Everybody From Miami Will Relate To These 24 Super Miami Moments
When most people think of Miami, they think of Vizcaya’s pastel architecture, nude beaches, Celia Cruz and Pitbull. While those are all accurate assumptions, there is so much more to the super lively sitting in southern Florida. There is great food, massive malls and some of the most friendly people you’ll ever meet. Just anyone who lives in or is from Miami and they will introduce you to a very different part of the city than you ever knew existed. Welcome to the Miami underground.
You celebrate your life with croquetas.
What I would give for a cake made from croquetas here in LA. What I would give for a *single* good croqueta. These fried ham and cheese sticks are some of the most delicious things you’ll ever have. #takemeback
This picture is very familiar to you.
Maybe we’re a little sick, but crazy weather is so comforting to me. Yes, this tornado did happen in 1997 but it caused minimal damage. It might not have been a big tornado but it gives you total bragging rights and street cred for your outrageous Florida stories.
You have a family set of dominoes.
We all know that there are two sets of dominoes. There is the party/everybody dominoes that are cheap and generic. The family dominoes are intricate, beautiful and have a little weight to them. Also nobody plays dominoes; they play longana. My cousin’s dog was even named Domino, how ’bout yours?
Your backyard looked like a jungle.
Miami is huge, and we lived in Pinecrest which is ‘basically the Everglades’ so you know humans are actually in the animals’ territory. It always made it really interesting when you would step outside.
Alligators are such a common occurrence that you don’t really freak out.
Every road trip we took to Disney, we would count the number of gators we saw on the side of the highway. A dozen an hour was the average. And then I moved and saw people freaking out over seeing a lizard and remembered I grew up around dinosaurs. #OnlyinMiami
Basically, you’re truly unfazed by the entire animal kingdom.
You didn’t grow up with Macaws for neighbors? Ninguú pajaro? The f*ck? I swear my Puerto Rican beauty queen Nana loved her cockatiels because their cheeks always were perfectly blushed. They were savage tho.
You know not to mess with these ducks.
They’re called Muscove ducks and they’re the real boss of your neighborhood. Come near them and they’ll literally hiss at you, like a true Miamian. You will even wait for hours as they slowly cross the freeway.
Contesting a parking ticket is beneath you.
There is not enough time in the day to deal with the number of traffic violations you get in Miami. It’s like, you never see the police anywhere until you pull a Florida slide, like your mother taught you. I ship this ^.
Lovebug season is the only season you wash your car.
If you’re going on a road trip, you can damn well expect your car to be the morgue for thousands of love bugs. Usually the Florida rains mean you don’t need to wash your car, but you need a professional Florida man to take care of this.
The Florida man is the same as the boogeyman.
We’ve all done stupid sh*t. We grew up in Miami and the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test (FCAT) prepared us for nothing. A part of you laughs at the ‘Florida Man’, but another part of you is deeply concerned that you might be the first lethal victim of an undiscovered Miami bee bite, or that the gun-to-human ratio will finally be the end of you. I’m sweating.
Pollo Tropical is the fast food for special occasions.
You know deep down that this is not the best Caribbean food but you will cut a B who talks any kind of sh*t about Pollo Tropical. Unless they’re from Miami too. 😉
You’re not from Miami, you’re from your island’s hood.
There’s a neighborhood for every island in the Caribbean, so you never had to leave Miami to get a little culture. I’m from Hialeah, hbu?
Meanwhile in Hialeah…
It’s Cuba, it’s Puerto Rico, it’s my whole world. I spent my whole childhood in Miami and never saw the famous Miami Beach. Why would I want to bisit anywhere else?!
Your blood runs slurpee.
Playground, what playground? I grew up meeting the neighborhood kids at the corner 7-Eleven. My pee and tongue are always the same color blue.
You speak eight languages.
You either grew up speaking Spanish, or you had to learn it just to drive, eat and connect to whatever tf ‘wai fai’ is. What language do I speak? I have no f*cking idea.
Honking is just another language to learn in Miami.
And that language is, “I don’t hear honks, I just deliver honks.” Call me trilingual. Miami will truly prepare you to take on the rest of the world.
You lived in a house that looked like this house.
Or your bestie or your cousin did. Either way, you had a colorful block and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
You don’t check the weather.
Because its the same every single day. I don’t care what you say, weather man, it’s going to be humid and sunny and hot until 3 p.m. and then it will hurricane for a half an hour and that’s just how it is.
You can’t get through a blog post without mentioning croquetas twice.
You also swipe every package of galletas you find and you know that you’re supposed to mash them in the wrapper before sprinkling them all over your Cuban rice and beans.
All I see here is two, maybe three days of holing up, watching “Bring It On” on cable, taking tequila shots and binge eating galletas with the fam. Bring it on.
Your breakfast shot and night cap are lo mismo cosa.
Cuban coffee is the only coffee worth drinking, irregardless of where you’re from. And it is something you drink all day and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Try me.
You know 305 pride is no joke.
I once saw someone with their phone number tattooed on their back at the Rapids. Area code 305 baby, and it’s never changing.
You’ve seen “Sh*t Miami Girls (and guys) say…”
If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and dale already. Because the thing is, this is how you should be eating shit rn.
Irregardless, you know you’re blessed to be from the 305.
Whether you’re in Miami telling everyone and their mother that you’re gtfo, or you’re a displaced Miamian, you know deep down that Miami is the family you love to hate and love to love.