From popular music videos to classic movie scenes, our superstar Guacardo loves to put himself in front of the camera every chance he gets. And each time he’s in front of that camera, he has a total different wardrobe and personality.
Now if you were Guacardo, which one of his unique personalities would you be? Take this quiz to find out!
So yes, there have been multiple reports of people injuring their hands while trying to cut and remove the pits of avocados. But this should not keep us away from one of the Latin American fruits par excellence. The avocado tree probably has its origin in South Central Mexico. In strict terms, the avocado is a berry with a very large pit in the middle.
Avocado is one of the great gifts of the Americas to the world, as commercial production has expanded all throughout the world. The tree benefits from war, Mediterranean climates and thrives in semiarid landscapes. In Australia, for example, avocado, locally known as simply “avo” is perhaps the most popular fruit. Avo on toast is a staple in cafes and homes all through the country.
However, the expansion of avocado has also brought some minor tragedies with it due to the lack of experience that some home cooks have in the arts of fruit chopping.
Yes, we are actually not kidding: avocado slicing has spilled more blood than a serial killer in a slasher film!
A nicely sliced avocado has got to be one of the most beautiful sights on planet Earth! We understand why people want to get it just right.
Seriously. This fleshy fruit gives us beautiful hues of green when opened and its firm meat allows us to shape in in all kinds of interesting ways. Close your eyed and imagine a bowl of perfect avocado cubes… you will smell a fresh tortilla heating on the comal. Taquito de aguacate, anyone?
So first things first: the infamous “Avocado Hand.”
This seems to be a sort of accidental outbreak of lack of common sense among gringos worldwide (and by gringos we also mean British, Canadian, Australian and European folk). According to Food & Wine, “approximately 8,900 emergency room visits in 2018 could be directly tied to avocados”. That is like a small town of people running around the kitchen like headless chickens holding a paper towel to their hands and screaming “Oh-My-God” while shedding a tear.
And no, it is not an urban legend, Avocado Hand actually exists.
So contrary to, say, apples, avocados have a soft skin and soft flesh. And contrary to, say, watermelon, they do not have a hard bit to get through. Some people underestimate how easily the knife will cut through the flesh and end up putting too much pressure on the knife while keeping their palms or fingers directly opposite. The result: blades penetrate through human flesh, savaging skin and painting a symphony of crimson pain. But avocado is soft and cuts easily, and everyone should know that. In Mexico, the government once financed a campaign to promote avocado consumption, and called the fruit “the butter of vegetables”.
Some people are just displaying their injuries like war wounds to be proud of
In this day and age of selfies and a sometimes unhealthy obsession with self-branding, some are actually publishing photos of their avocado hands as if they were a badge of honor. Seriously, ladies and dudes, no one wants to see those stitches and gooey stuff coming out of your fingers, especially not on a closeup. Please just don’t!
And even get tattoos to celebrate the accident.
Well, we actually have to admit this one is pretty funny and kinda cool. We love the minimalist outline and the dramatic nature of this skin art piece. It is Shakespearean and hipster in equal measures.
So avocado hand pins are a thing, apparently.
Do you know how Boy and Girl Scouts wear all sorts of badges on their uniforms to celebrate their achievements? Well, if you had an avocado hand incident and for some reason, you are proud of it, you can wear this pin. Alternatively, you could also wear it as a reminder of your encounter with the cuchillo, so you remember to be very careful when cutting and pitting a delicious avocado.
Use a spoon, people.
So here’s the deal. Using a knife to take the seed out might look cool, but it is not for everyone. Do it safely and please use a spoon and just scoop the seed out. You might lose some of the flesh, but that’s OK (better than losing a finger).
This technique is for expert knife-handlers only, so don’t attempt at home. Frankly, this is a show off technique for mamones.
Seriously, this technique is a bit silly even for experienced cooks.
If you are feeling creative, pixelate your avocado.
One of the newest hipster trends in the cafe industry is to serve pixelated avocados, which basically look like this. Just use an extremely thin and sharp knife, place the avocado on board, get your fingers away from the bottom of the fruit and cut it in cubes, little by little, stopping just before you hit the skin. The results are fun and give us una onda de los ochentas.
And some people take their carving obsession to the extreme: introducing avocado art.
Just wow. This is already an Instagram trend and features some pretty dedicated avocado lovers. The fruit gets all-black quickly after being cut open when exposed to room temperature, so the most experiences avocado carvers perfect their skills in walk-in fridges. Yes, it is pretty, but with all due respect, it is also a little pointless.
But if you think you just can’t slice an avocado without injuring yourself, you can get one of these contraptions.
