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This 107-Year-Old Woman Tells Joke Of The Year By Saying Secret To Longevity Is Staying Single

This one is for all the single ladies out there. For those who have an aversion to f*ckboys, f*ckgirls, and f*ckpeople, and for all the little homies out there that prefer the company of their own damned selves to anyone else, you’ll love this abuela-in-age-only. It turns out the secret to a long life isn’t some fad diet, magic pill, or even exercise, apparently. A woman who is older than a century — that means she’s lived long enough to see Jim Crow, the moon landing, World War II, AOL, Y2K, and every Pitbull music video ever made (including features) — revealed her secret to a long life. 

Hint: trust no man! 

So what are you doing for your big 1-0-7? 

Louise Signore, a resident of the Bronx, New York (editor’s note: yerrr), celebrated her 107th birthday on Wednesday. She had a lit party at the JASA Bartow Community Center in Co-Op city with over 100 of her closest friends and loved ones.

OK to be fair, Signore does maintain a healthy diet and does in fact exercise on the regular. But lots of people lead healthy lifestyles and they kick the bucket a lot younger than Signore. 

“If they have exercise, I do the exercise. If they have dancing, I dance. I still do a little dancing. After my lunch, I will play bingo, so I had a full day,” Signore, who is Italian American, told WCBS. “Italian food. Italian food is very good for you. I was brought up with very good food. No soda, no cake.”

The secret of the century… 

Signore believes the key to her youthful glow and longevity is never marrying. Do you hear that? The key to a long life is staying single and living your best life. As the saying goes: the most important relationship of your life is the one with yourself. 

“I think the secret of 107: I never got married. I think that’s the secret. My sister says, ‘I wish I never got married,” she said.

Perhaps, Signore feels she got a little more out of life than other people who had to prioritize their children and partners over other experiences. With duties more equally split amongst partners nowadays, things might be different for women who choose to marry in 2019 and beyond. 

Signore’s sister is 102 years old. It sounds like she was once married, but she is also over a century old like Signore. I am starting to think Signore’s theory might fall apart under greater scientific scrutiny. You hate to see it! But we love to see a woman who is proud of her life choices either way. (It’s also possible Signore just wanted to drag her sister’s marriage a little bit. Don’t make it hot, abuela.) 

Laughing at all those memes might grant you a long life too. 

“I said I’ve had enough parties,” Signore joked. In Signore’s community, she’s known for her dry sense of humor and being agile as ever. Fun fact: Destiny’s Child wrote a song about Signore it’s called “Independent Women.” 

“She’s got no walking cane, no wheelchair. She does all her shopping. She’s awesome,” said her friend Deborah Whitaker. 

While her sister doesn’t take any prescription medicine, Signore admits she takes one high blood pressure pill. 

Things were really popping off in 1912.

Born in Harlem, New York in 1912, Signore moved to the Bronx when she was 14 and has called it home ever since. The year she was born Woodrow Wilson took office, the Titanic hit an iceberg, and Mexico was embroiled in a revolution that would last another eight years; women still wore pantaloons under their dresses, the Dominican Republic was ending its bloody civil war, and people would have to wait another 92 years to hear Pitbull’s M.I.A.M.I. 

Abuelita is a survivor.

While Signore believes she has been lucky in life, her time on this earth has not been without challenges. She is legally blind, recently had a close call with pneumonia, and survived an assault and robbery at 103 years old. 

Life is the longest thing any of us will ever do no matter when it ends. Some of us like to be cuffed up, others prefer to go it by themselves. Just remember, being single doesn’t mean you are ever alone. Signore has a community of over 100 people to celebrate her life with. However way you choose to go through it, Signore shows that it’s the relationships we form  — platonic or romantic — that matter most. 

Our FIERCE Readers Share Some of the Most Outrageous Lies They’ve Told To Get Some Time Away With Their Boo

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Our FIERCE Readers Share Some of the Most Outrageous Lies They’ve Told To Get Some Time Away With Their Boo

@theromantictravelers / Instagram

Vacationing with your significant other is a big step in a relationship. It isn’t just the shared travel or the expense that can be the most trying. Many times, it’s figuring out a cover story to tell the padres. Don’t got it wrong, we’re grown. However, Latinx folk still have to answer to our parents when we leave the house. So if we want to vacay with the novio, we need an alibi. 

With this in mind, we asked our FIERCE readers what their go-to lies are whenever they need to cover up a vacation with their significant other. You might want to jot these excuses down for the next time you need a justification for a weekend away.

1. The mandatory vacay.

Instagram / @happilyeveradventures

“I told my parents I would be out of town (only an hour away from home) for work and that my job was paying for everything and that it was mandatory we all stay there in the hotel because my dad said I could just drive everyday I needed to go. We ended up vacationing 12 hours away from home 😂 they still haven’t found out lol.” — @baerenis 

2. Technically, she still went to Disney.

Instagram / @aprilroselb

“I had a summer job that involved church and I told my mom I was going to stay an extra week because a bunch of us were going to Disneyland. My boyfriend ended up picking me up and we did technically go to Disneyland, but it was just him and me. Lol” — @lilpeaches_12 

3. Total fail but still worth it. 

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“Went to Rosarito w/ex to a wedding and told my mom I was going to visit girlfriends in San Francisco. One of my moms friends lives in Rosarito and recognized me at wedding. Total fail. Lady memorized my license plate # y todo 😂😂🇲🇽”   @vidajuicebar_

4. The abuela alibi. 

Instagram / @bestwestern_plus_suitcase

“My now husband is from a town 2 hours away from Houston, and the only way my parents would let me stay the weekend over there, was if I stayed and slept with his grandmother. We would actually stay in a hotel room from Friday – Sunday in downtown, 4 miles away from my parents house. This was back in 2003, there’s no way I could get away with that now with smart phones! 😂” @areal1982

