Here’s Why Everyone’s Talking About Cardi B’s Horchata
OK, so everyone’s talking about Cardi B, like always, and for good reason. The Bronx-raised Dominican rapper keeps snapping out hit after hit. Does anyone even remember her first hit single, “Bodak Yellow”? Her debut album “Invasion of Privacy” won the Grammy Award for Best Rap Album, making her the first female solo artist to take home the award.
Then, claro, there’s her hit collaboration with fellow Afro-Latino, Bruno Mars, in “Finesse.” Nobody saw it coming when they announced their second collab together. “Please Me” has officially become the baby-making song of 2019 and the word “Horchata” has taken on a new, not-mami-approved meaning.
The official music video dropped on March 1, 2019, and the visuals are a throwback dream.
The video opens up with a ’90s-esque “Somewhere in Los Angeles” graphic overlaying footage of downtown L.A. These two giving us nostalgic feels is everything.
“Theee after party spot” is Tacos Mexico.
Cardi always does right by her Latinidad in everything she does. From her Spanglish remix of “Bodak Yellow” to her record breaking “I Like It” single that skyrocketed Bad Bunny to fame, she’s writing music for Latinos and giving voice to Latinos.
The taquería has been around since 1975, and this publicity is going to keep it around for decades to come.
“Please Me” is no different. The entire premise is a nod to the Mexican food and culture that props up Los Angeles.
Tacos Mexico has promised it’s sanitized its counters for your eating pleasure.
Just know, Angelenos, that theee Cardi B twerked on the counters. That really happened.
Then, when Cardi walks into the taquería, Bruno Mars’ jaw clenches. ????
I’m sweating. The music goes dark and we just hear his heart beating as they make eye contact for the first time.
Let’s just say that things get sensual.
We get 3 minutes and 51 unadulterated seconds of Bruno Mars pleading with Cardi to “please me, baby.” Note that Bruno Mars and Cardi B continue to only hire people of color to shine in their music videos together. ????
And then Cardi actually spits this rhyme: “Your pussy basura…”
Every time Cardi raps in Spanish, we come alive inside. Though, yes, we see how problematic it is that some of Cardi’s best rhymes are at the expense of other women. So let’s just focus on this next line.
“… my pussy horchata.”
She said that. That just happened. Millions of humans are singing along to “my pussy horchata” as of February 15, 2019.
The Internet is living for that line.
Having some feelings about the mala in your life? New mantra: “Your pussy basura, my pussy horchata.”
All of a sudden, “horchata” is the new standard for sexiness.
No shade to Jhene Aiko, but the world needed something fresh. Now that ‘something’ is super Mexi, to match the ever more Mexi and Latino world we live in. ????????
Here’s how to use horchata (n.) in a sentence:
Simple, yet effective. Oooof, the chemistry is sizzling between these two.
Fans are embracing the newly sexualized meaning of horchata.
It’s not just me. All our brains are in the gutter now. That’s just the power of Cardi B and her music.
People are even changing their handles to shoutout to the Bruno Mars in their lives.
I don’t want to attract anyone who wouldn’t know what that means. It is something that will definitely be around for a very long time.
Overall, “Please Me” has become a bedroom pop sensation.
The only generation that could come after Generation Z is Generation Cardi B. I said it. We owe human civilization to her beats.
Fans are even trying to convince Cardi to ditch Offset and embrace Bruno.
They do make award-winning music together. Would youe be mad if they got together?
Cardi B had to back out of her tour with Bruno, but maybe there’s hope yet for next year?
After Kulture came into the picture, Cardi had to back out of her tour so that she could spend more time with her newborn. Please us all, Cardi, and tour with Bruno next year.
Meanwhile, a few guys are feeling for Offset.
He’s fine. Everyone’s fine. They’re still happily together vacationing in Cabo, but Offset hasn’t commented on the public’s concerns for the steamship happening on set.
We think the horchata industry is about to boom like no other.
“Please Me” is all about desire that we don’t see fulfilled. Bruno and Cardi steam up the whole place while rarely touching.
But you go get that horchata, girl.
Foodies be warned: you’ll crave a million things watching “Please Me” but none more than tacos.
Pro tip: Tacos Mexico has over a dozen locations in California, all open past midnight. Check out tacosmexico.com to support Mr. Moreno’s taco business. Mexicans creating jobs right there .
Or horchata, depending on your needs. ????
We can want everything for Kulture and ship this fantasy couple at the same time, right? #TeamHorchata