Entertainment

Fed Up With Tinder And Instagram DM Slide-Ins This Latina Decided It Was Time To Give Up On Dating And Marry Herself

Our recent social platforms have made it certain that dating in today’s era is tough. Talk to your abuela about dating in her age, and she’ll probably tell you a story of waiting by a phone for a call and meeting up with a suitor at the local sock hop. She didn’t have to: swipe right and left on her Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid profiles. Or, check her DMs on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat to find out if someone she was interested in was down to “hang out” on a Friday night. Nope. Not like we have to. 

One woman in Los Angeles became so fed up with the dating game and committing herself to the chase of apps that she decided it was time to commit to herself. So she did just that. On her 25th birthday.  Over the weekend, 25-year-old Janis Valdez said, “yes” to a life of putting herself first.

In a recent post to her Instagram page, the Mexican-American revealed to family and friends that she’d gotten married. To herself. 

“Sometimes you just gotta vow to love yourself cause no one else will do it for you. Nothing more I could of wanted from this birthday ???????????????? #MarriedToMyself,” she captioned her post. 

This woman also isn’t the only one to have gone this route in recent years. It’s beginning to become a trend that experts have coined “sologamy” –– but heck, call it whatever you want. 

Last year, on Valentine’s Day an Australian woman married herself in a beach ceremony in front of her three close friends. In 2017, another Italian woman put on a white veil and walked down the aisle to marry herself. And so on. 

When asked about what led her to make the choice to give up on the dating scene – for now – and marry herself, Valdez told FIERCE by mitú: “After many ghosts, booty calls you thought were serious, and [people playing] catfish, you can only take so much. So I decided, I’m turning 25. It’s time for a quarter-life crisis moment.” (She’s only half-joking, y’all). 

Valdez said her decision to say “I do” to herself was in an effort to change her perspective and approach to life.

“It’s for a life change,” Valdez explained. “It’s time I actually love myself because clearly… looking for someone else to love you in a city of complete vapidness and ego, no one’s going to love you for you.” 

Speaking about her decision to marry herself, Valdez told us that she decided to have the ceremony on her birthday because “what’s a better way to bring in 25 than to fucking marry yourself? I thought it was pretty badass.” 

But remember, Valdez’s decision to mary herself is about commitment to herself, not necessarily about committing to a life without a partner.

 Writer Lea Rose Emery explained to Brides Magazine in the article Sologamy: Why More and More Women Are Marrying…Themselves that “some self-marriage proponents are bound to keep flying solo, many who choose to self-marry by no means plan on being alone. It’s not about replacing or preventing a potential partner. It’s not about being alone—it’s about being enough.”

Valdez  says she told her family a few years ago that she was “probably going to end up marrying herself because dating was not working out.” She says she sort of made a pact with her sister, that if they reached their thirties without being married they would marry themselves but still throw an extravagant and fabulous ceremony together so their parents could have that to look forward to. Of course, since then both sisters have been in relationships. Valdez’s sister is currently in a committed one and Valdez was in one that she describes as “a very serious long term relationship” for some time until things ended. Pursuing relationships after the breakup proved to be rough, however, as Valdez explains “dating since my break-up has been horrible.”

Valdez isn’t letting that experience completely take over her life and she seems to be taking matters into her own hands – prioritizing herself and learning to love herself first and foremost.

Valdez also creates videos on YouTube where she not only chronicles her life in the city with her friends but also has a series called, “Dating in L.A.” 

If you watch, she says, you’ll get a glimpse into how horrible dating in L.A. really is.

And she’s not the only one who feels this way about dating in L.A. or other huge cities for that matter. Los Angeles Magazine published an article earlier this year titled, “Dating in L.A. Sucks. We Did the Math.” 

In it, the writer states: “Relationships are hard. Relationships in Los Angeles are harder. Maybe the 405 is to blame for canceled dates? Perhaps Peter Pan Syndrome prevents substantive connections? No matter the cause, single Angelenos are approaching the dating game with apathy rather than intent, and that’s unpleasant.” You can say that again. 

Dating in L.A. can be a downer for many reasons. We’ve got a list longer than CVS receipts.

For Valdez, she says she isn’t much into the bar or clubbing scene and she’s a homebody. “I’m so closely tied to my friends that it’s honestly a hard position I put myself in to meet new people,” she explains. “So of course, I turned to apps. But [many times] people never looked like their pictures. [Other times] people are just looking for matches and validation.”

