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20 Things I Never Want To Hear Come Out Of Your Dang Mouth When I’m On My Period

Unless you want an earful, never ask a “moody” mujer if she’s on her period. While having a period (which is obviously natural and inevitable) and talking about it is less taboo than it used to be, many mujeres would rather you didn’t come at them with all your stupid comments, especially when we have one of those tinny headaches, the kind that makes the sound of your voice set our teeth on edge.

Mi mamá never talked about being on her period.

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“Mi mamá never talked about her period. We never even knew she had one.” Well, Vato, your mamá grew up in a different time, and do you really want to compare your bae to your mom today, during this time of the month, or ever? Not only is it bad form, but it’s also downright Freudian. And ese Freud, he was a pendejo too.

Why are you taking your bag to the bathroom?

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At school, the last thing a young woman wants to hear, when she’s sure she’s about to have a tampon malfunction, is a teacher questioning her attempt at discretion:

Well, señor, if I don’t bring my mochila, the whole class is going to know I’m on my period, and I’m still a teenager, and I haven’t learned to not feel insecure about all these new things I’m learning about my body, things I’ve have learned to feel shame about, so thanks for putting me on blast. And while we’re asking questions, how long have you been teaching?

What are you on the rag?

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We also don’t want to be catcalled and then insulted for by some rando on the street for ignoring his bad manners: “What are you on the fucking rag?

As a matter of fact, cabron, I am on the rag? Do you want to see what that looks like right now? Is that really what you want?

Do you really have to soak your bloody underwear in a bucket in the tub?

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Why, yes, I do have to soak my bloody underwear in the tub. Would you rather I do it in the kitchen sink or in a pot on the stove? Mujeres, we all know that the best blast of cold water comes out of the bathtub nozzle, amiright?

Why is there blood on the toilet seat?

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Guys piss on toilet seats everywhere they go, everyday, and we get this mierda when we, one time, accidentally leave a drop of blood on the seat. Felicititaciónes, now you get to clean up after me, and preferably quietly, as I have done 99 out of 100 hundred times I had to clean up after you in the bathroom.

You want me to go to the store and buy what?

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There are just some days when we can’t get out of bed between the pain and flood. There are just some days we’re going to need your help, so if you ever want to see me again, you’ll get on down to the market and find the feminine hygiene aisle. A qué esperas? Apuraté!

You must still be on your period.

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Why is this the go-to comment when women aren’t acting like men think we should act, or when we don’t act the way they want us to, when we have feelings, moods, or opinions?

You’re still hungry?

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We don’t like feeling like bottomless pits who can’t seem to feel satisfied no matter what we eat either. None of this means that you should comment on it. And eating what we happen to be craving, often sugar, carbs, and salt just makes us feel worse.

Are you sure you’re not pregnant? You look like you’re pregnant.

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If I’m not pregnant, I’m miscarrying your seed. Should I go on, do you really want me to go on, or do you want to shut up right now?

Why are you crying? This movie isn’t even that sad.

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And questions like this one are why not having a mother who talked about her period is a problem. If our crying makes you uncomfortable, just pretend you don’t notice. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Are you sure your period is totally over?

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Fortunately, people are becoming less afraid of period sex and it can actually be therapeutic, but try telling that to some tipos who could easily do these things: put a towel down, use a condom, try some creative positions, take a shower afterward, masturbate instead.

Sorry, Babe, I ate all the brownies.

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WTF? Who raised you so wrong that you ate the last anything without offering to share it. And let us give you a word of advice: calendar. Use a one. Mark the possible days your bae will likely be on her period, and don’t forget to include the PMS days. Now, prepare to do some shopping in advance. Yes, planning for the monthly period takes half the month! Stock up on chocolate, ice cream, all her faves — you call yourself a feminist, orale!

It doesn’t hurt that bad, does it?

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When it comes to los cólicos, the period cramps, there are all sorts of things we don’t want to hear. Things like, it doesn’t hurt that bad does it? Since pain tolerance varies for all people, this is also just a very stupid thing to say to anyone.

