entertainment

We Recast ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ With The Brujas We Wished Played The Roles

American Horror Story: Coven / FX / sososophiola / Instagram

Latino representation on the television and in Hollywood isn’t great, let’s face it. When predominantly white actors and actresses steal the show for a show on brujería, however, that’s when you know something is up. We reimagined the critically acclaimed American Horror Story: Coven series with Latinas at the heart of the casting, and we are positive you’d want to see this all-star witch-cast with your Latin faves line-up.

Rosario Dawson as Cordelia Foxx, née Goode

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Imagine this glowing goddess as the reigning Supreme of the Coven! Dawson has shown her glory in action films like Unforgettable. Her uncanny ability to maintain an earthy charisma while being stern and even glamorous win her our top pick for Cordelia in the Bruja Remix of American Horror Story: Coven.

Amara La Negra as Zoe Benson

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Amara’s sweet pop-fueled innocent looks make her a natural to play the role of Zoe Benson, a member of the Witches’ Council and instructor at Miss Robichaux’s Academy. Amara’s classes would be one of the most important to sign up for! We would love to see her take the lead in this strange but breathtaking role.

Sofia Vergara as Myrtle Snow

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If we could pick anyone to play Myrtle Snow, it would be Sofia Vergara and her eccentric performance skills to take over the coven. As head of the Witches’ Council, she is the fashionable childless auntie supreme. Add a little Colombian flavor to that, and you’ve got the performance of a lifetime in haute couture.

Diego Boneta as Kyle Spencer

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We needed someone youthful and heartthrob-esque to take the role of the beautiful Kyle Spencer, the undead Louisiana boy who fell for Zoe before being killed with the rest of his fraternity. Boneta has skillfully played alongside Hillary Duff in Mexico and most notably played the starring role in the Luis Miguel biopic aired by Telemundo. Plus he was in Scream Queens so we know he understands the thriller/horror thing.

Salma Hayek as Misty Day

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Hayek’s sultry looks would make her the perfect choice to play Misty Day, the soulful witch from the swampy bayou. Misty’s power of resurgence, the magical ability to bring souls back from the dead, make it one of the most important brujas in the coven. Hayek would be killer for helping bring that which was once lost back to life.

Selena Gomez as Madison Montgomery

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Teenage party queen Madison Montgomery should be played by none other than the starlet Selena Gomez. Gomez has the adorable tiny-face to play a teenager character along with the range to play a telekinetic witch who could plot revenge on dozens of people at once. Bonus: Gomez, like Madison, grew up a child star and would play to character perfectly.

Danny Trejo as Spalding

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The convict turned Hollywood actor Danny Trejo would make a fantastic Latino-flavored Spalding for this Latino recast. The mysterious butler is missing his tongue, so we wouldn’t get the chance to hear Danny’s magnificent accent, but the chance to see some real cholo representation in the elderly world is too much to pass up.

Ivonne Coll as Delphine LaLaurie

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It’s hard to imagine Coll, the abuela from “Jane the Virgin” as a monster who tortured people but her humor is what we are focusing on. She is a funny actress and we loved laughing at LaLaurie as she tried to get out of her cage and wailed about being treated like dirt.

Raquel Welch as Fiona Goode

Credit: therealraquelwelch / Credit

Raquel Welch made her career as one of the sexiest women in Hollywood history, and we think her aging beauty queen aesthetic would be prime material to play Fiona Goode. Fiona, Cordelia’s late mother and former Supreme of the Coven, spends her life jet setting and hobnobbing with celebrities. She fears no one and is prepared to do what it takes to live forever, as long as she looks young and beautiful doing it.

Sophia Pineda as Nan

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Sophia Pineda, a well-regarded teenage painter, could easily cross-over to on-screen art to play Nan. Sophia, who like Nan has Down Syndrome, represents the youth and rigor of the character who refuses to be underestimated. Nan posses the power to control people’s minds and move inanimate objects without touching them.

Gina Torres as Marie Laveau

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In truth, we struggle to have anyone ever replace Angela Bassett for the role of Marie Laveau, but for the purposes of this thought experiment, we’ll daydream Gina Torres in her place. Marie is the legendary former Voodoo Quen of New Orleans, and she represents the equivalent of the Supreme in her form of magic, Voodoo. She runs the rival gang to the witch coven and is ready to defend her territory should anyone try to cross her.