And the list goes on. She also says her experiences with dating apps meant that people were simply “matching with her” but not reaching out or just ghosting her straight up. She was fed up with those experiences that left a bad taste in her mouth. She says it was also harder for her to date around as a bisexual woman. 

To other bisexual women in the dating, she would say, “Be picky with the guys you date and when and how you tell them you’re bi. I’m sure I’m not the only one to get ‘threesome?’ A lot of the time, too, I’ll tell a guy that I’m bi and that immediately sexualizes me [in their eyes] and they can’t see me in any other light.”

So she advises other women in similar situations to “just do what feels right to you at the moment. So if you don’t have a feel for this person right off the bat, maybe try to get to know them a little more and make sure it’s not someone who’s going to be ignorant [about you and your feelings. But also be yourself.” 

But despite her experience with dating in L.A., Valdez isn’t letting that make her completely close off. 

If Valdez meets someone and there’s a genuine connection, she says she’s not going to turn that down just because she’s married. 

“I put myself first. That’s what’s different after marriage. I’m someone who maybe prioritized my significant others too much, or above myself. And marrying myself was the first step in really changing that behavior,” she explains. “I am the most important. I will do right by me and if I’m right by me then I can do right by others. All that stuff. But I’m done with the meaningless casualties of dating. I don’t feel like putting effort into people who couldn’t care less about me. I just feel empty when I do that. So if something genuine and deep and real and meaningful comes, I won’t shut it down.” 

Cheers to that! 

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Latinas Talk About Love At First Sight

Entertainment

Latinas Talk About Love At First Sight

Miramax

In an infamous scene in the 1992 book Like Water for Chocolate, the novel’s main characters Tita and Pedro swear their undying love for each other within minutes of first meeting. Just like that, they experienced love at first sight. Stories all throughout history have detailed the romantic personal experience of an instant and ultimately long-lasting romantic attraction for a stranger upon first sight. But how practical— or even true is that really?

We turned to our FIERCE readers to see just how prevalent this phenomenon is.

In a post to our Instagram page we asked Latinas for their love at first love stories.

And scavenged around Reddit for good measure. Check out what we discovered below!

“Yes. I had briefly met him before but it was the first time I ever really noticed him. We had a whirlwind romance and then he left to take a job in Europe. We kept in touch for a few years but never saw each other again. He is the gold standard I judge men by.” –
adorableadelita

“YES with my dog the second I saw him I knew he was the one!! I’ve had him for 17years now and we are happily ever after.”- virgok1

“Yes but I’m just not brave enough to tell them they’re beautiful tho, most incredible smile I’ve ever seen the most captivating set of eyes I’ve ever looked into. But well love from afar right?” –ta_ta1009

“Yes. And it was delicious, I’ll never forget those Tacos dorados. My one and only.”- funkycold___medina

“Yes! I never knew love could fill your heart like that so instantly and so completely! It was the first time I ever saw my niece! Best feeling in the world!”- yesi_lo

“Not in love but in strong lust.” – magnetic67

“Yes! And we just got married during the pandemic (very interesting way how we got married).”-21djenne

“Just when I first laid eyes 👀 on the paletero in my neighborhood. Jokes aside I love that man, he’s so sweet.”- dreathunder

“Yup met mine when I was 17 yrs old and knew I would marry them. Here we are 18 years later and still together.” –elizabeth_pearl

HelloSchrodi1 point·4 years ago

“We were both 18 going on 19. He was a second year science student, I was a fresh faced firstie at a brand new University. I was also 95% sure I was lesbian. I saw this goofy ginger at the outdoor movie theatre, he had Styrofoam strapped to his head and declared himself Julius Ceasar, and gave me the biggest and most genuine smile. When he asked my name, it was a genuine want not just a question you ask to fill time. My heart squeezed a bit, and we kept eye contact for a bit too long before we both turned back to the screen. The next day we ended up sitting across from eachother in the cafeteria, and as soon as I saw him sitting there with a grin on his gorgeous face I knew I could love him. We were attached at the hip for at least 8 hours every day for a month, it was like a need to be around eachother, a magnetic pull and attraction. We started dating after a few weeks. We both fell in love quickly. I never believed in love at first sight, but we fit together perfectly in every way and every day, even now as we’re 20 with a lot of growth and ‘relationship strainers’ under our belts there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I don’t think of him and fall further in love. We’ve fought a bit, met eachothers families, he’s held my hand in the hospital and I’ve held his. We’ve had the kids talk, marriage talk, finances talk, and we’re moving in together this summer. It’s also pretty great that we have the same taste in women. I have never been happier, and he tells me the same.”-HelloSchrodi

