Entertainment

Your Zodiac Sign Says If You Were A Telenovela Star You Would Be…

Telenovelas are funny things. We make fun of our moms, hell and even dads, for being so addicted to these melodramatic storylines but we can help but binge them ourselves. However, we admit that they don’t make telenovelas like they used to. If we had to pick a golden era of telenovelas we would say it is between the 90s and mid-2000s. The lead characters were classic beauties with strong personalities that we identified with — especially when they stood for building their squads over arranged relationships. Here’s what telenovela lead you are most like according to the stars and moons that align with your horoscope sign.

Aries

You are a rebel at heart. Te vale lo que piensen los demás because it’s your life to live after all. You are a natural-born leader and you know how to take charge of a team. It makes sense that the telenovela character you are most like is Roberta from “Rebelde.” The RBD singer was constantly pressured by her mom to get into a relationship with Diego who wasn’t exactly the best match for her. Like yourself, Roberta always stood up for herself and her squad and that’s what your friends love most about you.

Taurus

You are a giver who has a heart of gold. People tend to judge you by your cover, whether it’s by your physical looks or your introverted personality. Once people get to know you, they are immediately attracted to you and cannot get enough of you. You are most like Betty from “Betty La Fea” because of your FIERCE determination to succeed and selfless heart.

Gemini

Geminis have a bad rap. They’re often frowned upon for having a double personality but Geminis know that you are multi-faceted. You know how to code-switch based on your environment and that always gives you a leg up. This is why you are most like María from “María la del Barrio.” She never let insults get to her instead, she hustled her way to the top and was able to overcome even the most ruthless villains, Soraya. No matter what hurdles come your way you are able to conquer it all.

Cancer

Cancer, you are such a powerful sign you don’t only take one character, you take the entire “Amigas y Rivales” crew. Like these ladies, you are invested in self-care and you love to be in personal sanctuaries. Usually, these safe spaces are in the presence of your homegirls who have your back no matter what. You would be lost without your girls and they wouldn’t be the same without you. They are blessed to have you in their circle.

Leo

Rubí has to be the FIERCEst telenovela character of them all. Like you, Leo, Rubí always strived to do better. You never settle and always work your hardest to get to the top. Aside from your ambitious qualities, you are also known for your charming persona that attracts everyone around you. One other thing that no one can deny is your beauty and how well you rock a bold, red lip.

Virgo

Virgo, you are known for being cool and disciplined. You know how to use your intelligence to get through difficult situations and that’s why you are very much like the smart kids of “Clase 406.” As smart as you are, you also don’t take yourself too seriously. You know how to use the other side of your brain and enjoy a good time with your besties.

Libra

“Marimar” is a classic because she was loved by many as you are. You are both very free in spirit and always look out for your loved ones. Both of you have been misunderstood at times and even treated unfairly but you always stand up for what’s right y no te dejas. People always know that they can lean on you for support and that is a very unique quality that is not found in many. You are a special one, Libra.

Scorpio

You are a savage one, Scorpio. You go to great lengths to get what you want and sometimes that intimidates other people. If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will? That’s why you are most like Paola and Paulina Bracho of “La Usurpadora.” You always come up with a killer masterplan to tackle any problem that gets in the way of your goal.

Sagittarius

You are a big-time dreamer and that’s why it makes sense that your telenovela sign is the “Soñadoras” squad. Like any young adult you are struggling with parents not understanding you, complications at work and your significant other being a pain sometimes. However, you can’t help but dream up scenarios where you see yourself thriving. This is what makes you such a pleasure to be around — you never let things get to you, you always look past your obstacles and imagine ways to get past them. What makes you most like the “Soñadoras” is that you are an intellect.

Capricorn

They say, “esa hembra es mala” but we say they just don’t understand that being ambitious doesn’t always make you a bad person. This is why you are most like Teresa. Your persistent traits lead people to believe that all you care about is yourself and your finances, but much like Teresa you know very well that you look after your loved ones. Ambition aside, people in your circle know that when you love, you love hard and this includes your family, friends as much as your significant other.

Aquarius

You are known for being a big thinker, much like “El Clón.” You are independent and mysterious, so it takes a while before people get to understand who you really are. Although you are introverted you are friendly and you enjoy being in a light-hearted environment. Like “El Clón” your heart is torn at the moment but trust, you will find your way. You are loyal and those who you trust most will guide you on the right path.

