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The All-Time Best Quotes From Lydia On ODAAT That Are Too Relatable

Michael Yarish

There’s no question that Rita Moreno is an icon in the Latino community. Why? Because she embodies the roles of abuelita in all the right ways. In Netflix’s “One Day at a Time” reboot, Moreno plays the role of Lydia Riera, the Cuban ex-pat who stores all her food in butter tubs and cookies tins and protects her recipes with a secret code.

She’s the abuela we all have in one way or another, and her lines will make you laugh, cringe and love her even more. She might be the only visible character on television that accurately depicts how we all see our abuelas. Read ’em and weep.

“We are Cuban. We don’t get divorced. We die.”

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Some of her best lines are about her undying love for her Cuban heritage. She even has refused to take stroke medication because “if ever I get one, my Cuban blood will eat it and absorb it into nothing.”

“Jesus and Santa were cousins. Everybody knows that.”

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Some of her best quotes are attached to “everybody knows that.” Classic abuela.

“I don’t trust that doctor. The first thing she did was weigh me, and after that everything she said was clouded by jealousy.”

CREDIT: Credit: @melissafumeros / Twitter

Abuela is also very attached to her understanding of beauty. She always looks perfect and can spot a thigh dimple from a mile away, so stay away.

“Hold on. I’m watching the President. Oh wait. It is a hemorrhoid commercial. Hold up.”

CREDIT: Credit: @beforedusk / Twitter

Season 3 came in hot with disses to POTUS. Nobody can dish an insult like an abuelita.

When Lydia’s kids start to make fun of her and she dishes this guilt trip.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Lydia: “I’m so happy I brought you into this world to laugh at me. Because of your giant heads I pee when I cough.”

[Awkward Silence]

Grandson Alex: “Okayyy.”

When Elena strongholds her abuela to take her stroke medications ‘y ya’ and this happened.

CREDIT: Credit: @melissafumeros / Twitter

Lydia: “You do not ‘y ya’ me. I ‘y ya’ you. Y ya!” This is one of the bravest things any Latino grandchild could say to their abuelita. She runs the house and the family. She is the one who has final say, okay?

When Lydia completely missed the memo on Aunt Pilar.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Elena wonders out loud if her Tia Pilar is gay and Lydia basically proves her point.

“Elena, you think everyone is gay. Pilar is just eccentric. She rides a motorcycle. She owns seven cats. She shares a one bedroom apartment with her long time roommate, Susan. How is that gay?”

When Lydia accidentally gets stoned and sees Elena’s point.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

It all happens at the Opera. Before the edible lozenge, Lydia said, “Not everything is gay.” Afterward, “It is gay. I get it now. I get it.”

Edible induced paranoia for a Cuban granny looks like this.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

😂 🤣

It’s funny and it’s also tragic. Fear runs through our overprotective Latin blood.

When the abuela just doesn’t understand #MeToo and probably never will.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Lydia: “In my day, when I walked down the street, I would hear a symphony of compliments.”

Elena: “You were being harassed.”

Lydia: “Much more than all the other women.”

Can we not ALL relate to this?!

When Lydia teaches her lesbian granddaughter how to dramatically come out of a closet.

CREDIT: Credit: @ivarsdaenerys / Twitter

Context: Lupe arranges for a vacation but tells the hotel that her kids are 12-year-old twins and has to hide her mom in order to be able to afford it. A knock on the door forces her into a closet and Lydia used her exit as an opportunity for a life lesson.

“Berto, I’m ready.”

CREDIT: Credit: @melissafumeros / Twitter

When Lydia can’t take any more of Leslie and Elena’s corny puns, she looks to the sky and tries to invoke her dead husband to sweep her away from this world. 😂

When Lydia’s kids make fun of her for being so overprotective.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Tito: “Remember Mami never let us go to the freezer section of the supermarket alone because we might get trapped in there?”

Lupe & Tito Mocking: “In the freezer, nobody can hear you scream. Everybody knows this.”

Lydia: “So did you freeze to death? You’re welcome.”

“Everybody knows that going outside with wet hair is almost as deadly as walking barefoot in your own home.”

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Everybody knows!! Truly, everybody has heard this exact speech from their abuela or their mami dozens of times.

When Lydia thought Yeezy meant Jesus.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Alex was grounded for 6 months for smoking pot and, claro, abuela forgives all boys immediately and went out to do his bidding. She waited in line for hours on the phone with Alex until Lupe made him hang up. On her own, all she knew was that she wanted the Jesus shoes.

Lydia endlessly stringing Leslie along.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

She tells him on Valentine’s Day that she would never share a date on Valentine’s again because it would dishonor the memory of her Berto. Then she does this.

When Tito compliments Lupe and Lydia misses the boat to appreciate her daughter.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

After Tito literally didn’t show up to Lydia’s deathbed and Lupe calls him out on it, he finally apologizes and points out how lucky they are to have Lupe.

“Ayyy, Penelopita. Can you believe how selfless Tito is to compliment you? I did not think it was possible, but now you are even more perfect than ever.”

“I came out of the womb wearing stilettos.”

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Your abuela takes pride in her femininity (probably because she grew up with the singular value placed on women as the performance of said femininity but I digress). She will never be seen looking any less than fabulous.

Lydia’s reasoning for wearing makeup to bed is priceless.

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Lupe: “What? Are you afraid Julio Iglesias is going to pop out of the bathroom?”

Lydia: “You don’t know where Julio spends his time.”

None of us do.

Deeply religious Lydia isn’t blind.

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Elena: “Can we agree that if there is a God, they are gender neutral?”

Lydia: “No. God is a man. If he were a woman there would be less problems.”

Bravo, ODAAT writers. You perfected this abuela.

READ: Find Out Who You Are In The Alvarez Family With This ‘One Day At A Time’ Quiz

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