Fierce

20 Signs Your Best Friend Might Be Struggling With An Emotionally Abusive Partner

When we talk about abusive relationships we often imagine physical violence. Because of its ability to be visibly recognized it’s easy for us to discern that physical violence is not okay under any circumstance. It’s abuse. But what about other kinds of violence and abuse? Not all of its so visual or easy to notice. Emotional abuse constitutes the minimization and humiliation of a partner. They may have never laid a hand on you, but they’re always making you feel like trash.

Your partner might have never laid a hand on you but their words can make you feel like you’re an incompatible partner, inadequate person and in worst case scenarios like you’re complete trash.

1. They make you feel like you don’t understand anything or that you are always wrong.

emcpetrola10 / Instagram

It doesn’t have to be in an argument. Signs that your partner might be emotionally abusive can pop up in normal conversations and be subtle. They might not say direct things like “that’s a dumb thing to say” but if they give off the impression that you never say anything intelligent and that you are always  wrong no matter what can be a sign of emotional abuse. 

2. They start to call you things like “crazy.”

jlascas / Instagram

Has your partner made you start to feel like everything is in your head? Perhaps like your feelings aren’t valid, because you’re “overreacting,” “thinking too much,” or “behaving crazy.” Gaslighting is a very real thing and its a sort of emotional abuse that your partner can use to make you start to believe that what you know to be true isn’t real or question your own perception of reality.

3. They want constant control over your life.

louisebraendekilde / Instagram

It can start off with little things, like wanting to know when you’ll be home or asking you to wear a certain clothing. They might tell you to stop wearing your red lipstick and hoops because it makes you look “slutty” or demand that you cut off communication with certain friends, exes, and co-workers.  Perhaps they start wanting to control what you spend and where. Having a partner who begins to control your life in ways that truly do not concern them based of off Jealousy, possessiveness is unhealthy and abusive.

4. They don’t respect or listen to you when you say “no.”

oceanfrontrecovery / Instagram

You don’t want to have sex tonight but they complain and gripe and even cry until you give up. They make you finally give in after constant nagging despite the fact that you’ve outlined your comfort zone. Sexual assault is very real and it can happen in relationships. Whether it’s making you feel guilty or as if it’s your responsibility to satisfy them. 

5. They don’t hit you, but somehow you have physical bruises.

emotions_depressed / Instagram

Physical abuse doesn’t just occur at a slap, hit, shove, or punch. You can have a partner that pinches you or holds onto you to tight whether you’re or arguing, wanting to leave an argument or just talking. 

6. They try to make you believe that you’re unlovable.

Only they can love you, want you, be good to you. Somehow your partner tries to convince or tell you that no one in the whole entire world could accept you for who you are but them. They also use this and your love for them as leverage to get what they want. “If you don’t do this or you do do it, I’ll never speak to you again” or “If you do this I’ll never love you again” can be part of this.

7. They never give you support when you deserve it.

zo_kris_rose / Instagram

Ever question why it is that any time something good happens to you, whether it’s a promotion a salary raise, your birthday, the birth of a niece, that somehow they always end up picking a fight with you? Even in your highest of times and achievements they end up making you question whether or not you deserve what you’ve gotten and your self-worth. That’s an abuser.

8. They don’t like when you talk to other people.

taradaigs / Instagram

They don’t like to hear anyone else’s opinion but they’re own and they want you to feel the same. Their efforts to isolate you from others like family and friends who could help you get out of the abusive relationship is a major red flag.

9. You’re always to blame.

paragonrecovery / Instagram

Somehow you’re always doing something to make your partner upset. They raise their voice, punch a whole in the wall, throw a plate and you are somehow the one that made them do it. They are never to blame for their actions and you are the one “asking for it.

This is a huge problem and a major sign that you are in an abusive relationship.

10. They make you doubt your feelings.

organicallyemma / Instagram

It’s hard to understand how to question someone’s motives when you should be able to trust them. If you have a hard time describing your situation to friends and constantly call into question whether your friend is truly getting understanding “of both sides of the story” in order to justify your partners behavior you might want to consider what parts of your relationship might make you do this and whether they are signs of abuse. 

