entertainment

‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’ Recast To Be The Latino Romantic Comedy We Need In Our Lives

iamcardib / Instagram / Bridget Jones's Diary / Miramax Pictures

Bridget Jones’s Diary is a beloved romantic comedy based on an even older love story: “Pride and Prejudice,” by Jane Austin. Although at the time the movie brought the century-old story into the modern age, we can’t help but wonder: what would the story look like shifted to a new location, maybe Mexico? Bridget Jones’s Diary meets Latino spunk would be the remake that 21st century deserves. Here’s our dream team for when it inevitably happens.

Cardi B as Bridget Jones

Credit: Getty Images

Best selling female solo rap artist Cardi B has the spunk and humor a Latina Bridget would need. She’s funny, she’s great at speaking her mind, and we would love her witty comebacks updated to Spanglish. We all know her love affair with Offset has drawn tons of publicity and took fans in new twists and turns, so her onscreen love life could be similarly captivating. We imagine her as a creative and thoughtful writer making her way through the world hoping to find true love.

Is there anything Cardi B couldn’t do? We doubt it. She’d have her pick of suitors in real life and in our fictional world.

Rosie Perez as Bridget’s Mum

Credit: Getty Images

Mrs. Jones is a vital role in the show, as any Bridget Jones fan can tell you. Rosie Perez as the Boricua mother to our Cardi B’s Bridget Jones is our top pick. The hardworking, long-suffering Mrs. Jones passes on an important message to Bridget: don’t live your life for someone else. Perez would be just the voice we need to deliver such a performance.

Oscar Isaac as Mark Darcy

Credit: Instagram / @gq

Bachelor No. 1: Oscar Isaac! The “Star Wars” star would be killer as Mr. Darcy, the slightly snooty childhood friend of Bridget. He’s handsome and he knows it and is therefore very discerning. Will he follow his heart and follow our Cardi B leading lady? Or will his career as a lawyer and divorcee lead him astray, further into loneliness? And what exactly lead to the breakdown of his last marriage? The answer may lie with his competitor for Bridget’s heart, Daniel Cleaver.

Diego Luna as Daniel Cleaver

Credit: Instagram / @mrman

Eligible Bachelor No. 2: Diego Luna! This fellow “Star Wars” hottie would be all the rage as the next man after Bridget’s affections, Daniel Cleaver, who happens to be Bridget’s boss. Messy, we know! Bridget is head over heels with her dutiful employer, which is totally believable when you consider he’ll be played by Isaac. But the studly Mr. Cleaver has a lady-problem: there’s just too many of them. He’s not exclusive with Bridget, and he only dates her occasionally. He may have another few skeletons in his closet and seems to have lasting beef with Marc Darcy. This mystery could lead to some serious conflict!

George Lopez as Bridget’s Dad

Credit: Instagram / dunkin._.doggo

George Lopez would be a hilarious father to Cardi B’s Bridget Jones, Colin. Mr. Jones has a lot on his plate: does his wife still love him? Will his daughter marry someone he likes? Is there still time for a nap? These and other questions will have to be part of Lopez’s starring role in our recast.

Felise Garcia as Una Alconbury

Credit: Instagram / @electra5785

Bridget’s mother’s best friend and Mark’s aunt Una Alconbury plays an important comedic role in the movie, so it’s vital we have someone who can keep the timing. We pick Felise Garcia, of “Where Is Your Mind,” as an important supporting role.

Danny Trejo as Uncle Geoffrey

Credit: officialdannytrejo / Instagram

Uncle Geoffrey? More like Tío Geoffrey now! Danny Trejo pretty much looks like everyone’s cholo tío so we insist he plays the role of the weird uncle in Bridget Jones. His raspy voice and comedic timing make him essential to such a role.

Christina Aguilera as Perpetua

Credit: Instagram / @seatgiantdc

You have to admit, no one loves taking up space in Latino communities more than white Latinos. Christina in all her diva-worthy antics would make a pretty funny Perpetua, Bridget’s annoying coworker. She can even have a vibrato solo if she promises to keep quiet afterward.

Amara La Negra as Sharon a.k.a. Shazzer

Credit: Instagram / @amaralanegraaln

Who better to play Bridget’s ride-or-die than Amara La Negra? She keeps it real and ensures that Bridget knows how to take care of herself. Cardi and Amara together as besties even for a fictional two-hours? We want! Apparently, Shazzer’s character was modeled after one of the author’s best friends, so she’s one of the most charming and personal additions to the cast.

