entertainment

Latinas Need No Porn Because of These 21 Reasons

Porn? Really? Who cares?

We´re young, powerful, and super confident women. So, that means we already know what we want.

And here´s why porn is simply not on our list, baby! Cause we have waaaay more important things to do in 2019.

So no matter if you´re feeling a bit lonely, super bored or just curious, you can join us now in this sexy ride. Until you can´t take it anymore.

Are you ready to look?

Make yourself comfortable cause this can´t just get any hotter!

Here go the 21 legit reasons latinas don´t need to watch ANY porn. It´s not my fault—thank Instagram instead!

1. He can take us to deep waters in a few seconds…

Credit: Instagram / @maluma

Maluma will be always right next to you, as long as you don´t mind agrandar el cuarto. Of course, sin contratos, as you can imagineAre you in? People always say there´s plenty of fish in the sea. Let´s ask Maluma if he´s found any out there! Don´t you think he looks pretty focused? And basically pretty?

2. This is what really turns us on!

Credit: Instagram / @smoothiebowl

This pink explosion of flavor in your mouth makes up the perfect recipe for the climax. It´s somewhat exotic, original and sexy. I´m talking of course about Dragon Fruit or Pitaya—which is full of anti-aging benefits for you! I guess you´ve already created your own smoothie bowl recipe to hook up. Share it, girl! Don´t be so greedy.

3. The only ménage à trois we´re willing to watch

Credit: Instagram / @true.vampire.blood 

Cause we wanna do bad things with you, and you! If this TV trio doesn´t ring a bell, you go fix it tomorrow. You listen to the opening, learn the lyrics, binge-watch the whole series. The rest is history. Please don´t miss seven glorious years of sexy bites. It’ll leave you wanting more!

4. The true golden shower is here

Credit: Instagram / @nicolethompson1724

From the intimacy of the bedroom to the sensuality of the high-level catwalk, gold probably couldn´t have got any sexier. Thank you glitter!  We couldn´t wait anymore to have you inside us.

5. Doing it outdoors? Seriously?

Credit: Instagram / @delightfultravellers

It always sounds like a super sexy idea, especially if it happens in these beautiful Panama beaches. So, think carefully about the next book you´re gonna read. And when you travel to paradise again, prepare yourself well for the occasion. 

6. Not every package is huge 🙁

Credit: Instagram / @lamarr_renee 

But size does definitely matter when it comes to pizza, right? This delivery guy will certainly guarantee you regular happy endings. And most importantly, with no strings attached. He´ll be busy knocking on other girls´doors so please don´t get too clingy. It´s pointless.

7. This one makes us wanna lie down forever…

Credit: Instagram / @tatooids 

Cause who doesn´t adore red roses? And a good tattoo? And some finger painting?

8. …while this one makes us melt

Credit: Instagram / @binothedoodle

Which independent woman needs any porn when there are SO CUTE real dogs? From the color to the pose, he´s just flawless. We feel like getting playful with him ALL the time. And any time.

9. What´s truly keeping us up all night?

Credit: Instagram / @caffeine_andi

Our little dirty secret is just a good cafecito! And if there´s some latte art to it (like here), we´ll give it some extra points. Coffee is the ultimate stimulation menu for ladies. You can learn it like the back of your hand and he´ll never disappoint you!

10. There´s nothing like one of those between your hands

Credit: Instagram / @mileycyrus

What you´re talking about? No, think again. Now yes, you got it, gurl! It´s a delicious, sensual, warm cup of tea! What´s your favorite? Do you prefer doing it alone or with company?

11. And what´s a cup of tea without cake, anyways?

Credit: Instagram / @receitas_super_faceis

Nothing, of course! Or maybe cake by the ocean is better. Is it a tie? Your call.

12. Real lust

Credit: Instagram / @camila_cabello

Comes in the form of cookies, a cozy house, and extremely random pajamas. We can watch movies all night while talking, and THAT makes us genuinely happy. Who said women are complicated? We´re the simplest creatures ever!

