23 Things That Trigger Latina Moms Like Nothing Else
Growing up Latinx comes with its own set of house rules that only Latina moms could teach you. There are so many little things that you do without thinking about it that set your mother off into a rage filled tantrum. Some times it makes total sense. Like, leaving just one sock on the florr is enough to set your mom off and you should know that by now. However, here are 23 things that trigger our mothers like nothing else.
When you complain about smiling in the 4700th family picture.
If you even have one glimmer in your eye about the neverending family photoshoot you’re forced into, know that your Latina mom won’t hesitate to take off her chancleta in public. You can see the fear in their eyes.
When it comes to dinner time, keep in mind that the last thing your mom wants to hear is “no tengo hambre.”
“I grew up with one slice of pizza per day y ahora, no quieres una plata llena de mi arroz con pollo? Que te cagas.” Oddly enough, thei always works and you end up eating everything you have been served.
Translation: Declining her food is not even an option.
It’s probably best if you just stay quiet and eat. And don’t even think about saying ‘no thank you’ to her second serving, porque eres flaca recuerdes?
When you put your bag on the ground.
I’ve asked her so many times *why* do you care so much and all I got was a smack (i.e. it’s just superstition). The devil will take your money this way.
When you break her superstitions.
Walk under a ladder? You’re dead. Walk between two poles? Also dead. Pass the salt? You’re never coming back. Some times it just feels like she is making things up so she can get mad at you.
When you tell her you’re bored.
Seriously tho. Look busy, don’t smile too much, and never, ever say you’re bored. Your mother will always find some kind of cleaning you can do if you say you are bored.
When you leave your Legos out.
Legos = Puerto Rican Godzilla. Leave a couple of these bad boys out and Mama is tearing down LEGO buildings, eating LEGO people and screaming, “Here, now you have a mess to clean up!”
When you leave the lights on.
You know what she could buy with those extra quarters? A whole other load of laundry to dry. Leaving the lights on means, “So you don’t want to wear clothes now, huh?” Not sure how but that’s what it turns into.
Even the little things, like finding an empty gallon of milk in the fridge, will drive your mom crazy.
As an adult child of a Latina mom, I’m with her on this one. Just throw the empty gallon away. It’s not that difficult. It is too much of a tease to leave an empty carton in the fridge.
When you forget to take out the meat to thaw.
You can’t fix this one. One time, I tried microwaving it. Please do not try this at home. Latina moms know everything. E V E R Y T H I N G !!
When you say there’s no food to eat.
“Tenemos pickles, banana peppers, paquitos de ketchup, hard boiled eggs, galletas. Comé!” Never tell your mom we have nothing to eat. She’ll just remind you how one time when you were six, you said you weren’t hungry.
When you miss her call.
She’s already catastrophizing everything. You’re in a ditch; she knew she should have never let you leave the house until you were 28 and you’re never leaving the house again.
Don’t even think about coming home with a tattoo.
The real strategy: move out, move to a different country and then get a tattoo somewhere she’ll never see while she stalks your Facebook and Instagram. Also, don’t tell a soul or let anyone set their eyes on it. That’s how you survive.
When you leave the house with a messy room.
You’ll be the first to know. Cancel all your plans. You’re not going anywhere. And if you managed to get out of the house before she discovered the mess, she will find you.
I love @salicerose’s Latina mom impression because it’s TOO REAL. I left a piece of tissue in my trash, I’m sorry.
Was that sass I heard?
Do NOT talk back or your mom will take her chancla off and then you know you’re in trouble. All my white friends were seriously concerned this was child abuse. It’s just #LatinaMoms.
When you’re thirsty.
My mom would revel in the “I told you to drink all your water this morning, before we left for El Dorado” line. Then she’d tell me to just not swallow my spit for awhile and then I won’t be thirsty. Verdad.
When you ask not to go to mass.
JAJAJAJA, NO. Absolutely not an option. You go to church on Sunday and if you don’t, you move out and then go straight to hell.
When you’re 3 minutes late past your nonexistent curfew. (Read: when she’s in a mood.)
She can be an hour late to pick you up from school, but you’re 3 minutes y te mata. Don’t let her hear you think that sass either.
If there’s one thing that drives your mom crazy, it’s when she sees you using your phone all day instead of helping her clean.
Truly, this video is tragically funny. Search #mamaenojada and build your class action suit against all Latina moms for traumatizing us all.
If you really want to test your mom’s patience, tell her “qué” instead of “mande.”
“We don’t say ‘what’ here.” Then she’ll have a complete meltdown about how she didn’t raise you right and what did she do so wrong to have a pendejo por un hijo.
When you post a messy room pic on IG.
Expect your mom’s wrath. She’s got a reputation to uphold, even on Instagram.
When you f*ck up in the eyes of your Latina mom, you can always make it up to her by helping in the kitchen.
Unless you burn the rice. Then you better start running.
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