Pisces

Pisces, you have learned a ton from your mistakes. You have been through friends who have betrayed you, painful relationships with significant others and not the best time at work. However, what they say about building strength through your tribulations is true. That’s why you are most like the favorite “Dos Mujeres, Un Camino.” You’ve been through it all and through your journey, you have matured into someone who knows how to make better judgment even when you face a fork in the road. You’re maturing and your glo up is something beautiful to witness.

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Which WWE Finishing Move are you Based on your Horoscope?

Entertainment

Which WWE Finishing Move are you Based on your Horoscope?

2020 feels like being thrown off the top of the Hell in a Cell structure and crashing through the announcement table, fam. It’s been painful and disorienting. Even if we don’t know where this wild year will lead us, at the very least we still have the release of WWE 2K Battlegrounds to look forward to. Can I have a Yassss [in Spanish]? Thank you. That was beautiful. 

(Scroll to the bottom to check out the WWE 2K Battlegrounds trailer!)

While 2020 figures itself out, at the very least we can unleash some madrasos on our friends and primos while playing this high flying, face smashing, adrenaline exploding brawl-style arcade game full of WWE Superstars and Legends. A HUEVO! But if you find it difficult to decide which finishing move you’re going to decimate your friends or primos with, NO WORRIES, baby…you can always look to the cosmos – because this article is going to tell you which WWE Finishing move you are based on your horoscope AND how you can send your opponents crying to their mamas. 

ARIES

Aries. You’re Randy Orton’s RKO. But, Aries. Come on. You already knew that, fam. You’re calculated. Aggressive. Assertive. You’ll run into your friend at the supermarket and they’ll be telling you how their mom is doing good and how she’s around the corner getting some hair dye and BAM! RKO! You’ll drop that person right in the middle of the cereal aisle because you spotted them an elote that one time and they never paid you back. Aries, you’re wild. And that spontaneity will serve you well when you play WWE 2K Battlegrounds.

TAURUS

Taurus, you love beautiful things and you’re a very committed person – meaning, you just don’t let things GO! Taurus, it’s obvious. You’re Charlotte Flair’s Figure 8. Your finisher is beautiful. Stunning. And when you got that baby locked in, Taurus, you’ll never let go! You’re like my mom who never forgave me that one time I ordered pizza when she was about to reheat calabazas she made a week ago. So lock in that Figure 8, Taurus. Make your enemies throw their controllers in anger.

GEMINI

Dear, Gemini, of course you’re going to drop two finishers on somebody. You’ve got that crazy cosmic duality in you, fam. This means you’re definitely Sasha’s Back Stabber AND Bank Statement. When people play WWE 2K Battlegrounds with you, they’ll think they’re only playing a game. Ba-HAHAHAH! This ain’t a game to you! You came to win, Gemini. But, please Gemini, do us all a favor. Don’t play with llorones. Cause you’re gonna make someone cry with those moves.

CANCER

Cancer, your finishing move is Keith Lee’s Big Bang Catastrophe. You have great emotional depth. You’re sensitive. So it makes sense that your move should rock your opponent to their core, while bringing the two of you close. Cancer, when you drop that Big Bang Catastrophe, you are going to bond with your opponent so much. As their back slams onto the mat and you land, full-weight, on top of them…you’ll be closer than arroz y frijoles. Or like asada on tortilla. Or any other delicious food pairings you prefer. Cancer, thank you for caring so much about how you destroy your amigos and siblings. 

LEO

Leo, this is your world, baby. You’re the king of the ring, which means, obvio, your finisher is The Undertaker’s Tombstone Piledriver. This is a legendary move. People don’t come back from this. One time I was watching the Undertaker deliver the Tombstone Piledriver on TV and from behind I heard my mom say to me, “Ese hombre no tiene madre.” I turned to my mom and said…”No. El Undertaker no tiene madre. Viene del infierno.” My mom gasped. She’d never met someone que no tiene madre before. So, when you’re playing that WWE 2K Battlegrounds, te suplico…take it easy on the other players. The Undertaker is not like the rest of us. 

VIRGO

Virgo, you’re a perfectionist. You’re detail oriented. Your finisher is Drew McIntyre’s Future Shock DDT. This is a precision move. When you were a kid in line to hit the piñata, everyone swung blindfolded with all their might and made a fool of themselves. But not you, Virgo. You were solving formulas and equations in your head. By the time they handed you the palo to swing at the piñata, you knew the precise moment to swing, exploding that piñata and catching everyone off-guard, including your tío who was previously holding the piñata rope and subsequently hanging from the roof of the garage. Drop that DDT, baby. Drop it like it’s hot.

