Entertainment

Weekly Horoscope October 29th – November 4th

It’s that time again when Venus is in retrograde affecting most of our personal relationships. See how much drama is coming into your life this Wednesday.

Aries

Starting in November, you’ve got the whole world in your hands, my powerful Aries. But before we get into more on that later in the month, you might experience some surprising financial news this week involving any shared money or benefits with a partner. This blow will force you to reassess how you’re going about handling your funds and you may need to help out a friend in need after they experience an abrupt change. Venus retrogrades in your relationship sector on Wednesday, causing you to have to have pay attention to whatever needs repairing in your love life. Just remember, you got this!

Taurus 

Expected the unexpected this week when it comes to your love life. While you’ll see much stability and career success later in November, this week sees Uranus in your relationship sector opposing Venus, which is still in retrograde. You might see a curveball in your relationship on Wednesday, by way of either a sudden breakup or a reconciliation of a past relationship, even though you know it will probably continue to be unstable. Hold on, bull! You can work through this.

Gemini 

Throughout Venus’s retrograde, you’ve had to do some major rewriting to your stories of love and money, Gemini. This Wednesday when she retrogrades in your personal relationship sector, you’ll feel this blow even harder. Remember that everything comes in cycles, though, and this won’t last long. Maybe you’re hung up on an ex or not feeling the passion with your current paramour. This too shall pass. Whatever you’re currently feeling will be amplified come November, for better or for worse.

Cancer

Sorry to say it, Cancer, but this week could be all about drama, drama, drama. You might learn of a secret that will affect your relationship on Wednesday and experience an abrupt breakup. We’re sorry for whatever betrayal you may feel, but know that your Cancer dignity will be intact, something you’re always good at. Hold on to that confidence and come out of this week stronger without losing faith in love. Come the rest of November, it’s all about a jumpstart to your career. Don’t retreat too deep into that shell because greater things are on the horizon for you, my cangrejo!

Leo

The second week of November is going to you bring you all the luck in the world, Leo, but in the meantime, you will find yourself fixated on that irritating Venus retrograde that’s been occupying your brain so much lately. It’s going to be pretty impossible to focus on anything else as past experiences dwell on your mind, but that doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. Whatever you’re reeling over, you will be given the opportunity to make things right and settle your soul.

Virgo 

I swear, it’s truly unfair what a lucky Venus retrograde you Virgos have been granted, but considering how calm, cool, and collected you are as a sign, I guess you deserve it! You may hear some positive news from a family member this week that will be a cause for celebration. Congrats! Whatever the circumstance may be, it will help you and your partner to remember to focus on the good over the bad and further be thankful for each other’s honest love for one another.

Libra

With Venus retrograding in your personal sector on Wednesday, you’re definitely not feeling confident this week, Libra. In fact, you may be internalizing things so hard that you think everything going wrong is entirely your fault. While this may be what you feel, it’s definitely not what’s truly going on. In fact, your feeling this way means the complete opposite — that you care enough to think the blame is on you. Let this remind you of how beautiful and great you really are and keep up the hard work like you’ve been doing. It’s paying off.

Scorpio

It’s really hard to read the barometer of your love life this week, Scorpio, but know that November will essentially be providing you with a reset button from the universe. For right now, it’s hard to tell what the truth of your love life is, with you feeling passionate and hopeful one day and ready to walk away from it the next. Come Wednesday, expect a past situation to come back knockin’ on your door, and not necessarily for the better. Hold on tight and stand your ground, scorpion!

Sagittarius 

This week brings you the clarity you need about overcoming a love situation that just wasn’t serving you, Sag. You’ve dwelled on this for a while and while I know we keep reiterating how important self-love and care is for you right now, we’re delighted that you’re finally about to see the light. You’ve had the power to overcome this situation for some time, and now you’re realizing it. November is going to present lots of new directions for you, but that’s cherished information I’m going to have to save for you until next week!

Capricorn

Hmm, this week could be a weird one, Cap. Your chart is showing that a fiesta could present some odd turns in your relationship sector. Remember, we’re still in Venus retrograde, so either a past love or someone you turned down once before pops back up and you give them a second chance? Or maybe you’ve got a hunch a friend of yours is going for your significant other. This all goes down in your sector on Wednesday, which happens to be Halloween, so whatever party you attend is bound to bring you some…interesting new developments. Godspeed!

