Praise be, with mercury’s retrograde behind us, we’re looking straight ahead to celebrating Leo in all its fiery glory. The retrograde has just rained twelve levels of emotional basura down upon us and Leo is going to burn it all up. We’re stepping out of the depths of emotional mierda and letting our strange selves be set free, thanks to Leo.
We’re here for all the self-care our hearts need, and after such a trying month behind us, and indulgent Leo egging us on, we’re all about to go broke. Here’s how you will.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
We’re feeling turned around after Mercury in retrograde and want to feel safe again. Taurus, you might be feeling like now’s the time to invest in that home security system and you’re right.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, we know that by telling you this, you’re going to feel obligated to buy it, but that’s the point. You would need to buy this Ezy Dog $99 seatbelt harness for your dog because you know it’s the only crash tested harness that will actually protect your baby in the case of an emergency. Earth signs, we’re here for security.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
All the earth signs are going to be looking for ways to ground themselves, especially after the chaos of yester-season. My fellow Capricorns, we are laughably practical in how we spend our money, but it speaks to what makes us feel good–by grounding into the earth. I already bought four pair of shoes this week, hbu?
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Leo has you feeling ready to create the life you’ve always wanted to have. You’ve had an international trip on your mind, and you know what, there’s no time like the present. Pull the trigger and buy that flight to Colombia, girl.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Feliz cumple, Leo! This your time to shine, and the stars are making it so that you get the most bang for your buck. Throw yourself that party. Go on that weekend cruise. Celebrate every version of yourself you’ve brought to your birthdays and toast to next year’s.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius, you’re such a giving soul, and Leo just brings out the extravagance of generosity in you. You’ve wanted to take your mama back to Cuba for a minute. Do it.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
For you, dear Cancer, indulgence is best spent shared. You’re on the verge of going broke to share an emotional connection and special memory with your partner.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
It may sound too on-the-nose, Scorpio, but both you and Capricorn are feeling the kink in the air. We don’t need to tell you to be sex-positive. We’re just giving you a heads up that you about to go broke on a sex toy subscription box. : P
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Sweet Pisces, your heart is so full this Leo season, and only you could offer the love and care a special needs animal requires. We think you’re about to go broke paying medical bills for that special three-legged turtle in your life.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, this season could go one of two ways. You’re either about to drop money on a couple kegs and throw a party, or this political season has you wanting to invest in the future. If it’s the latter, may we suggest the Trans Latina Coalition because you know justice is intersectional and trans Latina immigrants are at high risk.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Dear Libra, this season, Leo won’t have you stray too far from what you know. Libra would go broke buying VIP tickets to the work convention they’ve always needed to elevate their networking game.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
@c.b.m.astronomy / Instagram
Aquarius, there’s no doubt about it. You’re going to invest in the stars by actually buying one and naming it after yourself. ????
Hi FIERCEES! We’re excited to launch our first horoscope series with Jasmin Alejandrez-Prasad aka Esoteric Esa. Esoteric Esa was birthed after her spiritual awakening. Influenced by the thought that conversation around destigmatizing the negative misconceptions associated with esoteric teachings in the Latinx community is what drove her to believe that Spirituality in our community needs to be shared. At the beginning of each astrological season she will break down what is in store for each sign.
Happy Astrological New Year! Aries is the first zodiac of the zodiac wheel, which represents the beginning of the astrological year. Expect fresh energy and an increase in enthusiasm this Aries season from March 20th through April 19th.
As the independent cool kid amongst its astrological peers, Aries is known for tackling things head-on due to their desire to finish first and win. Hence, why it’s the first sign of the zodiac. Aries is the energy of innovation and leadership. This is a season that will ask all signs — not only Aries — to embark on new quests in their lives. You might find yourself beginning a new job, project or relationship. With Spring Equinox commencing March 20th, in perfect harmony with the beginning of Aries season, this is a wonderful time to clear out the old and welcome positive experiences into our lives.