11. They don’t want other people interfering.

thecarmencorral / Instagram

They just want things to be “between you and them.” They don’t think your problems are other people’s problems and that your friends should “stay out” of your business. 

12. They express their aggressiveness by hitting and throwing objects.

sylvia.hall / Instagram

Everyone takes it out on a door every once and a while, but if your partner starts throwing, hitting and destroying objects to demonstrate their strength you should definitely consider this a threat that suggests you could be next.

13. They yell.

erosionthemovie / Instagram

Raised voices happen, but consider how excessive yelling gets in your relationships. Are you and your partner raising your voices to be heard or is your partner yelling AT you. Constant yelling and screaming in a relationship can be a sign of escalation that leads to violence.

14. They hit you.

bohoexoticstudio / Instagram

This is abuse. GET OUT.

15. They promise they won’t do it anymore.

daniielleax / Instagram

Your partner is repentant and sorry that they’ve treated you like a punching bag or louded into you with their loud voice, criticisms and name calling. It doesn’t matter how expensive the gifts they send you are or how nicely written their notes are you must come to terms that you are in a relatinoship with an abusive partner and you must get out. 

16. You’ve started to believe it’s all your fault.

asteroide.ph / Instagram
After all the arguments your partner has started to make you believe that you deserve the abuse. This is your abusive partners effort to make you feel like what they are doing is justified.

17. They make you nervous.

priderecoveryla / Instagram

Partners should make you feel secure and love. Not as if they are going to break up with you for decisions you’ve made, something you’ve worn or how you cooked dinner.

18. They make you feel like you are not enough.

abusive relationship
blnt / Instagram

They cheat on you because you don’t like to do certain things in bed or aren’t up for having sex as often as they are. They tell you that it’s your fault, “if only you would __“. It’s caca girl. Walk away.

19. You are constantly fighting to make them happy.

sekretempire / Instagram

Nothing’s wrong with wanting to keep your partner happy. But once you find yourself constantly doing things to make them love you and feel happy you need to know that you’ve got problems. If you find yourself keeping quiet about something they’ve done to bother you to keep the peace, avoid going out with your friends to avoid a fight there’s a problem.

20. Get help.

gabyl.lopez / Instagram

Talk to someone you trust, or get support at the National Domestic Violence Hotline via their live chat option or at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), which is available 24/7.


Recommend this story by clicking the share button below! 

Latinas Shared Their Best Bits Of Marriage Advice And The Comment Section Got REAL

Fierce

Latinas Shared Their Best Bits Of Marriage Advice And The Comment Section Got REAL

Pinterest

Recently, a FIERCE reader posed a pretty poignant question on Twitter: “If you could give me advice on marriage, what would it be?”

Married folks and mujeres that were once married offered up their best bits of advice! Check them out below!

View marriage as a bonus not the piece to a missing puzzle.

My advice: don’t do it!! JUST KIDDING. my mom says, view marriage as an additional bonus to your life not as a completion . You’re an amazing complete woman on your own.” –pelucaazul

Beware the red flags.

“As someone going through a divorce: make a list of all the red flags (small and big) and play each one out and truly determine if any are problematic. The small red flags now always come back up later. Some can be worked on, some can be communicated through , but some are a sign of unsettled trauma/machismo/addictions/narcissism etc.”- _ashlyndarling

Keep up the dating game.

“Never stop dating each other!”-mariaelena34

If you’re getting advice about your life, get it from the right people.

“Its between you two!!! . Dont try to fit your relationship into stereotypical molds… what works for you may not be what other ppl say! Also, dont bad talk your boo even if you’re mad and frustrated. What you feed, grows. And always remember to flirt with your husband lik y’all still dating. And, if you turn to someone for advice, make sure they understand healthy marriages. Soooooo many ppl in the world giving advice but dont have a healthy successful marrige…. be open wi th your boo, be honest, nd hve fun! Best wishes&blessings – AH.”-autumnhype

Don’t compare yourself. It’s not a tit for tat game.