Aquarius

November is about to show you just how important your friends are for your personal growth in joy, and it starts as early as this week. Stay social and agree to any invites to parties where you’re bound to make important new friendships or happen upon a promising new love relationship. If you’re already partnered, you and your love just might throw the best Halloween party that you couldn’t be more proud of — because it was spent with each other and the friends you value the most.

Pisces

Be wary of saying something you might regret this week, Pisces! November is about to bring you some major career successes you’ve been eagerly awaiting and definitely deserve, but for right now you might have to tend to your significant other and their financial situation. Perhaps they’ve made a career change and have taken an unforeseen pay cut. Make sure not to harp too much on them and their decision, because having their back is all they need right now and your love will be better for it. Starting next week, expect wonderful news in your professional life that we’ll have to hold off on telling you for right now!

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Which WWE Finishing Move are you Based on your Horoscope?

Entertainment

Which WWE Finishing Move are you Based on your Horoscope?

2020 feels like being thrown off the top of the Hell in a Cell structure and crashing through the announcement table, fam. It’s been painful and disorienting. Even if we don’t know where this wild year will lead us, at the very least we still have the release of WWE 2K Battlegrounds to look forward to. Can I have a Yassss [in Spanish]? Thank you. That was beautiful. 

(Scroll to the bottom to check out the WWE 2K Battlegrounds trailer!)

While 2020 figures itself out, at the very least we can unleash some madrasos on our friends and primos while playing this high flying, face smashing, adrenaline exploding brawl-style arcade game full of WWE Superstars and Legends. A HUEVO! But if you find it difficult to decide which finishing move you’re going to decimate your friends or primos with, NO WORRIES, baby…you can always look to the cosmos – because this article is going to tell you which WWE Finishing move you are based on your horoscope AND how you can send your opponents crying to their mamas. 

ARIES

Aries. You’re Randy Orton’s RKO. But, Aries. Come on. You already knew that, fam. You’re calculated. Aggressive. Assertive. You’ll run into your friend at the supermarket and they’ll be telling you how their mom is doing good and how she’s around the corner getting some hair dye and BAM! RKO! You’ll drop that person right in the middle of the cereal aisle because you spotted them an elote that one time and they never paid you back. Aries, you’re wild. And that spontaneity will serve you well when you play WWE 2K Battlegrounds.

TAURUS

Taurus, you love beautiful things and you’re a very committed person – meaning, you just don’t let things GO! Taurus, it’s obvious. You’re Charlotte Flair’s Figure 8. Your finisher is beautiful. Stunning. And when you got that baby locked in, Taurus, you’ll never let go! You’re like my mom who never forgave me that one time I ordered pizza when she was about to reheat calabazas she made a week ago. So lock in that Figure 8, Taurus. Make your enemies throw their controllers in anger.

GEMINI

Dear, Gemini, of course you’re going to drop two finishers on somebody. You’ve got that crazy cosmic duality in you, fam. This means you’re definitely Sasha’s Back Stabber AND Bank Statement. When people play WWE 2K Battlegrounds with you, they’ll think they’re only playing a game. Ba-HAHAHAH! This ain’t a game to you! You came to win, Gemini. But, please Gemini, do us all a favor. Don’t play with llorones. Cause you’re gonna make someone cry with those moves.

CANCER

Cancer, your finishing move is Keith Lee’s Big Bang Catastrophe. You have great emotional depth. You’re sensitive. So it makes sense that your move should rock your opponent to their core, while bringing the two of you close. Cancer, when you drop that Big Bang Catastrophe, you are going to bond with your opponent so much. As their back slams onto the mat and you land, full-weight, on top of them…you’ll be closer than arroz y frijoles. Or like asada on tortilla. Or any other delicious food pairings you prefer. Cancer, thank you for caring so much about how you destroy your amigos and siblings. 