There will be cosmic action in the sky affecting all signs this Aries season that is noteworthy. Mark your calendars for the upcoming Libra full moon on March 28th, and an Aries new moon on April 11, 2021. Aries season will be lighthearted and pleasant, which is the boost of energy we all need after the year we’ve had in 2020. Plan and initiate your goals this Aries season before Taurus season because Pluto will retrograde on April 27th.
Venus will enter Aries March 21st, and Mercury enters afterwards into the sign of Aries come April 3rd. Expect lots of movement in your life and around you. Love and romance can receive a boost in passion. Looking for a reconciliation in love? This could be the month. With Mercury in Aries, there can be important news of a major decision that is life altering for yourself or someone around you. Take your time with communication and speech. This energy can be hasty especially with Mars in Gemini in the sky. Think things through and proofread when sending that email. Wherever there is stagnant energy in your life, expect that to be cleared out thanks to the Aries stellium of planets doing some Spring cleaning in our lives.
Allow action-oriented Aries to excite and motivate you as you embark on new chapters in your life. Expect a boost in confidence within you. Enjoy your newfound zest appeal and go after your dreams. The future is promising.
Read on for your Aries season horoscope based on your sun and/or rising signs.
Happy birthday, Aries! You’ll be making plans and eliminating things that are no longer serving you all season. You’ll be a busy bee. You’ve been waiting for your season to shine and it’s finally here! However, take time to slow down. You’ll be moving and shaking so fast you might miss something. With your ruling planet of Mars in Gemini for your Astro season, this means you’ll be super chatty and outgoing. You’ll find yourself navigating new spaces and trying out new things. You might even start dating someone outside of your usual type. You’ll be inspired to try anything and everything. Enjoy the attention that comes with it. This is a great time for you to activate your intuition as you might find yourself indecisive with decisions as simple as figuring out what to eat for dinner. This isn’t your normal behavior and you might find this indecisive energy to be an annoyance. Don’t worry, it’ll dust away once Mars exits Gemini come April 23rd. Have fun and let your hair loose. Happy Solar Return!
Taurus, you’re just waiting for your season — it’s around the corner. However, in the meantime, you’re not opposed to the fire and tenacity that Aries season offers you. You might be doing some literal cleaning of your home. You’re inspired to reorganize and declutter. In fact, you could be enthusiastic about letting go of the old because your Venusian energy is hyped to do some online shopping for a new wardrobe. This is also a great time to re-evaluate money habits and spending forecasting for the year. Indulge responsibly. The full moon March 28th falls in your Venus sister sign of Libra. This could result in the releasing of a love partner or letting significant relationships in your life that have fizzled out finally terminate. If it isn’t bringing you passion and inspiration, then you’re not here for it. You’re ready for reciprocity this Aries season.
Gemini you’re everywhere all at once it seems. Those around you will take notice of your agile ability to maneuver situations with ease and wondering how you do it! Aries season has you motivated to meet your needs. You’ll be gaining some recognition for your skillset and attracting some new opportunities. Be mindful of not finishing tasks. It’s great to be a jack of all trades, but you’re being called to exemplify your expertise. Prep for success because it’s headed your way. If you’re planning on taking a trip that has been long overdue, do it this Aries season. A safe trip will give you the reset you’re needing. You could be traveling to meet someone or vice versa this month. “Finally!,” you might be saying.
Career and life purpose will be a key focus for you, Cancer. You might be so busy you have no time for self-care or anything outside of work for that matter. This Aries season you’ll notice your status in the workplace rise up. Your self-esteem will be booming as a result of the professional praise you receive. There could also be an impending home relocation or matter to settle regarding your home that will wrap up by way of the full moon in Libra on March 28th. You might not have much time for social interaction because of work. However, that energy will free up in time for Taurus season, which will allow you to loosen up and partake in social activity. Work hard, play hard, Cancer, but make sure you’re nurturing yourself during this Aries season.