“Never compare yourself to other marriages or your parent’s marriage. Your marriage is whatever you want it to be and cultivate together, this is completely up to you and your spouse. This is the most freeing thing I have ever heard and made me appreciate my marriage more!”-cathrinemolstad

Don’t put up with behaviors or treatments within marriage that your instincts are telling you are wrong.

“Married 20 years and my best advice is to trust your instincts. In my marriage what has worked is respecting my partner and expecting that same level of respect, that reciprocity goes for kindness, compassion, patience, and forgiveness too. But, ultimately, this is big, don’t marry someone if your instincts are telling you it’s wrong, don’t put up with behaviors or treatments within marriage that your instincts are telling you are wrong, and don’t stay if those same instincts are telling you it’s wrong. You know you, what you want, need, can and can’t handle. That’s the voice to defer to – not your friends, society, or family. The union should bring you and the other person great personal growth. I realize that all sounds like a high bar and it is. People get and stay married, settling for far less than they should, because there is (or they perceive) external pressures to do so. Resist this. Marriage is not for everyone and not every partner is a commit your life partner. Finally, though, it’s 2020. Marriage isn’t irreversible. If it’s not working, that’s okay and don’t take it as a failure, but an awareness of your worth and growth.”-sheexistshere

Grow with each other.

“Grow with each other. Ive been with mine for 8 years (married 2). We started dating at 16 and 19, and man have times changed. If we didn’t make mistakes, keep each other accountable, help each other figure out what we each wanted to do, we won’t be together after all this time.” –danielaherreranyc

Communication is key

“Always communicate even if it sounds like something silly and always find time for each other no matter how busy your day can be.”-lauraelnasser

We Asked Latinas Why They Are Waiting Or Waited To Have Sex Before Marriage

Fierce

We Asked Latinas Why They Are Waiting Or Waited To Have Sex Before Marriage

Ah celibacy. Whether it’s chalked up to religious beliefs or the age-old adage of “buying the cow when you can get the milk for free” everyone has opinions about staying away from sex before marriage. Interested in what Latinas think, we posed the question of why women are actually waiting an boy did we get a whole heck of a lot answers!

Christianity

“I’m about to turn 30 years old and I’m waiting due to my Christian beliefs.” –sweetascandy1990

Taking past relationships as a lesson learned.

“My spirituality. First I would like to say that I’m not a virgin I have a child. But after splitting with her dad I realize that sex is bigger than what I thought it was. That’s why I decided to be celibate and wait until marriage.” – thebeautyplugbymaria

Growing up in a household where this is scripture.

“I want to save myself for the person I am going to marry. 🙂 I don’t want to have been with multiple people before I get married. I want the person I will spend the rest of my life with to be my first and only…. i don’t know. I think that’s just my personal preference. I have grown up in a religious household and I feel just fine without the sex in my relationship. I just think that I wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who has already been with a bunch of other women so I wouldn’t want to do the same to the person I end up marrying. It’s just my preference. I see nothing wrong with anybody else sex life but I personally practice abstinence and am happy with my decision!”-karls104

Yearning for a special bond and weeding out the wrong guys.

“It was a religious decision at first, but once I got older it morphed into a more personal decision. I wanted that special bond with the one person I would love and who would love me for the rest of my life. I didn’t want a bunch of memories with random men who didn’t value me for anything more than my body. And I knew I wanted my life partner to also be more than sex. I want someone dependable, and someone I can laugh with first and foremost. Of course you can find that even if you aren’t celibate while dating. But I think being a “celibate dater” helps put personality as the #1 priority to focus on. When a relationship is sexual before marriage you’re focused on more than just 1) can I laugh with them forever 2) are they dependable? 3) do they cross any of my non-negotiables?”- alfonsina_mj

The holy trinity.

“Catholic guilt”- brendapa89