LIBRA

Libra you’re all about harmony and human connection. AWWW…Libra, eres muy cute. Except for when you’re making human connection by using Becky Lynch’s Disarm-Her finishing move to dislocate your opponent’s shoulder. Libra, while most people make connections by holding hands, or a simply high 5’ing… you don’t. Because your idea of connection is grabbing someone by the wrist, like Becky Lynch, and trying to yank their arm out. Libra, use this move in WWE 2K Battlegrounds to disable that cousin who taunted you saying, “You fight like a girl.” After you break their arm in the video game, let them know…”You’re damn right I do.”

SCORPIO

Scorpio, te vale madre what others think of you. You’re a Stone Cold Stunner, baby. You do things como te dé la gana. So when you step into the ring, you make your own rules. When your friend says your playing is “weak” – STUNNER. When someone tries to pick up a chair in the game – STUNNER. When your prima says, “I’m gonna pause, I need to use the restroom” – STUNNER. When your mom comes in asking if anyone wants limonada. STUN…wait, NO. Don’t give your a’ma a stunner. That’s rude. Your mom does a lot. Say, “please and thank you…” then give everyone else a STUNNER and drink your limonada as if it tastes like victory. 

SAGITTARIUS

Sagittarius, you’re known for taking the road less traveled. When most go for a hard scoop slam, not you Sagittarius. Not you. You do Strowman’s Running Powerslam. Because a body slam is such a “from point A to point B” type of move. But you like to lift your opponents onto your shoulder like they’re a wholesale-sized bag of dog food and you run Sagittarius. You run from point A, to B, to C, to D, and you slam your friend’s character in the game somewhere around point Y, or Z. And when your friend says, “I’m tired of losing…can we order a pizza?” You say to them, “No. I take the road less traveled. I want Peruvian food. And I’d also like to travel away from not playing. We shall continue to play, and I shall continue to destroy you. I take the road less traveled.”  

CAPRICORN

Capricorn. You don’t mess around. Neither does Asuka’s Asuka Lock, which totally makes sense as your WWE finishing move. Others may see you as serious and traditional, but when you’ve got that Asuka Lock on them all they’re gonna see is that they’re about to lose the match, because you’ve got a grip on them that’s tighter than your abuelo’s abnormally strong handshake. Why do all abuelos have that grip, though? My hand hurts just thinking about it…And just like your abuelo makes you panic everytime he holds out his hand to saludar, so will your enemies when you play as Asuka.  

AQUARIUS

Aquarius, you’re a little bit of a peacock, and that’s meant in a good way. Your finishing move is Rey Mysterio’s 619. And it makes sense. You have panache. You’ve got style. You’ve got dance moves that make your mom wanna tell you, “deberías ir a la iglesia más seguido (you should go to church more often).” The 619 is a special move. It’s got style. It’s got excitement. And it’s got you swinging two boots like a roundhouse kick at your opponent’s face. Listen to the stars, Aquarius…the stars want you to kick your opponent in the face.    

PISCES

Pisces, you are artistic. You’re a dreamer. You go with the flow. So when you flatten your opponents like handmade tortillas, you bet your mother’s enchiladas you’re using Alexa Bliss’s Twisted Bliss. Not only is this finisher a true work of art, but when your amiga sees you soaring off the top turnbuckle in the game, she’ll suddenly get the urge to apologize for all the wrong she’s ever done to you: like when she said your brother reminds her of that sexy reggaeton artist. Because as soon as that Twisted Bliss connects and her character in the game is totally norteada, her only hope of survival is that you have mercy on her. But WWE 2K Battlegrounds isn’t about mercy. If she wanted mercy, she should’ve played dominoes with her mom.

WWE 2K Battlegrounds is out NOW! Whatever your zodiac sign, this game is loaded with finishers from tons of WWE Superstars that totally align with your cosmic energy. So get ready to spend hours of fun drop kicking your friends in the back of the head, crashing your brother through a table, and giving your cousins spears, rock bottoms, and glam slams – because this game takes wrestling to new heights with over-the-top action you won’t get anywhere else. 

As promised, here’s the WWE 2K Battlegrounds trailer!

