comedy

I Accidentally Risked My Girlfriend’s Life With A Bag Of Flamin Hot Cheetos

Twitter: @random_jinxed / Instagram: @dennisgarcia

My girlfriend ate only Hot Cheetos for an entire day. All three meals. These were the consequences. Dun dun dun!

The whole thing started with a tweet:

To which I replied: “How would you know, you’ve never had them.”

Game Of Thrones / HBO
CREDIT: Game Of Thrones / HBO

This back and forth went on for months – her saying they’re overrated, me loving them openly – but all that changed…

One day while working from home under some tight deadlines, the only thing she could find to eat was my unopened large bag of Hot Cheetos.

cuntlyff / Tumblr
CREDIT: cuntlyff / Tumblr

Yep, she went for it.

She opened the bag and tried them. From there, she ate nothing but Hot Cheetos for all three meals.

everybody-loves-to-eat / tumblr
CREDIT: everybody-loves-to-eat / tumblr

Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

As you can imagine, she endured red tinged fingers that she couldn’t get clean no matter what she did.

She wanted to give me a shoulder rub… “Um, let me think about that, baby, okay? ?”

She felt like she had BECOME a Hot Cheeto (not sure what this means, but I think Katy does).

IDFWU *drops mic*

A post shared by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on

Is this what she meant? She became an orange doody?

She saw this in the toilet for days – she thought she was actually dying.

Her poop had turned pink. I told her to call a doctor, but she actually didn’t mind the colors.

Now she gets sick just thinking about them.

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I feel the same when I think about how she didn’t leave me any.

But, she’s a trooper and is still interested in trying Flaming Hot Funions.

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Who am I to stop her? I’ll just write about it again.

READ: 7 Reasons You Need Hot Cheetos To Live Your Best Life (And Death)

Are you obsessed with hot Cheetos? Tag or share with a friend who is!

The L.A. Times Rated All The Spicy Snacks From Hot Cheetos To Takis, And The Results Are Causing A Big Controversy On Twitter

Culture

The L.A. Times Rated All The Spicy Snacks From Hot Cheetos To Takis, And The Results Are Causing A Big Controversy On Twitter

takisusa / cheetos / Instagram

It seems that spicy foods are everywhere these days. Every brand out there is releasing some version of their original product but in ‘flamin hot’ form, there’s an abundance of YouTube videos of people eating insanely spicy foods as if it were some sort of competition, restaurants have ‘eat it and it’s free’ contests for spicy options.

The world is obsessed with spicy food right now.

But let’s be real. Many Latino foods were the OG spicy. Many Latino chefs and even our tías and abuelas have been experimenting with some seriously spicy foods for many many years.

But now that it’s gone mainstream, the LA Times recently conducted a not so official study into which snacks are the spiciest and the results have proven to be pretty controversial.

One writer at the L.A. Times decided to sample every spicy branded snack and share his findings with the world.

Credit: @latimesfood / Twitter

In the article, he says that he’s sampled every spicy snack known to mankind (not exactly), except for the ones that he couldn’t find, that he deemed unworthy, or both.

He also calls out the haters who say all the Flamin’ Hot and spicy snacks taste the same, saying that’s simply not true. He notes the subtle differences based on combination of heat vs. flavor.

So what are his findings?

Credit: @latimesfood / Twitter

According to this LA Times Food writer, his favorite spicy snack is the Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nacho. They’re the perfect mix of cheesy and spicy and come packed with a pretty hefty kick of spice.

Next came the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puffs which he says are packed with spicy flavor, sometimes almost too much so. The only con he had to say about these is about the texture – sometimes too much can build up in your back teeth leaving you feeling sick.

Coming in at third place is Pop Fuego Popcorn. He says the level of MSG is at a 12 and that the flavor sensation is something like being on a rollercoaster. Pop Fuego kernels are not particularly heat-heavy but they’re almost hyperbolically tangy and acidic.

The Top 3 options weren’t exactly controversial picks but the rest of the results seemed to be pretty polarizing on social media.

Credit: @ismacont / Twitter

I mean who would ever put Takis Fuego and Doritos Dinamita in a tie for 5th place?!? Or Zapp’s Spicy Cajun Crawtators ahead of Doritos Tapatío? That’s just straight up madness.

And how are the OG Flamin’ Hot Cheetos not number one?

And it’s clear that the classic battle between Hot Cheetos and Takis rages on.

Credit: @latimesfood / Twitter

But like in all honesty, will it ever go away? I hope not.

But some on Twitter were totally not having any of it.