The Kid Mero as Papa Legba

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Can you imagine the comedian and Twitter star Kid Mero as the shadowy gatekeeper of the spirit world? We certainly can. His trickster personality would fit the role perfectly, and even if he were a bit funnier than the original, we’d need it to lighten the very dark show a bit. Just imagining the Kid Mero awkwardly taking someone’s soul away because they missed his joke is enough to make us crave this recast as badly as ever – maybe not enough to sell our soul but close.

Rita Moreno as Anna Leigh Leighton

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Could our beloved Rita Moreno play one of the oldest Supremes seen on the show? We think so! Anna Leigh Leighton is supposed to be the Supreme who reigned before Fiona Goode. Goode, who’s diplomacy lead to truce agreement between the coven and Marie Laveau, was taken out by a power-hungry Fiona Goode

Cardi B as Kaylee

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Who said Cardi B wasn’t fuego? There’s no one better than her to play Kaylee, the young pyrokinetic witch that can set things on fire with the power of her mind. Imagine her turning down the chance to join the coven with her characteristic “Okkkkkrrrrrrr!”

Jennifer Lopez as Joan Ramsey

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Jennifer Lopez could make being bad look so good. That’s why she’s our pick to play Joan Ramsey, the evangelical, fervent Christian who lives next to the Academy with her son. Imagining J.Lo peeking over her fence to see what the bad witches of the coven are up to is inspiring to say the least.

Javier Bardem as Louis LaLaurie

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Javier Bardem would play excellently as the damning husband of Delphine, Louis LaLaurie. Javier’s previous roles as an evil pirate in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales and the villain in No Country for Old Men have poises him to be a deliciously evil bad guy we love to loathe.

Paula Garcés as Pauline LaLaurie

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Garcés’ youthful, mean-girl looks would make her the perfect person to play Delphine’s youngest daughter, Pauline. Pauline is a brutal villain and we’d like to see someone like Paula try out her bad side with this character.

Kid Cudi as Bastien

Credit: kidcudi / Instagram

Scott Ramon Seguro Mescudi – more commonly known as Kid Cudi – would make a lovely Bastien. The tragic lover of Marie who is turned into a Minotaur, Kid Cudi’s Afro-Latino background would fit perfectly into Bastien’s ill-fated storyline.

Gael García Bernal as Hank Foxx

Credit: gaelgarciab / Instagram

Who better to play Cordelia’s two-faced husband, Hank Foxx, than Gael García Bernal?  García Bernal is handsome and believable as a loving husband but has the skills necessary to play a charmer with a secret dark side. We root yes on this one.

Yesenia Guadalupe as Queenie

Credit: @myxxfly / Instagram

Instagram phat-fashion model Yesenia Guadalupe would give us serious big girl feels if she got the chance to play Queenie. Her mesmerizing photogenic personality alongside her style would give her the boost we need to make this all-star cast exactly what brujas want.


READ: ‘Y Soy Rebelde’: We Recast The Popular Show With Today’s Latino Stars

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SPOILER ALERTS: The Latest Episode Of HBO’s ‘Los Espookys’ Is Proof It Could Surpass GOT In Cult Status

Entertainment

SPOILER ALERTS: The Latest Episode Of HBO’s ‘Los Espookys’ Is Proof It Could Surpass GOT In Cult Status

HBO

On June 13 2019, HBO premiered “Los Espookys,” it’s Spanish-language horror comedy from the mind of Fred Armisen. Needless to say, we were immediate fans. Between the subtly hilarious script and its impeccable delivery, the series proved from episode one that it’s worth the watch. Don’t even get us started on how much we love the horror elements we’ve seen so far.

The second episode of “Los Espookys” is just as addictive and entertaining as the first. Titled “El Espanto de la Herencia,” the episode is so good, it demands a recap.

Here are some of the most spooky and most hysterical parts of “Los Espookys” episode two.

Last week, we met Renaldo, Úrsula, Tati and Andrés, four friends bonded by their love of horror.

HBO

The gang was encouraged by Renaldo’s uncle, Tio Tico, to pursue that passion and turn it into a career. Calling themselves Los Espookys, they were approached by a mysterious woman who wants to use their terrifying talents. With this in mind, it’s time to brainstorm how they’ll approach this next job.

However, before we can check in with Los Espookys, the series introduces us to the US Ambassador.

Horror DNA

Her name is US Ambassador Melanie Gibbons and she’s received an important letter. The letter — which is in Spanish, not coded as she first suspects — informs her that her friend Ignacio Ferracuti has died. However, he’s left his 18.9 billion peso fortune to whoever can survive a night in his haunted mansion.