You’re thinking up new projects this Aries season. Leo, you’re going to be extra creative this season. You will have a lot to share with those around you. There could even be an opportunity to team up with a sibling for a business proposition. With Mars in Gemini, you might find yourself investing in books and quenching your thirst for knowledge. There’s some recognition around written communication, media or online publishing for you, Leo. Meditation will help you ground your overactive mind, and help you through all these raging ideas conjuring up in your head. Revisit an old passion project for some new found inspiration. Go back to what brings you joy this Aries season.
You’re finding ways to be of service to those around you and your community. Don’t wait for others to organize these initiatives, Virgo. You have the intellect and agility to head up a team for that special cause or charity work you’re feeling connected to. Being helpful to those around you this Aries season will be healing for your solar plexus chakra. You’re charged up and ready to make a difference and not letting anything get in your way from meeting your goals. Money will be a big theme for you this month as well. Making sure you’re investing your money appropriately will pay off in the long run.
This is a great season to collab with others, Libra. Business partnerships will be favorable and pleasant. Being the most flirtatious sign of the zodiac, keep in mind your charisma and bodacious personality will have the suitors coming your way. You’ll be called to revisit your current set of values during this time. Ethics in love will take center stage thanks to Venus’ activity and Aries and Taurus these next few weeks. You’ll start off the beginning of Aries season full of energy and vitality. As we head towards the end of March, don’t be surprised if you notice your levels of lethargy increasing. With the Libra full moon March 28th and the upcoming Venus in Taurus transit April 14th, you’re ready to kick back and relax. Tune into your body at this time.
Scorpio, you’ll be extra invested in buying yourself whatever your heart desires. There could be a lot of money being flushed into a hobby or desire you’ve been wanting for quite a while. This transit will have your money going fast if you don’t mindfully watch your money habits. There could be arguments or disputes for you this Aries season. You win more bees with honey, Scorpio. You’ll be asked to identify where your priorities lie in a partnership or relationship. Don’t worry, everything will smooth over and work out in your highest good.
You could find yourself beginning a new cycle in education or learning. You’re determined to advance yourself into better circumstances this Aries season. School or taking up a course will definitely benefit you at this time, Sag. You’re feeling good with this fire energy and know how to harness it. Join a new community or seek out others with the same philosophical outlook. You’re needing to surround yourself with those who have the same intuitive spark. You’ll likely build new meaningful friendships over the next two weeks.
There will be a masculine figure who will be prominent during this Aries cycle. Capricorn, whether that’s a father or father figure, you’re going to be called to wrap up a cycle with this individual. You might be called to reconnect family and join in on social activities that center around bringing the home unit together. Easter on April 4th will bring forth a symbolic message for you that you’ve been seeking out. Maybe it’s time for an overdue homecoming?
The Great Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn are still occurring in your sign of Aquarius. Aqua, this Aries season will set the tone for how your 2021 will be navigated. There could be some unnecessary distractions or drama via people trying to circulate their way into your awareness. Come Libra full moon on March 28th, you could finally lock-in a big goal of yours. This is a season filled with the potential to pursue your dreams. You decide where your attention and energy go. Staying focused on the bigger picture is advised. Don’t fall for the distractions.
Pisces, you’re ready to change things up. You’re inspired to change what’s been weighing you down. You’re getting organized and researching how to go about tangible ways towards the changes needed in your life. You might uncover an efficient new idea that can change the way you work. This idea will be beneficial and productive. Share the knowledge with others and watch yourself receive recognition for this inventive thought. Aries season has inspired you to tap further into your Spirituality as well. Although we just wrapped up your season, you’re still riding high on your emotional breakthroughs. Tap into your inner High Priestess/High Priest. Your intuition and logic are strong during this time.
2020 feels like being thrown off the top of the Hell in a Cell structure and crashing through the announcement table, fam. It’s been painful and disorienting. Even if we don’t know where this wild year will lead us, at the very least we still have the release of WWE 2K Battlegrounds to look forward to. Can I have a Yassss [in Spanish]? Thank you. That was beautiful.