“We met at work, when we both locked eyes we were drawn to each other. After a week of flirting with each other and staring into her beautiful blue eyes, she actually asked ME out. We dated for 8 years and got engaged; being madly in love is perfection. She walked down the aisle about 13 months after she accepted my proposal. She gave birth to her first child 10 months later, and had her second 2 years after that. She’s very happy in her life. Kind of wished she married me instead of the dickhead she met a month after leaving me.” –UrMomLikesMine

“It was a whirlwind. Can’t really explain it. Distance and heavy workloads on both our parts (we couldn’t see each other at all one year) made us end it. Still best friends, still in a sort of a platonic bond. We’ve both seen other people since then (I’ve just had a bad experience), but I don’t think I’ve ever felt that kind of… ease around someone until months have passed. When she moves here in a few years, who knows? She never will, but if she asked me to wait. I’d say yes in a heasrtbeat.” –ionised

“Yes… now married 10 years.” – juju_bees_mommy

“Well for me it wasn’t at first sight. But for him it was. Within the first week he knew I would be the one he was going to marry and spend his life with. My feelings grew quickly also and we knew we had met our soul mate very quickly. We are doing great. He’s saving up for an engagement ring, both support eachother in our respective fields (me in tattoo artistry and him in filmmaking). Once our financial situation is in order we plan to move to Seattle. I have never been so in love and I don’t regret it for a second.”- BigHeroDicks

elizabeth_pearlYup met mine when I was 17 yrs old and knew I would marry them. Here we are 18 years later and still together ❤️❤️❤️ @fiercebymitu

elizabeth_pearlYup met mine when I was 17 yrs old and knew I would marry them. Here we are 18 years later and still together ❤️❤️❤️ @fiercebymitu

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Demi Lovato Gasses Up Her Teen Self In Her Latest Music Video ‘OK Not to Be OK’

Entertainment

Demi Lovato Gasses Up Her Teen Self In Her Latest Music Video ‘OK Not to Be OK’

Pixl Networks

Demi Lovato is hardly a stranger to opening up about the things that have plagued her. The “Sorry Not Sorry” singer has long used her voice and platform to shed light on the issues that so many young girls struggle with. Namely body image. Like many young girls across the country (who are reportedly more likely to suffer from the pressures of our society’s pressure to obtain the “ideal body”) Demi Lovato has been open about her years struggling with eating disorders. Moreover, in recent years Lovato has positioned herself as an advocate for young girls suffering from similar issues.

In a recent music video, Lovato is opening up about her pain by doing so with a girl she can relate to on a completely different level: her younger self.

Lovato’s newest song comes with a heartwrenching and brilliant collab with Marshmello.

In her latest video, Lovato finds herself transported to her childhood bedroom, waking up in her old bed. When she looks in the mirror, she finds herself staring straight into the face of her younger self (a la Camp Rock). Marshmello also wakes up in his own childhood room, and the two artists end up settling with their past demons throughout the rest of the video. 

The lyrics of the song detail the process of coming to terms with dark emotions and mental health struggles. “Don’t get lost in the moment, or give up when you’re closest,” Lovato sings in the new music video. “All you need is somebody to say, it’s OK not to be OK.”

Throughout the video, the teenage and adult versions of Lovato and Marshmellow rage in their bedrooms in the video before ultimately finding a balance. The video concludes with both versions of Demi holding hands and meeting up with the teenage and adult versions of Marshmello while dancing down a street.

“I think it’s just such an important subject,” Marshmello said about the song’s release on World Suicide Prevention Day. “I think a lot of people, about negative feelings and negative thoughts that are affecting them are kind of scared to bring it up, scared to talk about it. When in reality, they’re scared because maybe the person won’t relate or the person won’t understand, when in reality most of time the person that you could bring it up to, will most likely has felt like this or will understand or can relate as well. So I think it’s very important to talk about it.”

Check out the music video below!

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