If you have to trust or faith in your abilities, you can buy one of these plastic utensils that cut, slice and pit avocados in a safe, child-friendly way. No blades or pointy ends to be scared of! No one if judging if you get one! This is actually a good tool to get the chamaquitos to help in the kitchen. Guacamole para todos!
But always remember avocados are not to blame.
As they say, don’t shoot the messenger. The humble avocado is just the conduit through which an entire generation of foodies has come to the realization that they suck at handling knives. We also have to be aware of the fact that thousands of farmers and workers depend on avocado crops. In the state of Michoacan, in central Mexico, many families survive working in big avocado plantations. This state has been ravaged by cartel-related violence and the avocado industry is one of the few stable sectors in the industry. So think twice before affecting the industry.
By the way, the word avocado comes from aguacate, which comes from an indigenous word that means testicles… you are welcome.
Yes, the English word avocado comes from the Spanish aguacate, which in turn comes from the Nahuatl word āhuacatl. This word, you guessed it, means “testicle”. This is probably due to the likeness of the fruit and the male body part. We dare you to eat your next avocado and not think about this. Smashed avocado, compadres? Ouch!
You’ve probably seen the viral photo of Guacardo just chilling with Jake Gyllenhaal. Low key, Gyllenhaal was just trying to be as cool as Guacardo, but that just isn’t possible. The avocado has spent a lot of time rubbing elbows with all kinds of people in Hollywood even meeting up with members of their squad in Japan and Great Britain. What can we say? Guacardo is someone everyone wants to know but here are the few special people to make it into their exclusive squad. It just gets kind of awkward when Guacardo gets starstruck around their friends.
Guacardo just couldn’t believe he got to sit on Arturo Castro’s lap.
The star of “Alternatino” was all smile when he got to meet the most famous avocado in all the land. Who could ever resist squeezing this loveable and already iconic social media influencer?
They kind of lost it when they got to meet the one and only Aubrey Plaza.
Like, same. Plaza has been giving people life for so long with her dry humor and wit that it is not surprising that Guacardo would faint when they met her. Don’t worry. It’s all cool now.
Of course, Guacardo had to prove that they are able to be a powerhouse Pokémon and Omar Chaparro approves.
The fact that an avocado Pokémon does not exist is a travesty. Fortunately, Guacardo is here to feed all of those Pokémon dreams we had growing up as children. Plus, that pit would make a great attack.
One simply must dress the part when meeting iconic filmmaker Guillermo del Toro.
Guacardo certainly dressed the part but was just a big a fangirl as any of us. Del Toro has created some of the most incredible and iconic movies and Guacardo just couldn’t believe his luck.
Jake Gyllenhaal was shook when he got a chance to meet the internet sensation.
Gyllenhaal was so excited to meet Guacardo that he showed off his best Guacardo impression. Tbh, he totally nailed the look.
Safe to say that Karamo Brown and Guacardo both feel in love the day they met.
It was as if Antoni Porowski walked into the room. Brown lit up when he was able to hold Guacarado. Porowski is always talking about avocados so it must like Brown is right at home.
Things got kind of personal between Guacardo and Maite Perroni.
Guacardo’s butt is more iconic than J.Lo’s will ever be and it is a curse they have to live with. Perhaps Perroni just wanted some secret on how Guacarod get their but so perky?
Ryan Reynolds offered Guacardo the support they needed with their other half.
Reynolds finally broke down why Guacardo is only half of an avocado. Legend has it that Guacardo split in two and their other half died, at least according to Reynolds.
Samuel L. Jackson gave Guacardo some lessons on being cool when they connected in London.
Jackson is likely the coolest dude in Hollywood. He does his thing and never cares about what other people think. This mentality and way of life is now Guacardo’s go-to mood and it’s great to see them thriving.
Guacardo tried to shoot their shot to be the next Spider-Man.
Good thing it didn’t totally work out. This whole Disney debacle has Guacardo devastated. How could a company be so mean to the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?
Willam just couldn’t resist Guacardo’s delicious allure.
We all know that Guacardo’s biggest fear are hispters. Why? Well, because they love their avocado toast. Any reference to Guacardo’s edibility understandably makes the avocado very uncomfortable.
Zendaya was living for Guacardo’s bubble butt.
We get it. Guacardo has one of the most adorable butts in the land. If there is ever an award at the Oscars for best butt, we know who will win that category year after year.
And they struck a pose with Alaska 5000 at the Los Angeles DragCon because they are fierce.
Werk it! Guacardo loves “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and meeting Alaska 5000 just might be the biggest highlight of his inexplicably long life.