Credit: @latimesfood / Twitter

I mean ranking #12 out of 30 isn’t too bad. But apparently still wasn’t good enough for this Flamin’ Hot Cheetos con Limon super fan…

In his write up, Lucas Peterson said these would take a back seat to Takis any day.

I mean this Twitter user was so upset they’re apparently canceling their subscription to the LA Times.

Credit: @GenePark / Twitter

Now that’s some serious feelings there.

But, to be fair, the LA Times placed Andy Capp’s Hot Fires at #27 (out of 30) and said they had an unpleasant spice mixture that tasted like powered tomato. That’s not great.

One Doritos super fan took to Twitter to notify the LA Times of a possible typo in their report.

Credit: @iamHectorDiaz / Twitter

The LA Times actually tweeted back saying: “These are pretty good and am honestly impressed how much these taste like Tapatío, they’re just not the best *spicy* snack.

Be careful, those are fighting words.

Also, just this tweet, because I’m pretty sure all of us were thinking it.

Credit: @latimesfood / Twitter

Because the panza is a real thing.

H/T: The Official Spicy Snack Power Rankings

KFC And Cheetos Leave An Entire Community Devastated As They Debut A Cheetos Chicken Sandwich With No Hot Cheetos Option

Culture

KFC And Cheetos Leave An Entire Community Devastated As They Debut A Cheetos Chicken Sandwich With No Hot Cheetos Option

kfc / Twitter

At this point, the white suit once donned by Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Colonel Sanders is the fashion equivalent of a revolving door. Multiple celebrities have put on the white wig, goatee, and black bow tie, from Rob Lowe to Reba McEntire (America’s first female Colonel Sanders).

The campaign has allowed the chicken chain to tailor its ad campaigns to various moods by simply switching out the actor who portrays the world-famous spokesperson, which might get exhausting but still seems to successfully generate buzz.

After all, it’s hard to ignore RoboCop with a mustache. But KFC’s latest re-casting of the Sanders probably makes the most sense yet, as Cheetos mascot Chester Cheetah becomes Colonel Chester to mark the launch of the new Cheetos Sandwich.

Yup, Chester Cheetah is now Colonel Chester as he teams up with KFC to launch a Cheetos Chicken Sandwich.

Credit: @ChesterCheetah / Twitter

For four weeks starting July 1, KFC and Cheetos will marry their signature fare in a new collaboration that sprinkles magical, orange Cheeto dust on a chicken sandwich.

In a win for advocates of chips on sandwiches, the KFC Cheetos Sandwich drenches KFC’s crispy fried chicken in a “special Cheetos sauce” on top of a bed of Cheetos.

Kentucky Fried Chicken’s own Colonel Sanders tweeted on Thursday that he was “finger lickin’ thrilled” to announce the mashup.

Credit: @kfc / Twitter

Cheetos are delicious. Cheetos go perfectly with sandwiches and can transport you right back to childhood packed lunches if you were totally uncool and your parents didn’t buy you Lunchables.

So what exactly do you get with this hybrid Cheetos x KFC baby?

Credit: @GrubGrade / Twitter

The Cheetos Sandwich is an Extra Crispy chicken filet in a “special Cheetos sauce,” mayonnaise, a “‘pinch of the thumb, index and middle fingers’ layer of crunchy Cheetos,” all set inside a toasted bun. 

But let’s be real…the only way any of this matters is if there is a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos version.

Unfortunately, there’s not. Not yet anyway. But with the number of people requesting it perhaps that will be an option soon.

Basically, all of the Internet is begging Chester to team up with KFC to make a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos version.

Credit: cheetos / Instagram

And we are right there with them. #stanforhotcheetos

Like for real though…

Credit: @ChesterCheetah / Twitter

What were they thinking? How could they have not launched with a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos version?! #FAIL

Honestly, a Flamin’ Hot Cheetos version might be the only thing that saves the sandwich because so far reviews have been less than good.

Credit: @seanludwig / Twitter

I mean sadness in a bun…that’s a pretty harsh review.

Sadness in a bun is harsh but I mean I don’t think I’ve ever seen a review quite illustrative…if that’s the word to use.

Credit: @SirSethamus / Twitter

This review has me feeling a certain kind of way…

Though not everyone was totally disgusted by it.

Credit: @Airflo65 / Twitter

Not a totally glowing review but definitely one of the better ones out there in the Twittersphere right now.

Even another fast-food chain, Archies, came for KFC.

Credit: @kfc / Twitter

Archies already offered a simliar Cheetos partnership and theirs comes with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Now I just need to figure out where the hell is there an Archies?

READ: Forever 21 Just Released A Mouth-Watering Hot Cheetos Clothing Line And I Can Hear My Bank Account Quaking

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