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20 Things You’ll Definitely Understand If You Have A Latina Mom

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Remember those years of childhood when you slowly started to realize your family wasn’t like your white friend’s families? Now that you’re grown, we present you the tip of the iceberg: just twenty things that made your mom different from the other moms.

You were never allowed to go to the super-chaperoned and G-rated sleepover parties.

CREDIT: @ds_6x / Twitter

The invites didn’t include background checks on both parents or a letter of recommendation from the priest? Can’t be trusted. You’re staying home and watching a novela with your mama and you’re going to be happy about it.

Your mom cooked for a dozen people, cada noche.

CREDIT: @ItsZoeKelly / Twitter

You know, just in case your friends came over. Dinner at your house meant that everyone was guilted into eating a second or third helping. We roll our guests out and it is just a part of our culture.

Your mom made you eat dinner at home before going to your friends’ for dinner.

CREDIT: @LMVLSoCal / Twitter

“We eat dinner as a family.” Super frustrating when your family is the only one that eats past 9 p.m. Plus, mom could never be sure if you were to have real comida at your friend’s house. What if they order pizza? She can’t let her angel be out there eating bad food, can she?

Your mom is tight with God, so her word is basically His.

CREDIT: @ShroudandTilma / Twitter

Legit. Everything you wanted to do or asked for had to be screened by mom and she was ready with the word of the Lord. If it wasn’t approved by el Papa, good luck.

You can’t bring them anywhere without causing a scene.

CREDIT: @TuMadreKat / Twitter

At first, you were embarrassed, and now it just makes you smile. You never understood why she would get so angry with people in public until you became an adult. Now you know why she got so upset because some people are just, well, dumb.

You have no fighting chance against a mamá enojada.

CREDIT: @franchumble_ / Twitter

I mean, we tried. We really tried to stand up for ourselves but it was no use. We know better now and would never try such nonsense. It is still puzzling to us to see our non-Latino friends saying things to their mothers that would have gotten us slapped.

The only thing she needed to say to shut down all logic was this:

CREDIT: @killer_mugs / Twitter

Oh, and there were no rules. Just whims. Come home at 9 p.m. at any given night and it could be, “Am I supposed to wait up for you?” or “Wow, it’s so early, honey, get out of here. Have fun.”

You’re scarred from what therapists everywhere are calling ’emotional abuse.’

CREDIT: @heurMaggie / Twitter

Literally, our parents had it so easy. We know better now than to shame or threaten a kid for crying. However, back in the day, it was the best way to get us to quiet down so we didn’t cause scenes in front of her friends.

Your mom will call the police if you miss a call from her.

CREDIT: @Jayy2bomb / Twitter

Caption: “When I have a missed call from my mom these are the text messages I get”

It’s amazing how quickly they can turn any situation into a kidnapping. Like, we just want to be able to enjoy our lives without being yelled at or threatened.

Don’t expect to get brownie points with compliments.

CREDIT: @ericagerrcv23 / Twitter

Like, this was supposed to be an adult child bonding moment, mami. Instead, she was able to cut her child down to size like all of our parents do. We can feel the burn radiating through the image.

Your mom was never going to comfort you when you hurt yourself.

CREDIT: we are mitú

Never. If you got hurt, you better hope it was something that would heal fast and before she noticed. It’s still a mystery to many why getting hurt was something that would make mom so upset.

She saved you from endless illnesses by forcing you to wear socks.

CREDIT: @papermagazine / Twitter

Nothing will get you sicker than walking around the world barefoot. This is just a fact that everyone knows. Want to get sick? Be barefoot. Want to live to 120? Always wear socks inside.

Your mom never let you experience a chill. Not once in your life.

CREDIT: GIPHY

That’s why we want to cry when it reaches 60 degrees. No? Just me? Didn’t think so. It is the first step to prevent all preventable and incurable diseases, according to our moms.

Your mom taught you that if it doesn’t burn, it’s not working.

CREDIT: @SoFabby / Twitter

Doctors will tell you not to put VapoRub in your eyes, but our mamis swear it’s what Jesus used to heal the blind. Okay, that was too far. But this is the most versatile healing cream know the Latino-kind.

She also taught you to never, ever get bored.

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Latina. 9 April 2019.

We all learned how to look busy or stressed so that our mom’s wouldn’t tap us to pull hair out of our sister’s clogged drain. Oy.

She taught you that Saturday mornings are not for resting.

