I Accidentally Risked My Girlfriend’s Life With A Bag Of Flamin Hot Cheetos

Twitter: @random_jinxed / Instagram: @dennisgarcia

My girlfriend ate only Hot Cheetos for an entire day. All three meals. These were the consequences. Dun dun dun!

The whole thing started with a tweet:

To which I replied: “How would you know, you’ve never had them.”

Game Of Thrones / HBO
CREDIT: Game Of Thrones / HBO

This back and forth went on for months – her saying they’re overrated, me loving them openly – but all that changed…

One day while working from home under some tight deadlines, the only thing she could find to eat was my unopened large bag of Hot Cheetos.

cuntlyff / Tumblr
CREDIT: cuntlyff / Tumblr

Yep, she went for it.

She opened the bag and tried them. From there, she ate nothing but Hot Cheetos for all three meals.

everybody-loves-to-eat / tumblr
CREDIT: everybody-loves-to-eat / tumblr

Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

As you can imagine, she endured red tinged fingers that she couldn’t get clean no matter what she did.

She wanted to give me a shoulder rub… “Um, let me think about that, baby, okay? ?”

She felt like she had BECOME a Hot Cheeto (not sure what this means, but I think Katy does).

IDFWU *drops mic*

A post shared by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on

Is this what she meant? She became an orange doody?

She saw this in the toilet for days – she thought she was actually dying.

Her poop had turned pink. I told her to call a doctor, but she actually didn’t mind the colors.

Now she gets sick just thinking about them.

Sad GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I feel the same when I think about how she didn’t leave me any.

But, she’s a trooper and is still interested in trying Flaming Hot Funions.

Toilet GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Who am I to stop her? I’ll just write about it again.

READ: 7 Reasons You Need Hot Cheetos To Live Your Best Life (And Death)

Are you obsessed with hot Cheetos? Tag or share with a friend who is!

J.Lo And A.Rod *Fall In Love* While PR and DR Brawl On Twitter


J.Lo And A.Rod *Fall In Love* While PR and DR Brawl On Twitter

Credit: @manny_bodega / Twitter

What’s worse than having your Latino name hyphenated? Having your image besmirched by another hyphenated celebrity Latino.

Bronx queen, who can do no wrong, Jennifer Lopez, recently posted a photo on Instagram with NYC rascal, and highest-paid-baseball-player-ever-fired from the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez.

J.Lo posted, then deleted this photo of her and A-Rod from Instagram. Probably for the best, tbh.

As a New Yorker myself, I can attest that most people are thrilled.

I wouldn’t have said it that way, but sure.

Like willing to do anything to get in on their date night chisme.

But who wouldn’t though?

Because J.Lo is finally getting what she deserves: A real Dominicano.

Drake, you’re still an honorary Domincan though.

People as rich and beautiful as they should also find eternal happiness.

After all, they’re just like us.

But let’s be real here, not everyone is thrilled about this.

A few people are angry just to be angry.

But others are hopeful that this is what will bring unity amongst folks in the love-hate relationship between Puerto Ricans and Dominicans.

Let’s stop frontin’ like we both don’t love platanos.

Perhaps, after Tuesday night’s PR vs. DR twitter brawl, J-Lord (as I’m calling them now) can help bring us back together?

We are more alike than we think sometimes.

I hope our new savior J-Lord can unite the people and bring us out of this twitter war with kindness.

Or… maybe not?

Whatever your feelings are, one thing is for sure NYC will always tell you about yourself.

Probably should’ve worn the right hat.

READ: Jennifer Lopez Talks Vegas Residency And Balancing Family Life On “Late Night With Seth Meyers”

What do you think about J-Lo and A-Rod? Sound off in the comments. Share with the links below.

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