‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’ Recast To Be The Latino Romantic Comedy We Need In Our Lives
Bridget Jones’s Diary is a beloved romantic comedy based on an even older love story: “Pride and Prejudice,” by Jane Austin. Although at the time the movie brought the century-old story into the modern age, we can’t help but wonder: what would the story look like shifted to a new location, maybe Mexico? Bridget Jones’s Diary meets Latino spunk would be the remake that 21st century deserves. Here’s our dream team for when it inevitably happens.
Cardi B as Bridget Jones
Best selling female solo rap artist Cardi B has the spunk and humor a Latina Bridget would need. She’s funny, she’s great at speaking her mind, and we would love her witty comebacks updated to Spanglish. We all know her love affair with Offset has drawn tons of publicity and took fans in new twists and turns, so her onscreen love life could be similarly captivating. We imagine her as a creative and thoughtful writer making her way through the world hoping to find true love.
Is there anything Cardi B couldn’t do? We doubt it. She’d have her pick of suitors in real life and in our fictional world.
Rosie Perez as Bridget’s Mum
Mrs. Jones is a vital role in the show, as any Bridget Jones fan can tell you. Rosie Perez as the Boricua mother to our Cardi B’s Bridget Jones is our top pick. The hardworking, long-suffering Mrs. Jones passes on an important message to Bridget: don’t live your life for someone else. Perez would be just the voice we need to deliver such a performance.
Oscar Isaac as Mark Darcy
Bachelor No. 1: Oscar Isaac! The “Star Wars” star would be killer as Mr. Darcy, the slightly snooty childhood friend of Bridget. He’s handsome and he knows it and is therefore very discerning. Will he follow his heart and follow our Cardi B leading lady? Or will his career as a lawyer and divorcee lead him astray, further into loneliness? And what exactly lead to the breakdown of his last marriage? The answer may lie with his competitor for Bridget’s heart, Daniel Cleaver.
Diego Luna as Daniel Cleaver
Eligible Bachelor No. 2: Diego Luna! This fellow “Star Wars” hottie would be all the rage as the next man after Bridget’s affections, Daniel Cleaver, who happens to be Bridget’s boss. Messy, we know! Bridget is head over heels with her dutiful employer, which is totally believable when you consider he’ll be played by Isaac. But the studly Mr. Cleaver has a lady-problem: there’s just too many of them. He’s not exclusive with Bridget, and he only dates her occasionally. He may have another few skeletons in his closet and seems to have lasting beef with Marc Darcy. This mystery could lead to some serious conflict!
George Lopez as Bridget’s Dad
George Lopez would be a hilarious father to Cardi B’s Bridget Jones, Colin. Mr. Jones has a lot on his plate: does his wife still love him? Will his daughter marry someone he likes? Is there still time for a nap? These and other questions will have to be part of Lopez’s starring role in our recast.
Felise Garcia as Una Alconbury
Bridget’s mother’s best friend and Mark’s aunt Una Alconbury plays an important comedic role in the movie, so it’s vital we have someone who can keep the timing. We pick Felise Garcia, of “Where Is Your Mind,” as an important supporting role.
Danny Trejo as Uncle Geoffrey
Uncle Geoffrey? More like Tío Geoffrey now! Danny Trejo pretty much looks like everyone’s cholo tío so we insist he plays the role of the weird uncle in Bridget Jones. His raspy voice and comedic timing make him essential to such a role.
Christina Aguilera as Perpetua
You have to admit, no one loves taking up space in Latino communities more than white Latinos. Christina in all her diva-worthy antics would make a pretty funny Perpetua, Bridget’s annoying coworker. She can even have a vibrato solo if she promises to keep quiet afterward.
Amara La Negra as Sharon a.k.a. Shazzer
Who better to play Bridget’s ride-or-die than Amara La Negra? She keeps it real and ensures that Bridget knows how to take care of herself. Cardi and Amara together as besties even for a fictional two-hours? We want! Apparently, Shazzer’s character was modeled after one of the author’s best friends, so she’s one of the most charming and personal additions to the cast.
Wilson Cruz as Tom
Gay and proud actor Wilson Cruz is our pick for the ever-on-point Tom, friend and confidant to Bridget. His advice is usually the best in the movie, so we need someone who similarly seems to have their stuff sorted out to play the role. Wilson Cruz is it!
Yalitza Aparicio as Jude
Roma star Yalitza Aparicio stands on the side of Bridget in our recast, being one of her best friends. Enduring in a long but tense relationship herself, she has a lot of lived experience to offer our diary-writer throughout the course of her plot.
Jessica Alba as Natasha
The sensible, put-together attorney who is also vying for Marc Darcy, Natasha is Bridget’s closest thing to competition. Jessica Alba’s radiant looks would definitely give the cast a run for their money, but will it be enough to snag the man? And really, is that even what she wants? She might not be the competitor you expect!
Francia Raisa as Lara
Who’s that snogging with Daniel Cleaver in the backroom? Francia Raisa as Lara, that’s who! The Mexican/Honduran Grown-ish actress is one of many other girls Cleaver ends up having around and ultimately helps Bridget come to her own decisions later on.
Benjamin Bratt as Julien
Who better to play the bad guy than Benjamin Bratt, the voice actor behind Coco‘s pompous Ernesto de la Cruz? Julien’s character wins over Bridget’s mother, Pamela, convincing her to temporarily leave her husband. All is not as promised, and the shopping channel presenter turns out to be more than what she bargained for.
Lorenzo Lamas as Admiral Darcy
Mark Darcy’s father, Malcolm, was an admiral in the Royal Navy and said to have very handsome in his younger years. Lorenzo Lamas would be an excellent option then, being the perfect well-aged heartthrob crossover from the 20th century.
Cristela Alonzo as Elaine Darcy
Comedian, actress and writer Cristela Alonzo is our pick for Mrs. Darcy, Marc’s mother. She’s an important recurring character who has a long history with the Jones family and ultimately wants the best for her son, the young and charming Marc.
What do you think? Would you watch our all-Latino reboot of Bridget Jones’ Diary? Would you dream up someone else as the star or eligible bachelor(s)?
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