Entertainment

Fed Up With Tinder And Instagram DM Slide-Ins This Latina Decided It Was Time To Give Up On Dating And Marry Herself

Our recent social platforms have made it certain that dating in today’s era is tough. Talk to your abuela about dating in her age, and she’ll probably tell you a story of waiting by a phone for a call and meeting up with a suitor at the local sock hop. She didn’t have to: swipe right and left on her Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid profiles. Or, check her DMs on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat to find out if someone she was interested in was down to “hang out” on a Friday night. Nope. Not like we have to. 

One woman in Los Angeles became so fed up with the dating game and committing herself to the chase of apps that she decided it was time to commit to herself. So she did just that. On her 25th birthday.  Over the weekend, 25-year-old Janis Valdez said, “yes” to a life of putting herself first.

In a recent post to her Instagram page, the Mexican-American revealed to family and friends that she’d gotten married. To herself. 

“Sometimes you just gotta vow to love yourself cause no one else will do it for you. Nothing more I could of wanted from this birthday 👰🏻💕💍 #MarriedToMyself,” she captioned her post. 

This woman also isn’t the only one to have gone this route in recent years. It’s beginning to become a trend that experts have coined “sologamy” –– but heck, call it whatever you want. 

Last year, on Valentine’s Day an Australian woman married herself in a beach ceremony in front of her three close friends. In 2017, another Italian woman put on a white veil and walked down the aisle to marry herself. And so on. 

When asked about what led her to make the choice to give up on the dating scene – for now – and marry herself, Valdez told FIERCE by mitú: “After many ghosts, booty calls you thought were serious, and [people playing] catfish, you can only take so much. So I decided, I’m turning 25. It’s time for a quarter-life crisis moment.” (She’s only half-joking, y’all). 

Valdez said her decision to say “I do” to herself was in an effort to change her perspective and approach to life.

“It’s for a life change,” Valdez explained. “It’s time I actually love myself because clearly… looking for someone else to love you in a city of complete vapidness and ego, no one’s going to love you for you.” 

Speaking about her decision to marry herself, Valdez told us that she decided to have the ceremony on her birthday because “what’s a better way to bring in 25 than to fucking marry yourself? I thought it was pretty badass.” 

But remember, Valdez’s decision to mary herself is about commitment to herself, not necessarily about committing to a life without a partner.

 Writer Lea Rose Emery explained to Brides Magazine in the article Sologamy: Why More and More Women Are Marrying…Themselves that “some self-marriage proponents are bound to keep flying solo, many who choose to self-marry by no means plan on being alone. It’s not about replacing or preventing a potential partner. It’s not about being alone—it’s about being enough.”

Valdez  says she told her family a few years ago that she was “probably going to end up marrying herself because dating was not working out.” She says she sort of made a pact with her sister, that if they reached their thirties without being married they would marry themselves but still throw an extravagant and fabulous ceremony together so their parents could have that to look forward to. Of course, since then both sisters have been in relationships. Valdez’s sister is currently in a committed one and Valdez was in one that she describes as “a very serious long term relationship” for some time until things ended. Pursuing relationships after the breakup proved to be rough, however, as Valdez explains “dating since my break-up has been horrible.”

Valdez isn’t letting that experience completely take over her life and she seems to be taking matters into her own hands – prioritizing herself and learning to love herself first and foremost.

Valdez also creates videos on YouTube where she not only chronicles her life in the city with her friends but also has a series called, “Dating in L.A.” 

If you watch, she says, you’ll get a glimpse into how horrible dating in L.A. really is.

And she’s not the only one who feels this way about dating in L.A. or other huge cities for that matter. Los Angeles Magazine published an article earlier this year titled, “Dating in L.A. Sucks. We Did the Math.” 

In it, the writer states: “Relationships are hard. Relationships in Los Angeles are harder. Maybe the 405 is to blame for canceled dates? Perhaps Peter Pan Syndrome prevents substantive connections? No matter the cause, single Angelenos are approaching the dating game with apathy rather than intent, and that’s unpleasant.” You can say that again. 

Dating in L.A. can be a downer for many reasons. We’ve got a list longer than CVS receipts.

For Valdez, she says she isn’t much into the bar or clubbing scene and she’s a homebody. “I’m so closely tied to my friends that it’s honestly a hard position I put myself in to meet new people,” she explains. “So of course, I turned to apps. But [many times] people never looked like their pictures. [Other times] people are just looking for matches and validation.”

And the list goes on. She also says her experiences with dating apps meant that people were simply “matching with her” but not reaching out or just ghosting her straight up. She was fed up with those experiences that left a bad taste in her mouth. She says it was also harder for her to date around as a bisexual woman. 