I never get period cramps.

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Well, aren’t you one of the lucky ones. If you’re a good friend you won’t be so insensitive as mention how fortunate you are that you don’t get cramps while your amiga suffers at home in her nightie, unable to get out of bed to make herself lunch.

So what does it feel like?

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It seems like some men ask this question because they don’t believe that cramps can be as bad as we say they are. And they seem to always ask just at the wrong time.

Exercise makes the cramps go away, doesn’t it?

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Many women have such painful cramps that they can do very little during the first day or two of their regla, and it’s often not just cramps, but all-over body pain, nausea, and blaring headaches. While exercise can help for many women, for those who experience such intense period symptoms, it may not help at all, and during those first days, there may be no product that would make it comfortable to exercise in without staining our clothes, which we’re going to do anyway laying in bed. So do your bae, your amiga, your hermana, your hija, or your mamà a favor, go to the store, get her what she needs, keep her company when she wants watch her favorite movie, or get the hell out of her face when she just wants to be alone.

When your period is over can you …

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Can I what? Wash the sheets? Brush my hair? Start cooking again? Go out of the house? Watch what you want to watch on Netflix for the rest of the month? Dame fuerza, Virgen, dame fuerza.

Saying the Right Thing

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And in case you want to make things right, here are a couple of things you could say during her regla.

Be more like this dog.

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For most women, periods are just a fact of life. They can be a major inconvenience. A simple “I hope your feel better soon,” can go a long way.

Since it your woman time, here’s some chocolate.

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We’ll forgive these dudes for not being able to write the word period because this is a super sweet gesture, and they know how to use apostrophes!

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Ted Cruz Calls Fellow Senator ‘Complete Ass’ For Wearing Masks Indoors Per Health Guidelines

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Ted Cruz Calls Fellow Senator ‘Complete Ass’ For Wearing Masks Indoors Per Health Guidelines

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Covid-19 cases are surging across the U.S. and that is a fact. Americans have experienced more than 100,000 cases of Covid every day for the last two weeks. Deaths and hospitalizations from the relentless virus are also on the rise.

Sen. Ted Cruz tweeted this the same day that more than 166,000 Americans tested positive for Covid.

On Nov. 16, more than 166,000 Americans tested positive for Covid while 796 Americans died. Sen. Cruz’s tweet goes directly against all of the advice and evidence from scientists and health experts trying to slow the spread of the virus. The most important tool to stop the spread is for people to wear masks the entire time that they are gathering indoors.

“Some of these far-left senators like Senator Brown just can’t help themselves on their desire to want to lecture people on these kinds of issues, whether it’s lecturing other US senators or lecturing working families, and I think it’s a put-off,” Sen. Dan Sullivan said on Fox News. “People recognize the challenges — we’re going to get through these challenges — but to be lectured or preached to by senior officials is something that I think is not, not, I certainly didn’t appreciate.”

The tweet immediately drew outrage for people ready to get the virus under control.

Americans have been forced to live with the virus since March as the federal government has refused to respond. President Trump has criticized people for wearing masks despite the evidence that the masks are the best tool we have to fight the virus.

Some people have focused on the fact that Sen. Cruz is unconcerned about the safety of the stenographer.

“The fact is that every time a senator stands up and speaks, there is a Senate stenographer about six feet away, and senators that don’t wear masks are putting them at risk,” Sen. Brown said on CNN about the exchange. “I know that Ted Cruz doesn’t see the Senate stenographer because she is — it’s always a she in these cases — one of those essential workers that usually doesn’t get paid a lot of money and exposes themselves, those essential workers, to the public and then goes home anxious at night about potentially infecting their families.”

Republican Senator Chuck Grassley confirmed a positive Covid test result the next day.

Sen. Grassley tested positive for Covid a day after Sen. Cruz claimed that wearing a mask indoors is virtue signaling. The virus is currently surging across the country and leading health experts are warning of the dangers of traveling this holidays season. The CDC told Americans to avoid traveling for Thanksgiving the day after the U.S. crossed the grim milestone of 250,000 Covid deaths.