To borrow Ambassador Gibbons words, “Okay, twist!” She’s been chosen as one of five strangers to compete for his fortune. It’s all very exciting for her.

Similarily, Los Espookys are excited for this upcoming challenge.

Horror DNA

We finally get to see to the official Los Espookys headquarters — which happens to be Renaldo’s garage. While Andrés pushes for avant-garde and challanging tricks, Renaldo wants to stick to the basics. Úrsula just wants confirmation that they’re going to be paid.

Meanwhile, back in LA, Tio Tico is in an unusual situation.

Horror DNA

Following last week’s encounter at a major celebrity party, Tico has been mistaken for an elusive artist. Due to this mix-up, he’s been roped into speaking at an art panel. The whole thing has snowballed and Tio Tico is just along for the ride.

Unfortunately, Andrés is finding it hard to balance his life as Prince of Chocolate and his spooky calling.

HBO

Being the heir to a chocolate fortune is hard. As his boyfriend reminds him, Andrés has duties he needs to commit to or else he will be removed as heir. However, the curious man is preoccupied with uncovering the mystery of his birth and his new side gig. What is a Chocolate Prince to do?

Finally, it’s the big night!

Horror DNA

Too bad Renaldo has been ditched by the other members of Los Espookys. Andrés, Úrsula y Tati have all shown up last minute, leaving Renaldo to set up. What’s worse, nobody hired the actors they need so Renaldo has to step in as the creepy butler. Let’s just say, the role is out of his range.

Still, the goal of the haunted house is to get rid of one contestant in particular. The Mysterious Woman announces to Los Espookys that Sr. Ferracuti’s son is a contestant and must not win. However, he seems impossible to shake with the frankly unimpressive scares.

Los Espookys are in a funk and they need some serious rallying.

HBO

Andrés is obsessed with the dead ends he keeps getting in his search for his origin. Úrsula is obsessed with getting paid. Tati is obsessed with Snap Chatting her shady internet boyfriend.

Renaldo is about to give up but some unexpectedly good advise from Tati inspires him. After a rallying call from Renaldo, Los Espookys are back. They’re going to pull off the scariest trick they can.

We don’t want to give away the ending, but the episode wraps up with the possibility of more jobs in their future.

HBO

Will Tati continue her internet relationship? Will Andrés learn the origins of his birth? What sort of adventure will Los Spookys get into next week? We’ll have to watch to find out.

Erika Jayne Of ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Has Been Low-Key Serving Up Latina Realness Right Under Our Noses

Entertainment

Erika Jayne Of ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Has Been Low-Key Serving Up Latina Realness Right Under Our Noses

@theprettymess | Instagram

Since the reality show boom in the late 1990s, we have been fascinated by watching seemingly normal people doing outrageous stuff on television or being put in extreme situations. We have also found a not so guilty pleasure in seeing the rich and famous in their everyday, mundane lives. Producers try hard to sell an illusion of reality, but in fact, much of what you see on television is at least partly scripted. Companies like the Dutch powerhouse Endemol and the US channel Bravo have tried it all. Titles like “Big Brother,” “A Simple Life “(that sensational show in which Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie were “forced” to work in a farm), “Survivor” and “The Osbournes” permeated popular culture and redefined what celebrity is.

But perhaps one of the most endurable formats is the “Real Housewives of…” formula. It is simple: you choose a set of women who are uber rich and who have the potential to produce the most amount of pan y circo (in short, dramarama) for audiences who are hungry for extravagant personalities and near-fistfight, as well as plenty of chisme with the occasional tear-jerker of a reconciliation. Besides some clear issues in terms of gender representation (women are housewives by nature, really? Pardon our French pero no mamen) and the sense of privilege that the cast seems to have, there are some pretty inspirational stories of women who embrace just causes and have worked really hard for what they have. One of these women is Erika Jaymes, the already established singer who has become an Insta sensation and an all-around estrella due to her honest and exorbitante personalidad. Here’s what you need to know about this güeraza who has gotten a second round at fame!

1. Her full name is Erika Nay Girardi (her maiden last name is Chahoy)

Credit: Instagram. @theprettymess

And she was born on July 110, 1971. She is a proud daughter of Atlanta, Georgia.

2. She is a bestselling author

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Yes, her autobiography, Pretty Mess, has been on the top of the lists of The New York Times bestsellers. The publisher describes it as follows: “In Pretty Mess, Erika spills on every aspect of her life: from her rise to fame as a daring and fiery pop/dance performer and singer; to her decision to accept a role on reality television; to the ups and downs of family life (including her marriage to famed lawyer Tom Girardi, thirty-three years her senior)”. Wow, what a rollercoaster of a life!