LEO

Leo, this is your world, baby. You’re the king of the ring, which means, obvio, your finisher is The Undertaker’s Tombstone Piledriver. This is a legendary move. People don’t come back from this. One time I was watching the Undertaker deliver the Tombstone Piledriver on TV and from behind I heard my mom say to me, “Ese hombre no tiene madre.” I turned to my mom and said…”No. El Undertaker no tiene madre. Viene del infierno.” My mom gasped. She’d never met someone que no tiene madre before. So, when you’re playing that WWE 2K Battlegrounds, te suplico…take it easy on the other players. The Undertaker is not like the rest of us. 

VIRGO

Virgo, you’re a perfectionist. You’re detail oriented. Your finisher is Drew McIntyre’s Future Shock DDT. This is a precision move. When you were a kid in line to hit the piñata, everyone swung blindfolded with all their might and made a fool of themselves. But not you, Virgo. You were solving formulas and equations in your head. By the time they handed you the palo to swing at the piñata, you knew the precise moment to swing, exploding that piñata and catching everyone off-guard, including your tío who was previously holding the piñata rope and subsequently hanging from the roof of the garage. Drop that DDT, baby. Drop it like it’s hot.

LIBRA

Libra you’re all about harmony and human connection. AWWW…Libra, eres muy cute. Except for when you’re making human connection by using Becky Lynch’s Disarm-Her finishing move to dislocate your opponent’s shoulder. Libra, while most people make connections by holding hands, or a simply high 5’ing… you don’t. Because your idea of connection is grabbing someone by the wrist, like Becky Lynch, and trying to yank their arm out. Libra, use this move in WWE 2K Battlegrounds to disable that cousin who taunted you saying, “You fight like a girl.” After you break their arm in the video game, let them know…”You’re damn right I do.”

SCORPIO

Scorpio, te vale madre what others think of you. You’re a Stone Cold Stunner, baby. You do things como te dé la gana. So when you step into the ring, you make your own rules. When your friend says your playing is “weak” – STUNNER. When someone tries to pick up a chair in the game – STUNNER. When your prima says, “I’m gonna pause, I need to use the restroom” – STUNNER. When your mom comes in asking if anyone wants limonada. STUN…wait, NO. Don’t give your a’ma a stunner. That’s rude. Your mom does a lot. Say, “please and thank you…” then give everyone else a STUNNER and drink your limonada as if it tastes like victory. 

SAGITTARIUS

Sagittarius, you’re known for taking the road less traveled. When most go for a hard scoop slam, not you Sagittarius. Not you. You do Strowman’s Running Powerslam. Because a body slam is such a “from point A to point B” type of move. But you like to lift your opponents onto your shoulder like they’re a wholesale-sized bag of dog food and you run Sagittarius. You run from point A, to B, to C, to D, and you slam your friend’s character in the game somewhere around point Y, or Z. And when your friend says, “I’m tired of losing…can we order a pizza?” You say to them, “No. I take the road less traveled. I want Peruvian food. And I’d also like to travel away from not playing. We shall continue to play, and I shall continue to destroy you. I take the road less traveled.”  

CAPRICORN

Capricorn. You don’t mess around. Neither does Asuka’s Asuka Lock, which totally makes sense as your WWE finishing move. Others may see you as serious and traditional, but when you’ve got that Asuka Lock on them all they’re gonna see is that they’re about to lose the match, because you’ve got a grip on them that’s tighter than your abuelo’s abnormally strong handshake. Why do all abuelos have that grip, though? My hand hurts just thinking about it…And just like your abuelo makes you panic everytime he holds out his hand to saludar, so will your enemies when you play as Asuka.  

AQUARIUS

Aquarius, you’re a little bit of a peacock, and that’s meant in a good way. Your finishing move is Rey Mysterio’s 619. And it makes sense. You have panache. You’ve got style. You’ve got dance moves that make your mom wanna tell you, “deberías ir a la iglesia más seguido (you should go to church more often).” The 619 is a special move. It’s got style. It’s got excitement. And it’s got you swinging two boots like a roundhouse kick at your opponent’s face. Listen to the stars, Aquarius…the stars want you to kick your opponent in the face.    