CREDIT: cleaning gif by spongebob squarepants / GIPHY

They’re for aggressively cleaning the house to the tune of whatever cumbia she wants. We’re all our mothers.

Our Latina moms taught us to treat every air plant like her own hijos.

CREDIT: Janet Marzouca / Facebook

Don’t ask me why, but all my tías come bearing air plants as gifts, whispering under their breath that they stole it from so-and-so’s yard.

Latina moms instill the most vivid imagination in their kids with their own childhood stories.

CREDIT: mask flirt gif / GIPHY

Yes to La Llorona and yes to all the Latin folklore. But also yes to witnessing UFO sightings above the Empire State Building and being Italian militiamen in past lives?

You probably had no say in your Halloween costume.

CREDIT: Janet Marzouca / Facebook

At least if you were a girl. I wanted to be Batman but my mom made me be a Flamenco dancer for four years in a row.

You know that this slipper could be used as a weapon at any given moment.

CREDIT: Pero Like / YouTube

But you also see this slipper and are having a major nostalgia moment, because only your Latina friends wore them. Miss you, the 90s, but glad we’re all grown up!

READ: 28 Dichos Your Mom Told You That Made You Need Therapy

Los Espookys Episode 2: “El Espanto de la Herencia”

Entertainment

Los Espookys Episode 2: “El Espanto de la Herencia”

HBO

On June 13 2019, HBO premiered “Los Espookys,” it’s Spanish-language horror comedy from the mind of Fred Armisen. Needless to say, we were immediate fans. Between the subtly hilarious script and its impeccable delivery, the series proved from episode one that it’s worth the watch. Don’t even get us started on how much we love the horror elements we’ve seen so far.

The second episode of “Los Espookys” is just as addictive and entertaining as the first. Titled “El Espanto de la Herencia,” the episode is so good, it demands a recap.

Here are some of the most spooky and most hysterical parts of “Los Espookys” episode two.

Last week, we met Renaldo, Úrsula, Tati and Andrés, four friends bonded by their love of horror.

HBO

The gang was encouraged by Renaldo’s uncle, Tio Tico, to pursue that passion and turn it into a career. Calling themselves Los Espookys, they were approached by a mysterious woman who wants to use their terrifying talents. With this in mind, it’s time to brainstorm how they’ll approach this next job.

However, before we can check in with Los Espookys, the series introduces us to the US Ambassador.

Horror DNA

Her name is US Ambassador Melanie Gibbons and she’s received an important letter. The letter — which is in Spanish, not coded as she first suspects — informs her that her friend Ignacio Ferracuti has died. However, he’s left his 18.9 billion peso fortune to whoever can survive a night in his haunted mansion.

To borrow Ambassador Gibbons words, “Okay, twist!” She’s been chosen as one of five strangers to compete for his fortune. It’s all very exciting for her.

Similarily, Los Espookys are excited for this upcoming challenge.

Horror DNA

We finally get to see to the official Los Espookys headquarters — which happens to be Renaldo’s garage. While Andrés pushes for avant-garde and challanging tricks, Renaldo wants to stick to the basics. Úrsula just wants confirmation that they’re going to be paid.

Meanwhile, back in LA, Tio Tico is in an unusual situation.

Horror DNA

Following last week’s encounter at a major celebrity party, Tico has been mistaken for an elusive artist. Due to this mix-up, he’s been roped into speaking at an art panel. The whole thing has snowballed and Tio Tico is just along for the ride.

Unfortunately, Andrés is finding it hard to balance his life as Prince of Chocolate and his spooky calling.

HBO

Being the heir to a chocolate fortune is hard. As his boyfriend reminds him, Andrés has duties he needs to commit to or else he will be removed as heir. However, the curious man is preoccupied with uncovering the mystery of his birth and his new side gig. What is a Chocolate Prince to do?

Finally, it’s the big night!

Horror DNA

Too bad Renaldo has been ditched by the other members of Los Espookys. Andrés, Úrsula y Tati have all shown up last minute, leaving Renaldo to set up. What’s worse, nobody hired the actors they need so Renaldo has to step in as the creepy butler. Let’s just say, the role is out of his range.

Still, the goal of the haunted house is to get rid of one contestant in particular. The Mysterious Woman announces to Los Espookys that Sr. Ferracuti’s son is a contestant and must not win. However, he seems impossible to shake with the frankly unimpressive scares.

Los Espookys are in a funk and they need some serious rallying.