3. For years she has had to tell haters to F-off! 

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Leave Erika alone! No, seriously, if you are one of those individuals who goes online to trash other people’s lives, just stop. Erika has been brave enough not only to remain classy in the onslaught of online hate but also on making it public, which is a way to put herself out there. Bien.

4. From high school talent to a billboard on Times Square!

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She first got in touch with her ample talents during her stay in North Atlanta High School. She joined the musical theater group and did roles such as Val from “A Chorus Line.” She also did great versions of “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton and Madonna’s “Into The Groove”. And, to be honest, she has kept that Dolly Parton vibe, hasn’t she?

5. She moved to New York when she was 18, in search of a musical career

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Hundreds of young people move to New York and Los Angeles each year hoping to break into the music industry, but only a few are successful. Our girl moved to the Big Apple and soon became part of several girl groups such as the I-Dolls.

6. She married her first husband in 1991

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While starting her career in the entertainment industry she met Thomas Zizzo, a DJ. They got married at St Patrick’s Cathedral and had a son, Thomas Zizzo Jr. The couple divorced in 1996 and she moved to Los Angeles to reignite her career.

7. She married her second and current husband in 1999

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She met a powerful attorney, Thomas Girardi, and they married in 1999. He is 33 years her senior. During the first years of her second marriage, she played the role of what she describes as “a lawyer’s wife”. She went to dinners, met powerful people and basically learn how the upper echelons of power work.

8. But being a housewife wasn’t enough: 2007 is the year of Erika Jayne

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Erika decided that marriage was not going to stop her from having a musical career. She launched her first dance music single, “Roller Coaster”, in 2007. Her rise to the top of the Billboard charts was explosive: she reached number one at the Billboard Hot Dance Club Play chart. Her second single, “Stars”, held the same position in the Billboard Dance Play chart. And, as they say, a star was born.

9. She has her own record label: Pretty Mess Records

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Under this label, she has released collaborations with some of the biggest names in the music industry, such as rapper Flo Rida, with whom she released “Get It Tonight” in 2013.

10. 2015: The year of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

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Erika joined the cast of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” for the show’s sixth season. She soon became one of the favorite drama queens on television!

11. She has had roles in film and television ever since! 

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She had some minor roles on television early in her career (before her first marriage), but the huge fame that Real Housewives brought to her life has lead her to roles in the telenovela gringa “The Young and the Restless” (she appeared with her “Housewives” co-star Eileen Davidson) and in the B-movie sensation “Sharnado: The 4th Awakens,” She also appeared in Animal Planet’s show “Tanked.”

12. After the Real Housewives comes “XXpens$ive”!

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Her experience in the reality show she released this single on January 4, 2017, during the show “Watch What Happens with Andy Cohen.” The song is a hymn to materialism and entertainment.

13. So how has she accomplished so much? Well, she got her resilience and her talent from her santa madre

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Her mom is Renne Chahoy, who was an 18-year-old classically trained pianist and actress when she had her daughter, suddenly became single when Erika wasn’t even one year old.

14. So she didn’t meet her biological father until she was 25 years old

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Erika was adopted by her stepfather, but she never really met her biological dad while growing up. The first encounter happened when she was a young independent 25-year-old woman. She describes the encounter as “meeting a stranger”.

15. She also appeared in “Dancing with the Stars”

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The 24th season of the show (yes, 24th!) had her as one of the main competitors, and she was paired with pro dancer Gleb Savchenko.

16. She has collaborated with make up brands

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Her ultra famous public persona and her fierce femininity has led her to collaborate with brands BeautyBlender and Too Faced Cosmetics. From Atlanta to Sephora!

17. She has also collaborated with shoe brand ShoeDazzle!

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Remember that epic Times Square billboard? Well, it was part of her campaign with the famous shoe brand. She released a collection of 12 of her favorite shoes. We want them all.

18. She is a fashion trendsetter 

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What Erika Jayne does is replicated in dozens of dance clubs around the country. We are not sure about this Tigresa del Oriente outfit, though!

19. She is a philanthropist 

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Erika and her husband contribute to the betterment of their community through charity work, particularly towards the empowerment of young girls.

20. She is a queer icon

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Jayne is vastly popular in queer culture due to her fierceness and all around extravagant awesomeness! Yasssss!

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