Fierce

This 107-Year-Old Woman Tells Joke Of The Year By Saying Secret To Longevity Is Staying Single

This one is for all the single ladies out there. For those who have an aversion to f*ckboys, f*ckgirls, and f*ckpeople, and for all the little homies out there that prefer the company of their own damned selves to anyone else, you’ll love this abuela-in-age-only. It turns out the secret to a long life isn’t some fad diet, magic pill, or even exercise, apparently. A woman who is older than a century — that means she’s lived long enough to see Jim Crow, the moon landing, World War II, AOL, Y2K, and every Pitbull music video ever made (including features) — revealed her secret to a long life. 

Hint: trust no man! 

So what are you doing for your big 1-0-7? 

Louise Signore, a resident of the Bronx, New York (editor’s note: yerrr), celebrated her 107th birthday on Wednesday. She had a lit party at the JASA Bartow Community Center in Co-Op city with over 100 of her closest friends and loved ones.

OK to be fair, Signore does maintain a healthy diet and does in fact exercise on the regular. But lots of people lead healthy lifestyles and they kick the bucket a lot younger than Signore. 

“If they have exercise, I do the exercise. If they have dancing, I dance. I still do a little dancing. After my lunch, I will play bingo, so I had a full day,” Signore, who is Italian American, told WCBS. “Italian food. Italian food is very good for you. I was brought up with very good food. No soda, no cake.”

The secret of the century… 

Signore believes the key to her youthful glow and longevity is never marrying. Do you hear that? The key to a long life is staying single and living your best life. As the saying goes: the most important relationship of your life is the one with yourself. 

“I think the secret of 107: I never got married. I think that’s the secret. My sister says, ‘I wish I never got married,” she said.

Perhaps, Signore feels she got a little more out of life than other people who had to prioritize their children and partners over other experiences. With duties more equally split amongst partners nowadays, things might be different for women who choose to marry in 2019 and beyond. 

Signore’s sister is 102 years old. It sounds like she was once married, but she is also over a century old like Signore. I am starting to think Signore’s theory might fall apart under greater scientific scrutiny. You hate to see it! But we love to see a woman who is proud of her life choices either way. (It’s also possible Signore just wanted to drag her sister’s marriage a little bit. Don’t make it hot, abuela.) 

Laughing at all those memes might grant you a long life too. 

“I said I’ve had enough parties,” Signore joked. In Signore’s community, she’s known for her dry sense of humor and being agile as ever. Fun fact: Destiny’s Child wrote a song about Signore it’s called “Independent Women.” 

“She’s got no walking cane, no wheelchair. She does all her shopping. She’s awesome,” said her friend Deborah Whitaker. 

While her sister doesn’t take any prescription medicine, Signore admits she takes one high blood pressure pill. 

Things were really popping off in 1912.

Born in Harlem, New York in 1912, Signore moved to the Bronx when she was 14 and has called it home ever since. The year she was born Woodrow Wilson took office, the Titanic hit an iceberg, and Mexico was embroiled in a revolution that would last another eight years; women still wore pantaloons under their dresses, the Dominican Republic was ending its bloody civil war, and people would have to wait another 92 years to hear Pitbull’s M.I.A.M.I. 

Abuelita is a survivor.

While Signore believes she has been lucky in life, her time on this earth has not been without challenges. She is legally blind, recently had a close call with pneumonia, and survived an assault and robbery at 103 years old. 

Life is the longest thing any of us will ever do no matter when it ends. Some of us like to be cuffed up, others prefer to go it by themselves. Just remember, being single doesn’t mean you are ever alone. Signore has a community of over 100 people to celebrate her life with. However way you choose to go through it, Signore shows that it’s the relationships we form  — platonic or romantic — that matter most. 

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