Wilson Cruz as Tom

Credit: Getty Images

Gay and proud actor Wilson Cruz is our pick for the ever-on-point Tom, friend and confidant to Bridget. His advice is usually the best in the movie, so we need someone who similarly seems to have their stuff sorted out to play the role. Wilson Cruz is it!

Yalitza Aparicio as Jude

Credit: Getty Images

Roma star Yalitza Aparicio stands on the side of Bridget in our recast, being one of her best friends. Enduring in a long but tense relationship herself, she has a lot of lived experience to offer our diary-writer throughout the course of her plot.

Jessica Alba as Natasha

Credit: Getty Images

The sensible, put-together attorney who is also vying for Marc Darcy, Natasha is Bridget’s closest thing to competition. Jessica Alba’s radiant looks would definitely give the cast a run for their money, but will it be enough to snag the man? And really, is that even what she wants? She might not be the competitor you expect!

Francia Raisa as Lara

Credit: Instagram / @franciaraisa

Who’s that snogging with Daniel Cleaver in the backroom? Francia Raisa as Lara, that’s who! The Mexican/Honduran Grown-ish actress is one of many other girls Cleaver ends up having around and ultimately helps Bridget come to her own decisions later on.

Benjamin Bratt as Julien

Credit: Instagram / @benjaminbratt

Who better to play the bad guy than Benjamin Bratt, the voice actor behind Coco‘s pompous Ernesto de la Cruz? Julien’s character wins over Bridget’s mother, Pamela, convincing her to temporarily leave her husband. All is not as promised, and the shopping channel presenter turns out to be more than what she bargained for.

Lorenzo Lamas as Admiral Darcy

Credit: Instagram / @lorenzo_lamas

Mark Darcy’s father, Malcolm, was an admiral in the Royal Navy and said to have very handsome in his younger years. Lorenzo Lamas would be an excellent option then, being the perfect well-aged heartthrob crossover from the 20th century.

Cristela Alonzo as Elaine Darcy

Credit: Instagram / @cristela9

Comedian, actress and writer Cristela Alonzo is our pick for Mrs. Darcy, Marc’s mother. She’s an important recurring character who has a long history with the Jones family and ultimately wants the best for her son, the young and charming Marc.


READ:

What do you think? Would you watch our all-Latino reboot of Bridget Jones’ Diary? Would you dream up someone else as the star or eligible bachelor(s)?

The All-Time Best Quotes From Lydia On ODAAT That Are Too Relatable

entertainment

The All-Time Best Quotes From Lydia On ODAAT That Are Too Relatable

Michael Yarish

There’s no question that Rita Moreno is an icon in the Latino community. Why? Because she embodies the roles of abuelita in all the right ways. In Netflix’s “One Day at a Time” reboot, Moreno plays the role of Lydia Riera, the Cuban ex-pat who stores all her food in butter tubs and cookies tins and protects her recipes with a secret code.

She’s the abuela we all have in one way or another, and her lines will make you laugh, cringe and love her even more. She might be the only visible character on television that accurately depicts how we all see our abuelas. Read ’em and weep.

“We are Cuban. We don’t get divorced. We die.”

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Some of her best lines are about her undying love for her Cuban heritage. She even has refused to take stroke medication because “if ever I get one, my Cuban blood will eat it and absorb it into nothing.”

“Jesus and Santa were cousins. Everybody knows that.”

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Some of her best quotes are attached to “everybody knows that.” Classic abuela.

“I don’t trust that doctor. The first thing she did was weigh me, and after that everything she said was clouded by jealousy.”

CREDIT: Credit: @melissafumeros / Twitter

Abuela is also very attached to her understanding of beauty. She always looks perfect and can spot a thigh dimple from a mile away, so stay away.

“Hold on. I’m watching the President. Oh wait. It is a hemorrhoid commercial. Hold up.”

CREDIT: Credit: @beforedusk / Twitter

Season 3 came in hot with disses to POTUS. Nobody can dish an insult like an abuelita.

When Lydia’s kids start to make fun of her and she dishes this guilt trip.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Lydia: “I’m so happy I brought you into this world to laugh at me. Because of your giant heads I pee when I cough.”