To other bisexual women in the dating, she would say, “Be picky with the guys you date and when and how you tell them you’re bi. I’m sure I’m not the only one to get ‘threesome?’ A lot of the time, too, I’ll tell a guy that I’m bi and that immediately sexualizes me [in their eyes] and they can’t see me in any other light.”

So she advises other women in similar situations to “just do what feels right to you at the moment. So if you don’t have a feel for this person right off the bat, maybe try to get to know them a little more and make sure it’s not someone who’s going to be ignorant [about you and your feelings. But also be yourself.” 

But despite her experience with dating in L.A., Valdez isn’t letting that make her completely close off. 

If Valdez meets someone and there’s a genuine connection, she says she’s not going to turn that down just because she’s married. 

“I put myself first. That’s what’s different after marriage. I’m someone who maybe prioritized my significant others too much, or above myself. And marrying myself was the first step in really changing that behavior,” she explains. “I am the most important. I will do right by me and if I’m right by me then I can do right by others. All that stuff. But I’m done with the meaningless casualties of dating. I don’t feel like putting effort into people who couldn’t care less about me. I just feel empty when I do that. So if something genuine and deep and real and meaningful comes, I won’t shut it down.” 

Cheers to that! 

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Announced They Were “Stepping Back” From Royal Life, Sending Twitter Into An Uproar

Entertainment

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Announced They Were “Stepping Back” From Royal Life, Sending Twitter Into An Uproar

@um_bamar / Twitter

In a bombshell announcement, Duke and Duchess of Sussex–more affectionately known to the public as Harry and Meghan–released a statement on Wednesday revealing that they would be “stepping back” from their official duties as senior members of the British royal family. 

The announcement came after months of speculations as to how the famous couple would respond to the maelstrom of negative press the duo–and especially Meghan–have been facing from the British tabloids. 

The Sussexes revealed that they would be “balancing” their time between the UK and North America, and that they are doing so to “provide their family with the space to focus on the next chapter”.

“After many months of reflection and internal discussions, we have chosen to make a transition this year in starting to carve out a progressive new role within this institution,” the Sussexes said via multiple social media channels. “We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen”.

And while the abrupt announcement was surprising for everyone, the move also comes after Harry and Meghan have long hinted at their discontent with their roles in the spotlight. 

The dissatisfaction seemed to reach a fever-pitch around the time that the couple appeared in the ITV documentary “Harry & Meghan: An African Journey”.  Both Harry and Meghan were candid about their struggle to endure the British media spotlight, with Harry saying, “…Every single time I see a camera, every single time I hear a click, every single time I see a flash, it takes me straight back [to my mother’s death]”.

As for Queen Elizabeth, the monarch released a statement saying that the discussions with the Sussexes are still in an “early stage” and the issue is “complicated”.

Since then, multiple outlets have reported that the entirety of Buckingham palace was “caught off guard” by the Sussexes’ decision. The British media is reporting that the Sussexes did not consult with Buckingham palace before either making the decision or announcing it. Sources close to the royal family say that while the queen is “sad”, Prince Charles (who is next in line to inherit the throne), is “furious”.

“There is fury over how they’ve done this without any thought for the implications for the institution,” a source recently told Page Six. “The Queen is deeply upset. The Prince of Wales and Duke of Cambridge are incandescent with rage.”

As for England’s reaction to the shocking news, the public opinion seems to be firmly divided into camps both “pro” and “against” “Megxit”.

While one Londoner expressed her support for Meghan and Harry to NBC News, saying she “can’t really blame them” for their decision to leave, another expressed their disappointment.  “It’s like, ‘We’ve now given you a ton of money, what do we get in return?,'” said a student named Frederick Bathurst, adding that his mother found their decision “disgraceful”. 

And while the Sussexes’ decision to step down from royal duties is surprising, it is not unprecedented. As any devotee of royalist media like “The King’s Speech” and “The Crown” will tell you, a similar situation to this has happened before, when King Edward abdicated the throne in 1936 in order to live in peace with his American girlfriend, Wallis Simpson. And while that situation worked out in the end, the aftermath was difficult to deal with for the Royal family.

Within minutes of the Sussexes’ announcement, both Harry and Meghan’s names were trending on Twitter.

Although Americans like to pretend they’re above being invested in the British Royal Family, their reactions to “Megxit” told a completely different story. The hilarious Tweets and reaction memes were enough to keep us entertained for hours.

Here is actual footage of the Royal Family reading Meghan & Harry’s statement

While Harry and Meghan are hoping that this decision will protect them from the media, something tells us that the media scrutiny is going to be stronger than ever.