13. Morning glory

Credit: Instagram / @manuzlgperillat

Is now all about nude headstands. Forget about average selfies in the bathroom. Yoga is the new sexy! Are you already practicing your positions? There are more than you could ever count.

14. That match we´re craving for

Credit: Instagram / @nail.diy123

Is to finally find the exact same color of nails and sneakers! And show it to the rest of the world first thing. What´s Tinder anyways? All hearts go to nails and outfits.

15. Almost self-explanatory

Credit: Instagram / @meritaapplehead 

But, just in case, remember you must always peel a banana before eating it. Where´s your mind, girl? Are you thinking about sex again? Come on…grow up!

And we´ll obey—if and only if it´s written in our skins. And we´ll only follow Rihanna songs.

16. Please, tell us what to do!

Credit: Instagram / @little_hell_tattoo

17. Hey! We´re busy here!!

Credit: Instagram / @narryactually 

Reminiscing on him. How manly he looked when he played Alex in Dunkirk (2017)! Do you remember? He almost stole the whole show. A kind invitation to test the waterslide.

And we´d go aaaall the way to get one of these over and over again! (After all, Miami is around the corner.)

18. Mouthgasm was just inevitable…

Credit: Instagram / @miami.food

19. And eyegasm too!

Cause Shawn Mendes can´t look any hotter in this blue hoodie. Period. We´re packing our bags to Canada right now. Maybe we get lucky enough to find him watching basketball again.

Credit: Instagram / @shawnmendes

20. Why is she even here?

Credit: Instagram / @jlo

Cause we´re still trying to figure out how she gets that awesome hairstyle—AND booty! Any ideas?

21. And what about Shak?

Credit: Instagram / @shakira 

Another top celeb who makes us lose sleep cause we never really knew that she could dance like this…

After this, I do hope next time you even consider watching porn, you think twice and go back to this list!

Latinos Had The Best Reactions To Netflix's 'Bird Box' And The Internet Is Screaming

entertainment

Latinos Had The Best Reactions To Netflix’s ‘Bird Box’ And The Internet Is Screaming

@Jonathaniix / @chalemimosa / Twitter

Netflix released “Bird Box” on Dec. 21 and it broke records for the streaming platform. If you haven’t seen it then stop reading this because it’s full of spoiler alerts.

Like most things that people love on the internet, memes have been created that have left fans howling in laughter. Some people probably only saw the memes for weeks before watching the movie. Here are some of the best ways Latinos have turned “Bird Box” into memes.

People on social media cannot stop talking about “Bird Box” and people are delivering some amazing memes.

If the world is coming to an end, and the kids won’t listen, you better make them listen or else.

Some folks are devastated by the order the characters were killed off.

We weren’t ready to say goodbye but that’s what happens in an apocalyptic tale.

Once you look at those things, whatever they are, you cannot look away.

They get a hold of you so fast, and there’s no going back. But a few special people get to look on as the world burns and feel calm.

The only thing saving people are the beautiful birds.

But you better listen closely, if not you’re dead.

Okay, this mom got way too spiritual about the meaning of “Bird Box.”

Leave it to mom to take this way further than anyone needed to take it.

Someone ever spotted Sandra Bullock in lotería.

All this time she was just trying to train us for the moment we couldn’t see.

Dragging your kids during the apocalypse is not child endangerment.

Just hold on to them tight.

Whole families are getting in on the fun of “Bird Box.”

It might be harder to play lotería while blindfolded but it is necessary to survive.

You better get el cinto if the kids don’t listen.

How else will they listen?

How could she have named the girl something else aside from Cinderella?

She had direct orders. So messed up.

Let’s not even talk about what the only Latina character did to screw over all the other people fighting with her.

This better mean there’s a part two in the works.

A few people see the fatal premonitions already coming true in parts of Latin America.

This feels all too real.

READ: This Chola Went Crazy on Sandra Bullock and It was Amazing

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