(Scroll to the bottom to check out the WWE 2K Battlegrounds trailer!)
While 2020 figures itself out, at the very least we can unleash some madrasos on our friends and primos while playing this high flying, face smashing, adrenaline exploding brawl-style arcade game full of WWE Superstars and Legends. A HUEVO! But if you find it difficult to decide which finishing move you’re going to decimate your friends or primos with, NO WORRIES, baby…you can always look to the cosmos – because this article is going to tell you which WWE Finishing move you are based on your horoscope AND how you can send your opponents crying to their mamas.
Aries. You’re Randy Orton’s RKO. But, Aries. Come on. You already knew that, fam. You’re calculated. Aggressive. Assertive. You’ll run into your friend at the supermarket and they’ll be telling you how their mom is doing good and how she’s around the corner getting some hair dye and BAM! RKO! You’ll drop that person right in the middle of the cereal aisle because you spotted them an elote that one time and they never paid you back. Aries, you’re wild. And that spontaneity will serve you well when you play WWE 2K Battlegrounds.
Taurus, you love beautiful things and you’re a very committed person – meaning, you just don’t let things GO! Taurus, it’s obvious. You’re CharlotteFlair’s Figure 8. Your finisher is beautiful. Stunning. And when you got that baby locked in, Taurus, you’ll never let go! You’re like my mom who never forgave me that one time I ordered pizza when she was about to reheat calabazas she made a week ago. So lock in that Figure 8, Taurus. Make your enemies throw their controllers in anger.
Dear, Gemini, of course you’re going to drop two finishers on somebody. You’ve got that crazy cosmic duality in you, fam. This means you’re definitely Sasha’s Back Stabber AND Bank Statement. When people play WWE 2K Battlegrounds with you, they’ll think they’re only playing a game. Ba-HAHAHAH! This ain’t a game to you! You came to win, Gemini. But, please Gemini, do us all a favor. Don’t play with llorones. Cause you’re gonna make someone cry with those moves.
Cancer, your finishing move is Keith Lee’s Big Bang Catastrophe. You have great emotional depth. You’re sensitive. So it makes sense that your move should rock your opponent to their core, while bringing the two of you close. Cancer, when you drop that Big Bang Catastrophe, you are going to bond with your opponent so much. As their back slams onto the mat and you land, full-weight, on top of them…you’ll be closer than arroz y frijoles. Or like asada on tortilla. Or any other delicious food pairings you prefer. Cancer, thank you for caring so much about how you destroy your amigos and siblings.
Leo, this is your world, baby. You’re the king of the ring, which means, obvio, your finisher is The Undertaker’s Tombstone Piledriver. This is a legendary move. People don’t come back from this. One time I was watching the Undertaker deliver the Tombstone Piledriver on TV and from behind I heard my mom say to me, “Ese hombre no tiene madre.” I turned to my mom and said…”No. El Undertaker no tiene madre. Viene del infierno.” My mom gasped. She’d never met someone que no tiene madre before. So, when you’re playing that WWE 2K Battlegrounds, te suplico…take it easy on the other players. The Undertaker is not like the rest of us.
Virgo, you’re a perfectionist. You’re detail oriented. Your finisher is Drew McIntyre’s Future Shock DDT. This is a precision move. When you were a kid in line to hit the piñata, everyone swung blindfolded with all their might and made a fool of themselves. But not you, Virgo. You were solving formulas and equations in your head. By the time they handed you the palo to swing at the piñata, you knew the precise moment to swing, exploding that piñata and catching everyone off-guard, including your tío who was previously holding the piñata rope and subsequently hanging from the roof of the garage. Drop that DDT, baby. Drop it like it’s hot.