HBO

Andrés is obsessed with the dead ends he keeps getting in his search for his origin. Úrsula is obsessed with getting paid. Tati is obsessed with Snap Chatting her shady internet boyfriend.

Renaldo is about to give up but some unexpectedly good advise from Tati inspires him. After a rallying call from Renaldo, Los Espookys are back. They’re going to pull off the scariest trick they can.

We don’t want to give away the ending, but the episode wraps up with the possibility of more jobs in their future.

HBO

Will Tati continue her internet relationship? Will Andrés learn the origins of his birth? What sort of adventure will Los Spookys get into next week? We’ll have to watch to find out.

This Woman From NYC Did A ‘Why I’m Single Brochure’ And She Totally Roasted Her Tía

Culture

This Woman From NYC Did A ‘Why I’m Single Brochure’ And She Totally Roasted Her Tía

@melissacroce / Twitter

We all know what it’s like to mentally prepare to see family after you’ve moved away from home. You’re going to hear all of the “ay, que flaquita” and “¿y el novio?” questions all in one breath. Those are just the most common questions. We all know that it never ends there. People are going to ask you about your job a million different ways, and still not get it.

Of course, every single viejo is going to ask you why you’re still single. “Mejor sola que mal acompañada,” so they say. Well, Melissa Croce had a lot more than that to tell her family and her reaction is something that can help all of us get ready for that family reunion.

Melissa Croce wanted to nip all questions in the bud with a handy brochure.

@melissacroce / Twitter

Apparently, it all started as a joke between Croce and her coworkers, but she couldn’t let go of the idea. After you read her brochure, you’ll understand why it’s so cathartic.

“So You Haven’t Seen Melissa Croce in Several Years: A Primer”

Here’s a lil life update on the subject of your chismosando, honey. “She’s beauty and she’s grace. She’ll say it to your face.” Boom. Roasted. Who hasn’t felt the same way when getting ready to see your family?

Croce handily has two separate columns for Job vs New York FAQS.

@melissacroce / Twitter

So many folks had a good laugh at the “Should you, though?” in response to “I should come visit you!” We’ve all braced ourselves through a fake grin answering highly judgmental questions. When they go low, we go high. When they go low, we go high. This brochure is pure low. 😂

You open the brochure to the question of the house: “Why is Melissa Single?”

@melissacroce / Twitter

You can choose whatever adventurous conversation experience you are initiating. What a perfect way to let the family know what they’re getting themselves into by passing judgment on single, working women.

Croce tweeted out her brochure and may have started a new side hustle for herself!

@EM_bolden / Twitter

Follow your passions and everything else will follow. Even though Latinas can all relate to being asked this question, sexism is universal. Croce might have a new career calling!

Even folks are asking for her career advice at this point.

@rheaswriting / Twitter

When you see success, you chase it, right? Croce works for a publishing company but isn’t editing or reading books. She’s marketing children’s books. You know, in case you didn’t read the brochure.

Croce didn’t actually pass out the brochures.

@KelseyMarrujo / Twitter

Of course, one *man* commented that, “The only thing that would be more petty than this would be actually giving it to people at the wedding.”

Croce told Buzzfeed, “I didn’t hand the brochures out! For one thing, I like my cousin, and secondly, I don’t think my aunts and uncles would’ve been too pleased with me if I did — but I did have to answer many of the questions on the brochure, so maybe I should’ve after all!”

One fan took the opportunity to formally ask Croce to be her life coach.

@EmiCalico / Twitter

Croce was surprised to learn how relatable her experience was–“going to a big event and exposing the basics of your life to people who mean well, but are also strangers in many ways.”

She said yes, of course.

@melissacroce / Twitter

We’re glad some folks are appreciating Croce because the sexism hasn’t relented since she tweeted out the brochure. Folks have been telling her, “boo hoo, suck it up,” and “we get it, you’re sexist and hate men.”

Nope. Women expressing their frustration with sexism is not allowed in a patriarchal society, and that’s not stopping anyone.

So many people are taking this brochure to heart and figuring out how they can make it their own.

@little_mswriter / Twitter

Thank you, Croce, and we hope the half dozen folks who have publicly reached out asking for their own brochure. If you’re reading this, Croce, we’ll leave you with this friendly message from @jmlandais:

“You definitely are good at your work. Turned your angst in a great brochure that stroke a nerve. I think you can ask for a raise.”

READ: What To Expect If You’re Introducing Your Novio To The Fam

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