[Awkward Silence]

Grandson Alex: “Okayyy.”

When Elena strongholds her abuela to take her stroke medications ‘y ya’ and this happened.

CREDIT: Credit: @melissafumeros / Twitter

Lydia: “You do not ‘y ya’ me. I ‘y ya’ you. Y ya!” This is one of the bravest things any Latino grandchild could say to their abuelita. She runs the house and the family. She is the one who has final say, okay?

When Lydia completely missed the memo on Aunt Pilar.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Elena wonders out loud if her Tia Pilar is gay and Lydia basically proves her point.

“Elena, you think everyone is gay. Pilar is just eccentric. She rides a motorcycle. She owns seven cats. She shares a one bedroom apartment with her long time roommate, Susan. How is that gay?”

When Lydia accidentally gets stoned and sees Elena’s point.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

It all happens at the Opera. Before the edible lozenge, Lydia said, “Not everything is gay.” Afterward, “It is gay. I get it now. I get it.”

Edible induced paranoia for a Cuban granny looks like this.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

😂 🤣

It’s funny and it’s also tragic. Fear runs through our overprotective Latin blood.

When the abuela just doesn’t understand #MeToo and probably never will.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Lydia: “In my day, when I walked down the street, I would hear a symphony of compliments.”

Elena: “You were being harassed.”

Lydia: “Much more than all the other women.”

Can we not ALL relate to this?!

When Lydia teaches her lesbian granddaughter how to dramatically come out of a closet.

CREDIT: Credit: @ivarsdaenerys / Twitter

Context: Lupe arranges for a vacation but tells the hotel that her kids are 12-year-old twins and has to hide her mom in order to be able to afford it. A knock on the door forces her into a closet and Lydia used her exit as an opportunity for a life lesson.

“Berto, I’m ready.”

CREDIT: Credit: @melissafumeros / Twitter

When Lydia can’t take any more of Leslie and Elena’s corny puns, she looks to the sky and tries to invoke her dead husband to sweep her away from this world. 😂

When Lydia’s kids make fun of her for being so overprotective.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Tito: “Remember Mami never let us go to the freezer section of the supermarket alone because we might get trapped in there?”

Lupe & Tito Mocking: “In the freezer, nobody can hear you scream. Everybody knows this.”

Lydia: “So did you freeze to death? You’re welcome.”

“Everybody knows that going outside with wet hair is almost as deadly as walking barefoot in your own home.”

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Everybody knows!! Truly, everybody has heard this exact speech from their abuela or their mami dozens of times.

When Lydia thought Yeezy meant Jesus.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

Alex was grounded for 6 months for smoking pot and, claro, abuela forgives all boys immediately and went out to do his bidding. She waited in line for hours on the phone with Alex until Lupe made him hang up. On her own, all she knew was that she wanted the Jesus shoes.

Lydia endlessly stringing Leslie along.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

She tells him on Valentine’s Day that she would never share a date on Valentine’s again because it would dishonor the memory of her Berto. Then she does this.

When Tito compliments Lupe and Lydia misses the boat to appreciate her daughter.

CREDIT: Credit: Netflix

After Tito literally didn’t show up to Lydia’s deathbed and Lupe calls him out on it, he finally apologizes and points out how lucky they are to have Lupe.

“Ayyy, Penelopita. Can you believe how selfless Tito is to compliment you? I did not think it was possible, but now you are even more perfect than ever.”

“I came out of the womb wearing stilettos.”

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Your abuela takes pride in her femininity (probably because she grew up with the singular value placed on women as the performance of said femininity but I digress). She will never be seen looking any less than fabulous.

Lydia’s reasoning for wearing makeup to bed is priceless.

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Lupe: “What? Are you afraid Julio Iglesias is going to pop out of the bathroom?”

Lydia: “You don’t know where Julio spends his time.”

None of us do.

Deeply religious Lydia isn’t blind.

CREDIT: Credit: saschavos / YouTube

Elena: “Can we agree that if there is a God, they are gender neutral?”

Lydia: “No. God is a man. If he were a woman there would be less problems.”

Bravo, ODAAT writers. You perfected this abuela.

READ: Find Out Who You Are In The Alvarez Family With This ‘One Day At A Time’ Quiz

Paid Promoted Stories

  1. […] READ: ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’ Recast To Be The Latino Romantic Comedy We Need In Our Lives […]