PISCES

Pisces, you are artistic. You’re a dreamer. You go with the flow. So when you flatten your opponents like handmade tortillas, you bet your mother’s enchiladas you’re using Alexa Bliss’s Twisted Bliss. Not only is this finisher a true work of art, but when your amiga sees you soaring off the top turnbuckle in the game, she’ll suddenly get the urge to apologize for all the wrong she’s ever done to you: like when she said your brother reminds her of that sexy reggaeton artist. Because as soon as that Twisted Bliss connects and her character in the game is totally norteada, her only hope of survival is that you have mercy on her. But WWE 2K Battlegrounds isn’t about mercy. If she wanted mercy, she should’ve played dominoes with her mom.

WWE 2K Battlegrounds is out NOW! Whatever your zodiac sign, this game is loaded with finishers from tons of WWE Superstars that totally align with your cosmic energy. So get ready to spend hours of fun drop kicking your friends in the back of the head, crashing your brother through a table, and giving your cousins spears, rock bottoms, and glam slams – because this game takes wrestling to new heights with over-the-top action you won’t get anywhere else. 

As promised, here’s the WWE 2K Battlegrounds trailer!

*Please don’t try these moves at home. No. Not even with a helmet.* 

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It’s Leo Season: Here’s How You’ll Go Broke Based Off Your Zodiac Sign

Entertainment

It’s Leo Season: Here’s How You’ll Go Broke Based Off Your Zodiac Sign

Praise be, with mercury’s retrograde behind us, we’re looking straight ahead to celebrating Leo in all its fiery glory. The retrograde has just rained twelve levels of emotional basura down upon us and Leo is going to burn it all up. We’re stepping out of the depths of emotional mierda and letting our strange selves be set free, thanks to Leo.

We’re here for all the self-care our hearts need, and after such a trying month behind us, and indulgent Leo egging us on, we’re all about to go broke. Here’s how you will.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

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We’re feeling turned around after Mercury in retrograde and want to feel safe again. Taurus, you might be feeling like now’s the time to invest in that home security system and you’re right.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

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Virgo, we know that by telling you this, you’re going to feel obligated to buy it, but that’s the point. You would need to buy this Ezy Dog $99 seatbelt harness for your dog because you know it’s the only crash tested harness that will actually protect your baby in the case of an emergency. Earth signs, we’re here for security.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

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All the earth signs are going to be looking for ways to ground themselves, especially after the chaos of yester-season. My fellow Capricorns, we are laughably practical in how we spend our money, but it speaks to what makes us feel good–by grounding into the earth. I already bought four pair of shoes this week, hbu?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

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Leo has you feeling ready to create the life you’ve always wanted to have. You’ve had an international trip on your mind, and you know what, there’s no time like the present. Pull the trigger and buy that flight to Colombia, girl.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

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Feliz cumple, Leo! This your time to shine, and the stars are making it so that you get the most bang for your buck. Throw yourself that party. Go on that weekend cruise. Celebrate every version of yourself you’ve brought to your birthdays and toast to next year’s.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

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Sagittarius, you’re such a giving soul, and Leo just brings out the extravagance of generosity in you. You’ve wanted to take your mama back to Cuba for a minute. Do it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

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For you, dear Cancer, indulgence is best spent shared. You’re on the verge of going broke to share an emotional connection and special memory with your partner. 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

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It may sound too on-the-nose, Scorpio, but both you and Capricorn are feeling the kink in the air. We don’t need to tell you to be sex-positive. We’re just giving you a heads up that you about to go broke on a sex toy subscription box. : P 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

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Sweet Pisces, your heart is so full this Leo season, and only you could offer the love and care a special needs animal requires. We think you’re about to go broke paying medical bills for that special three-legged turtle in your life.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

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Gemini, this season could go one of two ways. You’re either about to drop money on a couple kegs and throw a party, or this political season has you wanting to invest in the future. If it’s the latter, may we suggest the Trans Latina Coalition because you know justice is intersectional and trans Latina immigrants are at high risk.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

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Dear Libra, this season, Leo won’t have you stray too far from what you know. Libra would go broke buying VIP tickets to the work convention they’ve always needed to elevate their networking game.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

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Aquarius, there’s no doubt about it. You’re going to invest in the stars by actually buying one and naming it after yourself. ????

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