Libra you’re all about harmony and human connection. AWWW…Libra, eres muy cute. Except for when you’re making human connection by using Becky Lynch’s Disarm-Her finishing move to dislocate your opponent’s shoulder. Libra, while most people make connections by holding hands, or a simply high 5’ing… you don’t. Because your idea of connection is grabbing someone by the wrist, like Becky Lynch, and trying to yank their arm out. Libra, use this move in WWE 2K Battlegrounds to disable that cousin who taunted you saying, “You fight like a girl.” After you break their arm in the video game, let them know…”You’re damn right I do.”
Scorpio, te vale madre what others think of you. You’re a Stone Cold Stunner, baby. You do things como te dé la gana. So when you step into the ring, you make your own rules. When your friend says your playing is “weak” – STUNNER. When someone tries to pick up a chair in the game – STUNNER. When your prima says, “I’m gonna pause, I need to use the restroom” – STUNNER. When your mom comes in asking if anyone wants limonada. STUN…wait, NO. Don’t give your a’ma a stunner. That’s rude. Your mom does a lot. Say, “please and thank you…” then give everyone else a STUNNER and drink your limonada as if it tastes like victory.
Sagittarius, you’re known for taking the road less traveled. When most go for a hard scoop slam, not you Sagittarius. Not you. You do Strowman’s Running Powerslam. Because a body slam is such a “from point A to point B” type of move. But you like to lift your opponents onto your shoulder like they’re a wholesale-sized bag of dog food and you run Sagittarius. You run from point A, to B, to C, to D, and you slam your friend’s character in the game somewhere around point Y, or Z. And when your friend says, “I’m tired of losing…can we order a pizza?” You say to them, “No. I take the road less traveled. I want Peruvian food. And I’d also like to travel away from not playing. We shall continue to play, and I shall continue to destroy you. I take the road less traveled.”
Capricorn. You don’t mess around. Neither does Asuka’s Asuka Lock, which totally makes sense as your WWE finishing move. Others may see you as serious and traditional, but when you’ve got that Asuka Lock on them all they’re gonna see is that they’re about to lose the match, because you’ve got a grip on them that’s tighter than your abuelo’s abnormally strong handshake. Why do all abuelos have that grip, though? My hand hurts just thinking about it…And just like your abuelo makes you panic everytime he holds out his hand to saludar, so will your enemies when you play as Asuka.
Aquarius, you’re a little bit of a peacock, and that’s meant in a good way. Your finishing move is Rey Mysterio’s 619. And it makes sense. You have panache. You’ve got style. You’ve got dance moves that make your mom wanna tell you, “deberías ir a la iglesia más seguido (you should go to church more often).” The 619 is a special move. It’s got style. It’s got excitement. And it’s got you swinging two boots like a roundhouse kick at your opponent’s face. Listen to the stars, Aquarius…the stars want you to kick your opponent in the face.
Pisces, you are artistic. You’re a dreamer. You go with the flow. So when you flatten your opponents like handmade tortillas, you bet your mother’s enchiladas you’re using Alexa Bliss’s Twisted Bliss. Not only is this finisher a true work of art, but when your amiga sees you soaring off the top turnbuckle in the game, she’ll suddenly get the urge to apologize for all the wrong she’s ever done to you: like when she said your brother reminds her of that sexy reggaeton artist. Because as soon as that Twisted Bliss connects and her character in the game is totally norteada, her only hope of survival is that you have mercy on her. But WWE 2K Battlegrounds isn’t about mercy. If she wanted mercy, she should’ve played dominoes with her mom.
WWE 2K Battlegrounds is out NOW! Whatever your zodiac sign, this game is loaded with finishers from tons of WWE Superstars that totally align with your cosmic energy. So get ready to spend hours of fun drop kicking your friends in the back of the head, crashing your brother through a table, and giving your cousins spears, rock bottoms, and glam slams – because this game takes wrestling to new heights with over-the-top action you won’t get anywhere else.
As promised, here’s the WWE 2K Battlegrounds trailer!
*Please don’t try these moves at home. No. Not even with a helmet.*