Of course, there was tons of speculation as to what Harry’s mother would think if she were still alive:

We wonder if lingering trauma over Diana’s death had anything to do with this decision.

This person imagined what #Megxit would be like as a Reddit post:

This couldn’t be more accurate. 

There were also tons of takes on the Sussexes desire to become “financially independent” from the Royal family:

If there’s one thing for sure, Prince Harry has a very particular set of skills that might not be useful to everyone.

Here’s How To Maintain A Long-Lasting And Healthy Relationship According To Advice From Reddit Grandmas

Fierce

Here’s How To Maintain A Long-Lasting And Healthy Relationship According To Advice From Reddit Grandmas

@Samkelwe14 / Twitter

When it comes to relationships, there’s no doubt that some good advice can go a long way. Whether you’re in your early days or headed down the aisle, we found the best advice Reddit could give for you to apply for your blossoming relationship.

Check it out below!

Do two tasks for your partner and don’t make a big deal out of it.

“For me, my grandfather gave me the best advice. He said, ‘choose two things to do around the house that she never has to ask you to do. Do the best job you can do and take pride in it but never draw attention to or complain about it. Just do it and expect nothing in return.’ I cook dinner and do the dishes/cleanup cooking messes. It took my wife almost a year to notice. When she did however I would find my laundry was magically done on its own, folded and put away. When I told her she doesn’t have to do my laundry she stated “you always cook and clean for me! I figured it was the least I could do!” – u/Ironwolf9876

Be selfless between the sheets

” I feel like this same goes for sex – do that little bit extra to make your partner feel sexy and special every time. A little bit of selflessness on both sides adds up to a world of extra pleasure for each.” – philipjeremypatrick

Don’t always go for 50/50.

“The one I heard is “healthy relationships are not 50/50. Each person should be putting in 100%.” – reddit user

Give your S.O. the benefit of the doubt.

“The best relationship advice I have heard came from an interview Michael J Fox did where he talked about how his marriage had lasted so long. He said ‘We give each other the benefit of the doubt.’ If your SO does something thatakes you worried, angry or sad, ask them to tell you their side of the story before you let your emotions run wild. There is probably a reasonable explanation and a good reason for how he/she acted. That will help avoid a lot of conflicts and foster trust.” – Loive

If you’re arguing to win you’ve already lost.

“You shouldn’t be arguing trying to prove that you’re right or that she is wrong. You should be communicating what you each see the situation as and come to a mutual understanding or agreement. Relationships aren’t a competition. Even if you guys end up not agreeing, at least you’ll know why it upsets the other person and will know not to do that because it negatively affects them.” – cdotace

Be sure they’re the one.

“My mother asked me the night i proposed to my wife if i was sure i wanted to be with her. It made me mad in the moment, but i realized she made a valid point. 6 years and twin boys later, I have never been more sure about a decision in my life. Thanks mom.” – sillysimon12

Get married when you’re poor.

“I was fortunate enough to be invited to a party where there were several elderly couples. At the time, I was in my early twenties, and decided to take advantage of the opportunity. A couple in attendance had been married for over 60 years. I asked them, “What advice do you have for a young person like me? The woman said, ‘Get married when you’re dirt poor…’ My mind was blown. I thought to myself, “Wow, that is some incredible advice. Literally start a life together, and build it up from nothing. That would create an unbreakable bond and friendship.’ Then she finished with ‘… so you can’t afford to get divorced!'” – MutantCoach

Say I love you before you leave for work in the morning.

“1. Say I love you (and mean it) every morning before you leave for work. You may not see them again. 2. If they regularly do something small that annoys you, first see if you are able to stop being annoyed by it before asking them to change.” – Reddit user 

How do you do the little things.

“To achieve an amazing relationship, you need to consider what you do in the little things. What your girlfriend/wife is like when she greets you at the front door, over the table at breakfast, etc. These little things add up to 80% of the success of your relationship. Dedicate yourself and be focused completely in the moment in these little moments and you will achieve the best relationship that you have ever had.” – ImpulseTee

Carry the load. Know it’s like moving a sofa.

“I heard a comic once say a relationship is like moving a heavy, awkward sofa up 3 flights of stairs. The whole time you’re talking to the other person, and you wonder if they’re carrying their load, and it can be tough. But its easier than doing it alone.”  – beingtwiceasnice

Be on the same page before you get married.

“Being in love with someone is a good reason to date them, but not necessarily marry them. People fall in love all the time but if the two of you don’t agree on the important life decisions (kids, religion, fiscal responsibility, etc.) then your marriage is likely to face some serious challenges.” – bdd1001