“The tragedy that could happen is that one of your family members from coming to this family gathering and they could end up severely ill, hospitalized or dying. And we don’t want that to happen,” Dr. Henry Walke, the CDC’s COVID-19 incident manager, said during a press briefing. “These times are tough, it’s been a long outbreak, almost 11 months or and we understand people are tired.”

He added: “We understand that people want to see their family and relatives and do it as they’ve always done it. But this year we’re asking them to limit their travel.”

More than 250,000 Americans have died from Covid and rhetoric like this can be dangerous.

Health experts are urging Americans to wear their masks, especially when they are indoors. States and cities across the country still have masks mandates in place to protect their residents from spreading the virus.

READ: How To Safely Gather For The Holidays In The Time Of Covid

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Ben Watkins Of ‘MasterChef Junior’ Has Died From A Rare Form Of Cancer

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Ben Watkins Of ‘MasterChef Junior’ Has Died From A Rare Form Of Cancer

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The “MasterChef Junior” family is sadly in mourning.

Ben Watkins, a fan-favorite contestant on the show for children who love to cook, has died. Watkins was just 14. He passed away on Monday, after a year-long battle of fighting a rare form of cancer.

According to Chicago Tribune Watkins passed away after struggling with a rare form of cancer for a year and a half.

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Just three years after Watkins lost both of his parents to a domestic violence incident, the teen’s family is being forced to say ‘goodbye’ to him. Watkins uncle Anthony Edwards and grandmother Donna Edwards issued a statement on Monday that said their beloved family member had gone “home to be with his mother.”

“After losing both of his parents in September 2017, we have marveled at Ben’s strength, courage and love for life. He never, ever complained. Ben was and will always be the strongest person we know. When Ben’s rare illness was shared with the world, he was so heartened by the outpouring of love he received from every corner of the globe–especially here in his hometown of Gary, Indiana,” the statement, which was shared on a GoFundMe campaign page, stated. “We cannot thank this community enough for holding our family up in prayer and for all that you’ve done. Ben suffered more than his share in his fourteen years on this Earth but we take solace in that his suffering is finally over and in that, in the end, Ben knew he was loved by so many. #Love4Ben.”

Watkins was diagnosed last year with Angiomatoid Fibrous Histiocytoma, just days before his 13th birthday.

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Angiomatoid Fibrous Histiocytoma is a rare soft tissue cancer. It occurs in only a small number of children and young adults and is characterized by cystic blood-filled spaces and made up of histiocyte-like cells.

“Young Ben is one of only six people in the entire world diagnosed with this illness. Ben is currently undergoing treatment at Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago. Despite all of Ben’s trials and tribulations, he remains positive and looks forward to getting back in the kitchen and pursuing his dream to become an Engineer.   Members of the community have joined together to see that the life challenges that Ben has gone through does not derail him from reaching his full potential and fulfilling his dreams,” the statement concluded.

According to Chicago Tribune, Watkin’s had a golf-ball-sized tumor in his neck that had grown into a grapefruit-sized mass. Watkins underwent chemotherapy treatment for tumors located on his lungs, spine, and shoulder.

“Despite all the pain and sickness Ben went through, he never complained, not once,” Edwards told the Chicago Tribune. “We were praying for a different outcome. But Ben’s lungs could no longer give him the air he needed to breathe. It’s been devastating.”

According to the Chicago Tribune, “When Ben was first diagnosed, one of his doctors began writing a medical paper on Ben’s rare disease. Adhering to privacy rules, the doctor didn’t use Ben’s name. You can use my name,” Ben told the doctor. ‘Do whatever it takes. I don’t want another kid to have to go through what I’m going through.’ Ben and his family also consented for tissue to be extracted from his cancerous tumors after his death, to be shared with researchers. By doing so, Ben’s altruistic legacy will continue in the medical community as well as in his family.”

Speaking about his nephew, Edwards told Chicago Times that “Ben will always be our superhero.”

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