binding, like eggs, so you can sub half an avocado per egg and see what happens. Spoiler: feasting is in your future.

8. Or just turn it into cake icing.

@1KitchenStories / Twitter

I mean, it’s kind of the perfect texture, am I right? Just add some pistachios and sugar to the avocado, blend, and try to leave some for the actual cake because you’ll want to eat this with a spoon.

9. Avocado-Strawberry Bruschetta

“Another spin on avo toast. Get the recipe here.” Digital Image. Buzzfeed. 17 May 2018.

Another tropical take on an Italian classic. You already know what to do, and don’t think this would be possible without avocado. #DairyFree #Vegan

10. Bake a damn egg in an avocado.

@avocados / Twitter

Seriously, I dare you. Just layer smoked salmon and crack an egg on top and bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. Top with chile and write me thank you letters.

11. What’s an empanada without avocado drizzle?

@avocados / Twitter

Blend an avocado with cilantro and lime and store it in a ziploc bag. Cut the tip off and use it as a piper to seriously zest up your empanada game.

12. Avocado-Corn Soup

@avocados / Twitter

Forget thickening your corn soup with a can of condensed milk. Avocados are like gold that grows from trees. Use them, mija.

13. Make a dip that isn’t guacamole

@avocados / Twitter

Let’s call this a mustard dip. I mean, really, mustard could only be improved with avocados.

14. That’s an avocado milkshake ⬇️

@ErikMeadows / Twitter

And while you can make healthy smoothies using avocado, kale, etc, milkshakes are just better. Blend a can of full-fat coconut milk with mint leaves, avocado and a sprinkle of brown sugar or stevia and call yourself blessed.

15. Who says you can’t serve cafécito in a cup of avocado?

@FactRiverCom / Twitter

Like I said: nature’s bowl. I’m shooketh to say that Australians thought of this before we did, but I’m h/t anyway.

16. Yup, there’s avocado in that chocolate mousse.

@FayeJosa / Twitter

The cacao drowns out any taste of the avocado, so you’re left with the creamy texture of avocados and the bittersweet yumminess of cacao.

17. That’s some avocado-cilantro hummus right there.

@Gatherings_Inc / Twitter

Why wouldn’t this be delicious? You already know what to do, fam. This next one will elevate your Insta game.

18. Beet-Hummus Stuffed Avocados

@inspiredby_nick / Twitter

You can stuff an avocado with whatever tf you want, but we recommend the pretty pink hummus shown here. All you need is one beet for this recipe, and probably more than one stomach around.

19. Key Lime Tart

@natbotica-keylime / Twitter

My Floridian fam: you’ve got all the best limes, and your cousins have all the avocado trees. You live in a paradise. Act like it and make this.

20. We can’t forget avocado brownies.

@radiancecleanse / Twitter

They truly add a fudgey texture to these bad boys that you can attribute to a serving of fruit. How millennial am I for wanting to worship an avocado tree right now?

21. Make yourself a vegan deviled egg.

@ReInVeganate / Twitter

You can be bad and bougie, too, my amigos veganos. You can also stuff a baked baby potato with a turmeric-nooch blend of avocados if you want to swap which part of the egg this is.

22. Stuff the avocado, then fry it. 😭

@UrbanSwank / Twitter

This is real, y’all. This one is stuffed with crab meat and then deep fried, but get creative for us and let us know what you’d make in the comments below.

23. Behold, a variation on an avocado milkshake:

@ZengaTVMedia / Twitter

Frozen bananas. That’s what usually makes smoothies so creamy, but you can use them with avocados and coconut milk to add some natural sweetener to your shake.

24. I leave you with avocado cream:

“Avocado Cream / Peden + Munk.” Digital Image. Epicurious. 17 May 2018.

I know, this feels counterintuitive, but if you blend an avocado with apple cider vinegar and sour cream (and spices of course), you’ll get yourself a pretty tasty dip. It will never replace guacamole, but it’ll do with fries.

J.Lo’s Iconic Versace Dress Was Googled So Much When She Wore It In 2000 Google Created 'Google Images'

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J.Lo’s Iconic Versace Dress Was Googled So Much When She Wore It In 2000 Google Created ‘Google Images’

@PageSix /Twitter

Who can forget the dress that shot Jennifer Lopez into the fashion Goddess stratosphere overnight? That miraculous jungle green, palm print gown made of chiffon,  held in place by the power of Zeus. It was a lightning strike moment in February of 2000 when J.Lo appeared with Sean Combs on the red carpet of the Grammys.  It was a moment that made pop culture history.  The Council of Fashion Designers, CFDA, has announced that they will honor Lopez with the Fashion Icon Award on June 3rd.

Hearing the news, the Jenny from the Block singer was quick to go on youtube for a video titled “Moments in Fashion:  The Versace Dress” and gush about the dress, her friendship to Luigi Massi, and to tell of the night she became a fashion icon.  

Here are 20 facts you didn’t know about that amazing Versace dress.

1.    Mucho Dinero

@jlover_queen_ily/ instagram

In 2000, the Versace gown would set you back $15,000 dollars.  The dress was made from silk chiffon and clasped together several inches below the navel with a brooch.  That brooch and under garment were covered in citrine crystals.

2.    She’s Still Got It.

@jloverciarra/instagram

In a video diary she did with People magazine four year ago Lopez revealed that she still has the dress on a mannequin in her walk-in closet.