5. Staycation, all she ever wanted.

Instagram / @kvadventuretravel

“Lol I would just tell them I was working a long shift and leave for a stay-cation.” @jenoemi87

6. When white lies become second nature.

Instagram / @alinadelcaru 

“I lied until I got married at 31 😂 now my instinct is to lie but stop my self because – wait a minute I’m married now! 😂” — @deerayv

7. This lie came with a lot of work.

Instagram / @el_palauet

“My husband and I had been dating for almost a year he wanted to take me to Puerto Vallarta for my birthday I didn’t know how to tell my parents my husband was like how old are you I said were Mexican we don’t sleep over nobody’s house ever we sleep at home. I told my dad my job needed me to travel to mexico since they were branching out to Puerto Vallarta and they needed a fluent Spanish speaker he was so excited they picked me. He said go tell me what hotel your staying at so I can tell your primos from El Rancho to meet you there… 🤦‍♀️ I gave him the wrong hotel name each time he called I would say were in meetings or were looking at property I’ll call the primos when I have time. We met 1 time to show I wasn’t with anybody I shouldn’t have been with… 😂”  — @melliesemily  

8. You need to go to confessional after this one.

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“I told my mom I was going on a church retreat and got a text free number to pretend I was one of the people at church verifying I was attending 😩💀 I’m going to hell.” — @aimechinchilla

9. An educational experience.

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“So I’ve always been super involved on campus and sometimes for student government we would travel and once we went on a trip to a conference for 2 days but I told my parents it’s was for 5 so the other 3 days estaba de pata larga 😉😂 later on that always became my excuse que tenía una conferencia para la escuela (btw i would tell them they were at other sister schools so you know it’s educational ) en total I probably actually had like 5 conferences my whole college career but to them it was like every other month 🤷🏻‍♀️😂” — @anythingforcelinaaas

10. That’s what friends are for.

Instagram / @fairmontsanfrancisco

“I was 20 and had been dating my bf for a year and he had the house for himself one weekend. I told my parents I was sleeping over at my friend’s house and got my dad to drop me off there (about a 20 minute drive away). My bf was waiting for me around the corner and came and picked me up. My friend even played the game and came and said hi to my dad 😂” — @laviajeraporvida

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRJdv6QJ7Nc

7 Reasons Why Women Never Want To Get Married As Described In Quotes

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7 Reasons Why Women Never Want To Get Married As Described In Quotes

If you’re not married or don’t have kids, don’t fret because you’re not alone. It’s no secret that millennials are opting out of the typical societal norms like the whole wife/husband and kids thing. The reasons for this cultural shift in our country has a lot to do with finances. It simply costs too much to have a wedding and to have children. People are in knee-deep with debt, and the main thing they want to do is get a job and lead some kind of fruitful life — marriage is just not conducive to all of that.

Another thing to consider is that some just don’t want to get married. They see what marriage can do to a relationship, they know what it’s like to come from a broken home, so why go through that whole charade? The problem with remaining single, especially for Latinas is because we have added pressure! It’s so hard for Latinas to stay single because they’re pressured into marriage by their families.

However, in this day-in-age, people have to face reality: marriage isn’t for everyone.

To some, marriage is just another word for prison.

Credit: Pinterest

Before marriage, a person could be described as truly free. You can come and go as you please. Travel wherever you want, leave your clothes on the floor, spend your own money on just you. After marriage, it is quite a different story. You can’t do sh*t without telling the other person. They need to know where you are 24/7. You are basically chained to that other person. What kind of life is that?

People are lying when they say they’re happy in their marriage.

Credit: Pinterest

The only reason people ask you “so, when are you going to get married?” it’s only because they want you to be in this miserable club alongside them. It’s no fun to bitch and complain to friends who are happy in their single life. They want you to be sad too.

Your family shouldn’t dictate what you do with your life.

Credit: Pinterest

Your family is at least partly to blame for the problems in your life. If they’re pressuring you to get married and to have kids just so it doesn’t reflect poorly on them, you can tell them they’re going to have to wait a very long time. Maybe forever.

Just because you marry someone, doesn’t mean a person is going to change for the better.

Credit: Pinterest

One of the worst reasons to marry someone is if you think they will magically become someone different overnight. If he/she is messy before, they will be dirty after. If he/she was a cheater before, they will cheat later. If he/she eats like crap and doesn’t exercise, they will remain slobs afterward too. Yes, people can change for the better, but people do continue to be who they are regardless if they’re married or not.

If you’re already in love with someone, why change what isn’t broken?

Credit: Pinterest

There are so many happy couples that have been together for ages and never got married. Maybe it’s just a Hollywood thing, but there has to be something to that. People who remain together, and are faithful to each other, despite having those rings or marriage license are the ones that are genuinely in love.

Do you really want to spend your entire life with this person?

Credit: Pinterest

If your partner has issues, chances are, you do too. In fact, we all have so much baggage, and we carry that into every relationship. One question to ask yourself before you get married is: can I handle this person’s baggage, and can they handle mine? Real love is loving a person and accepting their flaws.

Let’s be real about why people genuinely get married.

Credit: Pinterest

Here’s something that rarely gets said: you were born alone and you will die alone. We are not trying to be dark and gloomy about life, but people should not get married for the reason that they don’t want to be alone. People must accept who they are, where they are in their life, and work on themselves, before getting married. If you’re getting married because you don’t want to grow old alone, then get a dog, make friends, be a good person. Don’t dangle someone in just because you’re scared of being alone. That is utterly depressing.