*Please don’t try these moves at home. No. Not even with a helmet.* 

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

mitú Readers Shared Their Most Absurd Family Secrets And The Chisme Is Wild

Culture

mitú Readers Shared Their Most Absurd Family Secrets And The Chisme Is Wild

Family can be a great source of many things. They can bring us love and support as well as a sense of belonging. Our familias are often our first introduction to relationships and can be a mirror in which we reflect upon ourselves. They can also be a source of some telenovela sized drama. 

Every family has their secrets but some are wilder than others. We asked our FIERCE readers to dig all the family skeletons out of their metaphorical closets and they were quick to spill the tea. Here are some of the most shocking and scandalous family secrets they shared with us. 

1. The hidden family.

Instagram/ @mexicano._.memes

“Um, that my father fathered several more children [than what] we were told. I think we now have like 12 half-siblings now, only knew if half of them. He’s in his 80s but still, it’s for sure weird. ????” @misslopez_if_youre_vasty

2. *Cue the novela music.*

Instagram / @coolrulex

“That my sister almost married our half brother ( not 100% confirm ) and when he found out he went and married another girl with the same name as my sister but different last name he just change the last name at the church.” @karo056186

3. Romantic entanglements.

Instagram / @daniarenas.usa

 “My husband’s brother left his girlfriend for her sister… who happened to date my husband back in the day. They’re married with a baby now.” @thahomieguera

4. A grandfather in all but blood.

Instagram / @divitha.institute

“That my grandfather (May he Rest In Peace ❤️) wasn’t my biological grandfather. I always wondered why my mom told the doctors that diabetes didn’t run in the family when it was the reason he passed away. ????????‍♀️” @ivonlabombon

5. A secret straight out of the closet.

Instagram / @juixcebox.2

“My moms neighbors tea… the wife thought her husband was cheating so she asked my sister to give her a ride to follow him.. turns out he had a male lover ….now the lady blames my sister for giving her a ride like that’s the problem… and her closet gay husband stayed living there like nothing happened.” @fitmomofdolls

6. Just plain scandalous.

Instagram / @mudrope

“That my tia stole my abuelita’s will from my moms room in mexico and that she claims she doesn’t have it cause she left more for my mom and wants my abuelito to write another one with more dinero for her!!!!!” @mishygoldfishy

7. Definitely a premise for a Lifetime Movie of the Week.

Instagram / @reacttothat_

“My mom’s cousin had a boy when she was young while still in Central America. When she immigrated over to the states she had to leave him behind temporarily while she got her life together. My aunt met a man in the US and made a life here. They had 3 daughters. During that time her son grew up and I’m sure became super resentful toward my aunt. At some point my aunt put papers in for her son and brought him to the states. Him and the oldest daughter got SUPER close to the point where it got hella weird. She fell for her brother and they tried to run away with each other. I believe there plan was to go back to Central America. Mind you she was still a minor. He ended up ditching her at the border.” @pessiyerez

8. Throw the whole dad away.

Instagram / @ohh.she.wyld.af

“So 7th grade. My dad looked me in the face on the way inside our apartment and said ‘Hey! Its time for me to go. I’m leaving your mom next week.’ ????‍♀️” @kelly_a_stackhouse

9. This tia sounds cool af.

Instagram / @libragoggles

“That one of my mother’s older sister’s owned a brothel in Guatemala in the 70s. And would get her military boyfriend to beat the shit out of any of the men that mistreated her ladies. ????????‍♀️” @pixelatedgum

10. Lost a tio and gained an hermano

Instagram/ @reacttothat_

“My uncle was actually my brother….he was raised by my grandma and my mom played along. My mom was young so my grandma didn’t want my mom’s reputation to be ruined. One xmas when I was 15 my step-dad told my brother my mom was his mom. We didn’t believe it but then our mom confirmed it. We talk about it all the time, how we use to call him Tio but now it’s bro.” @arco___iris___

11. Say a rosario after reading this secret.

Instagram / @thatsfunnythat 

“That my grandma thought my grandfather was cheating and so she cheated him with their church’s reverend.” @grestmarie

12. The literal definition of “primo-hermanos.”

Instagram / @reacttothat_

“That someone’s prima’s daughter was pregnant by their son’s father????‍♀️ now they’re literally ‘primo-hermanos.’ @_lilasthebest_

13. Fame doesn’t mean much when you’re a cheater. 

Instagram / @me_as_a_millennial_mom

“My grandma dated Freddie Fender back in the 70s, she went to SPI to watch him play.. well she ended up finding him w/ another woman. She was so angry at him she threw his keys in the ocean and left his ass there…men ain’t shit ????????” @taramdelagarza

 
 

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