3.    Her Parents Were Shocked but Supportive.

@jrodheaven/instagram

One thing you might have been wondering is what her parents were thinking when she chose that dress.  On an episode of Oprah back in 2002, J.Lo and her mother gave an interview talking about mom and dad’s reaction to the dress.  J.Lo’s mother was in shock but supportive.  “My first impression was “Oh my God!”  She told the audience.  J.Lo’s father wanted her to wear something more covered up.  In the end, both chose to be supportive of their daughter’s daring fashion choice.

4.    Was She Going to Fall Out?

@hrh_klynch/instagram

While everyone held their breath waiting for an epic wardrobe malfunction, J.Lo was totally chill.  Why? Double sided tape.  “I was so securely stuck into that thing,” Lopez said in her youtube video. “There was going to be no mishaps.”

5.    It Stole the Show.

@j.lo/twitter

The moment she walked on stage with David Duchovny to present the award for Best R&B Album, the crowd stood up and applauded.  A standing ovation for a dress?  Yaaaaaas!

6.    Fourth Time’s the Charm.

@enews/twitter

It was not the first time the dress had been worn in public.  It was first worn by Donatella Versace herself, then by model Amber Valletta for its runway debut.  Then it was worn by Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell a month before Lopez would wear it and make it famous.

7.  And the Dress Almost Didn’t Even Happen!

jlo / Instagram

J.Lo’s stylist wanted her to pass on the Versace dress.  It had been worn out three times already and she wanted her to wear something new.  But the dress fitting took place the day of the Grammy’s  while J.Lo was filming “The Wedding Planner” and there was no time to fuss.  It was literally a last minute decision.

8.    Barely Any Red Carpet Time

@90scelebvibes/instagram

You would think with all the photos we see of J.Lo smiling for the paparazzi that she had hours to stand around posing on the red carpet, but actually she was running late.  She was the first presenter of the night so she had to rush the red carpet to meet her fellow presenter David Duchovny backstage.

9.  J.Lo is Responsible for Google Images?

@webdebsites/instagram

Eric Schmidt, President of Google said in a 2015 interview, that J.Lo’s dress was the most searched term in google’s history up to that point. The high demand drove google to create a search engine that showed photo results instead of text.  It was then named Google Images.  

10.  Mega Downloads

@jlo.legend/instagram

The only way you could see images of J.Lo’s fabulous frock that night in 2000 was to download it directly from the Grammy website.  In the 24 hours following the awards show, it  was downloaded 642,917 times.

11.    J.Lo Overshadowed Santana

While J.Lo didn’t win the award she was nominated for, she did win for most press coverage.  The next morning she was on the cover of newspapers across the country.  She said in her youtube video that she had a massive picture on the cover of the LA times and in a small box on the bottom of the page was a picture of Santana who had won 11 Grammys the night before.

12.    It Saved a Fashion House.

Donatella Versace was at a turning point in her career.  Gianni Versace had passed away in 1997 and Donatella was struggling to find her own voice within the fashion house.  It was that moment when J.Lo made the dress infamous that the House of Versace was reborn.

13.    Not Her First Fashion Award 

The award she will get from the CFDA this June is just one of many awards she has received for her iconic style.  In 2002, the VH1 Vogue Fashion Awards named J.Lo the most influential star of the year and the award was presented to Lopez by Donatella herself.

14.    The Trey Parker Parody

@wrtsnydck/instagram

The following month, Trey Parker, creator of South Park and the musical The Book of Mormon, went to the Academy Awards and wore a copy of J.Lo’s dress on the red carpet. Making the dress a show stealer twice!

15.    Ellen Wore It, too.

@TheEllenShow / Twitter

Ellen crashed J.Lo’s Las Vegas show “Jennifer Lopez: All I Have” in 2017 wearing the green dress, and a busty body suit.  J.Lo laughed it off, but Ellen persisted that she should be J.Lo’s understudy and began to order the people backstage around.

16.    Pretty Affordable Copy 

 @OfficialPLT / Twitter

Online fashion retailer PrettyLittleThing sold an almost exact copy of the dress on their online store for a mere $50 back in 2015. 

17.    Ebay Has You Covered

Another way to get the dress is to find a used Versace for sale on resale sites.  Prices range from $2000 to $7000 dollars.  

18.    Deja Vu

@jlo.bronx/instagram

J.Lo recreated her legendary look for a 2015 concert in her home neighborhood of the Bronx.  She came out in a slightly altered bodysuit and fishnets.  The pattern and the plunging neckline were still represented.

19.    The Co-Designer was Luigi Massi.

@bbafmagazine/instagram

Luigi Massi was Donatella Versace’s right hand man and he had a hand in tailoring many of J.Lo’s looks over the last 20 years including that palm print gown.  J.Lo cried when speaking about him in her youtube video because he had passed away a few weeks ago.  “He couldn’t speak English, and I couldn’t speak Italian but we always understood each other.  We had such fun working together for 20 years.”

20.     J.Lo Thought About Selling the Dress

@glowgrl/twitter

In a 2000 Documentary for MTV Lopez tells the camera in a confessional moment that she was thinking of selling the dress to Planet Hollywood and giving the proceeds to charity. She then went on to say “I can’t go to sleep with my Grammy dress every night.”

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